Elvira
Mistress of the Dark
I don't mean to moan. Actually, that's a lie. I totally do mean to. This is going to be long...
Firstly, I seem to be unable to stick to SS anymore. I really want to but for some reason I can't seem to link the fact that eating normally = gaining weight in such a way that makes me stop eating!!!
I originally lost 7st on SS in 6 months and I have put 3st back on. I spent a lot of time trying to restart (hence all the up down up down on my weight chart) and finally felt really motivated and gave it a final shot (this time). This is my 14th day on SS and I have not made it more that 4 days 100% yet. When I originally lost all the weight, I was getting a lot of male attention and I changed as a person. I was really playing up to that attention and it caused a huge rift between me and my partner. I became unhappy and started to eat. As I put the weight back on, things with my partner got better because I wasn't getting the attention. I feel like now perhaps I am sub-consciously self-sabotaging so that things with my OH stay good. Does that make sense???
Secondly, I seem to have no friends. The friends I had before leaving my old job never seem to contact me. I am always left out of the loop. Last night I went out with them for the first time in like a year and it was awful. I was really pushed out and may aswell have stayed at home. Then I had chicken nuggets and chips from the kebab shop to make me feel better but it actually made me feel worse. On the plus side it has made me determined to be 100%. Loads of really slim girls were making comments about the way I was dressed and I felt so stupid and fat. It was awful!
I'm moving to Swansea in 8 weeks for uni and I am petrified that I won't make friends and I do not want to be dealing with being fat aswell. I went to uni once before and I was grossly overweight (nearing 22st). As a result I wouldn't go out, and I became depressed. I would stay in bed all day and stopped going to lectures. In the end I quit uni. My OH was with me all through this and was very supportive but I couldn't drag myself out of it. We moved back to the area we used to live in and things got much better.
I just don't want a repeat of that. I have so much more confidence now but I still feel self-conscious of my weight.
Ideally I want to get to at least 15st before I go to uni (I got down to 14st 11lbs at my lowest and was quite comfortable there). That gives me 9 weeks to lose 36lbs (ish) which is 4lbs a week. I know I can do this, but why can't I stick at it?!?!
I want real friends who are there for me when I need them, friends who can come over for girly nights or to go to the movies with. I'm fed up with being the outsider, the one who gets left out.
So sorry for all this whinging but I am feeling so low today and needed to get it all off my chest!!!
:sign0163:
Firstly, I seem to be unable to stick to SS anymore. I really want to but for some reason I can't seem to link the fact that eating normally = gaining weight in such a way that makes me stop eating!!!
I originally lost 7st on SS in 6 months and I have put 3st back on. I spent a lot of time trying to restart (hence all the up down up down on my weight chart) and finally felt really motivated and gave it a final shot (this time). This is my 14th day on SS and I have not made it more that 4 days 100% yet. When I originally lost all the weight, I was getting a lot of male attention and I changed as a person. I was really playing up to that attention and it caused a huge rift between me and my partner. I became unhappy and started to eat. As I put the weight back on, things with my partner got better because I wasn't getting the attention. I feel like now perhaps I am sub-consciously self-sabotaging so that things with my OH stay good. Does that make sense???
Secondly, I seem to have no friends. The friends I had before leaving my old job never seem to contact me. I am always left out of the loop. Last night I went out with them for the first time in like a year and it was awful. I was really pushed out and may aswell have stayed at home. Then I had chicken nuggets and chips from the kebab shop to make me feel better but it actually made me feel worse. On the plus side it has made me determined to be 100%. Loads of really slim girls were making comments about the way I was dressed and I felt so stupid and fat. It was awful!
I'm moving to Swansea in 8 weeks for uni and I am petrified that I won't make friends and I do not want to be dealing with being fat aswell. I went to uni once before and I was grossly overweight (nearing 22st). As a result I wouldn't go out, and I became depressed. I would stay in bed all day and stopped going to lectures. In the end I quit uni. My OH was with me all through this and was very supportive but I couldn't drag myself out of it. We moved back to the area we used to live in and things got much better.
I just don't want a repeat of that. I have so much more confidence now but I still feel self-conscious of my weight.
Ideally I want to get to at least 15st before I go to uni (I got down to 14st 11lbs at my lowest and was quite comfortable there). That gives me 9 weeks to lose 36lbs (ish) which is 4lbs a week. I know I can do this, but why can't I stick at it?!?!
I want real friends who are there for me when I need them, friends who can come over for girly nights or to go to the movies with. I'm fed up with being the outsider, the one who gets left out.
So sorry for all this whinging but I am feeling so low today and needed to get it all off my chest!!!
:sign0163: