Life and CWP

LucyAnn29

Full Member
S: 15st11lb C: 14st11lb G: 10st2lb Loss: 1st0lb(6.33%)
Today I'm tired and emotional however although it is a struggle for me to lose weight I am struggle with life in general. I have s job which does not pay a lot but I am living s home with parents and sister. My parents Let me live there rent free and although it i am very grateful I am constantly suffering for mental abuse and sometimes physical although most people would get out I have no one to turn to or no one that would believe me. Most of my friends are related and I have a huge family. If I were to leave it would be an embarrassment and a huge public thing, this I do not want however living on edge to come home and find out what someone is going to be like or what type of mood a person I will be coming home to is killing me. I have no money and no where I could go to. If i drop something I am constantly reminded of how stupid I am or that I did it on purpose. I have had my clothes all thrown away and had to lie to my work why I turned up in leggings and a dirty top the next day. I have been trying to study on top of this in an evening however with things never being right in my house and the constant threats aswell as having constant replacement teachers I doubt I have passed and now looking to see what can be done about this. I am over weight and need to loose 5 stone to be a normal weight for my height. With the little money I have I am investing in the Cambridge diet with the little support I have at home. I probably have brought this all on myself but my weight is due to emotional eating, eating to replace boredom, eating junk food because I was never allowed it, eating to get rid of stress and anxiety and depression but I now know the real reason is because I've lived a life in an abusing house. I have been in a previous abusive relationship something I must be attracted to but that ended years ago even though it did I have shrunk as a person, I don't go out very often and I have dug myself into a new job even though it doesn't pay much. I love speaking to my work colleagues and being that person I want to be and stay as late as I can although my job is very demanding and tiring. It's something I love and am passionate about. I know I will have to leave this in order to save money and leave ( I am constantly screamed at to leave by my mother even though she knows I would if I could and if I did my father wouldn't allow it unless it was on his terms. If I wanted to rent I wouldn't be allowed but I would go) I could not afford it. I am hoping that losing weight and starting the gym after I've lost two stone will get my confidence back and motivate me. My job can progress if I can pass this test however I know I've failed and I'm still paying off the tuition. Some days are better than others today is a bad day, after being belittled by my own family in front of friends and the friends laughing at my expense because they think that family member was joking but wasn't. I ask my mum to help me speak to that member and she said I deserved it and that's why I need to leave because everyone hates me. I am struggling being on little calories and listening to constant negative comments and living on the edge of when I will have to defend myself. I can't live in fear anymore. If I stay in my room I get into trouble for not being socialable but If I go out I will have to spend money and find somewhere close within walking distance. I've stayed on buses just so that I don't have to go home early. At weekends I try to sleep in and go to bed early just so that I'm out the way but Sometimes more than guaranteed I hear shouting and getting blamed for something I haven't done. I help around the house and I cook except now I'm on plan. I feel sometimes life gets so heavy I wish I Wasn't hear but I know I can't do that as I'm letting them win, taking each day as it comes and i will have a cry and wake up tomorrow bright as new ( I'm a pro) I just need some advise. I have been saying for a year now to go to a doctor to see if they can help but I bottle out and by the morning I've talked myself out of it. Anyway today is my 11th day and I have stuck to plan. I have been looking at the scales ( it's the only thing that's kept me going) but they haven't moved yet so all in all my day has gone terribly. Sorry for the rant I just needed to type to see if it would help to get out of my system. Hope everyone's day has been more positive than mine.
 
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Pierce

Administrator
Staff member
S: 82.55kg C: 80.29kg G: 69.85kg BMI: 24 Loss: 2.3kg(2.75%)
Is there anything you can do to get away from the house? Hobbies or what are called maker spaces or "men sheds" that provide back space to be creative?

Your doing great, but the mental stress isn't doing you any good. Can you afford to rent a room with a few others in the same place? Maybe suggest rent sharing with any friends who have their own place?

You will also just have to stop coming "home" when you do find somewhere. Telling them that your moving out sounds pointless.

Don't worry about what others think, look after yourself first.
 

LucyAnn29

Full Member
S: 15st11lb C: 14st11lb G: 10st2lb Loss: 1st0lb(6.33%)
Thank you, unfortunately things went from bad to worse last night. I tried to ask my mum for some help and support as one of my siblings has been wearing be down with Nasty and negative comments and no one would help me even when I tried in general about talking about life and what to do with my mum,they didn't help me. I smashed a glass in temper in order to ask for some help as she wasn't listening and I broke down into sobs and crying I'd hit rock bottom and nothing was done by more abuse. My dad returned today after being away and the mark on the floor had shown through, the mental abuse started without asking why or if there was something wrong, he then asked my family when they all arrived at home and they twisted and portrayed it not in the best light. They just continued to be negative. I am exhausted and have had no support. I am now unfortunately in my room hidden away in hope I'm safe for another night. They do not want to help me in anyway. I have been to school and I've tried to make out that my life is good and ok but it is far from it. I don't go out, I only go out with work or my family or cousins. I will have to save as much as I can in as little time as I can but I just am not sure what will happen. My shakes are ok, work kept my mind off things but now tonight has brought me back to reality.



Is there anything you can do to get away from the house? Hobbies or what are called maker spaces or "men sheds" that provide back space to be creative?

Your doing great, but the mental stress isn't doing you any good. Can you afford to rent a room with a few others in the same place? Maybe suggest rent sharing with any friends who have their own place?

You will also just have to stop coming "home" when you do find somewhere. Telling them that your moving out sounds pointless.

Don't worry about what others think, look after yourself first.
 




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