It started with a chocolate brownie

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by cocktailprincess, 21 June 2010 Social URL.

  1. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    .........and ended in the mother of all binges.

    It is such a horrible feeling to be so out of control! I started with kidding myself that it didn't matter, then lying that 'normal' people eat like this and then finally admitting that I was in the middle of a massive brain freeze and despite knowing I would hate myself and it was completely emotional and irrational, I carried on.

    My husband said I frightened him as I looked almost like a zombie!

    BUT

    I decided that rather than trying to do some mad unrealistic damage limitation I should do what went against every instinct- and had my official weigh-in this morning (1 day earlier than normal). The theory is that I have drawn a line, accepted the consequences and can move on

    I gained 5lb

    I'm not really asking anything here- just wanted to declare this to the world to try and deal with the shame and dissapointment. I feel ill, embarrassed and very sad- but am still here and still battling on

    xxxx
     
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  3. soccermom

    soccermom I AM A WEMITT x

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    AWww CP I was exactly the same last week I faced the consquences and got a 3lb weight gain, so hoping I have pulled it all back tonight.

    Was so sad and deflated that I did not control my binge. I was so embarrassed I went to another class to weigh in :eek: stupid I know but it as the only way I could face it.

    You know what you are doing and how to regain control...go for it girl (((hugs))))
     
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  4. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    Well done for admitting it Hun.
    I did exactly the same thing over the weekend, but Im not feeling guilty this time for some reason..I think its because I dont have a drop off that often..I dont know!
    I have decided against reducing my syns today (weigh in is tomorrow evening anyway, so there isnt much point!) and Im just going to face the scales tomorrow evening and accept my fate!
    Im doing the same next weekend as well, as I have a wedding to attend and spending a night away from home, so much food and Im sure drink will flow!

    xxx
     
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  5. salsaqueen

    salsaqueen Full Member

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    You've done the right thing in just drawing a line under it. You've done so well I know your just gonna be fine. Todays a whole new day, shoulders back, chin up and soldier on. xx
     
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  6. Lonestitcher

    Lonestitcher Silver Member

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    First things first..... Your husband frightens too easily!!!! Tell him the 'zombie' look took you hours to create and that he just doesn't understand fashion and style!!!!!!

    Secondly..... You are in a weird and unique position..... you not only are battling with the '7 stone itch' (i.e. the itch to just walk into KFC and order EVERYTHING - except the sweetcorn and beans because they are too 'on plan') and the 'Almost at target freak-out' (aka The OMG that can't be me at target because all my unhappiness hasn't disappeared and my life isn't perfect blues) The realisation that maintaining WILL BE HARD. That people who haven't ever seen you any bigger, will wonder why you only had 1 biscuit (not 3) - and that the look they are giving you doesn't mean 'YOU are having a biscuit?!!!?! That's the start of you piling it all back on!!!' but rather 'OH! That's how she keeps slim, she only has ONE biscuit!!'

    Thirdly..... You are probably a rebel!!!! Rebelling against doing so well, against 'depriving yourself' of having a binge, of BEING A FAMOUS ICON AND INSPIRATION!!!!!! (Yes, I've even done the 'Someone I know on-line is on the SW website. I KNOW HER!!!!!' at my class last Wednesday!!)

    And last but not least - STUFF IT!!! It was one day - one binge. You're back on it, feeling a little worse for wear, but back on it. You know that everything I've said is true and you know exactly what to do, because you've said it yourself all before to other people.

    To be honest, it's sometimes nice to find that your heroes are human too.
     
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  7. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    Mate- that is the most insightful and intelligent thing anyone has ever said to me. Am sat here bawling my eyes out as you have got it so perfectly on the head. You are amazing- thank you so much

    oh, and I agree on the zombie look thing- lol. Some people just have no idea how long a look like that takes to perfect!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  8. Woodsylou

    Woodsylou Silver Member

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    Lonestitcher speaks the truth!! x
     
  9. jojothejo

    jojothejo Full Member

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    *hug*

    I'm with you too dude. I missed weigh in last week. Prior to that I had my star week and major mood fluctuations...chomped through chocolate bars and indians and cakes glore. Gave myself the excuse that I was allowed. Was too ashmed to go to weigh in so thought I'd skip it, do a 100% week and go back. I've not been very good this week at all. So now I've had two bad weeks and I have to go to weigh in tomorrow and face it. I have a 2lb leeway before going over my 6 stone so I'm just praying I get to keep my award.

    It'll be fine mate. 5lb is nothing in the grand scheme of things. And whilst we're all fighting our food demons, I don't think you can ever completely undo a lifetime of emotional eatings. The best you can hope for is knowing what's happening when the willpower goes on holiday and having the awareness to pull it back.

    New week, new start

    xx

     
  10. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    Big hugs hope you feel better about this soon and put it behind you and continue with the rest of your amazing journey xxxx
     
  11. Fray

    Fray Full Member

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    This post is just downright AWESOME.

    CP - I can't really add anything to this but I think we put so much pressure on ourselves. You have done an amazing job and you have recognised a blip. You're doing the right thing by acknowledging it and drawing the line under it.
     
  12. MancBird

    MancBird Always comes back to MMs!

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    CP, Lonestitcher is spot on... you are only human!!! We all are... you are an inspiration to me and a lot of others on here... and by admitting you had a moment like this, and putting it out there, just makes me admire you more!!

    I KNOW you will be back on track by the time you read this, and I have total faith in you that you WILL reach that target.

    And guess what? WHEN you do, if its hard to maintain, and you don't miraculously feel like your life is perfect as soon as the scales say those magic numbers (who does?!?!?!), then you know what to do... come here and talk to us!

    Chin up mate, its done now, and next week will be better, I know it. You more than anyone have taught me that xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  13. prawnchopSuey

    prawnchopSuey Gold Member

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    You are such an inspiration to so many of us on here!!
    One binge cannot in any way detract from the months and months of hard work that have led you to target :)
    ...and to being the face of SW ;)
    I think the fact that your denial lasted such a short time and that you realised what you were doing, took back control the next day and admitted it, all show that you have developed positive habits and are well on your way to living like a healthy person.
    I don't know what your behaviour was like pre-SW, but I know that secrecy and denial about what I eat has been a problem for me and exacerbated the bingeing cycle. And you definitely have much more self-awareness than this :) :)
     
  14. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    Lonestitcher - brilliant post! :D

    CP - aww mate, you've done so well and you KNOW you have what it takes to sort this little episode, right? Look at it this way, each time something like this happens it's an opportunity to observe your behaviour, what triggered it, what foods you went for, how they made you feel, etc etc .... this is how we learn to manage our eating long term. This is how we learn what makes Ms. Pacman tick, and how to stop her in her tracks!
     
  15. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    Thanks, mate. If it is any consolation I feel a million times better for WI and declaring my crap to the world. That is why I weighed in early- it was just so tempting not to, but who knows where that would have lead?

    Hope it all goes well at WI for you- you are right about our food demons. I guess it is easy to believe that losing weight will make us all so happy, yet it is kind of a bummer sometimes to realise that our heads are always ALWAYS going to be a bit messed up around food.

    I have lost my 7.5 award but am keeping it on my signature as this is just a temporary blip xxxx
     
  16. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    CP, you know you are wonderful, you have lost over 100lbs girl - that is amazing.
    We all fall off the wagon, I know some people say their eating habits change and they can't eat the things they used to and they don't like excessive quantities any longer etc etc - not I.

    I can still binge like I used to. This weekend seems to have been bad for a lot of us, I have had way too much cheese, bread and chocolate and, like you, I couldn't stop. I ate so many cheese thin crackers (only one syn each you know!!) I felt ill with all the salt but that didn't stop me going back for more.

    I am not looking forward to WI tomorrow, but I will go. I too will face the music.

    You are only human, what you have done is incredible so far, it takes a long time to change the habits of a long time (if that makes sense) and sometimes we have to take a small step back to make the last big leap forward.

    Lonestitcher - fabulous post. Wise words. xx
     
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  17. Devon Dolce

    Devon Dolce 1lb at a time!

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    CP you are truly fantastic and an inspiration - we love you!

    Lonestitcher that is one of the best replies I have ever read xxx
     
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  19. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    God- I can't believe how great you guys are! Every post on here has taught me something different.

    I never set out to be some poster girl for dieting, I just wanted to lose weight. I love the fact that my journey can inspire others but I also sometimes feel a massive responsibility to keep it all together as I will be letting people down. I guess it all came crashing down- lol

    elisabeth- I will learn from this
    prawnchopsuey- You are right about the comparison to my old behaviour- maybe subconciously that is why I wanted to make this declaration, as the 'old' me would have kept it a secret and pretended to the world it hadn't happened
    Mancbird- I love you

    Thanks again guys- tears are dry, quorn cottage pie eaten (the nearest thing I could get to quick, low syn comfort food) and plans made for a week of working away from home but still sticking to plan

    You are all amazing

    xxxx
     
  20. jojothejo

    jojothejo Full Member

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    I'm keeping my 6 stone too even if i go over. I earnt that award, like you did yours and if nothing else, it'll inspire me to work harder :D

    Losing a big amount of weight is a proper head trip. The person you are doesnt change, but peoples reactions to you do. I still havent got my head around it to be honest. And hey, everybodys got their issues. It's just knowing what your triggers are and dealing with them I suppose.

    And like many people have said, you're like my diet idol, and although that must be quite a lot of pressure on you, it's also quite comforting to know you're only human too. We all get crappy days and we're all here to support each other.

    This calls for some kind of american style group hug...

     
  21. Alia

    Alia Silver Member

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    Hunney the same thing happened to me yesterday. It started with a malted milk biscuit. I was totally on track and feeling good and I went to the front door for something and the baby's changing bag was on the side and there was half a packet of malted milk biscuits poking out at me - took one and as reliable as I am I went back for more and carried on going back till the packet was empty and invevitably it carried on with other things through the day.

    Today is a new day, I'm still having a day where I want to pick but till now I've only managed to pick on things I'm allowed and I hope I can hold out for the rest of the day.

    Chin up hunney, I can't say any more than the great things that have already been said but don't beat yourself up, we all do it and we are all battlers and its a fresh day in the morning.

    You are a true inspiration to me, I know you'll get right back on track xxx
     
  22. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    I think that's your 'perfectionist' side coming out there hon, the part of you that you've already observed in other areas of your life - keeping it all together, getting it all done, not letting anyone down.

    Ms. Perfectionist is a relative of Ms. Pacman's, I believe. ;)

    Also, don't forget that a large part of the reason you're so loved and respected here is that you talk such good sense to people when they're struggling. It's not all about your weight loss, it's about the wisdom you've gained from achieving it.
     
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