Is It Possible To Fill a Half Empty Glass?

[westiegirl]

I must admit I'm not mentally in the best of places at the moment. There's been a lot going on in my life recently and it seems to have ground me right down.

People tell me that a Positive Mental Attitude will help and soon things will start to get better.

Thing is that I've never been one for a PMA, for me the glass has always been half empty. I'm a born worrier (even remember excessive worrying from infant school days). I recently read a book on worrying that theorises that worrying is a defense mechanism - I know it is for me - if I think negatively and things go wrong, well at least I'm prepared for it, right? If things go well then that's a bonus

So here's the question, is it possible to become a positive rather than a negative person? I've read lots of books, listened to CDs and yet I still see the glass as half empty

Has anyone done a 180 on this and changed their negative thinking - permanently and without having to do it consciously? I don't ever see myself as being able to change (see, half empty). Maybe I'm just a self fulfilling prophecy

 

[Dom1979]

Hmmmmm. Interesting question.

Cognitive behavioural therapists would suggest yes. And CBT is, according to NICE, the gold standard treatment for depression.

I think, in theory, my answer would be yes. On a personal level, there has always been a positive to come out of any given situation. For example, I've had the year from hell, but it's brought me a lot closer to my partner, and our relationship is now rock solid. It wouldn't be this strong if it hadn't have been tested.

The reason I say 'in theory' is because it's not always easy to 'turn your frown upside down' when you are feeling sh1t. Actually, what I do, when I'm feeling really sh1t, is say 'turn your frown upside down' in a silly voice whilst making a silly face, which usually makes me laugh at myself momentarily, which is usually enough to make myself stop taking it all so seriously and find a positive.

I wonder if you need some more time to heal? To be kind to yourself. I'm not 100% sure what happened, because I've been away from here for a while and don't have the time to catch up, but I get that you have been hurt hugely. It takes time to come back from that, but you will come back from it.

 

[westiegirl]

Thanks Dom, what a great post. I just turned my frown upside down by reading it. I'll have to try doing that although I'd probably worry about the funny looks for using a silly voice and pulling a silly face :8855: Sometimes it's just the simplest of things that can make the biggest differences though.

Although you are possibly right about needing more time to heal. I won't go into details on here because this is far too open (and there's a reason I chose to hide in Gold Members *sang in Shirley Bassey stylee way*) but yes I was hurt very badly and the hurt was quite protracted and only ended recently.

Note to self: be kinder to yourself!

 

[nexangelus]

Yes...from being rather cynical after a marriage breakdown, divorce shortly after the death of my mum four years ago (that was the year that really tested me! I thought I was truly going nuts!) I can say that I have changed almost 180 degrees...I never was fully a glass half empty person as I have always tried to keep the positive stuff alive, or see the positive in everything, even the mess of the past, etc...but when horrible things happen, it is hard to keep going let alone smile...I didn't think I would smile for a long time and here I am today...I didn't want to get married again or even get into a long term relationship again or live with anyone again, but this year, I am feeling that this weird sense of being in control and having to be strong for my children and myself (defensive mechanism) and keep a brave face has been dropped...I have more fun, I am more lively, I have totally changed the way I look and dress and the people I hang around with (well it was lonerville for ages actually)...I even accept people for who they are now (I was very judgemental before)...I have discussed 'marriage' and even living together with the new beau (we have been an item for a year and a half now) and I didn't feel phased by it...I didn't feel phased by his honesty and the outcome of our discussion has been as relaxed as I feel this year...

It takes time to heal and as the previous poster said, maybe you need more time...(it took me four years to get to where I want to be and I can honestly say I am truly happy and I enjoy every day)...I am even on talking terms with the ex hubby (even though there was huge bitterness and angst and horribleness until recently, we just avoided one another for both our sakes and the sake of our daughter)...it feels like I am a changed person...

Take it easy...time will tell and yes you can fill that half empty glass, DEFINITELY!!!

 

[Isis]

I must admit I'm not mentally in the best of places at the moment. There's been a lot going on in my life recently and it seems to have ground me right down.

People tell me that a Positive Mental Attitude will help and soon things will start to get better.

Thing is that I've never been one for a PMA, for me the glass has always been half empty. I'm a born worrier (even remember excessive worrying from infant school days). I recently read a book on worrying that theorises that worrying is a defense mechanism - I know it is for me - if I think negatively and things go wrong, well at least I'm prepared for it, right? If things go well then that's a bonus

So here's the question, is it possible to become a positive rather than a negative person? I've read lots of books, listened to CDs and yet I still see the glass as half empty

Has anyone done a 180 on this and changed their negative thinking - permanently and without having to do it consciously? I don't ever see myself as being able to change (see, half empty). Maybe I'm just a self fulfilling prophecy

Yes, yes and yes again Sarah!

IMO it's totally possible to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. I used to be a half empty girl a few years ago.

Might take a bit of work and acceptance to be able to challenge your entrenched beliefs and accept change BUT it is possible hun....you've got to believe that though......xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Yes...from being rather cynical after a marriage breakdown, divorce shortly after the death of my mum four years ago (that was the year that really tested me! I thought I was truly going nuts!) I can say that I have changed almost 180 degrees...I never was fully a glass half empty person as I have always tried to keep the positive stuff alive, or see the positive in everything, even the mess of the past, etc...but when horrible things happen, it is hard to keep going let alone smile...I didn't think I would smile for a long time and here I am today...I didn't want to get married again or even get into a long term relationship again or live with anyone again, but this year, I am feeling that this weird sense of being in control and having to be strong for my children and myself (defensive mechanism) and keep a brave face has been dropped...I have more fun, I am more lively, I have totally changed the way I look and dress and the people I hang around with (well it was lonerville for ages actually)...I even accept people for who they are now (I was very judgemental before)...I have discussed 'marriage' and even living together with the new beau (we have been an item for a year and a half now) and I didn't feel phased by it...I didn't feel phased by his honesty and the outcome of our discussion has been as relaxed as I feel this year...

It takes time to heal and as the previous poster said, maybe you need more time...(it took me four years to get to where I want to be and I can honestly say I am truly happy and I enjoy every day)...I am even on talking terms with the ex hubby (even though there was huge bitterness and angst and horribleness until recently, we just avoided one another for both our sakes and the sake of our daughter)...it feels like I am a changed person...

Take it easy...time will tell and yes you can fill that half empty glass, DEFINITELY!!!

Thanks so much for your reply. I guess sometimes it's just hard to see light at the end of the tunnel so it's nice to see that people have turned things around, so I know it's not an impossibility

I'm really pleased that you've got your life back on track and feel truly happy and in control. Once again thank you

 

[westiegirl]

Yes, yes and yes again Sarah!

IMO it's totally possible to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. I used to be a half empty girl a few years ago.

Might take a bit of work and acceptance to be able to challenge your entrenched beliefs and accept change BUT it is possible hun....you've got to believe that though......xxx

Ah Lacey, I don't think I tell you enough how much I loves ya

It probably will be a challenge to change these beliefs, but I guess I just wanted some reassurance that it IS possible and by trying I won't be wasting my time.

Now I just need to work on how on earth I go about making those changes

 

[Porgeous]

Hiya

I agree with Lacey I think it is definately possible but because who we are is so deeply ingrained in us it will take some work. Initially I think it takes a conscious effort each time you feel yourself going down the same way of thinking to pull yourself up and force yourself to see it a different way. After time you should begin to do this automatically and that's when the change has begun.

xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Hiya

I agree with Lacey I think it is definately possible but because who we are is so deeply ingrained in us it will take some work. Initially I think it takes a conscious effort each time you feel yourself going down the same way of thinking to pull yourself up and force yourself to see it a different way. After time you should begin to do this automatically and that's when the change has begun.

xxx

Thanks Georgie

I guess I have a lifetime of feeling negative so have to expect that it will be more than just an instant change. I guess like most habits, it takes a while to make the new ones automatic

 

[Isis]

Thanks Georgie

I guess I have a lifetime of feeling negative so have to expect that it will be more than just an instant change. I guess like most habits, it takes a while to make the new ones automatic

Luv ya too hun and here's something to cheer you up a bit hopefully!

Most habits, even truly entrenched ones CAN be changed within a 21 day period. Not my opinion but fact within any field that work to support people to make positive changes in their lives.

Do you prefer me to do "tears and tissues" with you here hun, or a bit more of a direct but loving approach? I am betting on the second idea as you are clearly evaluating everything at the mo.

If an individual with a drug career and Herion addiction of 20 years or an individual who has drank a 70cl bottle of Vodka per day for the last 15 years CAN change that dependency and habit (with support)....then you CAN make that glass half full. Not just examples here above but real clients of mine during this last year :hug99:

Just a thought but maybe you could benefit from some support/ guidance/counselling here as to where to start with turning negative into positive? I know what you mean about reading all the self help books etc but sometimes IMO you just need that physical person sat in front of you to be able to bounce stuff off and reflect. Usually it doesn't take very long to feel the benefit as you end up answering your owns questions anyway and getting more clarity as the counsellor is or should be there to do 90% active listening at least.

Sorry for the novel length post , hope some of my babble makes sense ..xx

 

[Isis]

Just seen an excellent and very apt quote by another member in their signature.

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going"

 

[Starlit_Cazza]

Thanks Georgie

I guess I have a lifetime of feeling negative so have to expect that it will be more than just an instant change.

Ditto - I am exactly the same. And finding this thread very very useful reading. I have been a glass half empty person for a very long time, something that was made significantly worse by being in a miserable relationship.

Its taken me a whole 14 months since coming out of that relationship to realise just how low my self esteem is, and if I dont change and at the very least improve my opinion of myself, then I am only ever going to be attracted to losers (point proven very recently but thats a whole other story). I have also come to realise that I project my negativity, and its hardly a turn on! :8855:

So I am working on the new me. And I know its not going to be an instantaneous change, but I am working on it. I need to learn to at least like myself, even if I am not reasy to love myself yet. And i am working on it. Im taking steps in the right direction, and coming on here and reading about people who have done it and turned their lives around is very very helpful

Sorry Westie didnt mean to hijack

 

[westiegirl]

Ditto - I am exactly the same. And finding this thread very very useful reading. I have been a glass half empty person for a very long time, something that was made significantly worse by being in a miserable relationship.

Its taken me a whole 14 months since coming out of that relationship to realise just how low my self esteem is, and if I dont change and at the very least improve my opinion of myself, then I am only ever going to be attracted to losers (point proven very recently but thats a whole other story). I have also come to realise that I project my negativity, and its hardly a turn on! :8855:

So I am working on the new me. And I know its not going to be an instantaneous change, but I am working on it. I need to learn to at least like myself, even if I am not reasy to love myself yet. And i am working on it. Im taking steps in the right direction, and coming on here and reading about people who have done it and turned their lives around is very very helpful

Sorry Westie didnt mean to hijack

You're not hijacking at all Caryl. If you find this as useful as I do then I'll be really pleased.

It's funny how we can be held hostage to our self esteem by other people, a sad but true fact. I read your post on Hope's thread about your past relationship. I am only just under 2 weeks out of the emotionally draining relationship, which has definately sapped my already fragile self esteem.

I'm glad you are taking steps to improve your life and I hope that you can take those baby steps to learn to love rather than just like yourself

 

[westiegirl]

Luv ya too hun and here's something to cheer you up a bit hopefully!

Most habits, even truly entrenched ones CAN be changed within a 21 day period. Not my opinion but fact within any field that work to support people to make positive changes in their lives.

Do you prefer me to do "tears and tissues" with you here hun, or a bit more of a direct but loving approach? I am betting on the second idea as you are clearly evaluating everything at the mo.

If an individual with a drug career and Herion addiction of 20 years or an individual who has drank a 70cl bottle of Vodka per day for the last 15 years CAN change that dependency and habit (with support)....then you CAN make that glass half full. Not just examples here above but real clients of mine during this last year :hug99:

Just a thought but maybe you could benefit from some support/ guidance/counselling here as to where to start with turning negative into positive? I know what you mean about reading all the self help books etc but sometimes IMO you just need that physical person sat in front of you to be able to bounce stuff off and reflect. Usually it doesn't take very long to feel the benefit as you end up answering your owns questions anyway and getting more clarity as the counsellor is or should be there to do 90% active listening at least.

Sorry for the novel length post , hope some of my babble makes sense ..xx

Ummm, some more stuff to think about methinks

Just seen an excellent and very apt quote by another member in their signature.

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going"

I saw that - it's a great quote

 

[Starlit_Cazza]

I am only just under 2 weeks out of the emotionally draining relationship, which has definately sapped my already fragile self esteem.

2 weeks is no time at all, but in the same way I am glad you are trying to do something about your self esteem etc now - I left it a very long time before even admitting there was a problem. As a result I spent a long time coming across as bitter, when in fact I wasnt - I was more than happy to be out of it - I guess it is more that I dont feel that I am worthy of meeting someone else. Does that make any sense? As a result I was attracted to inferior men who had no prospects and possibly even lower self esteem than me! Not terribly healthy I am sure you will agree

 

[westiegirl]

2 weeks is no time at all, but in the same way I am glad you are trying to do something about your self esteem etc now - I left it a very long time before even admitting there was a problem. As a result I spent a long time coming across as bitter, when in fact I wasnt - I was more than happy to be out of it - I guess it is more that I dont feel that I am worthy of meeting someone else. Does that make any sense? As a result I was attracted to inferior men who had no prospects and possibly even lower self esteem than me! Not terribly healthy I am sure you will agree

That makes perfect sense - the not being worthy thing. It makes us do silly things and make choices we possibly shouldn't make - but it's hard to see that sometimes when you are so close to the situation

 

[westiegirl]

Luv ya too hun and here's something to cheer you up a bit hopefully!

Most habits, even truly entrenched ones CAN be changed within a 21 day period. Not my opinion but fact within any field that work to support people to make positive changes in their lives.

Do you prefer me to do "tears and tissues" with you here hun, or a bit more of a direct but loving approach? I am betting on the second idea as you are clearly evaluating everything at the mo.

If an individual with a drug career and Herion addiction of 20 years or an individual who has drank a 70cl bottle of Vodka per day for the last 15 years CAN change that dependency and habit (with support)....then you CAN make that glass half full. Not just examples here above but real clients of mine during this last year :hug99:

Just a thought but maybe you could benefit from some support/ guidance/counselling here as to where to start with turning negative into positive? I know what you mean about reading all the self help books etc but sometimes IMO you just need that physical person sat in front of you to be able to bounce stuff off and reflect. Usually it doesn't take very long to feel the benefit as you end up answering your owns questions anyway and getting more clarity as the counsellor is or should be there to do 90% active listening at least.

Sorry for the novel length post , hope some of my babble makes sense ..xx

Thank you for giving me some real examples - I have to have faith than I can change my life for the better.

You are right I am evaluating everything at the moment and trying to work out my place my universe and where I fit into, what I want and what my priorities are.

I have considered counselling but at the moment everything has to be weighed up and especially the financial implications have to be considered.