OK,
I feel very self indulgent and big headed starting my own diary.
But even if no one ever reads it, it will keep me accountable. And I NEED to be accountable.
So, I have done 16 weeks of pure LLT abstinence, no cheating at all.
I have not eaten for 4 months. This to me, is amazing, am so proud of myself.
4 months ago I was depressed and unhappy. I felt fat and I looked disgusting. I had no confidence and felts like I was not in control.
Now.....I am happy. My clothes fit. I am at GOAL weight and I feel like I deserve it.
I am a binge eater. I start feeling bad about myself and so I eat (whole packets of hob nobs, whole tubs of choc chip cookie dough ice cream, whole boxes of bran flakes). And then I feel like a failure, like I am worth nothing and so I eat more.
This cycle made me DEPRESSED. It was horrible.
Today I start RTM. I am going to have a piece of salmon this evening.....and honestly? I am scared.
I'm used to LL packs, I feel safe with them. And I'm scared some food will give me the 'compulsion' to overeat. But if LL taught me anything its that these are crooked thoughts (horrid things). I will not overeat, I will get a healthy relationship with food (if that exists) and I will have a balanced diet. This is the dream!
I have never posted on mini mins before.....but if anyone reads this then can I just say thanks. Every time I have lost motivation (a lot!) I have come on here to read your posts. Minerva, BL, slendabrenda.....you are all like celebrities to me!
All of you have been an inspiration.
I feel very self indulgent and big headed starting my own diary.
But even if no one ever reads it, it will keep me accountable. And I NEED to be accountable.
So, I have done 16 weeks of pure LLT abstinence, no cheating at all.
I have not eaten for 4 months. This to me, is amazing, am so proud of myself.
4 months ago I was depressed and unhappy. I felt fat and I looked disgusting. I had no confidence and felts like I was not in control.
Now.....I am happy. My clothes fit. I am at GOAL weight and I feel like I deserve it.
I am a binge eater. I start feeling bad about myself and so I eat (whole packets of hob nobs, whole tubs of choc chip cookie dough ice cream, whole boxes of bran flakes). And then I feel like a failure, like I am worth nothing and so I eat more.
This cycle made me DEPRESSED. It was horrible.
Today I start RTM. I am going to have a piece of salmon this evening.....and honestly? I am scared.
I'm used to LL packs, I feel safe with them. And I'm scared some food will give me the 'compulsion' to overeat. But if LL taught me anything its that these are crooked thoughts (horrid things). I will not overeat, I will get a healthy relationship with food (if that exists) and I will have a balanced diet. This is the dream!
I have never posted on mini mins before.....but if anyone reads this then can I just say thanks. Every time I have lost motivation (a lot!) I have come on here to read your posts. Minerva, BL, slendabrenda.....you are all like celebrities to me!
All of you have been an inspiration.