I need help... advice... anything. :cry:

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by yvonne85, 6 August 2008 Social URL.

  1. yvonne85

    yvonne85 need to be old goofy me

    Goal Weight:
    my take on Atkins, will do it until i'm bored then go back onto WW methods.
    In the past i've stuggled with binge eating... to the extent that i think i developed the disorder. For the past two weeks i've been doing fine, i actually felt like my life wasn't dominated by food/dieting for once. I felt in control.

    But today the urges to binge caught up with me... and i lost control. I just don't know what to do anymore.

    It's a long story, but maybe regurgating it all here with help in some way, shape, or form.

    Two years ago, i joined WW for the first time, it was my first proper diet. I joined in September 06 weighing 11st 10lbs... by May 07 i'd dropped to 7st 0lbs. I was obsessed with it, i was determined, i NEVER once went over my points, and more often than not, i saved points thinking i'd lose the weight faster. The old wives tale about how you have to eat all your points to lose weight is nonsense. It does work... but it screwed me up in the head. I seriously wouldn't recommend it.

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, i somehow developed severe binge eating when i had a week away. I had NO CONTROL over the food i ate... and something snapped in my head, and all the willpower, focus and determination that i previous had, vanished.

    I thought that once i was back home again, i would be able to regain control... but i was wrong. When it rears its head, i become like a robot, fixated on getting my next high on food. I eat in a frenzy, not stopping until i'm physically about to burst. This used to happen every single day. There doesn't seem to be anything i can do to stop it happening... i try reasoning with myself, telling myself its not worth it, when i can feel the urges creeping up on me. While its happening, I don't enjoy the food, its eaten that fast that i barely taste it. I don't know how to describe it other than while its happening i'm just going through the motions, i feel as if my eyes glaze over, and my brain & all rational sense leave my body.

    Around this time last year, i was 7st & exactly one year on i'm 12st odd... doesn't even sound humanly possible to put on that much weight in such a short space of time.

    In the meantime, i've tried everything to regain control. First off, i tried going it alone... keeping a food journal, and weighing myself weekly. I lasted a week & a bit. Then lost control. After that i tried CD, thinking that maybe keeping away from proper food altogether would solve the problem... i lasted 1 day short of 6 weeks, for a while i thought i was back in control, then binge eating made a reappearance with avengance. Then i went back to WW, and stuck to it properly [no cutting corners and saving points] and i lasted just over 2 weeks, until earlier this evening.

    I don't know what to do anymore. I don't particularly want to see the doc, because i don't see what they could possibly do. At the end of the day, its all psychological... they can't just prescribe me a pill and it will magically go away. I don't know how to get my control back. The light at the end of the tunnel has went out... how do i put it back on & reach the end? Is there an end? Or, as i fear, am i screwed up for life... :(
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  3. BBlilsis

    BBlilsis My 3 Furry Amigos

    Hi Yvonne, thanks for posting and telling us your story, I'm only quoting the last few lines, cuz they mean the most at the moment. You've had a slip, after two successful weeks doing WW. You've had one evening of a slip out of 14days, so lets say we divide each day by 3 allowing for the 3 different meal times, so thats 42 meal times when you've stayed in control, and only 1 when you haven't, so even with my way of working out maths in my head, thats approx 98% success rate v's 1% moment of slipping.

    You have a voice in your head talking to you, and at the moment its telling you negative things, calling you negative names and guess what YOUR LETTING IT....

    Would you allow a stranger or a colleague to talk so nastily to you,,,NO,,,so don't allow yourself to talk that way either. You deserve better. Your right a doctor won't be of much use, but a counsellor who is trained in dealing with eating disorders might be an idea, OR, you could just start talking nicer to yourself, if you tell yourself your a failure, then yep your gonna be a failure, if you tell yourself that your human and your doing your best, then guess what you'll do your best.

    Tell that negative voice to Sh*t the F*(K Up....and replace the thoughts with happy confident strong beliefs.

    Good luck :D
  4. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    Was Cambridge, now maintaining
    Oh, Yvonne, my heart goes out to you. Been there, done there...drove myself nuts trying to suss out what drove me to do it.

    You will find a way that suits you. The Gillian Riley book is very good I believe. Can't remember what it's called, but many people swear by it.

    Have you signed up for Mikes newsletter. He is a NLP practitioner and I bet the newsletter will help. Look here

    Meanwhile, relax and be kind to yourself.
  5. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Slim and Save
    (((Yvonne))) I too read your very moving post and my heart went out to you.

    I suffer from lack of control and binge eating sometimes too - maybe not to excess, but certainly where I don't taste or enjoy the food. My ex is an alcoholic and as such I can liken my symptoms to his loss of control around alcohol.

    I believe that some people do get help via counselling - http://www.minimins.com/general-weight-loss-discussion/52098-you-compulsive-eater.html this thread highlights it too.

    No real advice - just wanted to say you are not alone.
  6. yvonne85

    yvonne85 need to be old goofy me

    Goal Weight:
    my take on Atkins, will do it until i'm bored then go back onto WW methods.

    thanks for your comments... going to check out that Gillian Riley book, but for now i'm going to bed and hoping that i'll be able to get myself back on some sort of track tomorrow.

    Thanks Lily, i know i've done 2 weeks okay, but i'm well aware of how many Kcals i've consumed earlier today... its probably about a weeks worth of Kcals, if not more... :(

    I've signed up to Mike's newsletter too, so hopefully i'll get something from that too.

    thanks again...
  7. rugen

    rugen Full Member

    on two just to be safe:-)
    hey yvonne all the best in your quest to succeed...i to fall into the binge trap hun so im with you on that one stay strong and if i can help in anyway just ask were all in this together

  8. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    Slimming World
    We certainly are Carl :):):)
  9. flumpster67

    flumpster67 In a whirl

    Not 'on' a diet - Marissa Peer has changed my perceptions!
    Yvonne hunny, I really feel for you - I bet most of us on here have EXACTLY these type of feelings at some point
    Try and forget about the slip up, don't beat yourself up about it, it happens, you are recognising that you want to change your behaviour, you just might need a little more help along the way. I would enquire about counselling services in your area, it could help you find out what triggers you to come of track.
  10. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

    Oh Yvonne, I was really moved by what you wrote, and wrote so elequently. You really summed up beautifully exactly what happens sometimes. You could have been speaking about me.

    I did LL in 06/07 and lost 100 lbs. I've put on nearly all of it back so really do identify with you. My doctor referred me to a psychologst and recently I had my third session. I've actually found it very helpful. Please reconsider speaking to your GP.

    What you may be doing is eating because you can't deal with your emotions.

    "While its happening, I don't enjoy the food, its eaten that fast that i barely taste it. I don't know how to describe it other than while its happening i'm just going through the motions, i feel as if my eyes glaze over, and my brain & all rational sense leave my body. "

    You describe the feeling very well, Yvonne. It is a reaction to the distress you are feeling. The worst thing is, afterwards you feel even worse. Then the cycle begins again.

    One thing I am pleased about, is that you've found a great place here at Minis. You can get help, advice, support AND give help, advice and support. Who better to help others than someone who has lived the nightmare?

    I truly wish you the best of luck. Please consider speaking to your GP about this. What's the worst that can happen? (Before you go, write down the main points you want to discuss, and take a tissue).


  11. Silence

    Silence Bouncing back

    WW Discover Plan
    Hi Yvonne,
    I don't have anything more to say than what's been said above, because, like most Minis posters, they said it so well. But I want to reiterate two things. You are not alone in your struggle with a negative relationship with food. There are literally hundreds of people who binge (including me). The second is, go see your Doctor. This is a problem you can't just throw pills at. Your Doctor will be able to recommend a counsellor who can help you identify your problems and find a solution.
    In the mean time. Stay positive and stop beating yourself up.
    Best of luck hun

  12. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

    you definitely aren't alone and there is hope! I've been there myself but all seems to be good now. Maybe it will come over me again, who knows. But. I know that I can overcome it. Just like you will this time. Don't give up ... never give up. Ok to take a day or so to feel poo but don't lose the thought somewhere in the back of your head ... that you will not give up, you will keep trying. You will find the way that suits you.

    Good luck
  13. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

    Don't diet anymore!
    Hiya :)

    I would recommend that you do have a chat with your doctor but say that you don't want magic pills but you do want him/her to keep an eye on you as you might need a little help.

    Why not give the BEAT helpline a ring who are very used to these kind of problems on 0845 634 141, it is anonymous and they can offer all sorts of support to you.

  14. Lynn8124

    Lynn8124 Gold Member

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    Oh wow my thread's been quoted in a post, yay. Seriously a lot of what you say has hit home with me. I SS 100% on LL for 12 weeks, cheated one night and was never able to get back on track since with any diet. and my eating has become a lot worse than ever before and I am gutted.

    Been Taking Xenical for a couple weeks and it's been tough going. Been reading Gillian's book but I don't know if it'll help me. She believes in suffering through your cravings to diminish them.

    Good luck, hopefully with perseverence we will both get there. :)
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