It's getting me down :(

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by SexyBecks1, 6 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. SexyBecks1

    SexyBecks1 is loving CWP xx

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    Well, it's not really the diet as such but it's my OH. I know he loves me, fat or thin, but me doing this diet is really starting to get to him now as he didn't think it would be going on for this long.

    We do still do stuff like go for drinks etc but there are other things that we don't do anymore. We don't eat at the same time anymore. I'm always so busy with work, LL , the gym and sorting out clothes etc, we don't tend to have time to sit down together.

    Also, it does feel a bit me, me, me at the moment with everything we do or I do, is centred around my weight loss and LL.

    Then when we are together I must admit I do talk a lot about LL, loosing weight, clothes a lot. and when I talk to my mum on the phone (as she is doing LL as well) all we talk about it LL, weight and clothes. Then there is the Summer Ball which I have managed to convince him to come to (maybe changing my mind now!!) and obviously this is LL orientated.

    And then there’s money. Not only am I paying for myself but I am lending my mum money each week for her to be able to do it as well and because of this I cannot afford to save any money. Usually, the money I save pays for a foreign holiday and the money my OH saves goes on the house. So because his money is still going on the house we are completely forgoing a holiday this year.

    So all this is making him really unhappy because me being on this diet means that he has nothing to look forward to. I must admit I do see where he is coming from to a degree but I know I have to do it.

    I was really upset last night and when I was on my way to my mum’s, I got a Mcdonalds. I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t even enjoy it.

    I know that I am going to complete this as I feel I have no choice as I don't want to fail and give up and go back to where I was. But knowing that Iain is so unhappy is just making it so much harder to stick to.

    Please help??!!

    Sorry for the really long post x
     
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  3. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    :hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99:Loads of hugs Becks.

    I know exactly how you feel as we have very similar profiles from starting weight and weeks on LL etc. My OH has been brilliant and like yours, I know he loved me as much when fat as he does now.

    Not sure if you want advice or just somebody to listen so apologies if I offend. You are so nearly there!

    Have you considered setting some timeframes? For instance:
    You want to lose another x stone.
    Average loss per week to date has been y lbs.
    So you expect to start RTM in z no of weeks.

    This will give your OH something to hold onto and yourself a target date to keep you focused on full abstinence and counting down the weeks.

    A few weeks into RTM and you should be able to go out for a meal with him. Something to look forward to.

    In the meantime can you make time for him once a week - a 'date' night? Do you share an interest in an activity that you could both plan to do, or even a new one to try? What about a bowling night. You can go out and enjoy each others company without having to eat. Walking is a free option. Can you have your soup/bar at the table when he is eating his meal? I try and eat one of my packs during the kids meal each night to keep the family time.

    I hope you can work through the issues and both of you become happier and stronger and healthier as a couple.

    xx
     
  4. SexyBecks1

    SexyBecks1 is loving CWP xx

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    Thanks for taking time to reply TI. I think I would like a bit of both somewhere to vent my frustration and also some advice is greatley appreciated.

    It's a good idea about setting a timescale for completion. I was hoping to start RTM at the beginning of August but because I have not stuck to it 100% and had some low losses, it has been put back by about another month. I want to loose about another 2 stone so I am thinking another 2 month.

    We do try and do things together but sometimes we just don't have time. We went out for a few drinks yesterday but him having a few beers inside him gave him the courage to tell me that he's not happy!!!! So although we had a good afternoon, it turned into a bad night.

    I do try and have my packs when he is eating but because he gets in from work a lot earlier than me he tends to have his tea when he gets in from work.

    I think it just makes it hard for him because I have my weigh in to look forward to each week where as he doesn't have anything as such.

    Once I am on RTM things will be fine. I suppose I have to use the fact that my OH is unhappy and use that as my motivation to stay 100% to get the rest of the weight off.
     
  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Sorry its hard right now Becks. :(

    I was very fortunate, I had OH support 110% of the way. I know I was lucky, and am grateful for it. The diet DOES become rather me-me-me, and I don;t think thats a bad thing. We have FINALLY discovered a diet where for the first time we feel it in our bones, that we CAN get to THIS goal, no matter how far. And that feeling was pretty empowering for me - and I decided right then and there, nothing would come between me and my diet. It HAD to be the priority, for however long it took. And it was, and hubby supported it. That made it far more easy then what it must be like for you. I am sure it felt horrible to hear it is making him unhappy.

    But saying that - this is a once-in-a-lifetime sacrifice, and something to bring you HAPPINESS, and HEALTH. What you have probably been longing for? I know I had been. FOr yearrrrrrrrrrrrs.

    That is one reason 100% behaviour, I feel is critical. Just get into it, get on with it, get through with it, and be DONE with it. If you stay 100%, reallly stick to it you will get that stone or more off in a matter of weeks. And then it will become easier for you and hubby.

    I hope you find a happy medium. This will be behind you soon, if you play by the rules, etc., it will be over. ANd your life will resume, and will be so much better then it was before.

    Whatever happens, you know we're all here for you.

    But I hope you can continue, and find the fire inside to just blast through it and claim your much deserved reward. :)

    xx
     
  6. lucylastic

    lucylastic Silver Member

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    Sorry to hear that Becks, and I can't really offer any advice, as I am in the same position - although to be fair my OH hasn't said he's unhappy, however he did make a jokey comment tonight about my weight being all we talk about now - so I know I need to be careful.

    I think becoming totally obsessed with LL and our weight loss is entirely natural, it's life-changing and dramatic, and I KNOW it's on my mind almost (if not entirely) 100% of the time.

    I hope you work through this, and don't let it interfere with your goal - you have done so well, are so inspirational, and always so motivational to others on here.

    Sorry I can't help - but thinking good thoughts for you :)
     
  7. sukie sue

    sukie sue this is My time to shine!

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    hey beks ,
    im sorry ycoure having difficulties, i know its a hard time , but as some of the other girls have said this is a once in a lifetime thing , or should be. but you must be 100% commited from here on in , i mean if he sees youre lapsing how is he supposed to really know how serious you are . im sorry if it sounds harsh , i genuinely dont meen to be but if you are to have the talk with him , which you obviously need to , then you need to prove that you are totally commited from here on in , no lapses no messing just focus all the way. make him a deal , state that you will do everything humanly possible to get onto rtm by x stones/whatever date , and you need him to be behind you 100% . ask him what you can do for him to make it easier for him to support you, maybe hes just looking for something a little extra from you , perhaps a set 'date night' or a lovely bath and massage together :eek: sounds silly maybe but if he has something to look forward to each week/ fortnight too then theres an incentive for him too. youll be surprised how just seeing you wanting to focus a little time/ energy on him and his needs will make a difference to his feelings about everything , after all , male or female we are all humans who need to feel 'seen' and valued at times and by giving to him , he will hopefully have more available to give to you in support. ll is a very selfish programme and as bl so rightly said it is needed for us , but if hes feeling rejected and out of the loop so to speak it will make it harder for him .... hope this makes some sense and if all else fails tell him to get over it !!!!:D(sorry just kidding xxx)
     
  8. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    becks
    i could have written your first 4 paragraphs word for word a few weeks ago ( i think i actually might have done somewhere!)

    i know exactly how you are feeling!!!!

    i'm now on week 5 RTM and it is getting better, so much better! its my husbands birthday on sat and we are going out for a meal fri night which will be lovely.

    he has felt very left out for the last 6 months and i have been very self centered - but things are getting better, and they will with you too hun, just stick it out its worth it
    daisy x
     
  9. SexyBecks1

    SexyBecks1 is loving CWP xx

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    Thank you so much for all your comments. My OH is really supportive and is behind me loosing this weight once and for all but it has just taken a lot of sacrifices by us for me to do this and I think he has had enough of making them.

    The thing is at the moment is that he doesn't go out with his friends that often so feels left out when I am constantly busy with LL, gym, my mum friends. I do understand how he feels.

    Sukie Sue, you are so right. We really do need to have some us time, intimate time as that is another thing that is not 100% with us as well.

    We have had a chat today and he apologised for making me feel bad (as he saw that I was upset). I tried to reassure him that there really isn't much longer to go and that I HAVE to do this all the way to make sure that it stays off forever. As BL said, once it's done, it's done.

    So time to think of planning a romantic night in on saturday I think (lucky we don't have kids, well not yet anyway!!)

    Thank you again for all your comments they have really helped me figure things out x x
     
    sukie sue likes this.
  10. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Glad things look more positve today SB.

    BTW - LOVE the new Avataar!!! :)

    xx
     
  11. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Well done Becks. Do make sure you stay 100% and you will be at goal in your two months. That's only 8 weeks. Take it a week at a time and then its ONLY 7 weeks, or 6 weeks etc. It will fly by and you'll have the new body you've worked for. xx
     
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