I could cry feeling so emotionally drained (mil again)

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by big bear, 11 May 2010 Social URL.

  1. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

    Posts:
    2,611
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    14st7lb
    Diet:
    slimming world
    Ok after the drama about her buying baby girl clothes I spoke to H and told him how upset I was. He said to leave it for now and if it gets worse he'll have words.

    Well now she keeps going on & on at me saying it would be handy to find out if you're having a boy or girl (handy for who her??). I said I don't want to know & neither does H and it doesn't matter to us as long as the baby is healthy.

    I had a Consultant appointment yesterday & my blood pressure is slightly raised & blood in wee. I'm trying so hard not to let it get to me but I can't.

    Why can't she just f*ck off and leave me to enjoy my pregnancy. This is the witch that wanted me to have a termination so my son would be an only child.

    I can't speak to H as he's stuck in the middle and really stressed at mo as doing loads of overtime at work & trying to do assignments etc for his Management Course.

    I end up arguing most times with him because of her. She just irritates me and I HATE her, I'm very placid/calm normally but she just really gets to me. I sent my son to her yesterday dressed in clothes that we had bought him he came home in different clothes as she didn't like them.

    Sorry I'm ranting now but really need to get it off my chest and vent my anger as my blood pressure will be going higher.
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. julie19

    julie19 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,152
    Likes Received:
    38
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Diet:
    Slimmingworld
    Ok - first of all - please try to take a deep breath & relax slightly, you being this would up is not doing anyone any good. The MIL sounds like a witch to be honest so I reckon you need to either learn to ignore her (hard as it may be) or take the bull by the horns and tell her what you really think of her, it appears to me to have got to that point, it would be better if you could do this face to face as she may then relaise what she is doing, I don't think she is doing all of this maliciously (I could be wrong) but I think she is a control freak & she needs to lose this control. You said you sent your son to her yesterday - is this because you work & you needed someone to look after him or was it just because this is a routine you are in & you want your son to see his grandparents regularly? Is there anyway you can avoid her looking after him for you in future? I feel sorry for the OH as he is stuck in the middle, she is his mum but you are his wife so his loyalty must be getting pulled in both directions. You need to be able to speak to her without arguing or getting upset, put it bluntly, don't fluff it up so it sounds nicer, give it to her straight then leave her to think about it. Don't get into a slanging/blame match.

    Good luck & try to relax if you can.

    Hugs

    Julie
     
  4. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

    Posts:
    2,611
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    14st7lb
    Diet:
    slimming world
    Thanks I guess you are right it's time for me to deal with her because of my H I've just put up with it and it's not good for him to be constantly stuck in the middle.

    Unfortunately I've to see her every day as I work part time so she picks us up (I can't drive yet!) drops me to work on her way back to her house (15min drive) & takes my son to there as his Grandad & Great Uncle look after him. They have him most days except if she's off like yesterday (works part time). They're fab with him and he loves it but as he doesn't bother with her she tries to bribe him with sweets/toys/books etc to get him to like her he's only 17 months old.

    So I get all this sh*t on the way to work. I'm learning to drive so hope to pass test before baby no.2 arrives.

    I know it's not good for me or the baby but she seems to know which buttons to press to get to me (although I try not to show her)
     
  5. julie19

    julie19 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,152
    Likes Received:
    38
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Diet:
    Slimmingworld
    Well when you do decide to confront her make sure it is only the two of you around - ask the FIL & Uncle to go out or something, you both need to be alone, it would be better if you could do it on your territory in a way but then if she decides not to leave you are stuck with her there, at least if you are at her house you can leave when you are ready to. Hopefully you will pass your test soon, have you an option of being able to get the bus some days so that you are slowly releasing the control she has? At the moment she probably feels like she has the upper hand as she thinks that you need her to drive you around & I guarantee when you face her this will be thrown right back in your face, can you start making some alternative arrangements fo when this does happen?

    I do feel for you, my ex-mil was fantastic but the current one is a bloody nightmare & I won't have anything to do with her unless I have to but I am lucky because we don't have kids.
     
  6. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

    Posts:
    2,611
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    14st7lb
    Diet:
    slimming world
    Thanks for this. I've had a good chat with one of my mates & feel a lot better too.

    I'll try & make other arrangements for work etc so that she doesn't have the upper hand. I've got to go till the end of August then I'm on maternity leave & won't have to see her (unless I have to)

    XXXXXXXXXXXXX
     
  7. avisk

    avisk xx

    Posts:
    2,303
    Likes Received:
    92
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    You obviously can't keep away from her, for practical reasons, but you do have one useful weapon at your disposal - silence.

    When she starts going on at you, don't say anything. Don't react. As if she isn't there and isn't speaking. Definitely don't argue. People like that thrive on the reactions they get, and if you don't give her what she wants, she might not stop entirely, but she won't get any fun out of it anymore.
     
  8. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

    Posts:
    8,316
    Likes Received:
    161
    Start Weight:
    107kg
    Current Weight:
    85kg
    Goal Weight:
    79kg
    Lost(%):
    22kg(20.56%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    My heart goes out to you, this is an awful situation and one that wears you down.
    I had an awful relationship with my MIL, she could not even call me by my correct name. She is manipulative in the worst possible way, through her health.
    Try hard to agree with all she does. Smile when you want to scream, tell her you love the new clothes etc even if you hate them and what she does!!! This way you disarm her. You take away her power. Doing what she does suddenly becomes less appealing to her.
    I promise it will help you such a lot until you can make other arrangements.
    All my problems with my MIL were resolved when she went to live in England, 1.8oo miles away is just about enough lol !!!
    I wish you peace and a life free of MIL anxiety. I know first hand what a difference it makes to your quality of life,

    Sue.
     
  9. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

    Posts:
    2,271
    Likes Received:
    100
    Hugs - you're in a horrible situation and you really don't need all this stress. I think she needs to be told what's what but you have to pick your time carefully so that it suits you.

    My MIL is obsessed with having a granddaughter and told me before and throughout pregnancy that she "didn't want another boy". I told her that it wasn't up to her and she should be grateful for what God gives her (she's very religious) and that also first and foremost this would be mine and my husband's child, not just another grandson for her and that it would be precious and important to us, boy or girl. I can't say it changed her attitude but it has made her a little more careful in what she says. We had a lovely boy - though she buys him pink clothes as gifts (!). I'm pregnant again now and she is already asking my husband if it's a boy or girl even though it's too early for the scan to say. It makes me prefer the idea of having another boy because I fear she'd be unhealthily obsessed with a girl and ignore her grandson.

    Anyway, this is your pregnancy, not hers, and you shouldn't find out the sex unless you want to.

    xx
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...