Liz's CD Diet to Goal

[curlywurly1234]

Well done Liz thats a fab loss!!!
Good on you for chosing the tuna rather than the fish and chips
thats definately the way to go!! Wooooh xx

 

[herewego]

Well done Liz!!

 

[LellyCD]

Hey Liz, well done on those 8lbs! that's fab work! Hope the mag gave you some inspiration,its quite a good one this time i think.
Have a fab day!

x

 

[Watergirl]

Thanks guys, you're all so lovely. Still not being 100%, but not making too many bads choices.
Had a bit of chicken today and a small can of oxtail soup. So want to work towards getting back on the ss+ track. Keep saying I will tomorrow.
Resisted chinese today, as desperately wanted some. Hope everyone is well today xxx

 

[Katycakes]

Sounds OK in the great scheme of things... and better than I have been doing, by far. Keep on keeping on!

xxx

 

[Laura Croft]

You can do it Liz, and you don't need to wait till 'tomorrow' to start. x

 

[Wales]

You can do it Liz, and you don't need to wait till 'tomorrow' to start. x

Yep Yep Yep

And great stuff on avoiding the Chinese, you are doing fab x

 

[Watergirl]

I'm feeling really angry and down today. Almost don't want to post, as don't want to be a moaner, so if you're reading and don't want to be depressed, don't read on.

My Mum upset me today. My Parents went travelling for about a year or so and whilst they were away my Mum kept saying how much she was looking forward to coming back to near where I live to settle near me. Then when I go round the other day they casually say 'when you move (I am looking at moving 20 mins away to be closer to work) we'll probably go back to Shropshire.' I thought that was pretty crap. We're hoping to start a family in the next few years and it would be nice to have Parents around as a helping hand and also nice to think they'd want to live near me. Instead they want to be close to their friends where they used to live. Seems they're not actually that keen on it here now. When I expressed concern they said 'oh, it's only a few hours away.' That doesn't help me if I have a child and need some support and just want my Mum one day.

My annoyance is highlighted because my BF's family are all really close to each other. They would love him to live in the same village as them. I feel like mine couldn't care less sometimes. My dad was in the RAF and we moved around a lot and I've lived away from home a lot, but I was hoping as they retired they'd want to be close to me, especially if I have kids. Obviously not and they were so blase about it. I've always felt like my Parents love each more than me and they're obviously happy as long as they're together - I could be on the other side of the world really. :cry: I think I have abandonment issues.

They are taking our dog away with them camping this weekend and it was a last minute decision. My Mum called me at work to say they needed his food, muzzle and harness and can I drop it round. She doesn't work! She said that she was busy, but I was at work, running the office on my own as my Assistant was off and I'm working really long days. I would have to drive home (in roadworks for 30 mins), drive to theirs (going back on myself towards work) and then back through roadworks (again!). She could pick it up mid afternoon when it's quiet and no queues in roadworks. In the end she did, but I had to basically spell out why it would really help me out if she did that. They want to take our dog - it wasn't my plan!!! I have enough on my plate.

Then today at work I spoke to the most arrogant tw*t of man (sorry for the language, but that's how I feel). He called about a job that he wants me to put him forward for. He started spouting off about how he has worked all over the world (like that should impress me) and if he can install systems in Africa then he's sure he could cope with a little company in Lincolnshire

I told him he was arrogant and that if I wanted someone to install a system in my company I'd rather that they came from a firm in Lincs than someone who knew how to install systems in Africa. Then told him he's not the kind of person that we would choose to represent. It really annoyed me though. He had a really snooty attitude and questionned everything I said. I wish I'd just told him that I couldn't discuss my client with him and that he wasn't suitable.

Then finally, have gone onto the disney forum (dibb) and there is a discussion about CD on it. Someone on there in particular is being critical, but has no idea what the diet is really about (which drives me insane ). So I've posted a long reply to that, that will no doubt result in her hurling abuse at me.

I'm going to go and lie down and curl myself into a little ball and hope no-one ever sees or speaks to me again.

I am such an angry person and I don't know how not to be. I feel like people must hate me and part of me really doesn't care.

 

[Laura Croft]

Awww Liz. You had a really crap day. It's good you posted about it rather than ate over it.

I'm feeling really angry and down today. Almost don't want to post, as don't want to be a moaner, so if you're reading and don't want to be depressed, don't read on.

My Mum upset me today. My Parents went travelling for about a year or so and whilst they were away my Mum kept saying how much she was looking forward to coming back to near where I live to settle near me. Then when I go round the other day they casually say 'when you move (I am looking at moving 20 mins away to be closer to work) we'll probably go back to Shropshire.' I thought that was pretty crap. We're hoping to start a family in the next few years and it would be nice to have Parents around as a helping hand and also nice to think they'd want to live near me. Instead they want to be close to their friends where they used to live. Seems they're not actually that keen on it here now. When I expressed concern they said 'oh, it's only a few hours away.' That doesn't help me if I have a child and need some support and just want my Mum one day.

Okay my mum is very much like this. Granted she remarried but I am well aware I come second to my step-father. It's just one of those things. There are times it still hurts and it took me quite a few years to know how to accept it. But I'm much better for it. I'd really advise you to try to do the same, no matter how hard it is. And you can be grateful you've got your BF's family for support too If both families really wanted you to live close, you'd have more problems...

Now your Mum was being unreasonable re the dog. Just wondering (though not sure re the above) if she was hoping you'd come around for a tea or something... The last time my parents here, I noticed my Mum was becoming more pedantic. It's weird how things change.

Then today at work I spoke to the most arrogant tw*t of man (sorry for the language, but that's how I feel). He called about a job that he wants me to put him forward for. He started spouting off about how he has worked all over the world (like that should impress me) and if he can install systems in Africa then he's sure he could cope with a little company in Lincolnshire

I told him he was arrogant and that if I wanted someone to install a system in my company I'd rather that they came from a firm in Lincs than someone who knew how to install systems in Africa. Then told him he's not the kind of person that we would choose to represent. It really annoyed me though. He had a really snooty attitude and questionned everything I said. I wish I'd just told him that I couldn't discuss my client with him and that he wasn't suitable.

I had to laugh at your comeback to him. You shut him up in the end though.

Then finally, have gone onto the disney forum (dibb) and there is a discussion about CD on it. Someone on there in particular is being critical, but has no idea what the diet is really about (which drives me insane ). So I've posted a long reply to that, that will no doubt result in her hurling abuse at me.

I've started to bite my tongue when non-CD people talk about CD. They just don't get the program and it's not worth the effort of trying to explain it. If people don't want to believe in it, they won't.

I'm going to go and lie down and curl myself into a little ball and hope no-one ever sees or speaks to me again.

:wave_cry: xx We care.

I am such an angry person and I don't know how not to be. I feel like people must hate me and part of me really doesn't care.

There's two things here. One you are talking about anger and the other is self-esteem. Yep, if anger is an issue for you, you need to learn some ways to deal with it, apart from eating. I found when I first stopped eating over sadness, the feelings felt worse because they were just so raw. Is there someone you can talk to about this, like a therapist?

You know I don't think any of the issues were about you today. Maybe you've taken some things personally (story of my life) but people are so often wrapped up in their own world, they don't think about others.

I hope you are feeling better by the time you read this. x

 

[Watergirl]

BF about to come in a minute, but didn't want to read and run. Thank you Laura (have tears in my eyes) for taking the time to empathise with everything.

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one to feel that way about my Mum. That was a really thoughtful reply xxx

P.s. I'm waiting for a therapist to get in touch actually, but they came back with an appointment when I was due to go on hols!

 

[Bess]

What a sad post and a brilliant reply from Laura. Poor Liz, I quite understand how you feel about your parents, mine did the same to me. We moved all round the country, I went to 8 different schools and never settled anywhere and finally when I went to Uni they moved to North Wales. When we had our 4 children there was no one to help to look after them so they went everywhere with me, and were very good. My mother's reaped the result though, the children aren't particularly fond of either set of grandparents, they just never connected somehow.
My mother always made me feel guilty that I didn't follow them there, but I'd just had enough and came back to my BF now husband. Couldn't have worked there anyway, don't speak Welsh and she knew that because she couldn't get a teaching job for the same reason! Big hug lovey, chin up, we all care about you and we'll be able to be really boring on the subject of child rearing given half a chance, we've had 100's of children between us all!! xx

 

[Katycakes]

Liz, really feel for you honey. My mum & I have had a difficult relationship always... she has a skill for making me feel bad. I think mums can hurt us more than anyone... they know us so well, yet often don't seem to know us at all. I used to feel so bad about it, feel it is a part of my eating issues (know it is) but lately I see that I probably hurt mum too, without meaning to. We just don't 'get' each other on any level. But the love is there, Liz - otherwise you wouldn't be feeling hurt. I just so empathize.

As for the idiot at work, better maybe to speak your mind than to let it all fester?

Big hugs. Sorry you have had a lousy day... hope you are curled up with bf now, talking it out and starting to let go and feel better. Tomorrow is another day.

xxx

 

[Wales]

Can't add much more to the posts above, hope your BF is home as a big hug always helps x

 

[Watergirl]

It's so nice to have you all here to talk to. Yesterday felt so raw and sensitive. I think I am angry at my Parents. Angry at my Dad for moving us around all over the place and angry at my Mum for always doing what my Dad wanted and not being strong enough to do what she thought was best for me sometimes.
This whole moving back to Newport will be my Dad's idea. My Mum will have probably said initially 'but what about Lizzie? I don't really want to leave her' and my Dad will have said 'Don't be silly love, she'll be fine' and talked her round.

Anyway, it is good to know that other people can understand how I feel. You don't realise how much of an impact moving around creates. It made me restless for many years and I never felt settled and now I actually do want to settle. Now I want a family that all live within walking distance. I want someone I can call up in the middle of the night and say 'DD or DS is doing this, is that normal?', for example?

I'm not at all close to my grandparents. My Dad's have passed away, but I probably saw them 20 times in my life, if that. My Mum's mum is still alive, but I don't really know her and feel quite awkard around her. When I see my BF's Mum with her grandson, I know that's what I want our kids to have.

Laura - that reply really helped at the right time. I have spoken to my Mum before and said that I feel that they love each more than me and she says it's not true. I have my BF now, but I guess what upsets me is the ease with which they are able to move away. With regards to counselling I've been waiting since I went on my anti-depressants, which is about 4 months ago! Not exactly quick off the mark the NHS. Good job I'm not suicidal really.

Bess - it's hard isn't it, the moving around? I begged to go to boarding school because of it, but I hated it there. I didn't exactly have a tough childhood, but I'm envious of people who have lifelong friends and roots. You lot can be my parental advisors when we have a family then I'll take you up on that!

Katy - know what you mean about the making you feel bad thing. I know it's not intentional with my Mum. She is very caring and loving. It's just that she often felt stuck in the middle of me and my Dad I think. He would want to do things and she probably felt it wasn't best for me, but they had to keep a united front! I know that my eating issues are down to my Dad. I do feel guilty though feeling this anger towards them because at the same time, we are all close. I love them dearly and I know that they love me, but I think they think I'm more independent than I actually am.
Having had mental health issues in the past they do sometimes say things like 'we know how stressed you are' or 'we didn't want to stress you out when you've not been well' they intend well, but it undermines me, so I often keep how I feel hidden from them.

Wales - very right. He listened to me for a long, long time and hugged me lots last night. He is the most supportive person in my life and I'm lucky to have him.

Anyway, feeling much brighter. Every one of your replies has cheered me up. We all have issues with family at times I think, but sometimes it feels like you're the only person in the world going through something!

Glad it's Friday. Hope everyone is having a nice day - off to catch up on diaries now. xxx

 

[Laura Croft]

Good to hear you are feeling a bit brighter today. x

 

[Katycakes]

Glad things feel better... Friday hug.

xxx

 

[Wales]

Glad you got the hugs and support you needed.

Can I join in on the Friday hug please??

Hope you have a good weekend x

 

[Bess]

Glad you got the hugs and support you needed.

Can I join in on the Friday hug please??

Hope you have a good weekend x

Just for you Wales. :hug99: x!
And here's one for Saturday as well! :hug99:

 

[Bess]

Liz, yes we all do have these complicated family problems from time to time and mostly I think they are unresolved. I can definately trace my comfort eating to a really bad time in my childhood which could never be made better.

I have tried however, (with varying degrees of success) to see it this way:

Bad things happened when I was young and I felt lost, very scared and alone. These feelings hung around for years and were spoiling my life. I decided that I didn't want to feel this way for the rest of it.
So:
1. I couldn't change what had happened.
2. None of it was my fault.
3. It wasn't my repsonsibilty to put things right.
4. They couldn't be put right.
5. I was never going to get an apology or any recognition of the damage they had caused/were causing.
6. I needed to move on. I am not responsible for my parent's happiness. Leave them and their problems behind, look to the future not the past.
7. I've done it. I am not responsible for anyone's behaviour but my own (and my children's when they were younger.)
8. I will continue to look after my mother because I want to, not because I think I should. I can't and do not have to make her happy.
9. I have broken the chain of guilt and misery by not accepting it as my lot.
10. I cannot forgive either of them, forgiveness is a response to regret, and they never felt that.
11. It doesn't matter any more, because I won't let it. I've moved on by taking responsibility for my own happiness.

This isn't very clear, I've rambled a bit and haven't been able to really describe what I mean. Perhaps you can see a bit of it? I hope you find some peace too, some of it has come with the years passing. There are lots of good things about getting older. Try to just let it go.

There used to be a rather glib saying doing the rounds. It was something like,'Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff.' It's true.

Great boyfriend by the way, I should hang on to that one!! And well done you for telling that creep to get lost at work the other day too!! Atta girl!! xx

 

[Katycakes]

I will continue to look after my mother because I want to, not because I think I should. I can't and do not have to make her happy.
I have broken the chain of guilt and misery by not accepting it as my lot.
It doesn't matter any more, because I won't let it. I've moved on by taking responsibility for my own happiness.

Going to get this framed and hang it inside my head. Thanks Bess... more love and wisdom in this post than anything I have read in a long time.

Liz, you'll be OK. You're not the only one, and though for all of us the details are different, the feelings inside are the same... but as with eating, we get to choose. How we react, how we feel, how we deal. Can't put it any better than Bess.

G'night all.

xxx