letting it all out....

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Louise24, 3 March 2008 Social URL.

  1. Louise24

    Louise24 Gold Member

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    Hi all,

    I've not been on this forum long but you guys seem so supportive so I'm going to blurt out everything.

    I've lost weight before (3 stone) and kept it off, I'd just started losing more weight when I met my boyfriend, although I didn't put weight on we did go out for meals / popcorn / wine etc, so I've stayed the same for months, which is really frustrating.

    Things are looking really rocky with my boyfriend and it's left me in a daze, I don't know where I stand and I can't stop thinking about him. He's playing games and I know I should walk away but it's so difficult. One minute he's telling me I'm amazing... then he'll ignore me for a few days to the point where I get really annoyed, then he'll be all nice again. I know he's playing games with me but haven't got the guts to end it.

    I'm afraid that because I am a big girl that no one else will want me, don't get me wrong, I'm really confident on the outside and won't let people walk all over me at work etc, but when it comes to relationships I seem to act like a complete loser!! :cry:

    I'm not sure why I've blurted all this out on here, I guess I just don't want to be heartbroken and then pile more weight on out of comfort eating.

    Have any other bigger girls felt this way too? I'm really headstrong at work etc and people are really suprised that I'm so dappy when it comes to blokes.

    Thanks for reading.

    Lou x
     
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  3. RUTHYJ357

    RUTHYJ357 Gold Member

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    Hiya,
    Dont know if we have messaged each other before but i usually tend to say things as they are, and a spade is a spade....id only expect the same myself.

    Firstly let me say i have been out with men like this before and i totally know where you are coming from and my heart goes out to you. It can make you soo depressed and deep down inside a emotional wreck.

    Some men are excellent in making you feel so special one minute then very unsecure the next, infact the father of my son who i am with now has started his silly buggers because he has noticed i have lost over a stone since xmas...get gets very lovey dovey and, after a while of being smooched up , yesterday he suddenly turns sour and done sweet F.A for me (considering it was mothers day) he sat on his backside whilst i ran round cleaning, dishes, washing blah blah blah, And what it boils down to is the fact i have lost weight and i am starting to lose it from my face and hips quite quickly and he is basically shitting himself, We are not talking at the moment because i refuse to buckle down to his stupid behaviour. And he knows the score too, i wont put up with his bullshit and if it continues he will be shown the door. I really dont think about 'oooo am i ever going to meet Mr right' because i refuse point blank to think that having a man is the be all and end all of my life. Ive got great kids, family and friends.....a man is simply a apsect of my life which i personally think i could do with out somedays!

    Ive been in a violent relasionship before this, and this is how i became stronger, when i finished with him i stayed single for a year and it was great! flirted with men on nites out yes but it didnt go any futher until i met my friends brother ( the div im talking about above)

    Listen hun, he obviously knows how to play you! best thing for you to do is back off, show him you dont care and he will soon realise that you are not prepared to put up with his nonsense, and if he does continue... show him the door! why put yourself through this! if he loved you he wouldnt do this.
    He is probably waiting for you to chase him, get fustrated etc......do the opporsite and i bet you he will change.

    If you do break up, spend sometime getting used to your own company and do things for yourself, then when your ready mr right will come along. In the mean time id stay more focused on maintaining your weight loss and start enjoying life.

    Let us knw what happens

    Ruthy xxx
     
  4. RUTHYJ357

    RUTHYJ357 Gold Member

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    Forgot to mention, everytime i argued with the bloke i was in a violent relastionship he would use my weight as a weapon, he always used to say who is going to want you looking like that! then id lose weight he would make me eat fatty food because HE was the one insecure of losing me!

    My boyfriend now, buys me chips on his way home from work when he knows full well i dont want them! I dont eat them either! i give them to the kids....saves me cooking eh! lol

    so your not the only one hun.....
     
  5. StephCracknell

    StephCracknell Silver Member

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    Aw sweetie that is so crap! and you deserve better.

    I have never been a petite thing and have dated my share of men that were the same, and always felt that they never treated me as well because of my weight. But then I think I got to the point where I had had enough and thankfully am now married to the love of my life who could care less about my weight. :)

    I know I don't know you, but it is safe to say that you deserve better, end of. There are loads of guys out there that aren't looking for a skinny minny! Don't stay with someone who treats you badly just because you don't think you will find someone, just cut the cord and kick that man to the kerb!

    Then stay on here and we will give you a kick up the bum if you ever need it diet wise, and surround yourself with positive people that will keep you on the straight and narrow. We all need a bit of time to lick our wounds, but at the end of the day, food doesn't make us happy!

    Good luck hon and let us know how you get on. I know it is easier to give advise than to follow it! :)

    xxxx
    steph
     
  6. Louise24

    Louise24 Gold Member

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    Hi

    Thank you both for your comments.

    Ruthy, I'm so sorry you had a violent relationship and he bought your weight into agruements etc. I'm also glad you've found someone who treats you better (but still plays mind games - grrr). I'm thinking that all blokes like to play mind games from time to time, I guess we do it too. You're obviously looking fabulous and he's scared of the competition, he's so naughty bringing you chips though.

    I'm going to try my hardest not to give in and contact him as I know that is what he wants!! You're right though, it is much easier said than done.

    (Also... something strange just happened, I've been talking to one of my bloke friends about this and he's just asked me out for a drink of Thursday so he can take my mind off K*obhead. Perhaps things do happen for a reason after all).

    Steph, thank you for your support too, and big yay to you for finding Mr Right! I just need that extra confidence to tell him where to go. I know I need to love myself before I can expect anyone else to and thats the difficult part!!

    I think what I'm most annoyed about is how I act with men, I've got quite a stressful job in sales and can 100% stand my ground and am very (sometimes overly) confident. I just need to grit my teeth and get on with it.

    I do feel tons better for reading your messages. Thank you. L x
     
  7. StephCracknell

    StephCracknell Silver Member

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    Oooh, maybe a new man in the future already!! let us know how that goes as well! :)

    Even if you are having a bad day diet wise, just come on here for a moan, we all do!!!
    xx
     
  8. RUTHYJ357

    RUTHYJ357 Gold Member

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    Hiya hun, the only good thing that came out of my violent relationship is that it made me stronger and i am no door step.
    I know what your saying is true about it is easier said than done but once you done it the first time you get a great sense of satisfaction knowing all that time you stayed away he was probably thinking to himself 'she hasnt phoned me yet, or why hasnt she phoned, she usually has done by now' Do you see what i mean? what could be more satisifying than that?. He sounds like he needs to be kicked into touch hun, personally i wouldnt back down, because if he does come back he certainly wont play silly buggers again too soon lol.

    Hey go out for that drink though, it will make you feel better! you jammy sod! im stuck in with the kids and the other half has gone to his mates cause he knows he is the dog house lol

    Chin up hun and thanks for the emailxxxx
     
  9. Louise24

    Louise24 Gold Member

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    P.s.....Blimey - who needs men after all. I've just been to slimming world and lost 4lbs (got my stone badge too). Yay
     
  10. RUTHYJ357

    RUTHYJ357 Gold Member

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    Yay! thats better than a sh*g
    Opps sorry! i hope i havent offended anyone ;)
     
  11. ~will do it this time~

    ~will do it this time~ Full Member

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    HI Louise,
    Firstly a huge {{{{{HUG}}}}}}
    You know, you are definitely NOT the only BIG girl to have felt like this , OR the only small girl either....
    When I was younger I went through a stage of getting involved in bad relationships... it wasn't until about 5 years after the divorce from my first marriage that I reached rock bottom and then realised that actually I held my own life in my hands....
    Funnily enough I had always used my weight to keep people <men> away but funnily enough it never worked I have never struggled to find a man who was interested, instead my low self worth meant that I often chased the wrong sort.....
    Over the past few years I have struggled with finding out I have two incurable liver conditions but it was only at Christmas that I suddenly deciced that I WOULD be slim....
    Thats when the light came on for me.... I decided to take control and it's not just my weight loss that has been sucessful! I now take myself out of the house for a whole day each week, and I shop, or get my hair cut or just wander or sit in the park.... It's total me time!!! I no longer feel that I am useful for everyone else but me!!!!
    It's easy for people to say get out of a bad relationship, but ONLY you can decide what you want!
    It is true that no relationship is better than a bad one, but only you can dec ide to make that decision....

    Men who treat you badly, will not change toward you! Men who use you will not wake up suddenly and start treating you with respect... All that will happen is that you will become more and more demoralised.....
    Do the old pen and paper trick, right down all the things you want for yourself in your life! Be realistic but don't just right down the things you think you deserve.... If you have trouble writing down what you want from life, write down a list of things you want for your kid sister etc... <it will apply to you too!> Then right down the things that you wouldn't want for her!!! Abusive relationship, Remaining fat, etc etc... You then have your goals written. All you have to do then is work out some small steps to acheive your goals....
    Remember , you CAN go out for meals, drinks etc and still lose weight.... < I have had two meals out this week>

    Anyway this is just my personal view.... You can do it!!!! <it being getting what you want from your life!>

    Anne x
     
  12. rowanx2

    rowanx2 Losing the baby fat

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    My advice (for what its worth) take time just for yourself right now.
    You'll get more confidence as the weight drops off which will make your relationships much better, because you'll be feeling better and you'll know your worth.
     
  13. RUTHYJ357

    RUTHYJ357 Gold Member

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    Here here to the last two comments. Men are such feckers! at the end of the day we can give you all the best advice but as stated above, only you can take the bull by the horns and make life work for you and only you. There is never a truer saying in that you attract how you feel, usually if your self esteem is low you attract the same type of guy, but.....you could meet this amazing man in months to come and just by you being you could make him putty in your hands.

    This boy you are with now sounds like the ball and chain around your ankle, so sit back have a think about all the advice that everyone has given you.....by the sounds of it we have all been in the same situation.... and think, do i deserve better??, if your answer is yes ......well you know what to do.
    It certainly wont be easy....it never bloody is! life isnt easy....but you will know in your heart of hearts what you really need to do....not want to do.

    Chin up hunny
    Ruthy xxxxxxxx
     
  14. rowanx2

    rowanx2 Losing the baby fat

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    yeh men, cant live with them and not worth going to jail for them being found buried under the patio!
    (i'm okay my hubby doesnt read this;))
    True though, some are just not worth the effort, but... there will be some who are, and theyll find you when you are least expecting it!
     
  15. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    I've not really got anything to add except to say what fantastic advise everyone has given!
     
  16. RUTHYJ357

    RUTHYJ357 Gold Member

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    Thanks westiegirl, and i too cant believe how supportive EVERYONE is on this site. Next time i got a prob im gonna post it on here lol.

    Lousie24-how are you feeling today?
    Ruthyxxx
     
  17. Louise24

    Louise24 Gold Member

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    Hi everyone, I too am amazed by the response, I'm really grateful.

    I'm feeling ok today thanks, I managed to not contact him yesterday, he ended up texting me about 9pm ish..... and I left it an hour before I replied (Don't want to seem like I'm waiting by my phone for him, even though I was).

    I'm not going to be a doormat and am not scared of being single, I just don't want to be treated like this. He needs to prove himself, if he doesn't then he doesn't deserve me. I'm feeling quite empowered at the moment, but I did make myself log on to here last night to re read all your comments to give me the boost I needed.

    Ruthy - as for the better than a sh*g comment, I agree, I'll go without for a few months if it means I can lose 4lbs a week!! Hehe.

    Thanks everyone for being true legends!
    Lou x
     
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  19. RUTHYJ357

    RUTHYJ357 Gold Member

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    I would too hun, id rather lose weight than do "that"! See i told you he would text u, it probably bugged the life outta him wondering why you hadnt text. Bet it made you feel good too.!
    If you feel like poo read what everyone has written or drop us a line and im sure we can sort you out again lol.

    Take care
    Ruthy xxx
     
  20. Louise24

    Louise24 Gold Member

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    Hi everyone, just an update with the above. My boyfriend is now my ex boyfriend. I wish I could say it was me that ended it, but it wasn't. I'm trying to keep up beat and positive but it's difficult still. Up until 2 weeks ago everything was fine with us, then it went poo, I just wish I could work out why, I know I shouldn't waste my time over analysing it, but I genuinely liked him and thought it was mutual.

    Blaaahhhh that's how I feel today, I've also just eaten the second bar in the milky way I bought. Not good. Must get a grip!!

    I don't know why I'm writing this on here, I don't want sympathy I just want clarity, you lot can't give me that as only he can but - oh well.

    I'm off to drown my sorrows (in water unfortunatly - I'm at work).

    Lou xxx
     
  21. SkinnyMalink

    SkinnyMalink Full Member

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    Sod him! This could be the best thing that's ever happened to you! Of course you need time to heal, listen to Michael Bolton (only acceptable in circumstances like this) and watch rubbish Hugh Grant films, but it WILL get better. Use this as motivation in your weight loss- eating healthily will make you feel better in yourself anyway.
     
  22. Joanne W

    Joanne W Full Member

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    At the time you think that it will never get better - but it does. I split up with my first husband after only 10 months. He dicided he didn't love me any more, in fact he said that he felt that way when we got married but did it anyway. I am to a bigger girl and went through everything that was wrong with me. six weeks later I met my second and current husband. We have been married for 9 years this year and have two wonderful sons. He doesn't mind what weight I am and my ex-husband is on his third wife and now moved to Austrailia (thank god) Ive heard he is not talking to his family or even his new wifes family. Things that go around............

    So chin up and think of the positive things that will come of this. Stick to your diet and show him what he is missing!!
     
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