Life and eating out of control - please help!

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by flirty40greeneyes, 31 October 2006 Social URL.

  1. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    I've posted this in my diary - so apologies to those of you who've already read it. But I want some positive vibes etc and any advice on how to control my life/eating ... and so thought by posting in the general forum maybe someone would read and be able to say something that might "flick a switch in my brain" (it must be anti-slimist brain as it's doing it's best to ignore me so far!) I just want to go back to the wonderful days of SS or 790 when I didnot use food as a reward or crutch for when I was feeling bad - any tips??? Please!!!!

    So what's going wrong??? When my life's out of control my eating goes out of control and so somehow I need to change that and get both back. Easier said than done, but otherwise it becomes a viscious circle of unhappiness:( , eating:mad: , unhappiness:( eating:mad: .

    My mum's still really poorly - she's now starting to get incontinent - I won't give you TMI but she's having a commode delivered today and also looking at a wheelchair. This has been such a rapid shift in her health from reasonably healthy to bedridden since 21 Aug. Her memory is going and I'm not sure if that's because of the shingles and losing track of things or the onset of dementia. Feel helpless watching her almost slip away, especially as I'm 250miles away. We're going down to Kent this weekend to visit them and I'm dreading it as I know that she will have declined since last time I saw her.
    Quote:
    She would often start sentences and then not be able to finish them. Quite scary actually, not at like your mum. I do hope she can recover her memory as she gets better.
    Quote:
    She does look very frail and her eyes looked a bit ....vacant sometimes.
    These are comments from my sister in law who saw her on Saturday.

    The other thing is my brother has been moved to an open prison and I'm going to visit him at the weekend too. Him and his wife have split up since he's been in prison and he's so angry/bitter about her. He obviously can't speak to my parents so rings me ... and at the moment he makes me feel "bogged down" with his worries and concerns, which then makes me feel guilty as he has no-one else to talk to. I've tried writing to him to say that he's going through a grieving process etc and that's why he feels like he does. He's after revenge on my S-I-L and I'm trying to talk him out of it, advising him to put it behind him etc. But it's opening old memories (both him and my mum are very manipulating and controlling characters and my relationship with them has often been fraught) and I'm finding myself in a spiral of talking to him on the 'phone, then worrying about it half the night when I should be asleep. As you can see I'm a troubled soul at the moment.:confused:

    So not surprisingly my diet and SS or 790 has gone out of the window!!! I haven't put on - but I soooooo want to lose 2stone + and be back in my size 12's ... I'd even settle for not feeling so uncomfie in my size 14's at the moment! I'm ashamed and embarrassed that i've posted claims on here about doing SS, then going down through the plans, and now 790 and failed at sticking to any of them. So no claims, promises etc ... except that I will come on here offload the s*** :mad: :confused: :( :eek: in my life in my diary and hopefully have a go at getting some normality(??????????!!!!!!!) and control back in my life!

    Again apologies if you've now read this twice ... but desparate to get the discipline of eating food back - and whilst I can counsel other people ... I can't motivate or "sit in the other chair" for myself!
     
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  3. magickmel

    magickmel Loves VLCD's !

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    You sound like you are having a tough time, hugs. A simple but hopefully useful thing I try to dwell on no matter what is going on around me is

    Food doesn't have any answers to any of my problems.

    I know it doesn't and in fact would make me feel more wretched about myself.

    Be kind to you.
    Melissa
     
  4. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Thank you Melissa.

    Food has and is the problem to me only when I'm down, depressed, stressed etc. I can handly it fairly well when I'm happy and contented.... but often by then I've whacked on a load of weight!!!
     
  5. princessfiona

    princessfiona Regular Member

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    I am no help at all but it all sounds so familiar - stress, eat, depressed, eat... I can fully sympathise and just wish I had the answer - I am looking for it too!
    Hope this weekend goes ok Beverly, dont get too stressed.

    Fiona
    X
     
  6. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Thank you Fiona ....

    Love the picture!
     
  7. Gen

    Gen Normal

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    Hiya honey

    my heart really does go out to you but the only advice i can offer you is to take a step back and be selfish with your family, it is a really hard thing to do BUT if you don't you will just run yourself into the ground physically and emotionally and that is not even taking your diet into consideration.

    i have gone through this proces with my own family and while it was very hard and i felt so guilty at the time it was and is the best thing i could have done for ME! i do still feel guilty at times but to be honest it was either them or me at one stage and i just had to choose me. we really are responsible for our own actions and you are well within your rights to tell your brother that he has to get help from somewhere else as well as you still being there for him. your mother on the other hand is quite a different matter as she is sick but living 250 miles away you really can't do a whole lot for her and i'm sure that is hard for you.

    you mentioned that you didn't always have a good relationship with your mother and brother and that they weren't particularly nice to you. this in itself is reason enough for you to totally put yourself first, take a few little steps back and let others deal with it. believe me it is hard but its possible to be selfish 'in a good way' if that makes any sense???

    big hugs to you girl cos families really are tough and maybe if you got this a little bit sorted you might be able to put some of your energy in yourself!!

    love to ya

    Gen xx
     
  8. Coley

    Coley Re-starter

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    Ah Beverley!! Sounding a bit all too familiar for me!! upset? munch munch munch!, angry? munch munch munch!, any reason under the sun apart from that I'm actually hungry? munch munch munch!!!:confused::confused::confused::rolleyes:

    Your life is super stressful at the moment and all things considered I'm amazed that you aren't in a corner crying with a mountain of choccie wrappers engulfing you!!!!!

    The thing with your brother...I'm not exactly qualified to give advice but you have to remember that just because you are the only one he can vent this on doesn't mean he should. You do have to think of yourself sometimes and he's making you unwell and possibly ruining your relastionship with him in the process!! maybe it's time you took some "time out" from him and let him work things out for himself, some "tough love" or whatever it is.....:eek:

    As for your Mum....I am lost...it must be heartbreaking for you (((((hugs))))) all I can think of it trying to distance and distract yourself from it?

    Am sending you good Halloween vibes!!! I will be hopping back on the wagon tomorrow after a few days to celebrate b'day etc, fancy joining me? :eek:

    chin up woman!! you cannot change the things that are happening in your life, but you can change the way that you deal with them. xx
     
  9. Gen

    Gen Normal

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    nicole i'm hopping back on the wagon too tomorrow so maybe we can get a wagon big enough for us all and get going on something for 'us' and let everyone else feck off!!!!

    Gen xx
     
  10. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    Food is hard enough to deal with at the best of times, and times of stress are a nightmare, you have done so well not to put any on.

    I dont really have any avice for you, other than I am thinking of you tons x
     
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  11. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Thanks Gen, Nicole and Vicky,
    Sensible words of advice - and I'll keep coming back to this page to remind myself too.

    Maybe join yr wagon as well Nicole!
     
  12. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

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    Hello

    Only just read your post from a week ago, just wanted to say how sorry I am that things are tough for you.

    I hope this last week has been a better one and that your Mum is not so bad as you feared.

    As for your brother, don't lt yourself be dragged in. Be supportive but bear in mind his troubles are just that, HIS troubles. He must deal with them himself and move on.

    Your diet is probably the least of your concerns just now, quite understandably. Nobody here would judge you for slipping up, many of us use food as support.

    Hugs
     
  13. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Just caught up with your probs Flirty, thety sound awful. I can certainly identify with your worries re your Mum and demanding siblings are'nt unfamiliar either. I wonder if a bit of straight talking to your brother would help? Does he know hoe poorly your Mum is? If he does he has got to appreciate that you need his support - not his adding to your already over loaded emotional state.Maybe it would even help hi to feel needed at the moment. Either way, honesty is the best policy and if he can't change the way he treats you then you will have to severly limit his calls. Dietwise, hmmm, like you I can advise with ease, can I follow my own sensible advice? No! I don't think your head is in the right place for proper dieting, so why not just try eating really healthily and call it a 'detox' or similar, tell yourself that if you lose a few lbs then that is a bonus but not a necessity. That approach does sometimes work for me, i sometimes need to feel unpressurised about the whole weight thing.

    Anyway, hope your visit to your Mum has not been too dificult and that you are feeling a bit better. Take care of yourself, Lots of love
     
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