Lost It...

[mathswiz]

I totally lost it today! :cry:

It was only a matter of time really. One of my friends mentioned he ate a chocolate muffin a few days ago. All I could think of last night was how good a chocolate muffin would taste! So this morning, I woke up at 7am and drove to Tesco to get a chocolate muffin. Think I really do have a problem. When I'm good, I'm really good. But when I'm bad, I just go crazy!

An extract from my shopping list this morning included:

• The chocolate muffin (which I ate for breakfast)
• Chicken Stuffing Sandwich (I haven't eaten bread for 11 weeks!)
• Pack of McCoys Cheese crisps
• Pack of Revels
• Pack of chocolate M&Ms
• Bag of Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations crisps
• Pack of Choco Liebniz chocolate biscuits

It's 5pm and I have eaten everything apart from the last 2 items, which I am planning to eat tonight.

There is part of me that doesn't want to, but there is the other part that shouts "Get it out of your system. You've been bad anyway - do it really matter how bad you are?!" Stupid bad (and fat) Lisa!!!

I've bought 21 more Exante shakes today. I'm ready for my re-start on Friday. I'll have to be. I can't go on like this otherwise I can see myself gaining all the weight back and I never want to go back there again!

I bought some hypnosis CDs (Glenn Harrold and Paul McKenna) so hoping these will help me back on track.

Omg...I need to get a grip!

 

[vanda]

You are not the only one, reading your post reminded me so much of the way I have been behaving of late. Either 100% on whatever plan I am following for that day(!), or out of control. Last night I drove to Tesco's too - chocolate, crisps, ice cream (after pie and chips from the chippy on the way back) all scoffed leaving me feeling sick. This is why I feel I need some counselling to help me to deal with these binges expecially when I am not even hungry.
I dont know about you but it gives me some comfort in a warped way to realise that I am not the only person who does this. Try not to beat yourself up, I know its easier said than done, but you are determined not to let this beat you and will succeed. You are not stupid, bad or fat Tesco has a lot to answer for do you think we could sue them?

 

[mathswiz]

You are not the only one, reading your post reminded me so much of the way I have been behaving of late. Either 100% on whatever plan I am following for that day(!), or out of control. Last night I drove to Tesco's too - chocolate, crisps, ice cream (after pie and chips from the chippy on the way back) all scoffed leaving me feeling sick. This is why I feel I need some counselling to help me to deal with these binges expecially when I am not even hungry.
I dont know about you but it gives me some comfort in a warped way to realise that I am not the only person who does this. Try not to beat yourself up, I know its easier said than done, but you are determined not to let this beat you and will succeed. You are not stupid, bad or fat Tesco has a lot to answer for do you think we could sue them?

Omg Vanda, you really sound like me!

You know what I ended up doing tonight? I sneaked into the kitchen and brought a bowl upstairs to my room. I locked the door and poured my Thai Sweet Chilli crisps into the bowl. It was like my own secret love affair or something. Ate the whole pack, then the whole pack of chocolate biscuits. All washed down with a bottle of Diet Coke. I felt really full and a bit sick afterwards. I don't even know why I did it. I wasn't hungry. I have no idea. Now I am feeling my arms to see whether they have gotten bigger....it's so stupid...:cry:

Do you know what one of my colleagues said to me today? She said I look really slim now and she was going to tell me the other day but there were too many other people around. I said I wished she had told me cos maybe it would have stopped my food rampage! And it was a full on rampage today...

Tomorrow is not going to be so bad. It's the last day before my re-start. I am planning to have pasta for lunch and an Italian meal for dinner. But nothing near as bad as today.

I think I need counselling as well. I really feel like food takes over my life. Either I am on a diet or I am eating to the point where I feel sick. There is no middle ground with me. I really want to find a balance so I can stop thinking about food and just get on with my life.

I'm sorry to hear you suffer from the same feelings as me, but I am glad that there is someone who understands how my brain thinks and how I feel. Do you know what brings on your eating urges? I'm still trying to find out why I have these sudden urges....and why I seem to lack control sometimes.

I'm really hoping to get back on track on Friday. Get back on the Exante WS programme and get the extra weight off. Probably won't weigh myself on Friday cos I know it won't be good. Gonna try and stick to it 100% and see where I am next week.

 

[Predator]

Hey, if you're gonna have a break off, at least break off in style eh! You certainly achieved that haha sounds scrumptious...

I do feel your pain though, I also have trouble, I sometimes smell food and stuff, and at times I've had to force myself to sleep because I've just been constantly thinking about food and stuff and it has been driving me crazy but the losses and the improvements to my body inspire and motivate me.

 

[Sarah_P]

Good luck with restarting on Friday Lisa. There is a big thing about emotional eating and I am sure there will be some info on this on the Lighter Life board.

I also suffered with those kinds of thoughts for years and yo-yo dieted for more years that I want to remember. But then I think I realised that I was in control of food and it wasn't the other way around. I developed positive attitudes to it and realised that only I could make the change to my weight and that had to start with sorting out my relationship with food. Doing a meal replacement has given me the distance to sit back and look at what the old style of eating was doing to my body and what the "right" way of eating for me does instead. Now that I have the knowledge, it has made me see food in a different way. I now respect food and understand that when I reach goal, I can have everything that I want to, but all in moderation. For me it's also about not feeling guilty for eating something, as the guilt often then leads to you eating loads of other things because you think "well I have broken it now so may as well go the whole hog". So when I ate a cream egg at Easter I didn't have any guilt about it. I enjoyed every little bit of it knowing that I wouldn't gain from it. I just wouldn't lose that day. Then I stopped at that and got on with my day. I would NEVER have done this before.

So that was all a bit rambly, but I guess what I am saying was for me it was about educating myself and making decisions about what I wanted to be in the future. I don't want to ever go back to where I was and so I recognise that I can can control this.

Not sure if that all helps for you guys!

 

[dreamingmaid]

Hi Lisa,

Just thought i'd add my thoughts to your thread.
Firstly, what you are feeling is completely natural, you have been on a low calorie diet and your body has felt deprived. It's only natural that it will want to rebel against the diet and go on an eating rampage. It isn't your fault.
Secondly, you should not call yourself stupid and fat....would you allow anyone else to call you that? You've had a slip, it happens, good knows i've done it.

I've been thinking about starting exante tomorrow....i was going to start next week due to a social occasion coming up, but now that has been cancelled and part of me thinks no time like the present.
You can be my Exante buddy if you want, seeing as we are starting on the same day.


Be kind to yourself girl
xx

 

[mathswiz]

Hey, if you're gonna have a break off, at least break off in style eh! You certainly achieved that haha sounds scrumptious...

I do feel your pain though, I also have trouble, I sometimes smell food and stuff, and at times I've had to force myself to sleep because I've just been constantly thinking about food and stuff and it has been driving me crazy but the losses and the improvements to my body inspire and motivate me.

Thanks for your reply, Aaron.

I certainly did break my diet in style. I have been doing the same thing recently. I got to sleep at like 9pm to stop myself from eating more food!

You look like you're doing really well. I'm also really happy with how my body image is improving which is why it's a mystery to me as to why I want to destroy it!

Hope you're having a good day.

 

[mathswiz]

Good luck with restarting on Friday Lisa. There is a big thing about emotional eating and I am sure there will be some info on this on the Lighter Life board.

I also suffered with those kinds of thoughts for years and yo-yo dieted for more years that I want to remember. But then I think I realised that I was in control of food and it wasn't the other way around. I developed positive attitudes to it and realised that only I could make the change to my weight and that had to start with sorting out my relationship with food. Doing a meal replacement has given me the distance to sit back and look at what the old style of eating was doing to my body and what the "right" way of eating for me does instead. Now that I have the knowledge, it has made me see food in a different way. I now respect food and understand that when I reach goal, I can have everything that I want to, but all in moderation. For me it's also about not feeling guilty for eating something, as the guilt often then leads to you eating loads of other things because you think "well I have broken it now so may as well go the whole hog". So when I ate a cream egg at Easter I didn't have any guilt about it. I enjoyed every little bit of it knowing that I wouldn't gain from it. I just wouldn't lose that day. Then I stopped at that and got on with my day. I would NEVER have done this before.

So that was all a bit rambly, but I guess what I am saying was for me it was about educating myself and making decisions about what I wanted to be in the future. I don't want to ever go back to where I was and so I recognise that I can can control this.

Not sure if that all helps for you guys!

That helps a lot, Sarah. Thank you!

I need to read up on emotional eating. I wish I could get to where you are. I thought I was "there" at one point during my 11 weeks, but obviously I wasn't fully re-educated!

Gonna put things behind me and just start afresh tomorrow. Thanks for all your words of wisdom! You're gonna be a great counsellor!

 

[mathswiz]

Hi Lisa,

Just thought i'd add my thoughts to your thread.
Firstly, what you are feeling is completely natural, you have been on a low calorie diet and your body has felt deprived. It's only natural that it will want to rebel against the diet and go on an eating rampage. It isn't your fault.
Secondly, you should not call yourself stupid and fat....would you allow anyone else to call you that? You've had a slip, it happens, good knows i've done it.

I've been thinking about starting exante tomorrow....i was going to start next week due to a social occasion coming up, but now that has been cancelled and part of me thinks no time like the present.
You can be my Exante buddy if you want, seeing as we are starting on the same day.


Be kind to yourself girl
xx

Thanks dreamingmaid.

You're right! I would never let anyone else call me those names, so I shouldn't call myself them!

I think it's a great idea to be diet buds!

I will probably start a new thread tomorrow and we can both post our progress in it.

I'm going back on Working Solution (3 Exante packs and a low carb meal). I'm ready to deal with the remaining weight now!

Good luck for your 1st day! If you want to write something first, then post a new thread and I'll just add to it when I get some time tomorrow!

 

[Sarah_P]

Dreaming maid is right. Don't put yourself down as afterall we are all human!

Being diet buddies is a great idea. Having this forum has been a life saver for me on my diet journey, as it helps so much to have others going through the same to talk to.

We will always crave things and it takes time to learn to deal with that and to take control of the craving before it takes control of you. I still crave things and have wanted fresh bread with jam all week. I don't want to have it yet as it won't help me get to where I want to be, but I take comfort in knowing that I can have it soon (but not 4 slices as I might have previously had )

Good luck to both of you starting tomorrow.

 

[Naturalblue]

Hi Mathswiz.....I'm definitely an emotional eater....the first hint of stress.......food, food, food. Hence the reason to lose weight. This time though I'm using Sarah's principles. I'm in this for the long term. I will have breaks....2 weekends away with extented family (10 of us) this month as well as my daughter's 21st. I have every intention of enjoying those days off and fully accept that I might stay the same but will probably have gains. I going to go straight back on plan after each blip and then in June (fingers and toes crossed) have a clear run for 4 weeks and then look at working solution. it's taken me 2 years to get into this frame of mind and I know it's going to be hard. I think it would be great for you and dreamingmaid to buddy up . You've also got the rest of us for cyber support as well. You've started this journey with fantastic results. Okay you've had a steep hill to climb, hopefully you are now at the top of it and are now ready for that quick walk downhill back to the flat agin. Good luck.:grouphugg:

 

[vanda]

Lisa

Hope you are being kinder to youself. I use food to mask any negative or difficult emotions I may be feeling not very sensible since you end up feeling worse after not better, if I distract myself for a while the feelings do go and I dont binge but easier said than done.
I am determined this will not beat me and I will not let food control my life any longer.

Sarah your post was so motivating it does help to hear how you dealt with food issues yourself and I agree with the distance from food helping cos this is where I am at the mo.

 

[Sarah_P]

Glad to be of help Vanda.

One other thing I have been meaning to say for days is that there is a food diary on the Exante diet website. Here's a link for it. http://www.exanteinc.com/documents/food_diary.pdf. You might find this useful Lisa. If you were to think about completing it for the day you had your binge, what would you have put? Now try completing it for an exante day and see what the differences are.