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Mels Final Push

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#1
Hi all

I am struggling to lose my last 3 stone or so, and have decided to look into WW to finish my journey.

However, before I do, I want to give this one last final push.

SO.... I thought I would start a diary to put all my thoughts, feelings and activities into to see if I can work through them with myself and with anyone who wants to help.

I REALLY want to get to my final destination but am really struggling to stick to the diet.

I dont understand why I cant just stop putting food in my mouth!!

Starting this final push on Easter weekend will be hard, but worth it!!

So here goes....
 
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Iwillgetthere

Determined to succeed
S: 18st11lb C: 8st0lb G: 8st0lb BMI: 19.8 Loss: 10st11lb(57.41%)
#2
OMG you are doing so well. Such an inspiration to me as i have only completed wk 4 and such a long way to go :wave_cry: x
 

peony

Silver Member
S: 20st10lb C: 17st2lb G: 11st0lb Loss: 3st8lb(17.24%)
#3
Great idea Mel, will be here rooting for you. How is it going today honey?xxx
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#4
After my short stint on WW, I have realised, this did not make me happy either. I am an impatient person, and DO want to lose weight.

I am ready to go back on the packs, for the last push to target. I have a few LL packs left over, and my Dad started exante and he has a few packs left, so I thought i would save myself a few £'s and start off with them, and offically join back in a few weeks. (that is if I like the Exante packs!)

I have weighed myself this morning and I am 13st 2lb. So I am going to re-do my targets AGAIN and aim for little rewards.

so here goes day 1 all over again.
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#5
This may sound a tad dramatic, but I feel 'free' today. I don't know if that's my way of realising that I'm ready to go on packs, but I feel a bit relieved to not have to worry about food!!
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#6
I have to face the walk of shame tonight. Going back to group after having put weight on.

I feel really embarassed by it. I'm looking forward to a clean slate, but shameful of what I have done.
 

peony

Silver Member
S: 20st10lb C: 17st2lb G: 11st0lb Loss: 3st8lb(17.24%)
#7
Hi babe
sorry have not had chance to get by much with all the birthday madness, and now trying to get work done whilst sorting out the trip to featherdown on Friday.

Now then, there should be no shame involved. I think they will be genuinely pleased to have you back. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of Mel - please try and see that. You put on a small amount of weight, you haven't committed a crime (well none I know of lol!)

Wishing you the very very best of luck tonight honey pie.

xxxx
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#8
Thanks peony. I weighed in at 13.4.5. That's a STONE more than when I was at my lightest a month or so ago.

I'm hoping to lose the bulk of that in the 1st week. I want to have lost the rest in 3 weeks. This yoyo dieting can't be good for my heart!! So it's time to be slinky for summer.

I felt really low yesterday, so I had a very early night (about 9ish) and have woken up feeling a bit better today. I'm still feeling tired, but it's occured to me that once I'm in ketosis I should have some energy back. It's amazing the difference being on a low carb and sugar diet makes to your energy levels!!
 

Belle Bee

Full Member
S: 17st9lb C: 13st9lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 29.9 Loss: 4st0lb(22.67%)
#9
Glad to see you're back on track again, I've been following all your posts.

I'm sure you can do it, I know you can.

It's just 3 tiny more stone to go, you've done so well, I really admire you for losing so much! You look fab. :)
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#10
I have just had my last pack of the day...im still knackered and about to sit down and do 2 hours worth of study whilst everyone else (including hubby) has fallen asleep!!

I have however, think I have found the dress for my sis in laws wedding. Im going to put a pic up on the other thread as I cant decide between the two!!
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#11
Woken up today with a corker of a headache. I gave 45 mins to get 2 kids ready and me ready for work. Including ironing their stuff!

No time to sit and feel sorry for myself. Glug water, paracetamol and on with the day!
 

peony

Silver Member
S: 20st10lb C: 17st2lb G: 11st0lb Loss: 3st8lb(17.24%)
#12
Can sympathise hon, my world felt like it was ending days 2 through 5 getting into ketosis. You know the drill, at least you know you will come through the otherside and feel great.

Good luck, you are a STAR!!!!!!!!!!

xxxx
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#13
Day 2 over. Falling asleep at my desk again studying, so I'm going to bed. Can't wait for ketosis to kick in. Had bad headaches today. However, did have some good stuff happen.

I got 78% in my English degree assesment, which is considered really good AND I ordered the dress for my sis in laws wedding. Can't wait to see it.

I'm going to bed now, so night all and sweet dreams x
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#14
all the clothes i ordered came today. They all looked like crap. I really need a fashion guru to advise me on what would look good on me.

I ordered a load of floaty cami tops, but they were all fitting round the boobs, but so floaty down from there they looked too big.

Im starting to think, those kinds of top dont fit my shape. The problem is, i dont know what kind of summer wear to go for!! One thing I do know is, that now im back on the packs, I wont be ordering £400 worth of Joe Browns stuff again!! I think I will venture to Primark (without the kids) and try some stuff on.

Any fashion vistas out there that can give me tips on - casual but pretty but trendy - outfits that would suit my shape, I know it wont fit, but at least i will have an idea what it will look like.

Another day of headaches today. Im not as tired today though, so thats good. Im hopefully starting to come through the other side.
 

peony

Silver Member
S: 20st10lb C: 17st2lb G: 11st0lb Loss: 3st8lb(17.24%)
#15
Really well done on the 78% - that is amazing, your work is really paying off.

Don't let the clothes not looking great get you down, it's tricky finding the styles and shapes to suit when all we have done is hide ourselves in sacks for years. I have found that the answer to all my problems is an amazing item of shapewear http://www.figleaves.com/uk/product...briefer&product_id=FM-2656&size=&colour=Black which allows me to wear clothes that fit really nicely.

I have found that I have had to sweep away misconceptions about what I like and what shops I like (although the tricky bit for you is that you won't want to spend too much as you will soon be much smaller). If you can afford a bit of a splashout for the wedding, you could look in phase eight as their occasion stuff is stunning at the moment. V expensive tho, and hmmm, you may not fit it for long. Perhaps you could have it altered smaller when you are at target though.

I got a lovely shirt from white stuff LADY BUG SHIRT but I am struggling with fitted shirts on the whole as they are too big on the hip and too tight on the bust. White stuff have some lovely casual clothes.

I think you are right in that you need to find a couple of child free hours (know how hard that can be mind you) and go to Primark and a couple of other places and try stuff on.

I get so tired of having to take about a million different sizes of the same item into the changing room as I have no idea what will fit.

I NEVER try on clothes without my trusty shapewear though - I would just end up feeling depressed and unhappy when nothing fitted quite right. Can't stress enough how important the underwear is especially when trying stuff on.

x
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#16
Thanks for that peony. I haven't had a chance to look at the stuff yet but I will

I'm having a bad day today. I got into work the person who I sit opposite had a massive bag of chocolate biscuits on his desk. He then ordered a bacon and egg sarnie from the cafe..(as did everyone else) they have now got kfc and kebabs. The office stinks!!!! I have gone into the kitchen and there is a home made banana cake with icing sitting there with no one eating it!!

I am trying really hard to visulise myself skinny, but the image changes to me stuffing my face (",)

I can't wait to finish work today!!!

My brother is over from france, and I haven't seen him since sept, and I have delibrately saved 3 packs for after work as this is usually my hardest time!!

Best get on with some work xxx
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#17
What an awful day :-(

I was really bored, so I took the kids to the park, took them to mcdonalds and came home no problems. I couldn't decide what to do, so I thought I would go shopping for some summer clothes. (just a few basics). I couldn't find anything. My boobs were too big for the pretty tops, my arms were too fat for cami tops, the only tops that fit were frumpy and mumsy. I felt fat and pee'ed off. So what did I do? I let my sister talk me into a feast I'd crap food.

I now feel sick, ashamed, stupid, pathetic, glutenous....The list is endless.

I am trying to decide why I would do this to myself!!! It's so unhealthy to be doing this sort of bingeing. I knew how unhappy I would feel afterwards, but I still went ahead and did it anyway. I have just had a chat with my sister about it, and made her promise to support me and be strong for me instead of tempting me down the wrong path. She has promised not to do it again. However, it's not my sisters fault that I have no self control.

I am sick and tired of the control food has over me. It is nothing special, so why does it keep playing games with my head? I really don't understand this hold food has over my emotions.

I have every intention of getting back in the saddle tomorrow. I am determined to break this cycle, no matter how many times I fall off the wagon. I am not happy with the size I am, so I need to continue with this until I am.

I just feel sad.
 

melarnz

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 17st12lb G: 9st13lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#18
I was Hoping to wake up this morning feeling better. However, after a crappy nights sleep and a very early morning due to the baby, I have a headache, I'm tired, still feel really disappointed and deflated about the whole thing. (and I'm now hungry)

it's gonna be a tough day!!
 

Jezebella

Playing the Angel
S: 14st3lb C: 8st7lb G: 9st2lb BMI: 20.4 Loss: 5st10lb(40.2%)
#19
Mel darling the fact that when you fall you get up and get back on the wagon is proof enough that you will succeed. Try carrying around some little written mantras with you. I used "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" ; "little pickers wear bigger knickers" and "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" I still have them up on my kitchen wall at home nearly a year later. If you have them in your purse, and take them out and read them when you are in situations like you were with your sister it might give you the 5 minutes to stip and think before you indulge. Another trick I still use, is if I really want something, and it is right there popping up in my head like a cookie was this afternoon, I delay it by 5 minutes, see if I still want it, delay for another 5 if necessary, then get up and do something to totally take my mind off that cookie - today it was hanging up the washing. Then re assess how much I want it. I realised after hanging up the washing that the craving was gone. It's not easy, I find it hard at work not to taste even though I know I can. Some days I do, some days I dont. If I taste I make sure I have less for lunch or something similar.

On the clothes front, some places I think John Lewis and Debenhams etc have personal shoppers, why not book an appointment with one get them to take you round and help you find things that work on your figure. I still also swear by the Gok Wan books, it has revitalised my wardrobe and how I shop.

Good Luck darling we are all rooting for you.

Jez
xx

PS message me anytime you need hun
 
#20
Hi Mel,
Am i remembering right that you are not goingto LL class at the moment?
Would it help you to discuss how you feel in the group or with your LLC?
Is your sister subtly sabotaging you? I had a very close friend who was not at all happy with me getting slimmer. Maybe your sister is the same? Could be she's not even aware of it herself............
There is so much psychology in all this weight loss. A thought log might help you identify why you are feeling wobbly about this at the moment. I bet it's nothing to do with food really - it's just you finding out whst it is - then you can deal with it and get your motivation back.
Seems like you are very busy and tired and there's not much "you" time.
Good luck hun. I know you really want to finish off the job you have started so fantastically.
 


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