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made me laff

Did you know this?

Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

23.715% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
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