Sparkle
Gold Member
I don't know what to do. I'm really struggling, I've fallen off the wagon big time. I haven't followed the plan for more then a day for a few weeks now.
I just keep thinking, if I ever lose the weight I'm still going to be on a diet the rest of my life, I'm still going to be watching what I eat.
I'm fed up with obsessing about food, I've had enough. It's on my mind all the time, whether I'm hungry or not. During the last few weeks I have I purged, vomited, and purged some more. I don't consider myself to be bulimic. I don't set out planning to vomit, I just end up eating too much (I can't stop, even when I feel sick I continue) and then feeling ill. There's no regularity to it either, it's not like it's a few times a week or something. Anyway, that's not my point.
I desperately want to eat healthily, I desperately want to KNOW how to eat healthily. I know that the way I follow WW isn't healthy, I eat too much rubbish. I know the way I follow SW or any other plan isn't healthy, because I eat the same thing all the time.
I don't know of different meals to try, I pretty much have the same meals every week. I don't know how to cook, I'm too lazy to learn. I can't afford a meal replacement diet, and even if I could I don't have the will power.
I really hate myself right now, and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel like I'm going to be like this forever. I'm so tired of hating myself, of not being able to look in the mirror, of eating for the sake of it.
How do I fix this? What do I do?
I just keep thinking, if I ever lose the weight I'm still going to be on a diet the rest of my life, I'm still going to be watching what I eat.
I'm fed up with obsessing about food, I've had enough. It's on my mind all the time, whether I'm hungry or not. During the last few weeks I have I purged, vomited, and purged some more. I don't consider myself to be bulimic. I don't set out planning to vomit, I just end up eating too much (I can't stop, even when I feel sick I continue) and then feeling ill. There's no regularity to it either, it's not like it's a few times a week or something. Anyway, that's not my point.
I desperately want to eat healthily, I desperately want to KNOW how to eat healthily. I know that the way I follow WW isn't healthy, I eat too much rubbish. I know the way I follow SW or any other plan isn't healthy, because I eat the same thing all the time.
I don't know of different meals to try, I pretty much have the same meals every week. I don't know how to cook, I'm too lazy to learn. I can't afford a meal replacement diet, and even if I could I don't have the will power.
I really hate myself right now, and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel like I'm going to be like this forever. I'm so tired of hating myself, of not being able to look in the mirror, of eating for the sake of it.
How do I fix this? What do I do?