Weeeelll... I'm back home, tired as anything though! Had a great time, I'm so glad my partner had the opportunity to meet my grandmother.
It was so touching, even though they couldn't speak the same language, it didn't stop them communicating without too much of a problem! She's certainly left an impression on him - a small, frail, nearly blind woman of 83 with a brain full of intelligence and youthful spirit will make any man think twice! When we left she said 'You are mine, I accept you and love you'.
He was so patient and kind with us, I pity him slightly, he must have been a little bored, but bless him, he did so well... He paid his respects to my mum's and grandpa's grave. I hope he keeps his word and starts learning Latvian like he promised!
He seems to enjoy Latvia quite a lot, mostly, I must say, probably for the food. We're both serious overeaters, we LOVE food. We'll eat at any opportunity! And he's definitely taken a shine to the Latvian cuisine, which is more wholesome, less based on chemicals, processed "air" food (for example, the bread is of NO comparison...), and more flavoursome. Because of my heavy dieting before going away, I was suffering quite badly, my stomach size can't handle it - plus the super rich foods were giving me a bit of heartburn.
Now, don't get me wrong, I LOOOOOOOOOOVE food and I wanted to keep up with my partner. There was also a big element of - if I don't have what he wants, he'll feel deprived inside. I know from experience, when I diet - I refuse all "fun" things, drink, food, etc... and I don't mind saying "No" to these things... but in doing so, it makes him feel bad about wanting it, makes him self-conscious about his own behaviour and then makes him feel pretty awful. I didnt want to make him feel that way for once, I wanted to "give him a break" as it were. Give him some pleasure... I had my own pleasure from it too, but just a bit too much for what I could handle.
While I had waaaaayyyyyyy too much and probably gained a stone of pure fat, I'm not all that bothered. I have no regrets.
I enjoyed my holiday and actually most importantly, my partner and I had some delicious fun together! We shared our love of overindulgence and gluttony and laughed in it's face! Sharing that sort of passion this time was an interesting experience. While I had a few secret nibbles of a few naughty things, I didn't go to a dark bad binge sort of place. It took a year, but I've gently weaned myself off that sort of behaviour. Seriously bad binges are a hard habit to break and they are usually propelled by deprivation... but because before going away I was dieting without heavy boundaries it's helped... I was counting calories, but if I wanted to eat to feel full I had very high volume and low calorie foods (mushrooms, lettuce, cabbage...) which kept that awful hunger at bay. Just like having a "sleep debt", we can easily build up a "hunger debt".
I don't have a problem with food on such a bad scale anymore. Even the sugar based things... I can leave it without going into a crazy sugar rush now. I'm slowly learning to do things in moderation, it's all a work in progress. I am fully aware that to cement a more healthy approach will take years if not decades and I'm fine with that. Good things definitely come to those who have the patience to keep learning. There are no easy answers and no quick fixes! Just slow, steady progress to success.
Either way, my general plan is to have this week to "unwind" from the holiday, slowly wean myself off the items that are not on the "list". I find a calm cutting down is better than going cold turkey, it's less distressful and less likely to end badly! Plus, my partner says he's going on a diet too, so this week is also to go out and have a few "last" meals with friends we haven't seen for a while.
Starting a fresh 8 week diet on Monday.
