Is this selfish? and should I mind?

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Jayellekay, 12 November 2011 Social URL.

  1. Jayellekay

    Jayellekay this time - the last time

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    So I've been SSing for two long periods this year. I'm 1lb off losing 4.5st.

    Last Christmas - who'd have thought I'd weigh this much less this year? Not me.

    But I can't help but feel extremely selfish. My OH practically begged me to go the supermarket this morning. I've not been the past 4 or 5 weeks. I said I'd go if he wanted, to which his answer was "we used to go together".
    He has started having very repetitive meals that are super easy and quick to cook. I tried to get him to eat something different this weekend but he said "we'll both try it when its not just me eating".

    Eating is a very social activity. We've not gone out for dinner (which is our favourite way to spend time and money).

    I have no health reason for doing this (although I was morbidly obese, so my health will improve). Im doing it so I look good and also so I feel great on my wedding day.

    My OH hasn't moaned, or complained. But I have turned our life upside-down by doing this.

    Am I being selfish?

    I'm not planning on giving up - I'm SSing until 30th November and fingers crossed I'll have a 5stone loss by Christmas.
    But how can I deal with the guilt?
     
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  3. FeeneyFooFoo

    FeeneyFooFoo Full Member

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    Hmmm tricky one...

    I still go shopping, cook for huby, etc.... Me doing this hasn't changed our life much apart from no eating out, but we hav replaced it with going out diff places for coffee... Black coffee for me...

    Sounds like he's been really supportive could you think of other things to do together instead?? Walks, coffee, days out etc....

    X
     
  4. great things

    great things Gold Member

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    i am the one to shop and cook (clean, dust, dry, etc etc etc :)). it's the way of the woman. flaming hard to shop on the low plans when food sets you off salivating.
     
  5. Jayellekay

    Jayellekay this time - the last time

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    I work a minimum 70hours a week. Hence I don't really volunteer for extra home duties! :)
    I try and cook for him sometimes - but he likes cooking, so think I'm I'm interfering.

    I think its more that we used to shop, cook and eat together. Now we do very little together!

    Well.....only 2.5weeks left. It won't be long!
     
  6. FeeneyFooFoo

    FeeneyFooFoo Full Member

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    take him out for a coffee or something - sounds like he misses you :)
     
  7. spangles

    spangles Bouncy Castle

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    my situation is very similar to yours, jayellekay. my husband always did most of the cooking - loved doing it, and since i started on the diet, he's eaten mostly convenience foods. We used to go out to dinner semi-regularly, and we used to go out drinking a fair bit. He still goes to the pub from time to time, but it's different.

    I'm acutely aware that this diet is a sacrifice for him too.

    BUT - he could cook nicer stuff if he chose to. and it's nowhere near the sacrifice i'm making. also - i'm doing this for me, mostly. my husband doesn't really mind if we don't have kids, though he'd like it if we did... so although my motivation is medical - it's not really a shared motive.

    the thing is, when you're in a couple, you make sacrifices for each other from time to time. you live on a lower income because one of you goes back to college, or you move away from your friends because the other person gets a fantastic job elsewhere. compared to those kind of sacrifices, a few months of ready meals and quiet nights in (and doing your own supermarket shopping) out of a whole lifetime together, really isn't a lot to ask.
     
  8. sammyzip50

    sammyzip50 Silver Member

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    I think the issue is with him. You might want to check out with him how he actually feels about you losing weight and what it might mean for you both. He has probably seen a lot of changes in you and not just physically. I have read articles about sabotage and relationship changes. He might need a bit reassurance. You don't know what is going on in his mind but he might think with you looking even more gorgeous, confident etc that you might find him less attractive and want a new life! Also could be that he is aware that others will find you more attractive and feels threatened. It could be nothing to do with your weight and change but he sees how you have been motivated to do something but he hasn't got the same up and go to make changes in his life what ever that might be.

    I don't know it could be one or many of these or even none. I think it is worth exploring and then a case of reassuring him!
     
  9. Jayellekay

    Jayellekay this time - the last time

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    Thanks for all your comments.

    It's only another 2 and a half weeks. So I'll continue being selfish. Though not sure whether I'll follow through with my plan to come back in January. I'll see how I get on through December.

    Still got 3stone to go. Need a plan that'll work for everyone in my life!
     
  10. Rolly82

    Rolly82 not giving up

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    I also have a VERY similar problem with my boyfriend at the moment he is feeling rather left out. He is supportive and has been great about me doing CD but I think he is starting to get sick of me doing SS. I know I need to make more of a concious effort to include him but I am finding myself consumed by the whole thing at the moment. I will aim to make an effort this week as I am not a selfish person and need to just reign it in a little bit and make an effort to do some of the things everyone else has suggested. Thanks for posting this it's done me a huge favour x
     
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