Minerva's on a mission!!

Hi Carrie! I do remember your wonderful self, how are you doing? :D As you can see I'm back at it now that I have my brain in the right place again, it feels good. :)
---

Right, so Day 10 today, it's easy to keep track as I started on the 1st! I have my 1st week weigh in tonight, not sure how it'll go considering how much coffee I drink during the day! Oh well.

Well, today I've been thinking about sugar. I suppose coming back to LL hasn't been so bad this time around as I had learned not to have much of it in the last year or so.

After my initial weight-gain binges back in 2010, I have been working very hard on stabilising my behaviour towards bingeing and food. It took me until a few months ago to cut out binges all together, it was - a very long road. I had a very damaged mental state, binge-eating is such a desperately lonely place full of despair and compulsion. I hope never to feel that way again. This behavioural change I'd worked on helped during Christmas very much - I did not stuff myself with anything even remotely, I was very calm and relaxed and only ate what I wanted until I was *comfortably* full. None of that -must-eat-as-much-as-I-possibly-can-because-it's-here!!! type of thing. It's a good feeling to be in control - even though my confidence is at an all time low - that didn't make me go do silly things for once. Yes, I'm depressed on occasion - but I don't run to the bread cupboard because of it. It's not a mental habit that can be fixed right away, but very gradually and carefully.

I suppose, I'll go back to my point about sugar. It is actually an extremely addictive substance, it may even be poisonous in large quantities. It causes more problems that it solves. While of course I haven't cut out sugar in my diet entirely - I have been comfortable not having a dessert, I have no need for chocolate (don't like it much), no snacking on random sugary things. I'm very happy to have an apple instead, fruit is amazing. Yes it contains sugar, but it sure beats a candy bar - and fruit isn't additive in the same way. ;) (don't get me wrong though - I still very much love freshly baked bread (my kryptonite!) - especially the artisan-baker stuff (oh-my-god!) - but it shouldn't contain much sugar, just glorious caaaaaaaarbs (which I do know convert to sugar but shhhhhh) - but I have been good and not bingeing on it at all :) - wait - excuse my mention of food :D)

Here is an infographic about sugar, it's based on American data, but surely the UK isn't too far off.

http://dailyinfographic.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/sugar.jpg

Have a look ^_^

Hope everyone is having a good day!
 
Day 12... Yesterday was a bit difficult... I felt like I wanted to eat even though I wasn't hungry in response to something that happened... my OH was talking to a girl downstairs on the phone - someone he actually doesn't know all too well, but... well, he as giggling down the phone at her for an hour and a half, which made me feel really crap. He doesn't talk about her and he hung up saying he had to go when I came downstairs to make myself some coffee...
I don't know whether I'm overreacting or whatever, it's just not something he usually does with any of his friends, plus he always talks about all of his friends very openly... except this one. She's coming down from the North in a couple of weeks and had to call him up to invite him out for drinks?

I didn't say anything to him and acted as casual as I could, even though I was pretty upset. Made me lose so much confidence just hearing how he was talking to her... :(

I'll brush it under, he's not actually done anything wrong, just me overreacting in that typical female way. At least, I hope.

Funny how even small things creep up on you and want to make you self-destruct - it's all in the mind. I didn't give in to anything, no intention to do that. But the emotional hunger is still knocking at the door...
 
Hope your okay, I trust my husband completely but there is and always will be a tiny seed, especially when we feel down and more so when we're dealing with our weight. Every time my husband says he's going out with the people from work ( which to be fair is probably 3-4 times a year) I always wonder if someone better, thinner and prettier is going to come along and sweep him off his feet. Totally unjustified as I know he'd be gutted if he even knew I thought so little of his love for me. That said though its there and there's nothing I can do except trust him.

Glad to see your still in control of the diet and doing great! This time we will beat those demons.

I like you am feeling more confident and calm with my approach to a vlcd. Probably the most positive I've ever felt when doing it.


Anyway, sorry for rambling, just know we're here :) xxx
 
Big hugs xx we all go through those low moments ... Keep positive x
 
im not sure I would be happy if my hubby was giggling with another woman for that length of time either, I think mine wouldve had the phone clipped round his head, well done on keeping control x
 
Hiya - thank you all, you guys made me feel a lot better! I do trust my other half 100% - just sometimes those dark thoughts do creep up - the 'what if's' !

Day 18 - As an update, nothing much to report - things in regard to the diet are going well. :) I'm not that bothered by the lack of food, sometimes the pangs of "wouldn't it be nice if I could have ...X" appear, but generally, I'm not hungry, just feel a bit woozy on occasion. Generally just feel a bit down by how long the process will take - I'm not expecting to see goal before June and it sure feels like a long time - with a lot of exams in between that I'm absolutely dreading.
Another -3 lbs this week, it's quite pleasing. :) Unfortunately my body is predisposed to lose weight painfully slowly, so I'm prepared for a long slog ...

Oh well. Patience. :) Hope everyone is doing ok! x
 
Well done on your 3lb that is ace! I find losing weight slow, this is why I'm having to take such drastic action as Lighterlife, either that or I am plain greedy which is probably more true.

Keep up the good work and I am sure as you are so busy with your exams the time will fly by and by summer you will be at goal.

Tracy
x
 
Hey well done !! I am on day 17 and I feel it is going really slow as well I am looking at April before I see goal ... Don't think about the whole journey - break it down by week or month. .. Looking at the big picture can did hearten you xxxx

Well done on the 3lbs I think I am only going to hit 2lbs this week if I am lucky ... Just keep going we will get there xx
 
I possibly should confess something :rolleyes: Not that it matters much - in the grand scheme of things. :)

I make this diet easier for myself than it is prescribed to be. I've done this diet for a year previously (in 2008) - and later maintained by going into some form of control-phase anorexia in 2009 - I was terrified of allowing myself anything that was more than X-calories which I was obsessively counting, it was all about controlling my actions and emotions (I was dealing with the death of my favourite grandparent - a grief which still remains with me).
In the end it broke me. The death of the second grandparent in 2010 unleashed a wave of unresolved grief - it came at a time when I was also under heavy duress from Masters coursework load and on top of it - buying and moving house. I had some sort of meltdown mentally - unleashed itself by uncontrollable eating. I got through with the Masters (extremely successfully) - moving house happened without a hitch, but my waist line went spiraling out of control.

Having learned from this experience - I must not fall into some extreme way of thinking - I have to keep it in check. I cannot use food to control my actions, emotions or associate it with anything detrimentally wrong or good. It cannot be a reward system. It cannot be a punishment.

I aim to carry this learning forward, maybe that is why this diet isn't so hard this time around. Having said that, I also know a fair amount about calories, so I'm using the foodpacks as meal replacements only, I don't care about "ketosis". Ketosis has always made me feel awful - I find it extremely painful in my muscles and it makes me extremely lethargic. Having suffered through Ketosis for those years - I'd rather avoid it than embrace it.

So - I'm happy drinking Diet Coke and other diet drinks on this diet. I'm happy supplementing packs with Zero Noodles / Zero calorie rice (VERY good fibre to get things moving - but only maximum of two times per week). I am happy adding a dash of skim-milk to my coffee. And I'm happy trying other company packs for more variety - ordered some from Slim&Save to try.

I don't do anything more than that and have no intention to. I drew up these allowances before I started the diet and will not expand on them.


So there you go. Confession over.

:cool:
 
pheww, a huge confession - I hope that the CBT can help you with your relationship with food, I think this is the sole reason for me to coming back onto LL, of course it doesn't matter which company you use as they are all a much of a muchness, I think you are very brave to add to the diet, I am scared to death to even lick my fingers if they have come into contact with other food just in case I put on 3lb lol.

Tracy
x
 
Thanks Tracy - don't worry, just be rational with food. Think about calories rather than "what is allowed" and what isn't. A lick of a finger isn't going to make ANY difference weight wise - but may only trigger you to want more of whatever you've just tasted. As long as you know this, you can remain in control. :)

The main thing is to stay calm.

I'm not actually attending LL sessions as I find I work issues out a lot better on my own. I've overcome chronic binge-eating on my own and worked through depression.

I'm ready to 'maintain' as I have maintained my weight for a year.

I've gone back to LL now so that I can lose what I gained through the stresses and get to "normal" weight. My mind is in the right place, but the body isn't. :)
 
Big hugs xxx
 
Thanks Kay - I feel the same. :) My partner and I are doing the diet together, so we're supporting each other quite well. A diet is a diet after all - everyone does it their way, as long as it works, there's no problem! :D
 
Yes whatever works for you all diets/plans have the same goal to get the weight off and seems like you have found what works for you.. You are more likely to stick with it as well xxx you are doing fab xx
 
End of day 22 - all is quiet, the mind is not calling for anything. I'm just calm. I don't really have much to say really, don't have issues I need to work out as ... well, I feel I've worked out quite a few things. The only thing that *is* still difficult sometimes, is nights alone when I would normally have a 'treat' (meaning some sort of binge...). Distraction is key - it's just a habit I need to break out of.

Diet is fine, I don't even care about the bars - previously they were my life blood to food I could "chew" - not an issue this time. Maybe because the food pack meals are just so much better and the bars with the changed recipes are just more foul? The cranberry is too sweet, I'm all pro-sweetener and having sweet coffee, but damn - that bar is just too much!

Tried some Slim & Save meal packs - oh my word. LL is missing a trick! They're the same nutritionally and calorifically, but they are so delicious (well, as delicious as a dehydrated pack can be anyway ... ) !

Well, Wi on Thursday eve, no idea how I'll do, but I've stuck to my own plan. My clothes feel looser though, which is always nice. :)

Hope everyone is doing well and staying positive!
x
 
Well done on 3lbs x
 
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