Just Do It's Route to Management

[Just Do It]

I went to my first management class last night and really enjoyed it. There is only one other person doing it and we are both at the same stage so we could ask our LLC loads of questions.

I asked her if me having semi-skimmed instead of skimmed milk was crooked thinking or me re-negotiating my boundaries.

I was very pleased that she was strict enough to say it isn't on the list and to try UHT skimmed milk as it tastes better than the fresh. I didn't want a wishy washy leader and I appreciate her being strict. She also asked us to start week 3 so we are in synch, so I've missed a couple of days of week 2.

The result is that today I have tried the UHT skimmed - it was great, I'll find that easy to stick to.
I can now have fruit but have dropped to 2 packs a day.

Well, I have found it quite a tricky day. The fruit doesn't fill me up as much as I would have thought, I have eaten quite a lot of it, mostly grapes, and quite a lot as snacks, something I didn't want to do. As I was out I had my protein meal at about 4.30 and I think that knocked me out of balance, it works better for me having it as a lunch, it keeps me fuller then.

I also managed to get to Sainsburys and bought some fat free fromage frais. That is too gorgeous with the grapes. I was very glad I resisted the desire to go and have another bowlful of it. I was definitely not hungry but just fancied the taste. Fortunately I had saved a cranberry bar for tonight so that helped me to fight the urge.

But I have easily stuck to the lists, my calorie intake is only about 1000 and I lost another 1.5lbs last night so I am not worried, I am just going to learn that I should have more protein and veg and less fruit.

Actually, that is exactly what I realised last week as well, I may have to take a large packed lunch with me in future to satisfy me in the middle of the day. My long term success is definitely going to be dependent on careful planning.

I think I can fit in another cup of tea (with skimmed UHT) before bed. Mmmmm.

 

[sun]

fantastic JDI, love reading your thead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Just Do It]

There seems to be huge difference between week 2 and week 3 of management. Fruit appears to have an extremely gaseous effect on me. (Sorry for that detail) I had thought I had totally over indulged but I now know that not to be true.

I had a lovely day out today with my OH. We were going out to look for a new kitchen. For the last 5 years we have been doing up an old farmhouse, and the kitchen has been a bumpy concrete floor and one old cupboard. For the last year it has had no sink and the cooker and everything else has been stuck in the living room so I had given up hope that it would ever change.

But the great part was being able to look forward to wearing a new dress I had bought from H&M - and which is mid thigh length ( I couldn't believe it myself - when I was 18 my younger sister told me I would never have nice legs, they aren't brilliant now but with thick tights I thought I could get away with them)

I felt so free, to be able to go out and for my thoughts NOT to be that I would have enjoyed it so much more if I had lost weight. We had coffee in ILVA - I so enjoyed it, especially knowing the state I was the last time I had been there.

I had half my bar with the coffee and half with another coffee later. I felt in control and even though I looked at my OHs food at luch time my thoughts were focussed on having some fruit and a yogurt when I got back.

I did seem to have a lot at tea time, I filled my plate with salad and had a hard boiled egg and 44g of grilled bacon on top. Even though tomatoes are something I was really looking forward too, I was slightly disappointed with them tonight.

I also seemed to have to get really full with my protein meal. I wasn't uncomfortable. I had a low fat yogurt and nectarine after the salad then a coffee and my other pack. I feld I had to count my calories as I was worried I had had too much. The total was about 1000. But I think I had most of them in the last meal.

Again I need to have my main meal earlier, but I have managed my day OK and now done 2 weeks of managing my weight.

 

[sun]

Hi JDL,
am interested to hear that you didnt feel full after your protein meal, I've almost finished week 2 managing and I felt yesterday I ater far too much albeit what was allowed, for instance the jellies and yoghurts are 'sweet' which when eaten make me feel hungrier.

My main meal yesterday evening was 'surf & turf', I had some chicken flavoured with basil flamed grilled (M&S) with some prawns left over and instead of adding a drssing to the vast amount of salad I had a large spponful of low fat natural cottage cheese, then a yoghurt, I felt looking at it visually it was too much, I was prepared to leave some if I felt full, but I ate it all.

snack lunchtime was just raw veg with a spoonful of cottage cheese as dip and small sugar free jelly.

I did feel guilty about yesterday, but why?!!

 

[chunkychicken]

JDI - you are doing so amazingly well with RtM - particularly because you seem to be really enjoying everything along the way. I am definately guilty of needing a personality transplant at the moment and need to lighten up and enjoy the new me ! A mid-thigh dress??? Wooo hooooo! Go you!

Anyway - got loads of work to do that I should be doing right now - but just wanted to pop on here and tell you how great I think you are doing.

Love Laura

 

[Zomble]

JDI, this is a really interesting thread, even though I am miles away from Management, so please keep it up. I find it very motivating to at least imagine myself there, and mentally practise facing the same issues. I'm sure there are other Foundation/Development lurkers like me. This is the really tough bit, after all, and you're doing brilliantly!

 

[Just Do It]

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Sun - I was also glad that you felt that visually you ate too much, I was comforted to know that it wasn't just me.

I find that I have developed a Golden Rule for myself, it seems to help me a lot. Basically I am making the Management plan work for ME rather than me be a slave to the plan.

First of all I know myself pretty well by now foodwise. I know that sometimes I can get by with lesser amounts of food and other times I need to feel FULL and physically eat more. I also know how I react in different situations, for example, if I am out shopping I know that I need to treat myself to a cafe visit, if I am going to be out all day I will need something fairly satisfying and quick when I get in, on a Saturday if I am at home I will feel like picking all day, especially if the weather is bad and I have loads of paperwork to do.

I also know that it is no good me being a 'good girl' and eating slimmy little meals of cottage cheese and cucumber with the intention of cutting back. It does NOT work for me. I need to have something that I enjoy and that satisfies so I no longer have to think about food after I have had my meal.

So I really plan ahead, I think about my week to come and then I think about every day, bit by bit. I imagine myself in the situation about to eat, and then I think what I can have from the food lists that will fill me up and that I will enjoy. In the cafe whilst shopping situation, I know that a large black Americano with half or a whole bar, will satisfy my need to be in a cafe, my need to feel like I am treating myself, my need for some food, and also now that part of me that enjoys being slim, eg 'I feel like a thin person, just ordering a black coffee' (I know, translate that as feeling smug, and pleased with myself)

For my picky Saturday, I would plan in as many raw veg snacks that I felt I needed, but only choose the veg I really like, such as red peppers and radishes, and make the raita dip, and have a low fat yogurt or two spread throughout the day. Also, the yogurt would have to be one I totally enjoy, and not just a make do cheap natural yogurt with texture like water.

And the coffee I drink at home has to be freshly made and a brand I love (just discovered Bellarom Cafe Espresso from Lidl - can't believe how fantastic it is, and cheap!)

I am not going to be making myself try fish pie or liver because I know that won't work. I am open to tasting some new items, just not planning them in as a meal, tasting them as they crop up on the lists.

That is why I am enjoying the plan, and feeling satisfied by it. I won't mention my underlying sense of fear about the carbs to come because I am determined to take each day I succeed as a positive affirmation that I am going to stay in control, no matter what is on the list.

And I plan all of this stuff while I am lying in bed trying to get to sleep, or wake up early and go over it in my mind. Then I try to get it quickly onto paper into a rough plan.

Must say I'm looking forward to my lunch already

 

[sun]

JDI, Brilliant read and so informative for me, thanks so much hun xxxxxxxxx

 

[Mrs Lard]

Well done, Claire. Still inspiring!

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxx

 

[Just Do It]

Thanks again everyone.

I have decided to take a firm hand with myself today - Week 3 Day 4. I have a feeling that I may be getting carried away with the fruit.

I think that going on to 2 packs a day with one protein meal has knocked my routine a bit. I was managing well with the 4 eating slots a day, and now I have a void around 4 o'clock where I would have had a pack. Instead I have had veg and a dip and then fruit and a yogurt. But it feels a bit lacking (I'm thinking this would normally have been a carb time for me in the past).

I feel full after the fruit, but not totally satisfied and so not long after I have had more fruit, last night I ate my sons peach after I had eaten mine and realised I was prepared to lie to him and say it wasn't ripe to cover up the fact that I had eaten it.

Big alarm bells started to ring as the night wore on, I drank cup after cup of tea, coffee and water and felt bloated when I went to bed from all the liquid. I could hear the fruit and veg gurgling away in my stomach too.

I wrote it all down, and was well within my limits. BUT I didn't like the signs I recognised of picking up a piece of fruit and eating it, just for the sake of it, rather than to address hunger.

This morning I called at the post office and bought 2 more peaches and 2 oranges. As I drove home I was thinking I could have them with my breakfast. My rational mind must have become more dominant because I immediately thought that I have been quite happy to have a bar for breakfast for the last 6/7 months and been satisfied so I was just looking for a reason to scoff the fruit.

I spoke out load to myself and said I would wait to eat the fruit, even though the other part of my mind was saying - but theres only 30 calories in the peach, thats nothing. I recognised that this could easily lead into the 'But one won't hurt' way of thinking, so the fruit is still in its bag, to be eaten as a meal, later.

I have decided to control my eating today, not to let the old habits creep back in. I will not pick up any piece of food and eat it thoughtlessly, if it isn't on a plate as part of a meal, I won't have it. And I am going to limit my teas and coffees to a more reasonable number. Just debating the amount with myself at the moment as I know I have to face doing the accounts and paper work, which in the past, was a huge eating trigger for me.

If I have to have a few extra coffees to get them done then that is way better than depending on snacks.

I look forward to posting a successful Fruit Control Day later.


Claire

 

[Zomble]

Yes, this is so true! That's been the only time I almost fell off the LL wagon - walking past the fruit bowl and wanting to pick up a piece of fruit and eat it, completely without thinking. Nothing to do with hunger at all. You're dealing with this so wisely, though. Keep it up! I'm learning from you in advance. Thanks!

 

[Just Do It]

Hi Zomble,
Hope you are OK today. I'm pleased to say I have got through my morning without eating the peaches, and I've just had it with my lunch so I am pleased with myself.
I must say that I have had more water as well today, and just like during abstinence, it really has helped.

 

[chunkychicken]

Hi JDI

Just checking in to say hello and see how you are doing. We are around the same point of RtM at the moment (you are a few days ahead of me though). I also had a similar problem with fruit (as i always have). Too many WW stints has taught me that it is a "free food" and like you said, I just eat because I can - not because I necessarily want it.

I also understand about the 4pm void. I haven't really found a satisfactory way around this yet - but I have found on the days that I actually sit down to have my veg/dip etc at a table with a cup of tea like I always did with my pack before week 3 - I feel more satisfied and can get through easier to teatime. Its all in the head for me - if I feel like I have allowed myself my "food slot" at the allocated time - then it doesn't really matter what I actually eat as much.

Weekends are becoming a bit of a buggar at the moment - and I see a pattern forming. Saturday I got out with my mum in the morning (it is our time together) and I always take a bar to have with a coffee out somewhere. We are always out until lunchtime. Once I am home, I seem to be ok until teatime and then from teatime sat until bedtime Sun - I seem to do nothing but think about food and graze. When I say graze... it is all healthy stuff and only marginally more calories than in the week.. but - it breaks the nice pattern I have during the week of pack first thing, piece of fruit mid morning, pack for lunch, snack of some sort at 4pm and meal at 7pm. So I am going to have to address this soon - I am hoping that as soon as I can add soup to the menu week after next - that this will help.

Anyway - hijacked your thread a bit there - just wanted to say I hope you are doing well and speak to you soon

Take care
Laura

 

[Just Do It]

Hi there,
Laura, thanks for that, I feel the same about Saturdays, you just get into the swing of weeks and then wham!

I went out shopping on Saturday, a mammoth 10 hour trip to get the kids their winter coats. I decided to have three packs. 3 bars actually, I couldn't find anything in the handbook to say we had to stick to just one, I reckoned we are out of ketosis anyway, and we are allowed to chew other stuff. Anyway, it worked really well for me, I think I will probable use bars in the future, even when I've finished management.

I must say I panic a bit when I feel full, I have had about 3 fruit snacks tonight, but when I add it all up, it astonishes me to see how few calories it adds up to. I'm looking forward to the soup too. I think a warm meal will really help, especially with this weather.

So far, I've had a salad every day and today I felt the first stirrings of wanting to vary it a bit. I'm looking forward to some bacon, egg and cooked mushrooms and tomatoes in the not too distant future. And the second protein meal must help a lot.

I've just seen your ticker!!! Wow. Nearly at the magic 100!! Well done

Claire

 

[Tiger Girl]

Just popping in JDI to say I'm reading avidly but haven't been posting here as I was struggling so much. Now that I'm back on track I have no fear of posts about food!! I even got through watching Nigella make cookies tonight with over a kilo of chocolate - how that woman is not the size of a house is beyond me...anyway...I just wanted to say how inspiring it is to see a fantastic transition into management.
You know you are our Patron Saint of Development over on the highs and lows thread, so it's great to see you're following the same diligent path in management. Good for you

 

[Just Do It]

Thanks TG, that made me laugh.

I am so glad that you are back among us again! And I am glad that I am finding management so fantastic. I am absolutely loving it. I am so enjoying the fruit and veg I can't believe it.

In the past I have always given them a miss, I think the bit in the Handbook about enjoying them more raw must hold a great deal of truth for me. I was also quite lazy in the past, I would just grab anything convenient and shove it down. Now I am balancing my blood sugar - well I assume thats what I am doing - I can manage to wait to prepare something for myself that I will actually enjoy.

I find that even though I sit down with the family when they eat, I can just have a coffee or a water, and I am quite happy, and even look forward to having my own special stuff a bit later when I am ready.

And you are so right on Nigella. I don't get much of a chance to watch any cookery on TV, but I once caught a couple of her programs and I was flabberghasted by her capacity for indulgence! Are there any healthy chefs around at the moment? I never know when I might actually manage to get hold of the remote control, (let alone learn how to use it) but just in case it would be nice to know if anything was on I could bribe them all to watch.

Best wishes
Claire

 

[Mrs Lard]

Well done, Claire.

How many days is it now? Are you still consciously chalking each and every day as a success?

Mentally, I am getting there. Slowly. This is a great read (Laura - hope you are ok, too) and will be invaluable to people coming behind us.

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxxx

 

[Just Do It]

Hi there,

Well it is 21 days of managing my weight. I do see each day as a success, but I am having some bizarre thoughts thrown in amongst them which I am weeding out.

One of them is a strange thought about falling off my pedastal. I have been almost too good throughout the entire process. I don't want to fail of course, it is more like I want to test my strength. I think I am building myself up for the reintroduction of the dreaded carbs and my trigger foods. I almost want to get it out of the way now so I can see how I deal with it.

I am still keeping myself going by a combination of black coffee and vanity. I had a big coffee do in ILVA yesterday, just before buying the kitchen from IKEA. (Getting excited about having a kitchen at last!!) And before I made my lunch choices I look in the mirror, especially at my hitherto un-leg-like legs and remind myself how far I have come.

Reading all the threads and stuff has brought me to the conclusion that I am dealing with this in a different way to a lot of other people. It is as if I have separated the head stuff from the basic functionality of eating.

I am dealing with myself on a very low level. If I can use your example Mrs L from the High and Low thread and your battle with the 2lbs to get to the 5 stone total. I had a similar thought about the 6 stone mark and even though I didn't really need to lose 6 stones I thought how nice and round it would be to say I had lost 6 stones. Now, in the past that would have led me to chew over it, stress out, self sabotage etc. But I just left it as a thought. Dismissed it and dealt with making my choices from a different part of my brain. It didn't become an issue. I purely saw grapes, apples, veg and protein in the form of tuna and hard boiled egg white. (oh and the LL bars too) The head stuff was totally absent.

It is as if I have disengaged from part of my brain. And thinking it over I can only come to the conclusion that I have been able to do this because of a huge change in my self-esteem, and the dramatic and rapid loss which seems to have propelled me into orbit, leaving the pull of mental torture behind like a rocket breaking free from gravity. Is it because I didn't have much counselling at all during foundation? Will it loom up in the future?

At the minute I am just going to focus on eating food, from the list, that I enjoy.

 

[Mrs Lard]

Dear Claire

I know I am "always with the questions", as my old boss liked to say, so I won't change the habit of a lifetime.

You said:

And thinking it over I can only come to the conclusion that I have been able to do this because of a huge change in my self-esteem

Do you mind me asking what do you think changed your self-esteeem? Was it the rapid weight loss or was it the fact that you had mastered the diet?

I think self-esteem is absolutely fundamental and a cornerstone of successful weight loss and weight holding. Just when I think mine is getting better (self esteem), old behaviours come rushing out of the closet and I don't feel I've made progress.

Don't worry about falling off a pedestal; maybe, just maybe, you really have done it this time and not only that, you are able to share what's working for you with those of us who aren't quite 'there' yet. Maybe you really are in the right place at the right time. And lucky us for being able to have access to someone who's doing it by the book; we can model you! And we are very fortunate in that respect.

Funnily enough, I still think of you drinking black coffee and enjoying a bar and, yesterday, I started drinking black coffee (and thought of you!). Who knows whether it was a subliminal thing or not but there was something in the way that you described those moments (with the bar and coffee) that made me rethink. And then Sarah's/Cerulean's comments about being hungrier = enjoying food more.

Anyway, I digress.

Thank you for still posting! 21 days?! Fantastic!

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxxx

 

[Just Do It]

LOL Mrs L,

Can I ask you a question first, how do I quote part of a post?? Can't work that one out.

The answer to your question requires some deep thought. Firstly I had huge minus quantities of self esteem. Out of the counselling I did receive I know that the strokes session left me in no doubt that I encouraged, absorbed and retained negative strokes. I heaped them upon myself too.

I also know that secret eating was a huge problem for me. I would buy shed loads of my favourite stuff and consume in hidden and revolting places and in a revolting manner. I arrived at my first LL session with pizza dribbling down me and splashed all down my t-shirt as I had eaten a whole one, almost too hot to handle in the car on the way there.
I have requested that my new LLC does a whole session on secret eating because we didn't do that chapter at all.

However, thinking about it I managed to convert my secret sessions into secret coffee and reading the paper sessions. Delicious switch off sessions I would enjoy, but feel guilty about too. I treated myself to them and they would coincide with driving to LL, staying over at my sisters and then going in to work the next day. I would take off some time on the way home to "do the shopping" and grab the extra 30 mins in the cafe.
I view this as giving myself some positive strokes because I allowed myself to do it. As the weight came off I moved into giving myself positive strokes for my improvement in appearance and would treat myself to another coffee and then I progressed to some new socks.

I remember mentally rejecting any negative thoughts and negative strokes from others, very forcibly and even audibly at times. I would tell myself I am NOT an 'x, y , z failure or whatever' and I would say I have lost x lbs and CAN DO IT. I would repeat this in my mind or out loud until my mind stopped thinking the negative. At the same time I would imagine myself every morning for the next month or so going on the scales and seeing the weight go down. I would progress downwards in my mind until I had lost track of where I was up to and then start the same thought process again.

I repeated this thought process a lot. Several times an hour if necessary. In fact repetition of positive thoughts has played a big part now I am looking back. Forcing out the negative and repeating the positive. It left no room in my head for thinking about cheating, lapsing or self-counselling. I have completely over indulged in self counselling in the past, the whys and the hows etc and it hasn't helped me, only tied my brain in a knot.

I have mostly kept a clean mind other than this repetetive thinking and that has allowed my self-esteem to improve. It was very boring in my brain over the summer!!

I don't know if I have explained myself well!

Ooops, too much typing, got to go and pick the kids up now.

Best wishes
Claire