danish_kacey
Full Member
Day 8 - Why am I starting on Day 8? Well, I had to make it over a big hurdle - a week - to convince myself that I could actually follow this WOE. Now I'm on Week 2 and I can see that I CAN follow this WOE and that it is going to help me address a lot of issues.
I want to use this diary to record my thoughts, my rants, my irrationalities, my screw ups, and my successes. I want to be able to look back and see what works, what doesn't, and what causes me to stay on track - or get derailed. Primarily, I think that since I'm giving up 'food' (so to speak) that I'm going to be learning a lot about myself, my relationship to food, the way I use food as a crutch, and how to stop doing that in the future.
My history - I have been overweight all my life. I have been, as a child and teen, very sporty but also overweight. This continued until I was 108 kilos. I grew up in the US but now live in Denmark, the last 12 years. Moving to Denmark did not help. In fact, I gained weight. The Danes drink a lot and this really added to my problems and my weight issues. I hated wine when I came here - now I have a hard time staying away from it! Too hard of a time. I'm adding that to my 'problem' list and I am going to sort it out while I sort out my eating 'problem'.
In 2004, I had a baby (at age 38). All the time I was pregnant and after having him, I was in a fog. Daily, the fog kept getting worse and worse. I couldn't get up. I couldn't remember what I was talking about to people. I thought I was getting some kind of brain cancer. A doctor FINALLY - after I went on Weight Watchers for 12 weeks and exercised 2 hours a day and GAINED 2 pounds - decided they should test my thyroid. Hallelujah! It didn't work. THAT must be my problem all these years - or so I thought. Started my thyroid meds. Felt loads better. Lost NO WEIGHT. Eating 1,200 calories a day - low fat - GAINING weight still. Hmmmm. I gave up! Might as well eat.
In 2006 - 2007, over 6 months, I finally lost 23 kilos following Atkins. I loved this 'diet'. I enjoyed the food, the cooking, the people, all the veggies, the 'no processed food', the energy, etc. I worked out a HUGE amount as well. Pilates, weights, yoga, walking, race walking, bicycling, swimming, you name it - I did it! So I lost the weight - ate really well - AND was super fit. I needed to lose another 15 kilo but I was doing well. THEN........
July, 2007 my son, who has Ataxia (and more since then) and other 'unable to diagnose' problems, fell into a fire on the beach and got 3rd degree burns on his hands. He had to have a skin transplant and well, it was a horrific time. We 'lived' in the burn unit in an isolation room. No going out. No one coming in. They brought the super high calorie food in 6 times a day to make sure that he had energy to start healing. We were 'fed' at the same time. There was nothing to do but eat... Since we took turns being at the hospital and he could never be left alone, we couldn't even go down (or out) for any food at all. The hospital food was fine - just extra calorie fortified. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end of the great weight loss.
Three diagnosis and no conclusions later, our son is recovering from his burn. Walks, still with assistance, as if he is drunk. He has hearing aids now. He has been given a diagnosis of Retinitis Pigmentosa (nothing any parent wants to hear). And still no conclusive diagnosis.
In Spring 2008, I left the company I founded to my partner. We had a few (read MANY) disagreements about how to run the company. Basically, my 'baby' was given to the 'father' in this divorce - and I ended up with nothing (nearly). That was painful. But I was distracted with my son's problems at the same time.
Summer 2008 - I've gained 15 kilos back of the 23 kilos I lost. I knew with every bite I took (and every drink too) I was gaining it back. I just couldn't stop myself. I'm not a binge eater. I'm not an overeater. But I need to eat small amounts, not drink alcohol, and exercise to maintain or lose. That was not happening. I was using cooking, and planning 'good' meals for my family as an excuse to just eat yummy, wonderful comfort food and drink way too many glasses of wine.
A knee injury in August 2007 seriously side lined my exercising. Then when I was just getting back on track, a back injury has taken me nearly out of the ball game. (4 weeks ago)
Now... a few weeks ago a myriad of events caused me to 'wake' up. I won't go into those now as I'm sure to be examining them myself over the next weeks. Anyway - I just, actually very carelessly, went and got the 'powder' to start drinking 'shakes' until I could get up the energy to do something else. I can't exercise because of my back and knee so I needed something low, low calorie. I also needed to deal with what is getting and keeping me overweight.
I WANT to be thin. I WANT to be sexy. I WANT to be healthy and stylish and cute and perky and a woman that people say "WOW, how do you keep yourself so well?". All the while I WANT that - I'm sabotaging myself. But WHY? Well, that's the purpose of this diary. If you've read this far - thank you for bearing with me. I think its going to be a soul baring time over the next weeks/ months. I also think that not having any food choices (so to speak) is going to really give me some things to think about - things I avoided thinking about by preparing lovely, gourmet style meals (lots of thought, shopping, prepping, cooking, and cleaning goes into those). It might get ugly... but underneath that ugliness I think there is a healthy, sexy woman just DYING to get out! Let's find out!
I want to use this diary to record my thoughts, my rants, my irrationalities, my screw ups, and my successes. I want to be able to look back and see what works, what doesn't, and what causes me to stay on track - or get derailed. Primarily, I think that since I'm giving up 'food' (so to speak) that I'm going to be learning a lot about myself, my relationship to food, the way I use food as a crutch, and how to stop doing that in the future.
My history - I have been overweight all my life. I have been, as a child and teen, very sporty but also overweight. This continued until I was 108 kilos. I grew up in the US but now live in Denmark, the last 12 years. Moving to Denmark did not help. In fact, I gained weight. The Danes drink a lot and this really added to my problems and my weight issues. I hated wine when I came here - now I have a hard time staying away from it! Too hard of a time. I'm adding that to my 'problem' list and I am going to sort it out while I sort out my eating 'problem'.
In 2004, I had a baby (at age 38). All the time I was pregnant and after having him, I was in a fog. Daily, the fog kept getting worse and worse. I couldn't get up. I couldn't remember what I was talking about to people. I thought I was getting some kind of brain cancer. A doctor FINALLY - after I went on Weight Watchers for 12 weeks and exercised 2 hours a day and GAINED 2 pounds - decided they should test my thyroid. Hallelujah! It didn't work. THAT must be my problem all these years - or so I thought. Started my thyroid meds. Felt loads better. Lost NO WEIGHT. Eating 1,200 calories a day - low fat - GAINING weight still. Hmmmm. I gave up! Might as well eat.
In 2006 - 2007, over 6 months, I finally lost 23 kilos following Atkins. I loved this 'diet'. I enjoyed the food, the cooking, the people, all the veggies, the 'no processed food', the energy, etc. I worked out a HUGE amount as well. Pilates, weights, yoga, walking, race walking, bicycling, swimming, you name it - I did it! So I lost the weight - ate really well - AND was super fit. I needed to lose another 15 kilo but I was doing well. THEN........
July, 2007 my son, who has Ataxia (and more since then) and other 'unable to diagnose' problems, fell into a fire on the beach and got 3rd degree burns on his hands. He had to have a skin transplant and well, it was a horrific time. We 'lived' in the burn unit in an isolation room. No going out. No one coming in. They brought the super high calorie food in 6 times a day to make sure that he had energy to start healing. We were 'fed' at the same time. There was nothing to do but eat... Since we took turns being at the hospital and he could never be left alone, we couldn't even go down (or out) for any food at all. The hospital food was fine - just extra calorie fortified. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end of the great weight loss.
Three diagnosis and no conclusions later, our son is recovering from his burn. Walks, still with assistance, as if he is drunk. He has hearing aids now. He has been given a diagnosis of Retinitis Pigmentosa (nothing any parent wants to hear). And still no conclusive diagnosis.
In Spring 2008, I left the company I founded to my partner. We had a few (read MANY) disagreements about how to run the company. Basically, my 'baby' was given to the 'father' in this divorce - and I ended up with nothing (nearly). That was painful. But I was distracted with my son's problems at the same time.
Summer 2008 - I've gained 15 kilos back of the 23 kilos I lost. I knew with every bite I took (and every drink too) I was gaining it back. I just couldn't stop myself. I'm not a binge eater. I'm not an overeater. But I need to eat small amounts, not drink alcohol, and exercise to maintain or lose. That was not happening. I was using cooking, and planning 'good' meals for my family as an excuse to just eat yummy, wonderful comfort food and drink way too many glasses of wine.
A knee injury in August 2007 seriously side lined my exercising. Then when I was just getting back on track, a back injury has taken me nearly out of the ball game. (4 weeks ago)
Now... a few weeks ago a myriad of events caused me to 'wake' up. I won't go into those now as I'm sure to be examining them myself over the next weeks. Anyway - I just, actually very carelessly, went and got the 'powder' to start drinking 'shakes' until I could get up the energy to do something else. I can't exercise because of my back and knee so I needed something low, low calorie. I also needed to deal with what is getting and keeping me overweight.
I WANT to be thin. I WANT to be sexy. I WANT to be healthy and stylish and cute and perky and a woman that people say "WOW, how do you keep yourself so well?". All the while I WANT that - I'm sabotaging myself. But WHY? Well, that's the purpose of this diary. If you've read this far - thank you for bearing with me. I think its going to be a soul baring time over the next weeks/ months. I also think that not having any food choices (so to speak) is going to really give me some things to think about - things I avoided thinking about by preparing lovely, gourmet style meals (lots of thought, shopping, prepping, cooking, and cleaning goes into those). It might get ugly... but underneath that ugliness I think there is a healthy, sexy woman just DYING to get out! Let's find out!
