Ikkle's Diary - Glad its all over for another year......

[ikkle87]

Well after the last 24 hours I just had I thought it would be best to start my own diary thread and hopefully get some support from someone as my family and friends seem to be letting me down a bit at the moment

Well a little about me...........
My name is Dani, I am 21 and live in Leeds. I am 6ft2 and weigh a lot. I started Slimming World on the 10th of November.

A little more background info.............
I have Ankylosing Spondylitis so exercise isn't the easiest thing in the world for me and I also have severe depression. As well as those two I have been diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder. Stupidly I thought that being on Slimming World I might be able to be ok without taking my tablets as if I needed to eat I could eat free foods. How wrong I was. Not only has not taking my tablets meant I have been emotional, snappy, irritable, aggressive but they have resulted in me binging and blowing over a weeks worth of syns in one night and also me nearly getting myself arrested but more about that in a mo.

Right now I am disgusted with myself. I went out with my two friends last night for a girls night out and have just not been able to stop myself binging since. I had a few drinks last night (2 vodka and diet cokes, 2 double vodka and diet cokes and 3 VK Tropical (10 syns each!!!!)) then on my way home even though i wasn't hungry just annoyed about the earlier events of the night and upset I stopped off at the local takeaway and got a mixed starter (24 syns) a korma (16.5 syns) and a mixed chicken dish (8syns). I didn't want it all but I still ate it. Then today I have had 4 packets of crisps (26 syns) a penguin biscuit (5.5 syns) 7 slices of weight watchers danish although 6 of them were HEB so one slice extra (2 syns) so thats 135 syns ish in one day. Do you think if I don't have any more syns all week I could counteract it and get a maintain or a loss??

As to why I am upset and the whole arrested thing. I am normally really close with my nan but she is stressed out over building work due to start on our house on Monday and has snapped at me making me feel really upset and unwanted and like I am a burden on her, normally she helps keep me under control but I just feel like its all gone to pot and Iv ruined everything. Last night when we were out a bloke made a bet with his mates he could pull the fat bird - me. He kept trying to touch me and I told him to stop it and he went away for a minute or two then came back and tried again, I told him to leave me alone again and again he went away but then a bit later my friends went to the loo and left me sat saving our drinks and bags and he came back but this time he tried to pin me to the chair and tried to kiss me so seeing red and finally having enough i punched him in the face. Ruining the night.

Now my friends are giving me the silent treatment for spoiling the night, my grandparents are giving me the silent treatment and I feel like I have no one and don't know what to do and I'm kinda scared. Someone please give me a kick up the backside or something and get my head back in gear.

Sorry for rambling and sorry for the long post I just didn't have anyone else to talk to and I thought maybe writing it down would help. I dunno.

 

[Melanie]

Hi Dani. You've had it rough lately haven't you? I can't really give you any advice other than to see your doctor re medication - you shouldn't really come off it without your gp's advice. Other than that, keep your dairy going, I'm sure others will be along who will be a bit more useful to you than I've managed to be.
X

 

[SpaceAngel]

First of all a big hug to you :hug99:. Sounds like you are having a rough old time off it. Firstly, get back on that medication. Secondly, your night out probably hasn't done that much damage. What day do you WI? Lots of us have a flexi syn day every now and then and it doesn't mean you have blown the whole diet. The good thing about flexisyns is that they allow you to have a good old night out, eat or drink what you like, guilt free! The worse thing you could do is think "oh, I have blown it now, so I may as well eat what I like until WI". At least you have started to make plans, ie cut back a bit, in the next few days and you should still have a gain or at least STS.

I STS this week even though I had been 100% good. It happens.

Your friends don't seem to be the most supportive. Explain to them in a text, so they can't interupt (sp?) about why you hit that bloke. Surely if it was happening to one of them, they would have reacted the same way. Next time anything like that happens, you should tell a bouncer immediately and they will have a word with him.

Now your Nan. I am sure that if she knew that you were feeling insecure and hurt by her behaviour, then she would be upset. I don't think we realise how much our moods affect other people. My husband goes through stages where he is really moody and quiet, for nothing that I have done, but it makes me feel really insecure and upset. Over the years I have learnt that it's nothing personal and just the way he deals with certain situations.

Next time Nan is snappy, try giving her a big hug and reassure her that you will support her during the building work and she in turn can support you.

Good luck with things and remember to get back on that medication!

 

[minime]

Sending you some hugs, hope things get better for you.

 

[ikkle87]

Thanks guys, I spoke to my nan today when we were out with my mum and I told her about my binge and how down and upset I was feeling and she said she was sorry for being stressed and gave me a hug. I'm still down but I know my tablets will take a little while to start working again. At least now I have my nan to talk to.

My weigh in is on Thursday so I am hoping with a bit of work I will be able to maintain or lose, I would hate to have a gain right now as I think it would just put me off totally, and I really don't want that to happen.

Do you think Red days are better for losses or Green days? x

 

[kirsty2012]

Just wanted to send you a hug and hoping 2009 is your year hun x

 

[ikkle87]

Thanks everyone. Well having had a few days away from Mini's I am a lot happier, this week hasnt been brilliantly I havent stuck to plan 100 percent and I probably will have a gain, but so what. I know where I have gone wrong and I know how to change that and how to make sure it doesnt happen again. Sometimes we set our selves challenges and sometimes life gets in the bloody way lol.

Tomorrow is weigh in day, my last day at college and the start of a brand new week

I hope you are all ok. And all doing well.

My house looks a little less like a bomb has hit it and a little more like my cosy little house again which is good. I have had a good day today and am feeling positive and happy I backed a horse that my cousins fiance recommended to me and my grandad and we won 87 quid

 

[SpaceAngel]

So long as you know what you have done and your happy with it, then draw a line and move on. You have a very positive attitude which will really help you along the way.

Congrats on your mini windfull. Nice to have that just before Xmas.

Also, really glad your feeling better. I remember the last time you posted you were upset cos of your Nan snapping at you and stuff. Nice to see you more cheerful Ikkle.

 

[LoChan1984]

Well done on your win!

This being the first time I've had a look at y'diary here I was relieved to see your post from today that you were feeling much better and in control.

I haven't been diagnosed or anything (as I wouldn't want to talk to my dr about it as she is a right cow) but I do have problems with binge eating and bulemia. I'm usually okay for a stretch of months when on a healthy diet plan (like SW, previously WW core) but when I go off a plan there's no stopping me, it just feels like I have no control because I'm not following a handbook's advice so I eat all the wrong things.

It's definitely important to have family and friends who are supportive so pleased you've made things up with your nan. Hope your friends are being as reasonable, I certainly would have punched that bloke if he'd behaved like that with me!

Keep posting on here, especially when you're feeling a bit low and we'll do our best to boost you hun

x

 

[ikkle87]

Well guys I went to class and as expected I did have a gain. 3lb. I was expecting it to be worse and more like 6lb but 3lb is enough and next week it is coming off!

At class they did a drawer as when ever someone has had a loss or achieved an award 1/2 stone and 1 stone they got to put their name in a bag well my name got pulled out and I wan a 5 week countdown so thats another 6 weeks of free slimming world as my college paid for me to have a 12 week countdown to start with and seeing as I am only part way through I won't have to pay for a class till the 19th of March. How great is that

Plan of Action for the week is:
Plan food! Don't just grab something and think oh I will work out the syns later because inevitably I forget so I will plan the following days meals the night before. If I bite it make sure I write it.

Limit myself to have no more than 2 slices of bread per day. If I don't have bread one day it doesn't mean I can have extra the following day! I don't have to have bread every day.

 

[SpaceAngel]

Well done on winning your countdown! Thats great. We are having something like that, a Christmas cracker. I have filled in 2 so am hoping that I will win!

3lb gain isn't that bad at all and you should have the off next week or the week after. I really missed bread when I first started the plan but I rarely eat it now. If I do, I make a cheese and bacon toastie.

 

[ikkle87]

I don't normally miss bread that much I sometimes use a little to make eggy bread but I know that if I am upset/stressed/bored bread is normally the first thing i reach for. Although today I have been stressed as went to Boots and it was mayhem! but I have been good and havent been naughty at all x

 

[rainbow]

hey, well done on not being naughty hun! xxx

 

[ronniejacobs]

hi sweetie just wanted to say big hugs and was wondering which class you go to as i go to the one at the church in the city centre on a thursday lunch

 

[anwen]

Hi there - glad to see you've gone back on the tablets, I take it they were antidepressants? You have to be incredibly careful coming off them, unfortunately, as the withdrawal can be severe (as you've discovered!!)

I am currently coming off venlafaxine (Effexor) and it is horrible stuff. I am reducing the dose very very slowly, it's likely to take six months all told (I was on a very high dose) but it's much safer. Email me if you want to chat about this?

By the way, withdrawal effects from these tablets can mimic not only the existing depression/anxiety/psych problems they were taken for in the first place, but also worse psych problems - i.e. I have read about a case of a woman who was put on them for mild depression and when she was coming off the things started hearing voices!

I don't say this to be scary (if you're careful and decrease the dose slowly this is very unlikely) but to let you know that just because you had these nasty effects doesn't mean that you necessarily still need the tablets. I have been on these ones for two years mainly because I thought that the weepiness, panic and paranoia I felt if I accidentally missed a dose meant that I really needed to keep taking them, so I'm quite annoyed to find out that not only have they been making me physically ill while taking them, but I didn't need to keep taking them at all!

Hope this makes sense, am a bit tired, lol!

 

[ikkle87]

lol anwen that makes sense hun. I'm quite lucky in that I have a brilliant GP now who helps me a lot. I have only been seeing him for a couple of months after I finally had enough of my last gp (had some very bad experiences with them from going to see the doc because I was pg and bleeding and him telling me to get a bus to the hospital when it turned out I was haemmoraging (sp) to telling the dwp on a benefits claim that I am of average build (at the time I was 25stone and am 6ft2) and that I walked my dog everyday (I dont have a dog!) and telling me I had a viral infection when I actually had pancreatitis) and changed practice. I think I do still need the tablets I do see the benefits of them when I take them and I know that I am not quite in the right place yet to come off of them.

Ronnie I go to the paxton hall one on a Thursday night hun. I know which one you mean though, down near city square?

 

[ikkle87]

Todays foods:

Breakfast:
Alpen Light Bar (1/2 HEB)

Dinner:
Omelette (milk as HEA)
1 Wm Nimble (1/2 HEB)
Ketchup (1 syn)

Tea:
Syn free wedges (HEB)
steak
chicken
turkey
pork steak (all the meat was small pieces and cooked on george foremans as a mixed grill)
garlic mushrooms (1 syn for garlic puree)

Snacks:
cockles
sea food sticks
grapes
1 mistle toe kiss (3.5 syns)

So I have had 5.5 syns today I am going to try to stay under 10 a day I think. Hopefully will see a loss. One thing I will say about today though is that although I have been a good girl, I could do with more fruit and veg. x

 

[ikkle87]

Evening everyone,

Well today has been a hectic day.Mum decided she would start her christmas shopping today so I went to town with her as she is rubbish with money and spends too much lol. Town was packed and there were too many bolshy people pushing and barging. We managed to get everything she needed though and now she just needs to wrap it. I had already done some of her christmas shopping for her and sorted out 2 pamper hampers for her mil and smil and a present for her best friend and her twin daughters. All for cheaper than they should have been because I am a very experienced shopper.

Although I am quite skint myself and am waiting for my bank charges from Halifax which will go in bank any time between now and New Years Eve I decided to treat my mum and bought her a few make up bits which she is chuffed with. I cant wait to see Mum, Dave's and LBs faces on christmas when they open their presents as I have really gone to town on them and put a lot of thought into their presents.

Today I have eaten fairly well. I know you are not supposed to eat rice as a HEB but with this new plan coming out saying you can have rice I had a tiny bit tonight with a home made curry and had 1 less HEB today.

I have had:
kebab (made with mince, herbs, spices, chillis and onion.)

cottage cheese
Ryvita minis (heb)

grapes

hm onion bhaji/mushroom bhaji/chicken pakora (baked - 2 syns for amount of flour used.)

hm chicken curry
rice

8 fruit polos (3 syns)

Morrisons Eat Smart bacon waffles 2 syns
" " " " " 1.5 syns


So have used 8.5 syns today which is good. I am really wanting a loss on Tuesday.

 

[snow_white78]

Well done on all the shopping, I went shopping yesterday expecting everywhere to be rammed and it was so quiet - scary! Your menus look really good - fingers crossed for a loss on Tuesday I sometimes find it hard to eat fruit too - have started buying frozen fruit (which is yummy!!) and putting it in a container with a mullerlight or lf natural yoghurt in a morning, forcing me to eat it during the day!!!

 

[ikkle87]

I have a thing for grapes at moment Snow. Absolutely love em, am glad Morrisons do value packs now cos it saves me some money.

Been out today with my gran and mum and been playing bingo in the local social won £40 woohooo lol

I am having a green day today. Lots of vegetables!

I have had:

grapes

New potatoes
Brocolli
Cauliflower
Swede
Carrot
Roast Beef (HEB)
mint sauce

Think for tea I will have
Pasta Quiche
Bacon (HEB)

Rice Pudding (milk as HEA)
Dollop of jam (probably 2 tsps worth so 1 syn)