Hubby has just left......

[i'lldoit]

((((big hugs))))
Hi Lisa Im sorry I know how you feel I get if you lose weight you will leave me,so he leans on me eating choclate and crisps!!!! If we are going to leave we would and it doesnt matter if were fat or thin so they think we will only leave if a guy will take us on as we are slimmer?
Your family sound scared you will change when your slim?I dont get that why dont they feel please you will be healthier and more confident?
Try not to let them all get to you ,you have come through a great deal of stress and have stuck to your plan well done you ,and I know how you feel on the affair front,been there
You are doing fab
xxc

 

[icemoose]

Thinking of you and good luck.

But you need to lose this weight and you need to let nothing and nobody stand in your way of being healthier and slimmer as ultimately it means your family will get to have you around for many more years.

M.

 

[SpaceAngel]

Sorry to hear that your husband has left. He probably thinks that you are getting slim in revenge for his affair and that once your slim you will cheat on him so he knows what it feels like!

I think you are doing the right thing. If you feel that you need to lose weight then carry on. People usually comment and say that they think you are perfect the way you are because they don't like change. For example, my local Tesco has had a refit and all the customers are up in arms because things have been moved - never mind the fact that the store has improved ten fold!! I don't think that slim people really appreciate how hard it is when you are big and have to carry all that extra weight around.

Just stick with it and remember that we are all hear for you xx

 

[debz32]

Hiya Lisa- hope ur OK hun.....thinking about you.

As has been said by the others, you are doing this for the right reasons - You! BE STRONG

Sounds like your OH and your family are the ones who have issues - sometimes it's scary for those around us when we decide to change - they've got sooo used to the status quo that they don't know how to cope.

Hugs to you

love

Debz
xx

 

[moomin-mama]

Its all been said already but sending (((((Hugs))))) anyway.

Take care and be strong xxxx

 

[canireallydothis!!]

I cant say anything more as the fab people on here say it all.

Thinking of you x

 

[raudi]

Thinking of you....

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Just read your post Lisa and again echo what everyone else has said.
Hope things look better in the cold light of day and he reconsiders.
Take care and sending ((((hugs))))

 

[baileys]

I feel strangely calm today.......

No phone call - no nothing from hubby - still it is early and he is at work - I spoke to one of my friends today about all this, we get on really well, kids the same age, round each others houses etc... - and was quite unprepared for her answer of that I'm being quite selfish - after all I should be pleased he came back to me after having an affair, that this proved he loved me (what the F... was he doing then when he had the affair!!!) and I should work at this and not make waves - and then I got the ' but your lovely Lisa - why do you want to change - we've been friends for 16 years and this is who you are - ok lose a bit if you must, but you should be thankful for what you have, you have a nice home, good kids, a loving.......... husband - life is to short to be on a diet all the time - some people are fat and some are skinny ' I did try to explain that for me weighing in at over 15 stone and only 5ft 2 - life would be much shorter - then I got - but you always look nice.......

Anyway - enough of that - I've been to the gym / steam / jacuzzi - decorated the house with halloween bits for when the kids come out of school. Good job I'm not at work today

I do think though - that I'm supposed to feel something at the moment - other than numb - maybe I had to much pain last year and have now just switched off and gone into self preservation mode Maybe we will work this through - maybe we won't - I can't hide under the weight of food anymore who I really am - people will have to accept me or leave me alone - I'm still me under here.

Thank you all so much my dear minimins friends for all help and words of advice - your support has been fantastic - and I know it comes from the heart x

 

[Coley]

Hi Lisa...been watching your thread but really didn't feel qualified to give any advice!! I feel I have something now!!!

Your friend is mean!! I would tell her to naff off. Seriously, don't listen to her and don't take her crap when she is going on about how grateful you should be! She must be one of these friends who try to keep you as you are because they are worried about if you change your weight, you'll change as a person. I feel very strongly that my friends should support me and I've been very fortunate to have a bunch of people around me who are not negative - some were worried but not one of them has said that I should just accept that I'm fat and let that be the end!!


You deserve what anyone else deserves - love, respect, and happiness and to your hubby you should be the world and nothing less. Don't accept anything less. It's hard being apart from someone we love, but when its something you shouldn't have to compromise and something that they have a problem with it's best to stick to your guns.

Don't call him, I know it seems like playing games but when he's thought about it and calmed down and weighed up what he will lose he will probably call and then you have the power to still stick with what you want and have him come back admitting he is wrong.

Sorry if I sound like a mad woman...I get all het up at these things!! I can't imagine a man telling me to NOT lose weight!!!

 

[ziggy]

Reading the posts on your threat has really touched me! It looks like my boyfriend is going to leave me for exactly the opposite reason. He thinks that with his 'support' im not doing anything about my weight, and if he leaves for a bit i will get myself into gear.. loose my weight for me and everything will be ok again!

He said that i should have some time on my own and concentrate on me and my weight loss... but i feel like im being abandoned and if i dont loose my weight in time he will be gone forever! he promises he will come back but i just feel really isolated.

Am sorry to hear about what your going through. I wish i had your determination, its really inspirational xx

 

[Shrinking Nicky]

Lisa,

It sounds as if you are being SO strong about this.

Both your friend & hubby need to realise that you are doig this for YOU & things won't change with how you feel about them.

I think people often put you in a certain box - & they get frightened if you try to change what box you are in...I know I got some unexpected responses from people, but once they realised that I was still me (be it a smaller version) they were once again accepting.

I think big life changes make you assess who your real friends are, an old friend could just be someone familiar & a new aquaintance could turn out to be a true friend.

You take care girl & stand strong, I can tell you are from your posts.

Nicky

 

[Mrs Roch]

Lisa,

I've read your thread and it really is heartbreaking.

Can I ask how long have you been married? I also notice that you have children.

Do the troubles at home at the moment all revolve around your weight? I find it hard to understand that if you've worked through something as serious as an affair which rocks the whole foundation of a relationship (because it rocks trust which is one of the major keys to a marriage) that your husband can be so fickle as to leave over your weight whether you're too skinny or too fat...

You had every good reason last year to walk out of your marriage and there isn't one person, I'm sure, that would have remarked upon it but you didn't, you stayed and worked through it emotionally. No doubt some of the reasoning was for your children.

How are your children reacting to their father leaving. Doesn't he realise that his little tantrum has major affects on his kids and the stability surrounding them.

You sound a wonderful mum and one that is making every effort to make sure her children aren't affected but he has to take some responsiblity too.

Have a wonderful evening tonight with the children and whether he rings or he doesn't don't comprimise what you think is right and your goals.... you're entitled to be the person you want to be....

{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[cah-ching]

BIG HUGS TO YOU LISA.

I've nothing to add to what's already been said. Yo've got friends here ....

 

[mrs tweedy]

((((LISA))) and (((Ziggy))) really don't know what else to add except that you should just do what ever feels best for YOU and take no notice of "friends" or partners comments!!!
I hope everything works out however you both want it to and Good luck with the diet. xx

 

[debz32]

Hi Lisa - glad you're still sticking to ur guns hun

Can't believe what your 'friend' said to you - some friend !

I agree with Coley - you DESERVE to do what feels right for you - NOT everyone else !!!

hope you and the kids have a good evening -and enjoy (as best you can) your party and the decorations....

take care hun - sending you hugs

love

Debz
xx

 

[kelly1977]

Hi Lisa,

Been reading your thread & your doing the best thing. Its out of order your husband leaving over a weight issue, Your losing Weight for you, nobody else, my OH said to me the other day 'oh I bet you will leave me when you get to goal', he was just joking but deep down I could see his insecurity.

Be strong, We are all here to help you every step of the way girl..
Big Hugs straight at 'cha......
Enjoy your night

Kel
x

 

[Isobel1965]

I've just picked up on your thread, hun and it's all been said already but just wanted to add my support and send you some positive vibes!

I know what you mean about the feeling numb bit - I had that survival mechanism too when I left my ex-husband. It might be shock or it might just be that you don't love your husband any more. You might have a delayed reaction - it's all perfectly normal and I think you are amazing for sticking to your guns in the face of such unsupportive people around you!

Concentrate on yourself and your kids, hun - you guys are the important ones in this!

lots of love

 

[mustdoit]

lisa my love ...all that pain is of his doing ....i thought my life was perfect until i found out about my exs previous affairs ....it took 4 years to finally accept that i did nothing and i mean nothing wrong !! i lost weight the only time in my life due to stress then put on 3 st now doing something about it for me .......what i'm trying to say ....get a good relate counsellor......talk when pre arranged to OH .....good web site ,www.marriage busters ......keep consistent with your children,....get good friends around you and bore them to death ......look after yourself and post here there is a lot of wealth and depth of knowledge xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Slimlouise]

Hi Lisa,
you are trying to break out of the mould that family and friends have placed you in and they dont like the change. Please persevere with CD for yourself, your health and your children. We can help you get through it on here.

My ex partner had an affair and my world crumbled. Three years later and Im deliriously happy. I tell you this because who knows what hand fate has in store for you. I hope it is one of contentment and happiness.
Please keep up your positivity, however hard and let us all know how you are getting on.
We are all thinking of you
Big hugs xxxxx