Well, here goes......my daughter has taken my debit card on several occasions and withdrawn money from mine & my husbands account, she has also taken it to the supermarket and bought goods and got cash back. I'm talking a few hundred pounds in the last two months. Me & hubby were made redundant on the same day, a few months ago, he is now working, but I'm not and things are VERY tight and she is aware of that. She has always been rebelious and caused me no end of grief in the last five years and I am now at the end of my tether. She is visiting her girlfriend 200 miles away at the moment and was supposed to come home on sunday but has not appeared because she knows I have found out what she has been up to. Do I call the police? I feel that I have no other choice as we don't know where the money is coming from to pay our mortgage this month. She has constantly lied and stolen from us for years but I have now had enough, she is ole enough to know better as she is almost 19.
I think you are aware of what you must do ultimately and are just prolonging what should be done.
It sounds to me as if her stealing is more than just theft. It sounds like a compulsion, an addiction.
You say she has had counseling?
She got my pin number by watching me in the supermarket on many occasions.......I have now changed passwords online for various things, including ebay and paypal and I do not trust her to go on a spending spree now she knows that I know what she has been up to. The worst things are that she paid for my husbands birthday pressie on our joint card and she also withdrew money on our account when we were having a 'mother and daughter' shopping trip in town, she was supposedly having a ciggie outside but was actually taking money out of our account. She had taken the card out of my purse in the morning and I thought I had left it at home
She obviously has absolutely no conscience at all. Once again, I think you know what you have to do.
You have been dealing with this for long enough to know that no threats and no soft shoe approach is going to work.
She has absolutely nothing I can sell. How can I have her living back here when I will never trust her? We have had locks on our bedroon door and larder for almost 6 years due to her thieving
You can not have her living with you. Why should you live in a fortress when she obviously does not care 2 jots about what you do to stop her stealing from you and worse than thay betraying your love for her. She is throwing it in your face.
In that case you COULD have her charged but dont do anything like that til youre sure its a road you want to go down, once youve reported it then thats it, the matter is pretty much out your hands.
Starlight, you are right about considering all the consequences of the outcome of charging her, but surely by now there is no other option either for themselves or for her. Or in fact for the protection of the next people she is going to steal from if the easy access to her parents money is cut off from her.
we had 18 months of therapy when she was 13/14! nothing has changed. She's a very self centered, selfish person, I hate to say this about my own daughter, but it's true
You really have tried haven't you ? My heart goes out to you.
My heart is breaking, I love my daughter, but I cannot take the hurt anymore and cannot let her get away with treating us like this
You have to do the right thing long term. For her and for yourselves. You owe it to yourselves.
I don't want to add to your worry, but are your sure it's just fags, booze and junk food she's spending it on?
That was one of my thoughts Jack.
I think she smokes the odd joint, which obviously I'm not happy about but also know it's par for the course, so to speak. I know she's not on anything heavier as I have unfortunately been around people (including family members) that are on harder drugs and know the signs.
I have had a thousand and one sorries for all the things she has done over the years and honestly think that she believes that when she says that, it makes everything alright.
I really don't think she has a any regret for any of the things she has done previously. To make matters worse, my mums engagement ring has gone missing and I really think she has stolen it.
And thank you for your hugs, I really need them right now x x x x
The engagement ring incident would be the final straw for me.
I think you have been incredibly patient and forgiving for far to many years.
If your daughter does not have some treatable medical condition that is causing her extreme behaviour i.e. a chemical imbalance I honestly think that you have to report her to the police. You appear to have tried everything in your power to help her, you have supported her, protected her and still love her. She counts on the fact you will not report her.
You have to protect her from herself because as I said earlier if you are out of the picture she has to find new victims and they will not take this like you have because remember it is only your love as parents that has allowed it to get this far. They will quite rightly see her for what she is. A thief and a liar and a heartless one at that. She is on a slippery slope to some really serious crime if she is not stopped.
Sorry to come across so harshly. I will probably get panned for my advice to you. But the way I see it is that you have done everything in your power to help your daughter and nothing has worked. You now only have the final option left.
Your eloquence in presenting the facts shows that you are an intelligent and very caring and loving parent.
Speak to you local police see what they advice.
I send you my heartfelt sympathy you are in an unenviable position.
hugs xxxxxx