Moonwatcher's (Final) Diary

[moonwatcher]

Food for Sunday 21st and Sunday 22nd

Was off plan a bit Sunday, back on plan yesterday until the evening, then indulged at the pub in a steak and ale pie - bad on two fronts as it definitely wasn't gluten free, nor was the strawberry trifle slice I followed it with! My stomach has punished me already! I decided to hold off on WI until tomorrow. No syns etc for Sunday and Monday but the food was:

Sunday:
Breakfast: GF bagel with cream cheese and honey

Lunch: Roast pork dinner with peas, carrots and cauli, four roasties, one small yorkshire, gravy and apple sauce

Afternoon at BBQ/Birthday party: one sausage, bbq sauce, three doritos and garlic dip

Evening at theatre: Malteasers

After the theatre: 9 chicken nuggets and BBQ sauce

Drinks: 2 earl grey teas with milk, diet pepsi, small latte, water, gin and slimline tonic

Monday
Breakfast: Yeo Valley lemon curd yogurt

Lunch: GF beef and horseradish sandwich, tangerine, apple

Evening meal at pub: Steak and ale pie, chips, peas and gravy, horseradish sauce, strawberry trifle slice and cream,

Drinks: water, earl grey tea and two coffees with milk, one coffee with cream, gin and slimline tonic

Back on track today. Will update food in a mo.

 

[moonwatcher]

Tuesday 23rd September

Breakfast: Yeo Valley lemon curd yogurt

Lunch: GF ham, cream cheese and mustard sandwich, apple, cherry tomatoes,

Afternoon: Chorizo snack stick, pineapple

Dinner: Pork burgers with herbs, shallots, chilli, black pepper and paprika, olive oil roast butternut squash wedges, corn on the cob roasted with chopped chilli and lime juice, pickled cherry and tomato salsa, followed by fresh raspberries and grapes,

Drinks: water with fresh lime juice, earl grey tea with a splash of milk, bulletproof coffee

Syns: 14
HEA: Cream cheese
HEB: GF bread

Will WI tomorrow and hope today has helped a little to offset the last few days off plan.

Busy day today as had full day at work with several year 7 dramas. They seem especially needy and tearful this year. Also had singing group at lunchtime, (although several couldn't be there due to meetings) and then immediately after school a couple of hours of Inset work on ways to improve literacy, home to cook dinner and a quick catch up on x factor. Have also just remembered I bought some lesson reports home to complete, but they will have to wait until tomorrow now. Off to bed I think...

 

[Atomic pink]

Glad the knee is improving. Sore knees just disrupt everything don't they? I am problems with one of mine several years ago after falling down a flight of stairs (landed on my knee) and just trying to find a comfortable position to sit in was horrendeous for months. Interestingly thinking back my knee stopped flaring up every now and then when I started going to the gym regularly. Not idea if that is a coincidence or not.

Menu is looking lovely and you did well to just enjoy the pie on Sunday and then start back on track Monday.

 

[moonwatcher]

Glad the knee is improving. Sore knees just disrupt everything don't they? I am problems with one of mine several years ago after falling down a flight of stairs (landed on my knee) and just trying to find a comfortable position to sit in was horrendeous for months. Interestingly thinking back my knee stopped flaring up every now and then when I started going to the gym regularly. Not idea if that is a coincidence or not.

Menu is looking lovely and you did well to just enjoy the pie on Sunday and then start back on track Monday.

Makes sense about the gym Atomic. If the problem is cartilage then it is apparently important to keep the fluid in the joint - movement helps to do this, as long as it isn't overdone, and lack of movement means they 'dry out.' With less cartilage cushioning the bones, lack of fluid means the bones rub against each other - causing the pain. When mine first used to flare up I'd sit and rub it and wait for the pain to go, now I get up and walk around if I can, or bend and flex the knee.

 

[moonwatcher]

Well, I am having a pretty lousy day today. WI shows me up 2lbs. My rings are very tight, so it is obviously partly water/salt retention I suppose. I am totally shattered and it is only Wednesday. General opinion is that this year 7 is one of the most challenging for a long time. I have discovered today that a Cover Supervisor is paid twice as much as we are. Now, I'm not putting anyone's job down, as any work in a school can be demanding, but their role is to cover teacher's absences. The work is prepared for them, so they don't actually have to plan any lessons - it is usually a case of giving out a work sheet or text book and telling the kids which questions to answer, or playing a video, also with questions for the kids to answer in their books. It's obviously not as simple as that, but I am thoroughly peed off to find they earn twice what I do. Every day I am working with the most challenging kids, writing a lesson report and 'scoring' each one, attending weekly meetings which add time onto my hours (they don't), working through my lunch unpaid to support kids who are struggling (I know I could just not do this, but the nature of the job is that it does happen, and unless you are prepared to leave a kid in the lurch when they have learnt they can trust you, just because the bell has gone, then it is just a part of the job). I love my job and have always said that I do not do it for the money, but at the moment I know I am valuable, but feel totally undervalued. It is a mentally and emotionally draining job working with these children and it galls me to think I could go to work shelf stacking in a supermarket chain and earn as much per hour. Again, no disrespect intended to any job.

So, add a gain to that, which has left me thinking why bother? I know the answer is that if I give up and give in, then a year from now I will regret it, but I also look at the amount I have to lose, and think, well, realistically, it's just not going to happen; hasn't happened so far. I have been backwards and forwards over these four pounds for so long. Somehow I managed to stick to plan tonight with a chicken and chorizo tray bake and sweet potato and carrots roasted in the actifry. I thought that I had to eat something, so it may as well be something that was on plan, but really I am this close to jacking the whole thing in. The only thing stopping me is how uncomfortable I feel in my clothes, all the time. I'm sure some of you will relate when I say that I cannot remember the last time I actually felt good in something. For a long time clothes have simply been something to be endured and obviously a necessity! On the other hand, as I am not actually improving the weight situation, is it worth putting myself through this dieting shenanighans all the time? However, if I don't, then I will be even more disappointed in myself than I already am.

 

[chezz]

moonwatcher i think you are a amazing teacher i really do x x x

 

[moonwatcher]

moonwatcher i think you are a amazing teacher i really do x x x

Awww, thanks Chezz, that is really sweet of you. I'm not a teacher though - I'm a Learning Support Assistant. We're classed as support staff and paid on the same scale as the school office staff. I knew the Cover Supervisors were paid more, I just didn't realise how much more until today.

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

That sucks pay wise Can you gently raise the question of a rise? You definitely deserve more! It does sound so rewarding though! Good luck hun x

 

[ladyfelsham]

That sucks pay wise Can you gently raise the question of a rise? You definitely deserve more! It does sound so rewarding though! Good luck hun x

I agree hun, that sucks bigtime! It sounds to me as if you're feeling generally a bit blue about things and the work situation doesn't help.

What about trying another woe for a week and seeing if that helps to refocus your energies? I know I certainly get the "I've had enough" feeling regularly - I get sick to death of counting, putting things in MFP, measuring, weighing - always thinking about weight loss and food 20 hours a day - BUT when I do go off the rails at those times, I put more weight on and a week or two later I'm really annoyed with myself for yet another self sabotage.

I know you'll have heard and thought this all before, but I just wanted to know you're not alone in feeling this way xxxxxxx

 

[moonwatcher]

That sucks pay wise Can you gently raise the question of a rise? You definitely deserve more! It does sound so rewarding though! Good luck hun x

I agree hun, that sucks bigtime! It sounds to me as if you're feeling generally a bit blue about things and the work situation doesn't help.

What about trying another woe for a week and seeing if that helps to refocus your energies? I know I certainly get the "I've had enough" feeling regularly - I get sick to death of counting, putting things in MFP, measuring, weighing - always thinking about weight loss and food 20 hours a day - BUT when I do go off the rails at those times, I put more weight on and a week or two later I'm really annoyed with myself for yet another self sabotage.

I know you'll have heard and thought this all before, but I just wanted to know you're not alone in feeling this way xxxxxxx

A pay rise is pretty much out of the question - our boss has just had to 'fight' to get another person in the team. Our immediate boss and most of the teachers really do appreciate us, but we know that some members of the senior management think most of our job is 'just sitting there, doing nothing.' They really have absolutely no idea! It is the most rewarding job I have ever had, which is partly what makes it so frustrating.

Today's order of the day was school briefing, then escorting a year 7 to first lesson, to make sure ongoing friction with a classmate didn't kick off; dashing to another first lesson where I was managing 4 year 11s, two with challenging learning difficulties, (autism plus more) through prep for a Romeo and Juliet assessment; then 2 year 8s, one of which is ASD, through Frankenstein; followed by guiding half a class of lower set year 7, including one high functioning autistic child, through plotting a graph for a science experiment result; half my lunch hour tracking down and dealing with two tearful year 7s who want to go home and reassuring one of my year 11s that he wouldn't be in trouble for his late homework; ate my lunch whilst chatting to three year 7s who need lunchtime support; then after lunch walking the school looking for a missing pupil who may have done a runner - he hadn't, so back to class to support an autistic pupil through a self assessment paragraph on some homework ('normal' kids struggle with this, let alone Special Needs kids), one other kid bursting into tears in same class; then last lesson of the day - supporting two Special Needs pupils, one of which is ASD, through PSHE, also supporting half the class, calming down another crier, and nipping out to the loo briefly to remove the chewing gum from my trousers! Finished the day with 50 minutes (unpaid) back in the office discussing two pupils with colleagues and arranging to sort out homework for one of them tomorrow and a general contingency plan for dealing with the other in lessons, filled in my lesson reports for the day and finally walked home. Yep, senior management - cushy job I have there! Mind you - they may have a point, because if I hadn't sat down for 5 minutes to watch a homework video with the kids, then I wouldn't have got the chewing gum on my trousers! Sorry for the boring rant folks, but it helped to get it out!

Adding to my joy is the Ofsted prat on the TV this morning - no mention of the parental role in ensuring their children are raised with an understanding of respect and manners - bad behaviour is the school's fault entirely? Gnashes teeth. Also my new bathroom was due to be started next week, and they have put it off until end of October because of 'contractor difficulties,' so they will be here over half term - no lie ins or restful days for me that week! We have been waiting 18 years for it - when we moved in they told us they were 'just about to do the bathroom' - it still has the original cistern and bath, from 1955.

I think I'm going to stick with SW for the time being Susie, as I did commit to give it a go until Christmas. To be honest, my meals aren't that different when I'm not on a diet to when I am - at least the home cooked ones, so it's a case of continuing to keep snacks down and cooking within the guidelines. I have been on plan today and yesterday, but I feel very flat about it all. Thanks for the support though ladies. It really does mean a lot. xx

 

[S_J_B]

I'm so sorry you're feeling down.

Its horrid when you work hard and are clearly good at what you do yet don't get fair rewards. Would definitely agree its worth asking about pay rise.

Someone at my group this evening was talking about how frustrating it gets to be constantly thinking about food and what you can and can't have and what might happen at weigh in. Everyone agreed we've all been there If it throw us off track which usually just ends with few days / weeks / months of eating everything followed by being back at beginning or heavier feeling more miserable.

Hang on in there x

 

[moonwatcher]

I'm so sorry you're feeling down.

Its horrid when you work hard and are clearly good at what you do yet don't get fair rewards. Would definitely agree its worth asking about pay rise.

Someone at my group this evening was talking about how frustrating it gets to be constantly thinking about food and what you can and can't have and what might happen at weigh in. Everyone agreed we've all been there If it throw us off track which usually just ends with few days / weeks / months of eating everything followed by being back at beginning or heavier feeling more miserable.

Hang on in there x

I'm actually quite surprised that I haven't caved in to sod it mode, but you're right - that only leads to more misery weeks/months/years down the road!

 

[S_J_B]

I'm so impressed & pleased you haven't caved.
Stay strong :happy096:

 

[moonwatcher]

Food for Wednesday 24th September (Red day)

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with brown sugar

Lunch: GF bread beef, cream cheese and horseradish sandwich, cherry tomatoes, apple, grapes, hot mug of Bovril

Afternoon: pineapple

Dinner: Chicken and chorizo tray bake with smoked paprika and oregano, peppers, shallots, tomatoes, plus actifry roasted sweet potatoes, courgettes and carrots, chilli lime roasted sweetcorn, followed by raspberries and grapes

Drinks: water, earl grey teas and a coffee with milk, coffee and cream

Syns: 15
HEAs Milk and cream cheese (not enough for two full HEAs but more than one)
HEBs: Oil and GF bread

Thursday 25th September (Red day)

Breakfast: greek yogurt and brown sugar

Lunch: GF bread sandwich of feta cheese and chorizo, cherry tomatoes, mug of Bovril, grapes, tangerine

Afternoon: Chorizo snack stick, grapes

Dinner: Smoked cod goujons with cassava flour coating, butternut squash, carrots, courgettes and baby corn roasted in the actifry with herbs and black pepper, half a grapefruit and sweetener

Drinks: earl grey tea and a coffee with milk, coffee with cream, water, one milky coffee

Syns: 14.5
HEA: Milk, HEA: Feta
HEB: GF bread, HEB: Oil

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

You are amazing and so strong hun! I don't know how you do it day in day out but I'm so glad you do - and the children,staff and parents are too i bet!

Keep going love x

 

[Atomic pink]

Sounds like a very full and quite stressful few days. Lots of respect for staying on track when you head isn't firmly in it.

Are the red days to try and kickstart things? I think they tend to work pretty well for most people from what I remember. Have the rules changes slightly? I don't remember sweet potato being free on red years ago when I did SW. Given BNS is it isn't exactly a big difference.

 

[moonwatcher]

No the sweet potatoes aren't free on red days - they were included in the syns count for the day though. I suppose BNS is lower in natural sugars, but they don't seem that different do they? I have included more red days because we have cut down on potatoes, as they don't really agree with OH's blood sugar levels and with a gentle nod back to some of the Primal principles. Now I an having more oil again for my knee, if I have a red or green day I can count the olive oil as a HE instead of syns and still have a HE left for my work lunch sandwich, plus the two HEAs as well, although I don't always use both of them.

Not a very good day today, as I have been at home with awful stomach pains and being sick this morning. Feeling a bit better now, but I always want plenty of carbs once I recover! Have reworked today into a green day:

'Breakfast' : two mouthfuls of sweet egg custard, except I forgot half the ingredients and it was awful, so went in the bin

Lunch (4 o'clock): small sandwich with GF bread and a slice of cooked beef, scrape of cream cheese and of horseradish sauce, couple of mango pieces

Tonight: (in about half an hour) small chip shop chips and small cod, half pot of curry sauce. I have taken the fish itself as a HEB,

Drinks: water, mint tea, one earl grey tea with milk

Syns: by changing to a green day and making the fish a HEB: 15.5. Even old misery guts here is impressed.
HEAs: not used them yet - just a little cream cheese and milk in one tea, so may have a small milky coffee later and/or a piece of cheese
HEBs: GF bread and the cod.

Have to go into town tomorrow as I desperately need some work trousers, but always struggle to find larger sizes that don't have really wide legs and that aren't made out of polyester.

 

[moonwatcher]

You are amazing and so strong hun! I don't know how you do it day in day out but I'm so glad you do - and the children,staff and parents are too i bet!

Keep going love x

Thank you Sparkle. Most of the parents are very appreciative - you get the odd one where nothing is right, but you get those people in any job! I'm sure I will emerge from this slump at some stage. I think that if I can stay roughly on the diet track, at least that is something I do have control over.

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

Same with all walks of life - you can't please everyone. Some are only out for themselves - sod them!

Well done hun xxx

 

[Atomic pink]

Hope you are feeling better today.

Do you know what set off the stomach pains? Was it gluten related do you think? Or just one of those things?