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Lost & Found... Map Gone AWOL!

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
#1
I am not at goal yet, so feel a bit of a fraud posting here, but I know I need to do something different to spur me through the last few steps of the journey if I am ever going to get there! I thought a diary for myself - but one that others can see & post on - would help me stay focused!

So here goes...

I have two and a half pounds to go until goal, I started my journey in November when I was at an all-time low and felt that not one part of my life was under control. I was at rock bottom. I feel so different now... I've come a long way in all kinds of ways.

Recently I read that you should be careful about saying you've 'lost' weight... in case the 'lost' weight comes back and finds you! So I haven't lost that 3 stone 8lbs, I have 'shed' it and I don't want it back, ever, thank you. I didn't lose the weight, I worked hard to shed it, but in the process found a few things I didn't expect....

I found an eating disorder I'd never owned up to before, a compulsive eating, binge-eat cloud that had hung over my life for 25 years or more. I cannot say I have 'lost' this yet, but I have been working on it since January and feel stronger and less controlled by it. And there have been no more binges since then, which is a minor miracle.

I found friends, supporters and role models on minis - strangers who reached out to help, to advise, to share, to be there. I could never have come so far without them.

I found that taking control of one part of my life has helped me to begin taking control of other areas, too. I realized I was the one making the choices, all along.

I have found appreciation and thankfulness for my lovely family, and for my friends who make me smile, who understand, who always care.

Hmmm. There's more than this, but that is enough to start with I guess! So scary to be posting on here, and scary to be on the 1000 step... it feels like a lot of food, and like it could all go pear-shaped (like me) at any minute. But CD has worked for me so far, and I am going to make sure it goes on working. Better go get some work done, but I'll be back later...

xxx
 
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Serena A

Can't think of a title
#2
I am not at goal yet, so feel a bit of a fraud posting here, but I know I need to do something different to spur me through the last few steps of the journey if I am ever going to get there! I thought a diary for myself - but one that others can see & post on - would help me stay focused!
Hi Katy

I'm so glad you took the plunge and started your diary, I really hope you find it as helpful to you as I have found by keeping mine. I'm sure others will learn loads from it too!

Don't feel a fraud at all, you're at a healthy BMI so anything else from here onwards is your own personal choice rather than a decision being driven by health requirements etc.

Congratulations on your massive achievement so far, not just with the physical weight loss but with your journey of self-discovery.

I look forward to reading your musings. :)

Serena xxx
 
#3
Serena says it exactly....you are a maintainer, maintaining your weighloss to date and striving for a few pounds more. Go girl!! x
 

LellyCD

Trying to stay healthy!
#4
Hiya Katy:D

Welcome to the maintenance bit! Sooo happy to see you here!!:clap:

What a fabulous post, well done for being so honest and open, so great that you have faced your issues and and continued on with focus.

You have done fabulously well and you'll be at your goal in no time. Hope fully having a diary well help you to get there too.

Congratulations on coming so far hun!

xxxx
 

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
#5
Thank you all for making me feel so welcome!!! You have made me feel all smiley and happy and positive.

Monday 27th April:

Started diary, because managing 1000 plan on my own has not been going very well up to now. I started out fine this morning... CD porridge, berries & spoonful of 0% greek yoghurt. Then two off-plan oatcakes with almond butter, rapidly followed by two mini slices of sprouted wheat bread with bit of mashed banana. Uhhhh???? All before 10am. I can't have been hungry, but the sudden appearance of carbs in my diet is seriously messing with my head... what is going on?

So, came over here and started my diary and since then I have been 100%, partly because it has helped me to focus and partly because I knew I'd have to confess any further wobbles. I was really scared of 1000 so maybe my carb-struggle weekend was to be expected... bet if I had looked forward to it with a positive attitude, I'd have been fine! But I will be OK now I think. Tantrum over.

lunch: bowl of mixed salad leaves followed by herb tea & Toffee Malt bar
Tea: wholemeal pasta, quorn, spinach & asparagus

I'm going to re-read the other diaries to see how you guys coped with 1000... want to get this right from now on.

xxx
 

Serena A

Can't think of a title
#6
I can't have been hungry, but the sudden appearance of carbs in my diet is seriously messing with my head... what is going on?
Scary isn't it - no matter how well we think we're doing each step brings with it its own challenges - but on the plus side it also brings its own achievements!

Can totally see why people go off the rails more often than not if they dive straight into WW/healthy eating etc rather than work their way up, there's a lot more to it than simply eating a bit more isn't there?!

You're doing really well...stay strong and don't forget we're behind you every CD step of the way. :D

xxx
 

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
#7
I know Serena... wouldn't have got this far without you all! Felt a bit ashamed about admitting to this morning's shaky start, but hey, the whole point is to be honest. And if this diary can keep me on track it will be 100% worth it. It feels like every step forward is accompanied by a slip, a fall. Like nothing sinks into my head unless accompanied by a mistake to 'illustrate' the point. BUT... every time you have to get up, dust yourself down and carry on, right?

Baby steps...
xxx
 

KD

Gone fishing
#9
So pleased to see you here Katy :clap:

I remember your very first message on minimins and just knew you would get there :clap:
BUT... every time you have to get up, dust yourself down and carry on, right?
Yep, and you say "interesting...wonder why I did that" :D

You'll be fine :cool:
 

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
#11
Thanks KD... glad you knew I'd make it, I wasn't quite so sure!!! Still, you were right, I guess! Thanks for the welcome, it means a lot.

Trip, you're gonna be here any time now... you're so close!

OK... food diary so far...
brekky - CD porridge & spoonful 0% greek yog;
lunch - used cal allowance from brekky to have 2 teeny slices sprouted wheat bread (sort of oatcake-sized) with half a mashed banana, & herb tea.
This leaves me with a choc shake for later & also my main meal... it's just occurring to me that it takes more planning on 1000, on 810 I just chucked the quorn & veg in the wok and added chilli flakes or herbs according to mood... today, I can choose brown rice or cous cous or brown pasta... decisions, decisions!

Over weekend I think I put on a little, but scales have me back at 11st 3lbish today... not that my scales are very accurate. But I'm hoping! I chose to skip a weigh-in this week as had enough packs for week and thought a gain might upset me... hope that was right choice. It seems a long time till next weigh day!

Anyone know some reliable/cheapish electronic scales? Or am I just being paranoid?

xxx
 

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
#12
Tuesday 28th April... continued!

One hot choc shake mid afternoon... yum.

Had 2 quorn fillets, I pitta bread, a big green salad and a little squidge of ketchup for my main meal... there was a lot of ketchup talk on the main forum today & how it was allowed on 1000... so I hope it was! I am not certain if the quorn fillets were, either, but they were only 97 cals altogether & v. low carb & fat too, so I am hoping it was an OK meal. I know I was definitely under 1000 cals today. And I loved everything I ate!

Feeling a bit safer and happier now with the 1000... just a bit of panic to start with, I think. About time I learned that doing the plans properly feels a lot better than going off at random tangents... yup, as KD says,
Yep, and you say "interesting...wonder why I did that"
And learn from it. And stop making the same mistake so often, 'cos that makes me look stooopid. Sigh!!!

And as Serena says,
My life is built on mistakes
Ah well... mistakes make a pretty solid foundation for building, I guess.

Good day.I think!

xxx
 

Lostris

Serena's title didn't fit
#13
Just got back from Paris, tired as hell but I had to say;

WELCOME to this forum my dear, you belong here and you will do great in maintenance. Will make proper post later or tomorrow!

xxxx
 

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
#14
Wednesday 29th April...

Aw, thanks Lostris!!! Great to have you back, have missed your posts - hope you had a brilliant time and wore those skinny pink jeans as you strolled along the banks of the Seine!

So... seemed like a long day today, but not a bad one... worked hard, had a friend drop by for lunch (was actually able to eat some with her, yay!!!) and more pals for coffee in the evening... they had cake, I didn't. Katycakes resists CAKE!!!! Put the flags out!!!

Brekky: CD porridge, 1 spoonful 0% Greek yoghurt.
mid morning: coffee with half a pack of CD choc shake in it...
lunch: boiled egg with wheaten bread (from brekky menu!)
2pm: CD peanut bar
7pm: quorn, spinach, broccoli, wholemeal pasta.

I have had 2 & a half CD packs, technically, but better than picking I hope... was hungry in the morning and the mocha-coffee stopped me from straying. 1000 is feeling a lot better than it did the first few days... phew.

Scales seem the same. (I am hoping for miracles... sigh!!!)

xxx
 

LellyCD

Trying to stay healthy!
#16
...Scales seem the same. (I am hoping for miracles... sigh!!!)
xxx
Hi Katy, you are doing great hun! Glad you are feeling good about 1000 it's great isn't it! It took me quite a few weeks and a leap of faith in CD before i would accept that the scales weren't going to zoom right back up to where i started once eating more cals/carbs but the evidence is there every morning for me and i love it!

xx
 

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
#19
Hmm, not sure my menu ideas would meet with CD approval, Buffy, but I am working on the basis that this is the real world & I have to make 1000 work for me, so I am doing my very best to adjust it for veggie-use! And have found I need more than a green salad in middle of day, so having CD porridge for brekky & my brekky 'meal' for lunch... I suppose it all evens out in the end as long as it adds up the same! Buffy, you are almost there... go, girl!!!

Lelly, am amazed that I can eat carbs and live to tell tale... I went a bit mad the first few days and put on two/three lbs maybe (my scale is unreliable) but the minute I started doing things properly I felt happier, 'safer' ie the carb hunger has calmed down again, and the weight has settled. The phantom extra lbs have gone and possibly another... I HOPE!!! I really need a decent scales though...

Sleepy, thanks for the thumbs up, feel like I am lurching my way up the steps blindfold, but at least I am moving in the right direction!

xxx
 

Lostris

Serena's title didn't fit
#20
I am not at goal yet, so feel a bit of a fraud posting here, but I know I need to do something different to spur me through the last few steps of the journey if I am ever going to get there! I thought a diary for myself - but one that others can see & post on - would help me stay focused!

So here goes...

I have two and a half pounds to go until goal, I started my journey in November when I was at an all-time low and felt that not one part of my life was under control. I was at rock bottom. I feel so different now... I've come a long way in all kinds of ways.

Recently I read that you should be careful about saying you've 'lost' weight... in case the 'lost' weight comes back and finds you! So I haven't lost that 3 stone 8lbs, I have 'shed' it and I don't want it back, ever, thank you. I didn't lose the weight, I worked hard to shed it, but in the process found a few things I didn't expect....

I found an eating disorder I'd never owned up to before, a compulsive eating, binge-eat cloud that had hung over my life for 25 years or more. I cannot say I have 'lost' this yet, but I have been working on it since January and feel stronger and less controlled by it. And there have been no more binges since then, which is a minor miracle.

I found friends, supporters and role models on minis - strangers who reached out to help, to advise, to share, to be there. I could never have come so far without them.

I found that taking control of one part of my life has helped me to begin taking control of other areas, too. I realized I was the one making the choices, all along.

I have found appreciation and thankfulness for my lovely family, and for my friends who make me smile, who understand, who always care.

Hmmm. There's more than this, but that is enough to start with I guess! So scary to be posting on here, and scary to be on the 1000 step... it feels like a lot of food, and like it could all go pear-shaped (like me) at any minute. But CD has worked for me so far, and I am going to make sure it goes on working. Better go get some work done, but I'll be back later...

xxx
Hello my dear!

A bit longer post now, don't really know what to write though so bear with me.

I'm really glad you started a diary here, it helps and it's a great place for support. So many people lurk around and post in your diary, makes you feel part of the community. I guess we find some of the people on this forum to be our bestest forumfriends *winks at Serena* and others to be good friends who really want to help out. It helps to be able to confess blips to someone whose opinion you value, not sure about you but I value everyone's opinion here! :D

Very proud of you for fessing up about the binging, takes a lot of guts and you did it. Realising you have a problem is the first step to fixing it, however cliche that sounds it proves to be quite true. ;) I've had similar episodes and I can assure you it gets much better and easier. There will likely be rough times through maintenance as it introduces foods back you may have wanted for a while now. ;) Most important part is to just keep going. I personally really don't think about food all day now, I used to, and its controlling my life so much less now!!!!

CD is the first of many steps, as shedding the weight really isn't the hardest part. Making sure it doesn't come back on, dealing with what lead you to binge etc... is a lot harder (or it is in my eyes!) but I know you can do it, you've come a long way and we will all be here to make sure you don't turn back!;)

Keep it up!!

xxx
 


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