therealbbe
Gold Member
LeaE said:
What book is this Leanne xxx
LeaE's Jelly Wobble
- Thread starter LeaE
- Start date
What book is this Leanne xxx
ayshaahmad
Gold Member
LeaE said:
Heya hunny, what book u reading I have a feeling its the same one I am hahaha the fifty shades of grey?
ayshaahmad
Gold Member
LeaE said:
Haha deffo I have just started the 2nd book its Brill my hubby keeps asking what I am reading cos I keep giggling and smile like a school kid lol
ayshaahmad
Gold Member
demonp said:
I told my hubby what it was about and he couldn't stop laughing, given him a few ideas though I think lol
LeaE
Gold Member
Check u lot out u kinky bunch lmao x
Well it's Thursday and all that means to me is thank god another week is nearly over ! I feel abit weird as I have no scales to check on so now I'm just plodding on with no idea how I'm getting on x my feet actually ache today as I have been so busy like really busy and sometimes I just wish I had a full week off all to myself but then I just figure I would get bored so hey ho ! My bf is at work again and they rang him in early so I won't see him at all today and that's pants as I feel all loved up after last night so in a weird way I miss him which I never really admit lol another defence mechanism there he he god I'm a right wimp ! Well I really should be getting my fat ass into drive to sort the house and then do abit of a work out DVD but I just cannot be bothered ! I will though as stuff isn't going to sort itself out is it ! May then read abit of my book and chill out !
Well it's Thursday and all that means to me is thank god another week is nearly over ! I feel abit weird as I have no scales to check on so now I'm just plodding on with no idea how I'm getting on x my feet actually ache today as I have been so busy like really busy and sometimes I just wish I had a full week off all to myself but then I just figure I would get bored so hey ho ! My bf is at work again and they rang him in early so I won't see him at all today and that's pants as I feel all loved up after last night so in a weird way I miss him which I never really admit lol another defence mechanism there he he god I'm a right wimp ! Well I really should be getting my fat ass into drive to sort the house and then do abit of a work out DVD but I just cannot be bothered ! I will though as stuff isn't going to sort itself out is it ! May then read abit of my book and chill out !
LeaE
Gold Member
well heres a rantjust for me so honestly i wouldnt bother reading on
Im so so so fed up of being fat today and that is odd as i have been fat for like ever ! I was thinking alot today while working in my little world of my own and its so dam unfair ! as a child i was always chubby ! I went to comprehensive and due to my gobby confident nature i was always pretty popular and never got bullied for being fat ! mostly due to my family ! because my mum was aware i was weak in terms of my weight she prepared me for school this involved my dad mum and sister teasing me about my weight it was done in a playful way but it did work as no one at school could ever say anything i hadnt heard before a song they sung was shes fat shes round she bounces on the ground leanne ! leanne ! it hurt but i learnt to come back with equally hurtful remarks ! that and my mum telling me to stick up for myself both psycically and verbally got me through school in a pretty easy way never was i bullied or felt over concious about my weight ! i WAS PUT ON DIETS FROM ABOUT THE AGE OF 6 yes 6 all by my mum i remember going to see the school nurse and my mum taking me to slimming clubs they prob lasted a few months but my mums eatting habits mean they finished pretty sn and binging on an evening with loads of chocolate soon undid any work that we did ! I have yoyo dieted all my life ! At comprehensive i did get a few remarks a lad used to walk past me and say tree trunk legs etc etc that soon stopped when i totally battered him in front of a few of his mates one lunch time then spat in his face harsh ! i know but this was survival of the fittest and it sure made sure no one else ever dared say a word ! I was fine being fat until i was 15 when due to awful family issues my age and exams i started throwing up and before anyone says a word no cd does not make this re occur it was a long time ago and was never due to weight issues it was control issues ! I dropped down to 9 and a half stone and everyone complimented on how amazing i looked when inside i felt i hated life after my exams and all the crap with my family i felt was settled and everyone else was ok i decided enough was enough and although i was thin i was not happy and i took my own life ! no not a cry for help no letter simply swallowing a roses tin lid piled with very strong medication a cup of bleech and i passed out ! the only reason im here today was because for the first time my mum came home on her dinner as she had forgotten some stuf for the tax man and she took me to hospital ! I dont remeber any of it but was told any longer and i wouldnt be here now i wasnt playing for attention i had had enough and im quite a determined driven person so ........ anyway when i saw what effect i had on my mum and sister i was mortified with the pain i had caused and thats when everything stopped no more vomiting no more upset i figure i shouldnt really be here so i should take whatever life throws at me as a bonus be it good or bad soooooo the weight crept on i stabalised at about 10 stone and i was ok ! At 18 i was pregnant with tia not planned but i love her and she is the reason i am who i am everyone said i wouldnt cope but i dam did without an ounce of help infact i coped a dam sight better than my older sister with tia i piled on loads of weight when she was 2 i did cd and got down to 13st 13 i was happy kept at that for a while but then fell pregnant with lillie and hey presto more weight gain put into that mix two really awful relationships uni and other complications and here i was at 19st 7 my heaviest i was weighed at the doctors was 20st ! my weight is really really effected by life and whats happening and i havent been thin for as long as i remember like over ten years and i can honestly day i cant remember or imagine what its like ! everything in my life seems to have been such a struggle and all odds against me and im used to battling and having stamina to stick with it and i suppose thats why i just get on with this but i just feel my weight is something i will never overcome ! 2 stone is a good loss and im not ignoring that but with at least 7 more to go it just seems unreal and i feel like im the only one who is 17st something stupid because i know its stupid but some ppl are like 12 or 13 stone and say they are fat and struggle with weight loss and i hate them sometimes then i think thats stupid because i know in my head everyone struggles be it 1 stone or 10 stone to lose but sometimes im jealous i wish i could only have a few stone to lose i would be so happy to be doing cd with only 2 stone to lose it would be so doable and there would be light at the end of the tunnel! my light is so far away and dim it just seems a bloody marathon but in actual fact it actually is ! I have got so far to go and havent even really started hacking away at the rock i have to chizel away ! and thats why im ranting a full life of battling the bulge a full lifetime of it and now im trying to convince myself that i can do this and when i weigh up the odds it seems i havent in over 20 years so i feel abit foolish thinking i can now ! but then if i dont thin i can i never will so i have to sit telling myself i can i can i can ! If i dont do this i will be unhappy ! I blame every unhappiness i have on being fat especially any relationship problems and it has to stop it truely does sooooooo back to square one i have to stick to this it doesnt matter if its months or years i gotta do this this time i have to ! Just maybe i over think over analyse and self doubt I feel a little bit alone on this and i just know i wont achieve my full potential as a person in this body ! wow that was long winded !
Im so so so fed up of being fat today and that is odd as i have been fat for like ever ! I was thinking alot today while working in my little world of my own and its so dam unfair ! as a child i was always chubby ! I went to comprehensive and due to my gobby confident nature i was always pretty popular and never got bullied for being fat ! mostly due to my family ! because my mum was aware i was weak in terms of my weight she prepared me for school this involved my dad mum and sister teasing me about my weight it was done in a playful way but it did work as no one at school could ever say anything i hadnt heard before a song they sung was shes fat shes round she bounces on the ground leanne ! leanne ! it hurt but i learnt to come back with equally hurtful remarks ! that and my mum telling me to stick up for myself both psycically and verbally got me through school in a pretty easy way never was i bullied or felt over concious about my weight ! i WAS PUT ON DIETS FROM ABOUT THE AGE OF 6 yes 6 all by my mum i remember going to see the school nurse and my mum taking me to slimming clubs they prob lasted a few months but my mums eatting habits mean they finished pretty sn and binging on an evening with loads of chocolate soon undid any work that we did ! I have yoyo dieted all my life ! At comprehensive i did get a few remarks a lad used to walk past me and say tree trunk legs etc etc that soon stopped when i totally battered him in front of a few of his mates one lunch time then spat in his face harsh ! i know but this was survival of the fittest and it sure made sure no one else ever dared say a word ! I was fine being fat until i was 15 when due to awful family issues my age and exams i started throwing up and before anyone says a word no cd does not make this re occur it was a long time ago and was never due to weight issues it was control issues ! I dropped down to 9 and a half stone and everyone complimented on how amazing i looked when inside i felt i hated life after my exams and all the crap with my family i felt was settled and everyone else was ok i decided enough was enough and although i was thin i was not happy and i took my own life ! no not a cry for help no letter simply swallowing a roses tin lid piled with very strong medication a cup of bleech and i passed out ! the only reason im here today was because for the first time my mum came home on her dinner as she had forgotten some stuf for the tax man and she took me to hospital ! I dont remeber any of it but was told any longer and i wouldnt be here now i wasnt playing for attention i had had enough and im quite a determined driven person so ........ anyway when i saw what effect i had on my mum and sister i was mortified with the pain i had caused and thats when everything stopped no more vomiting no more upset i figure i shouldnt really be here so i should take whatever life throws at me as a bonus be it good or bad soooooo the weight crept on i stabalised at about 10 stone and i was ok ! At 18 i was pregnant with tia not planned but i love her and she is the reason i am who i am everyone said i wouldnt cope but i dam did without an ounce of help infact i coped a dam sight better than my older sister with tia i piled on loads of weight when she was 2 i did cd and got down to 13st 13 i was happy kept at that for a while but then fell pregnant with lillie and hey presto more weight gain put into that mix two really awful relationships uni and other complications and here i was at 19st 7 my heaviest i was weighed at the doctors was 20st ! my weight is really really effected by life and whats happening and i havent been thin for as long as i remember like over ten years and i can honestly day i cant remember or imagine what its like ! everything in my life seems to have been such a struggle and all odds against me and im used to battling and having stamina to stick with it and i suppose thats why i just get on with this but i just feel my weight is something i will never overcome ! 2 stone is a good loss and im not ignoring that but with at least 7 more to go it just seems unreal and i feel like im the only one who is 17st something stupid because i know its stupid but some ppl are like 12 or 13 stone and say they are fat and struggle with weight loss and i hate them sometimes then i think thats stupid because i know in my head everyone struggles be it 1 stone or 10 stone to lose but sometimes im jealous i wish i could only have a few stone to lose i would be so happy to be doing cd with only 2 stone to lose it would be so doable and there would be light at the end of the tunnel! my light is so far away and dim it just seems a bloody marathon but in actual fact it actually is ! I have got so far to go and havent even really started hacking away at the rock i have to chizel away ! and thats why im ranting a full life of battling the bulge a full lifetime of it and now im trying to convince myself that i can do this and when i weigh up the odds it seems i havent in over 20 years so i feel abit foolish thinking i can now ! but then if i dont thin i can i never will so i have to sit telling myself i can i can i can ! If i dont do this i will be unhappy ! I blame every unhappiness i have on being fat especially any relationship problems and it has to stop it truely does sooooooo back to square one i have to stick to this it doesnt matter if its months or years i gotta do this this time i have to ! Just maybe i over think over analyse and self doubt I feel a little bit alone on this and i just know i wont achieve my full potential as a person in this body ! wow that was long winded !
JessieJ
Full Member
;( hello Lia I almost cried ready this I'm so sorry you've had a **** time with your weight!! I am one of those lucky people that only have 3stone to lose and I'm feel guilty but also I lost all my friends from not going out for 2months because I felt horrible! I hate going food shopping Incase I c someone that hasn't seen me for 2years and thinks o god she's got fat 
!! Being overweight really doesn't suit me and I hate mirrors soooo much! I don't let my husband near me unless I'm having a very good day!! I know I'm lucky but I can't help feeling how I feel and even though we have very different weights to lose I think we r all the same!!!!
As for you!! You r so so beautiful and you will feel so much healthier and happier after just losing 2stone which will be easy!! You need to break it up into little targets!! It will seem less daunting!!!
You r so lucky to have 2beautiful baby girls! I have heard of people needed to lose 8stone to get fertility for there first child!! You r very lucky in that department!! And your children will think you r the most beautiful perfect woman in the world and that's what matters!!!!
Sorry x x x
!! Being overweight really doesn't suit me and I hate mirrors soooo much! I don't let my husband near me unless I'm having a very good day!! I know I'm lucky but I can't help feeling how I feel and even though we have very different weights to lose I think we r all the same!!!! As for you!! You r so so beautiful and you will feel so much healthier and happier after just losing 2stone which will be easy!! You need to break it up into little targets!! It will seem less daunting!!!
You r so lucky to have 2beautiful baby girls! I have heard of people needed to lose 8stone to get fertility for there first child!! You r very lucky in that department!! And your children will think you r the most beautiful perfect woman in the world and that's what matters!!!!
Sorry x x x
demonp
Full Member
Oh hun,Im so proud of you for getting that all out-trust me, i know how difficult it is to do. Some of your past scaryly reflects mine-what is it about being 6 and starting diets. But bloody hell-you have been through a lot but you have clearly got someone looking out for you-why else would your mum have come back that day! Everything you have been through has made you stronger! Yes, you feel crap about your weight but hang on a sec-look at the hear and now. You have 2 gorgeous girls, one bf who you adore, and you are controlling your biggest demon-food. However down you feel about your weight, at least you know you are doing something about it Now! Its not something you are starting next week, next month-you are doing it now! It wasn't that long ago that i was at the same place as you-well actually a lot bigger than you. I know it seems like an impossible task-but before you know it you will just have a couple left to go. Like you, Im heading into the unknown- i have never been thin. I have difficulty in believing that my body will change-but it will-eventually! I am here with you every step of the way. When we are all at our goals we will have to get together to celebrate-there are a lot of hugs that need sharing too! So, come on legend-fight on! X x x
LeaE
Gold Member
JessieJ said:;( hello Lia I almost cried ready this I'm so sorry you've had a **** time with your weight!! I am one of those lucky people that only have 3stone to lose and I'm feel guilty but also I lost all my friends from not going out for 2months because I felt horrible! I hate going food shopping Incase I c someone that hasn't seen me for 2years and thinks o god she's got fat
As for you!! You r so so beautiful and you will feel so much healthier and happier after just losing 2stone which will be easy!! You need to break it up into little targets!! It will seem less daunting!!!
You r so lucky to have 2beautiful baby girls! I have heard of people needed to lose 8stone to get fertility for there first child!! You r very lucky in that department!! And your children will think you r the most beautiful perfect woman in the world and that's what matters!!!!
Sorry x x x
Yeah I sound a vile awful cow right now don't I x I'm sorry I get u will feel like that and I'm sorry it didn't sound like I care or I understand but I do being fat by 10 stone still has the same effect of being 3 stone over weight x I'm sorry I just needed a rant xx
LeaE
Gold Member
demonp said:
Ah pip x I am fighting on and that wasn't a defeatist post it was a all this shhhhh goes round in my head an I better get it out before it destroys my determination ! I am here long haul I'm sticking with it and I'm trying an doing and I'm lucky I know I am I have 2 beaut girls a wonderful family and I am a nice person etc etc just need to sort this part of my life right now ! Thank u hunny for yr kind words and I'm sorry for anyone who read it because it was an awful post just had to get it out
demonp
Full Member
LeaE said:
Don't you dare apologise! For this diet to work we all have to sort the sh*t in our heads out-it is about so much more than what we put in our mouths. This is what this site is all about-sharing our fears and demons with other people who understand and won't judge. Proud of you hun. X
AnnieAnnie
Gold Member
Not posted on your diary before, hope you don't mind. I have all sorts of eating issues & have swapped exercise addiction for binge eating. I'd love to find the middle ground. Anyway, I've always had weight issues too & am finally learning to realise it's all about control & weight is just the effect of this. I'd recommend Gillian Riley & her book about overeating as it's really useful & down to earth. Good luck x
LeaE
Gold Member
vadey said:
Tried it ! I'm pretty good at defence mechanisms and giving ppl what they need to hear but without having to painfully divulge ! So one counsellor was happy with that another one was happy and frank matter of fact explanation of my life she didn't think her services where of need and I once did I help group where I ended up being so sorry for the guys there I took all their probs on ! It's in my nature I'm a giver and a carer ! This site has helped me 1000x more than counselling ! I'm not in denial I know what's wrong with me I know why and I know how I got here and I know how to mend it ! It's just hard to do so ! Most of what I wrote is past and I'm over it and proud I got through it but I'm also aware it's made me who I am that's why I wrote it xxx
How is little vardey getting on anyway
AnnieAnnie
Gold Member
Haha it's not an awful day, we all have these days. I whoso tried counselling but someone telling me what to do made me even more of a failure. I'm going ok, 4st 3lbs lost & another 4 to go. But I'm such an all or nothing person I find cd ok & sometimes would rather sole source for ever as then I never have to think about food again.
I'm also a real giver, such a great defence mechanism. The Riley book talks a lot about self confidence which makes a lot of sense. Hope you're feeling better. It's a pretty good achievement even writing that stuff down. Hope it feels better.
I'm also a real giver, such a great defence mechanism. The Riley book talks a lot about self confidence which makes a lot of sense. Hope you're feeling better. It's a pretty good achievement even writing that stuff down. Hope it feels better.
