Katie's goal to not fight with food every day!

[Kf12g10]

Ok well having read everybody's diaries I am inspired to start my own - mainly because today I'm really struggling and I desperately want to get back on track.

I have 2 and a half stone that I want to lose - I know this is not a huge amount compared to others but my main goal is to stop everyday being a battle with food, to find a weight which my body 'wants' to be at, and to stick to it, knowing that I feel good about myself.

I, as many of you undoubtedly have, have struggled with weight/self esteem issues since forever! Starting when I came home from school at aged 8 to tell my mum I was fat and I no longer wanted to take crisps and chocolate bars to school - I was definitely not fat! Just a normal sized 8 year old girl.

I wished I'd never looked into calories or fat or known what that was before I was 10. But unfortunately I did, and it has led to years of yo yo dieting, going up and down and up and down, one minute being obsessed with sticking to a certain number of calories a day, exercising obsessively and being thoroughly miserable and other times being so obsessed with food itself that I'd just eat and eat and eat for weeks on end, piling on pounds and pretending I didn't care - when again, I was also thoroughly miserable.

I finally have come to the conclusion that I don't want to wake up every morning to a battle of food, to looking in the mirror and feeling guilty and miserable.

I want to enjoy food, I want to be able to have a portion of cheesecake and not feel guilty or it to lead to overeating for days, I want to have that slice of cheesecake when I'm hungry, not when I'm stuffed but feel I 'need' it. I will never need cheesecake again - I will just want it when I'm hungry.

So here goes! My last EVER 'diet'. I want to be normal (ish)

 

[*Shanny*]

Hello and welcome.. 2 half stones is a small amount, good luck x

 

[Kf12g10]

First weigh in tonight lost 6lbs, not great but my CDC said it's average for my weight Its spurred me to stay on track, hoping for at least half again next week. Going onto SS+ so hopefully will help me to keep on track whilst not feeling guilty about eating

Trying to learn to only eat when hungry is haaaard

 

[trisha]

Hello and welcome well done on the weight loss, thats a great start

 

[Kf12g10]

Umm suffering a bit with my bowels (sorry TMI!!) but sticking to it, had a tetra this morning and just had a small poached egg for lunch - going to make some spinach and celery soup in a bit! Can you use vegetable stock anyone know? Hopefully it will be ok, I'll just use one cube and make a big batch of soup to freeze portions so I'll only be having a tiny bit. Going to try the butterscotch shake in a few hours.. hmm need to go food shopping for OH but really don't fancy the temptation!!

 

[Lily]

LOL, don't worry about the TMI - I had quite a rant in my diary about that situation last night.

I'm feeling a bit better today, thanks to my trusty Dulcolax (again...:sigh and a few apricots. Not nice though. And I've noticed that when I'm... ahem... bunged, I only want to eat all the more to try and shift it along a bit. So I really do want to find a way of staying on top of it a bit myself. I'm currently trying peppermint tea (I'm on my third cup today already). I'll let you know if it helps, LOL.

What do you mean by vegetable stock - a vegetable stock cube like Oxo? It might be a little bit on the salty side, but in small amounts it should be fine, especially if you're going to divide the soup into portions. Cambridge aren't very good on specifics sometimes - I'm not sure anyone knows what they mean by 'a little vegetable stock'.

Well done on keeping going. Re: the food shop - you should be okay if you've just had a shake before hand, or if you know you've got one still to have as soon as you get back. I've never found it toooo bad (but some of the smells in supermarkets are to die for, LOL). Just breathe it in, if that's the case - there aren't any calories in whiffs.

 

[Kf12g10]

Thanks lily Well I had a revelation today - i don't know the last time that I actually TASTED food, made a meal of chicken and celery today for SS+ and sat dwn, took 20 mins to eat it with no distractions - this is how i'm going to eat allll my meals!! It tasted soo good! And I knew exactly when I'd had enough

This is huge for me I just used to shovel food down - hopefully if I do this every, with each step, then by maintenance it should be second nature

 

[Kf12g10]

Aghh I'm really struggling - had such a bad day today and yesterday - keep having 'tastes and tastes turn into more tastes and aghh just not been onit at all.

Was sooo ravenous this morning which makes me think my tastes kicked me out of ketosis and so i started well with a tetra, but the by 11 was soo hungry had tuna and gherkins- not bad but then I had my next shake plus some 'tastes' of crumble, plus a few raisins, some cream cheese (not cottage cheese) a slice of ham, lots of quorn mince, and just had my 3rd shake. Feel full now but eaten sooo much :'(

I've also weighed and had lost an extra 2 pounds this week and now am back to same weight :'( weigh in is on tuesday and i soo badly want to lose - it's only my 2nd week and I only lost 6 pounds in my first week

I just don't know how i'm going to do the next few weeks :'( just feel soo hungry all the time.

I hate myself for not sticking to this!!

 

[Kf12g10]

Well, had a really awful week - it's only my second and I lost just 1 pound lost 6 inches overall but hardly anything I feel compared to everyone else's amazing losses

 

[Kf12g10]

Looking brighter I've lost 3 pounds this week (own weigh in tho) but feel so much better

I'm IN A HEALTHY BMI RANGE WOOHOOO!!!!

Haven't been 'healthy' for years

people are beginning to notice

I will stay on track!!

 

[Kf12g10]

Right well had an awfully stressful week last week, ate quite alot of things I shouldn't but managed to stay the same weight which is a plus!! It's weigh in day today and I'm hoping my hard work has paid off this week I really really hope it has

Thinking I might switch to weight watchers soon...

 

[Lily]

Hiya Katie - thanks for dropping by my diary just now. Sounds like you've been having a tough time of it all. :hug99:

WW is a good plan and I think you'll really enjoy it. I suggest though that you re-introduce carbs like pasta, bread and potatoes really gradually and use your ProPoints on other foods (and no, I don't mean chocolate, LOL ). Coming off Cambridge and going on to a different diet will often result in you gaining a few pounds to start with. It's only water weight, not fat, but it can feel quite discouraging. I think you can avoid a lot of that by keeping your carbs lowish for a week or two (say by only having pasta/rice/bread/potatoes at one meal a day) and only gradually increasing them over the next few weeks.

Glad my 'research' made you feel a bit better - it certainly helped me!

 

[Kf12g10]

Thank you for the tips!! I'm going to see what my weigh in is like (would very much like it to hurry up as I'm starving!!!) and then probably do another week or two, I'd probably follow the allowed foods for the 810 and 1000 plan to start with before I movd fully on to weight watchers..

We'll see! xx

 

[Kf12g10]

Woohooo 4 and a half pounds down! Think I may stick to CD for a bit longer with those losses!!

 

[Lily]

LOL, what a difference a great weigh-in makes.

Well done, Katie - that's fab! :happy096:

 

[trisha]

Well done on the loss

 

[Kf12g10]

Feeling poo today! Got a virus or something making me all achy and fuzzy My CDC has said to go up to the 1000 plan but I'm so unwilling after my loss on Friday - I think I'll see how it goes for now!

 

[Kf12g10]

Just lookin through old pics - I had such a round face! Keeping me motivated

 

[Kf12g10]

Had a good and bad morning, had an exam which went very well but went to see my parents and my dad got their scales out - I was about 5 pounds more on their scales, he then did my BMI which was about 24.8 according to their scales and then made lots of comments that I wasn't doing very well and that I still have a long way to go

My parents are both tinyy and don't understand the battle with food at all

On the plus, just started the 11th day of 30 day shred - up to level 2! man it's hard!!

 

[Lily]

Uh? Gosh, some children do have 'em. I'd love to have a BMI of 24.8 (or even 23.8 - which is what it actually is - s*d their scales). Parents - they screw you up.

I know it's really really tough. For years, my father couldn't actually resist making some comment about my weight. It wasn't until I hit my late 30s that I finally had it out with him - stuff along the lines of why did it matter so much how much I weighed - was he trying to say he loved me less when I was fatter, etc? Of course, he was horrified. Said he'd only been trying to be encouraging.

But it took me years to figure out why, after going to visit my parents, I'd always fall off whatever diet I was doing. No matter how many weeks I'd been doing brilliantly, a single visit to my parents could throw me straight off plan.

It's horrible, isn't it, knowing that your father will somehow be prouder of you if you lost weight? Kind of makes you wonder how he came to have that attitude. Again, it took me years to figure out, but I think it was because his mother was always overweight (still is, but she's 100 now, so I reckon she's allowed ) and he was embarrassed that his mother was bigger than all his friends' mothers.

I guess all of that is a roundabout way of saying that it's his issue, not yours. You are a perfectly normal healthy weight (yes, I know you'd like to be a little bit slimmer ) But the only person you can lose weight for is you. You're already good enough, sweetheart. Even if you weighed 3 stones more than you do now, you'd still be lovely. Your weight doesn't define you - what you tell yourself about how you look does.

{{{Hugs}}}