Massive rant because I am totally cheesed off (sorry!!!)

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Elvira, 19 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    I don't mean to moan. Actually, that's a lie. I totally do mean to. This is going to be long...

    Firstly, I seem to be unable to stick to SS anymore. I really want to but for some reason I can't seem to link the fact that eating normally = gaining weight in such a way that makes me stop eating!!!

    I originally lost 7st on SS in 6 months and I have put 3st back on. I spent a lot of time trying to restart (hence all the up down up down on my weight chart) and finally felt really motivated and gave it a final shot (this time). This is my 14th day on SS and I have not made it more that 4 days 100% yet. When I originally lost all the weight, I was getting a lot of male attention and I changed as a person. I was really playing up to that attention and it caused a huge rift between me and my partner. I became unhappy and started to eat. As I put the weight back on, things with my partner got better because I wasn't getting the attention. I feel like now perhaps I am sub-consciously self-sabotaging so that things with my OH stay good. Does that make sense???

    Secondly, I seem to have no friends. The friends I had before leaving my old job never seem to contact me. I am always left out of the loop. Last night I went out with them for the first time in like a year and it was awful. I was really pushed out and may aswell have stayed at home. Then I had chicken nuggets and chips from the kebab shop to make me feel better but it actually made me feel worse. On the plus side it has made me determined to be 100%. Loads of really slim girls were making comments about the way I was dressed and I felt so stupid and fat. It was awful!

    I'm moving to Swansea in 8 weeks for uni and I am petrified that I won't make friends and I do not want to be dealing with being fat aswell. I went to uni once before and I was grossly overweight (nearing 22st). As a result I wouldn't go out, and I became depressed. I would stay in bed all day and stopped going to lectures. In the end I quit uni. My OH was with me all through this and was very supportive but I couldn't drag myself out of it. We moved back to the area we used to live in and things got much better.

    I just don't want a repeat of that. I have so much more confidence now but I still feel self-conscious of my weight.

    Ideally I want to get to at least 15st before I go to uni (I got down to 14st 11lbs at my lowest and was quite comfortable there). That gives me 9 weeks to lose 36lbs (ish) which is 4lbs a week. I know I can do this, but why can't I stick at it?!?!

    I want real friends who are there for me when I need them, friends who can come over for girly nights or to go to the movies with. I'm fed up with being the outsider, the one who gets left out.

    So sorry for all this whinging but I am feeling so low today and needed to get it all off my chest!!!

    :sign0163:
     
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  3. Watergirl

    Watergirl Rock Solid

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    <hugs> sounds like you're having a bit of a crappy time.
    Why don't you consider starting on a higher plan? I know that you probably feel like you won't lose the weight as quickly, but at the moment you're up and down anyway.
    At least if you succeed at that you'll start to feel better about yourself. You can always drop to SS then if you feel ready. Why not start on 1000?

    Don't worry about what people say about your clothes. Skinny people can be insensitive, having never had weight issues. Girls (and boys) in general can be *****y - it's their way of making themselves feel ok about themselves.
    No-one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them!
     
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  4. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    Thanks Watergirl,

    I am considering doing SS+ because that way I can eat in the evenings but I should still get the big losses. I am okay all day, it's the evenings that are my undoing!!! x
     
  5. imagisal

    imagisal Full Member

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    I really feel for you and send a big hug. Looking at your weight chart things could be alot worse...alot of people gain their original weight back and more...so you have addressed the issue before that scenario. It seems you are under huge pressure re partner and Uni and generally being a young person. You have alot of good insights and I think you may have found some of the threads connected to underlying causes about why you are over eating and not sticking to the CD in the way you want. So, the question is how to change things. For me changing meant getting professional help, different ways of seeing things, different perspectives....more information on why the behaviour kicks in and learning about the tools to break the patterns. You are a beautiful young woman, intelligent and courageous enough to want to address your issues. Don't base the path of your life on a relationship that seems safe as long as you act a certain way, it becomes something a place to hide. Get some advice from the eating disorders service, or your gp . You have done so well by your self but the added support could allow you to create a better way of handling food and allow you to move through all the barriers to a full life that being overweght can create. Best wishes, keep going...you will get there.
     
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  6. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    Thanks imagisal,

    I will definitely look into the eating disorders service. I don't hold a lot of faith in GPs because I finally got up the nerve to go and ask for help with my depression and they did nothing.

    My partner loves me to bits-I was a total cow to him when I lost the weight. I don't want people to think badly of him. He is so supportive and has stuck with me through thick and thin. I don't want to be the person I was when I lost the weight and that's what I need to address. At least I have wised to it so next time I will think about it more.

    I am really proud of myself for keeping 4st off, I just want to be able to get to goal and learn a new way of life when it comes to eating x
     
  7. towergilly

    towergilly Full Member

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    hey chuck first well done at trying to stick with it losing weight - getting into university - persuing your goals - still going out when you feel crappy -not staying in bed all day- recognising you have a problem and attempting to deal with it well done
    doctors can now refer you to eating psychologist who can help you deal with your issues around food and probably all the other niggles we as humans carry around - try a higher program or as i do save 2 packs for the evening when i know i need more i usually have a huge bowl of porridge made with 2 packs or have a mousse which always makes me feel better -
    your doing fantastically dont beat yourself up about it and moan all you want!

    much much love

    ps (when you go to uni you'll meet loads of new friends and will probably get fed up of going out all the time!)
     
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  8. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    thanks towergilly,

    i guess i have taken a lot of assertive steps. i am trying to set myself mini goals. have made a ticker to track the number of days i do SS 100% so watching the numbers rack up should keep me on track.

    i know i am a very visual person. i need to see results to feel the benefit of them! x
     
  9. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Hey you :wavey: It sounds like you associate successful weight loss with possibly losing your OH because of how you "change" so that might be playing a role in your inability to stick to SS. You know what you were like, and how things were affected and that you won't do it again, but deep down you are scared that it might so are sabotaging yourself.

    I really think SS+ would be ideal for you - if during the day, SS is easy that's brilliant, and you know you can legitimately have a meal each evening which may take some of the pressure off.

    I'm sorry to hear that your 'friends' weren't there for you - they don't sound like real friends at all, more like what I used to call "toxic friends" as they are so poisonous. University is a chance for a fresh start - stay positive about it, as a 'good' target and I really think it'll be different this time. :hug99:
     
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  10. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    thanks DQ, that's really made me feel a bit more positive (as have everyone else's posts).

    i love your signature quote-it's so positive and i will try to remember that from now on when i am feeling low xxx
     
  11. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Anytime honey :hug99:
     
  12. louisajane222

    louisajane222 Full Member

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    hi, just wanted to post as I felt I could really relate to a certain extent.
    I went out with my OH last night with a big group of friends and when we got home he was really upset... he started saying he didnt like me getting skinny as he doesn't like the extra attention I am getting and that I don't pay him much attention anymore... this is soo not true..its only that I can't remember the last good night I had out and was just enjoying speaking to people I haven't spoken to in a while!
    Anyway he has decided that he is going to start the diet tomorrow and I am just hoping and praying he is doing the diet for himself and not for me. I'd love him and fancy him if he was 10 stone or 30 stone.
    Anyway to cut a long story short...sorry for the waffling..but just remember you are doing this diet for yourself and nobody else..friends will come and go and I do have certain friends that seem to want me in their company when I was slimmer and then completly ignored me really when I had gained weight.. and now they want my attention again . They are not true friends TBH true friends still by you through thick and thin whatever you look like .
    I do sometimes wonder how my weight loss is affecting my OH as he has started to get slightly worried about me going out (even though I am only on water and not drunk at all! ) but we'll just see how everything works out all should be fine!
    Good luck in your journey .. and remember do it for yourself and by christmas you can stick a slim finger up at all those so called 'friends'
    Lou
     
  13. princess_cj

    princess_cj Full Member

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    Hey Gem, just wanted to say that I know what you mean about 'changing' when you lost weight and got attention from men. I was overweight from like 15 to when I got down to my lowest of 11 stone whilst in my last year of uni and by god did I change when people started showing me attention, it was so bizarre I got almost cocky and actually ended up being quite mean to this one guy I was seeing because I suppose a part of me thought well if I loose him loads of others are interested now so it doesn't matter! Anyway I actually ended up putting on a stone and a half and the attention has subsided a bit but when I do get the weight off again I, like you don't want to 'change' and be cocky so its about accepting that you will get attention but that it doesn't have to affect how you act or treat your other half.

    Hope this is of some help and good luck with getting the 3 stone off again, you can do it!

    xxx
     
  14. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    thanks Lou,

    my other half has put on a lot of weight recently and he won't go out anymore because he is self-conscious. it's weird because the shoe is on the other foot and now he knows how insecure i felt when i was at my heaviest.

    he won't do the diet because he doesn't have the willpower but i think once i start maintaining, i will start cooking him healthy meals and keep an eye on what he eats-try and break the bad habits he has!!! x
     
  15. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    thanks princess cj,

    it's nice to know it's not just me!!! x
     
  16. LizzMB

    LizzMB WILL be Slim!

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    aww hun! HUGE hugs to you!
    I know what you mean about feeling out of the loop....i have about 4 people i would really class as friends, but as i have gotten older, i have realised that its more quality than quantity....but even then its hard!

    Secondly, REAL friends hun, wont give a stuff what size you are or how much you weigh, but the confidence you will portray will be a more positive one if your comfortable in your skin!

    You need to get some photo's and mantra's on your fridge/wall to keep you motivated when you feel like cheating!

    You know you can do SS hun, those first 4 days on repeat must be a nightmare becuase your not going properly into ketosis and staying there.....
    Dedicate the next 2 weeks to you and SS!!! you can do it
    xxxx
     
  17. trisha

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    hi Gem, I remember you from earlier this year, you have done so well, don't let comments/behaviour from so called friends put you down, they are just not worth it. You have an exciting future to look forward to, nad you'll make lots of new friends at uni. good luck
     
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  19. BREN

    BREN is going to loose!

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    Hi ya hun, well done on getting it back together. Everyone has offered you so much advice and judging from your posts you can really feel that you have learnt and turned a corner.

    Definitely agree that a higher plan will be easier for you at the moment. If you exercise whilst doing 810 or 1000 you should still have really good losses for 3-4 weeks before you drop to SS. This way you will also have developed a good routine with the exercise to stick with? Just my 2 cents worth.

    Keep us posted and best of luck!

    Bren
    X
     
  20. shelz

    shelz Silver Member

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    im restarting tomorrow as I havent been able to stick to SS for more than a week. I have 6 weeks worth of meals and I am determined to get through the next 42 days without eating anything! Hopefully it will be longer but the first 6 is a great start. Perhaps we could support one anothers in our journeys?
     
  21. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    thanks guys,

    i just need to focus on what i want and remember that people who weren't my friend when i was fat do not deserve to be my friend when i am slim.

    at least my OH loves me whatever size i am, even if i am a total cowbag to him at times!!! :ignore:
     
  22. Elvira

    Elvira Mistress of the Dark

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    thanks Bren! i do jazzercise twice a week which i love and that gets me out and about. although i have neglected that lately :(

    shelz i am definitely up for supporting each other. if i could make it through 6 weeks on SS then i would be laughing. the first time, i lost 34lbs in 6 weeks so if i could do that again, i would be thrilled!!! x
     
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