Moosh's S&S diary

Hi Moosh

Weasly is so right you have had such a tough time I am amazed at your losses and how you have maneged to stay strong through it!

It's little wonder somethings got to give and this week it was what you put in your mouth ... at least it is just a week not a lifetime i am sure you will be back on course soon.

Big hugs from here too.

I have had a shocking day diet wise but stayed mainly on protein - big steak and prawns etc... not a good day and going to bed in a minute so I don't become a fridge magnet ...

Just try and give yourself a break honey and don't beat yourself up so much be nice to yourself and think about how far you have come and youll soon be back on track.

Take care

XX
 
Holy crap I've just seen my stats are in stones now, that makes life so much easier now if only I could find a ticker in stone not pounds!
 
Hi Moosh, I know you have no idea who I am, but I have been a lurker for a couple of months and have loved reading your posts and diary entries. Whatever you may feel at the moment your honesty on here has been inspirational to me (and probably lots of other people!). I've been feeling a bit similar to you of late, I changed my antidepressents a couple of weeks ago and was warned they would increase my appetite and boy did they!! I went from 7 weeks 100% to just eating anything and everything. I wanted one custard cream - I ate half the biscuit tin, then had a truffa bar, then fruit pastilles, a pack of chicken it just kept going. I had an Indian takeout last night went for a sensible option of tandoori mix grill but ate it all, the sauce, a whole naan bread, the free poppadoms and then the kids Percy pigs. My husband couldn't believe how much i was mindlessly shovelling in to my mouth. To try to counter this for the last three days I've been taking the strongest laxatives i could find and I even tried to make myself throw up after one binge as well as chewing sweets then spitting them out. Today the laxatives got their revenge and I've had the worst tummy pains all day and all the other 'side effects'. I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, and send you a virtual hug! I've been trying to make positive small steps today, already decided to see my doctor ASAP about medication, and other than an extra bar I've stuck to the plan today. But there's no guilt about the bar, I could've wolfed the other packet of biscuits and maltesers I bought my kids so it was the better option! I hope you start feeling better soon, be nice to yourself, you've done so well, take care x
 
MiniMoosh said:
Aww so nice of you, I needed that. The food issues are so tricky and also odd, I mean I've done weeks and not a single crumb goes past my lips- I cook pasta for the kids and test it with a fork, not in my mouth. I just dump out the leftovers with no fuss. Now this week I'm troughing and everything I give to baby I'm drooling over! Odd odd.

The pics is a great idea, I'll maybe consider asking family if they have any pics of me at my worst, though I doubt it as I'm very camera shy. And I was 21st at one point. If I have a pic of me then, that will be my TRUE before pic but I doubt I have one.

Rewards I have to be careful of, I mean like a lot of us food is my reward and I want to break that. For a while I tried having a can of coke zero as a reward for being 100% in the evening but I want to break that association so maybe..... well, I tried the Liz Earle cleanser recently, a trial pack, it is soooo expensive that I didn't get the full size but it's so lovely. Maybe that can be my end of a 100% week reward. I've discovered my local Waitrose does a click and collect so I could order from JL for free getting past all my stupid post problems. Hmm.

Thanks again. Everyone has their issues but it seems all of mine came at once. One thing I have considered is, well, I had my TOTM in week one then in week 5 or 6 and it's now week 12 and no sign of number 3. Hormone issues maybe.
Click to expand...

At thw end of each 100% day put some money in a tin and at the end of the week/month use it to buy some make-up. £1 a day could be £30 at the end of the month - might actually try this myself xx
 
MrsJ708 said:
Hi Moosh, I know you have no idea who I am, but I have been a lurker for a couple of months and have loved reading your posts and diary entries. Whatever you may feel at the moment your honesty on here has been inspirational to me (and probably lots of other people!). I've been feeling a bit similar to you of late, I changed my antidepressents a couple of weeks ago and was warned they would increase my appetite and boy did they!! I went from 7 weeks 100% to just eating anything and everything. I wanted one custard cream - I ate half the biscuit tin, then had a truffa bar, then fruit pastilles, a pack of chicken it just kept going. I had an Indian takeout last night went for a sensible option of tandoori mix grill but ate it all, the sauce, a whole naan bread, the free poppadoms and then the kids Percy pigs. My husband couldn't believe how much i was mindlessly shovelling in to my mouth. To try to counter this for the last three days I've been taking the strongest laxatives i could find and I even tried to make myself throw up after one binge as well as chewing sweets then spitting them out. Today the laxatives got their revenge and I've had the worst tummy pains all day and all the other 'side effects'. I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, and send you a virtual hug! I've been trying to make positive small steps today, already decided to see my doctor ASAP about medication, and other than an extra bar I've stuck to the plan today. But there's no guilt about the bar, I could've wolfed the other packet of biscuits and maltesers I bought my kids so it was the better option! I hope you start feeling better soon, be nice to yourself, you've done so well, take care x
Click to expand...

thankyou so much for writing that, it so like me! I've always suffered with... not depression I don't think, well maybe it is but I haven't got any formal diagnosis. Suffered with feelings though. Gosh custard creams, two or three weeks back one of those turned into about 6 or something plus a ton of other crap! I'm the same as you, one thing turns into the next into the next and suddenly I've eaten half the cupboard. In fact the reason I had so many bars was because they were there, I already ate or threw away all my food at home so all I had was the bars!

I don't know what I would do if I didn't live alone, I mean if I had food at home for someone else well I'd just eat all evening. Bad enough at work, though thankfully my boss is very supportive and the dad is trying to watch his weight so there are fewer of those things it's so easy to snack on- chocs, percy blinking pigs, packs of bics. But the kids need to eat and they need to snack, and I feel so guilty for eating their stuff even though I am allowed!

Oh god the laxitives are hell aren't they, I took a couple a few days back in an attempt to get it all out of me. As well as an orlistat with each binge! No movement for a fe days and well.... I'm making up for it now. I'm so embarresed, my boss has noticed how stinky gassy ass I am but not said anything and all I can think is this is my own fault, I can't blame food poisoning or something dodgy, all of this is due to my own choices aaargh! I just hope I'm back to normal on Monday. The pains I can deal with as I know it's all my fault, I do feel sorry for myself but I know if I had self-restraint I would be fine. But dealing with how stinky I am is so bad, and really doesn't help my resolve.

Dr is a good idea, I may do the same next week when I get a day off. I want to do a blood test anyway to see if my pre-diabetes/insulin resistance is improved due to the losses so I may ask about medical help for the depression issues too. Though I'd need to research if that affects my checks when I get work, in childcare you have to be so careful.

Well done on the bar and stopping. An extra bar is one thing, sometimes so nesecasry, but this past week one extra bar has lead to more and more and more things. Being able to stop is great! I need to get that restraint back. One extra pack won't kill me, its the things that come next that ruin the diet.

thanks for your honest words and for the support. Come talk to me if you have a bad day, I'd love to pay you back! Well, if you do..... but lets be opptimistic and say it won't happen aqgain ok.:D
 
no1mom23 said:
At thw end of each 100% day put some money in a tin and at the end of the week/month use it to buy some make-up. £1 a day could be £30 at the end of the month - might actually try this myself xx
Click to expand...

I LOVE that idea! I'm bad with actual money, in that I don't really.... consider it, look at it, if that makes sense. I just buy what I need and what I want. I should do that, another thing I used to do was have two jars with £1 coin for every lb I needed to lose and an empty one to put each lb lost in. Well the start jar was a Dolmio one and there wasn't enough room for all the £/lbs I needed to lose (was maybe 19st when I did that so would have been £140 or something!) and I needed that money! But as a reward to myself.... I think I'll set that up, £1 for today as I'm determined not to balls it up tonight!
 
MiniMoosh said:
I LOVE that idea! I'm bad with actual money, in that I don't really.... consider it, look at it, if that makes sense. I just buy what I need and what I want. I should do that, another thing I used to do was have two jars with £1 coin for every lb I needed to lose and an empty one to put each lb lost in. Well the start jar was a Dolmio one and there wasn't enough room for all the £/lbs I needed to lose (was maybe 19st when I did that so would have been £140 or something!) and I needed that money! But as a reward to myself.... I think I'll set that up, £1 for today as I'm determined not to balls it up tonight!
Click to expand...

Good for you moosh xx
 
Am squeaky clean, well as squeaky as you get when covered in oil and baby bottom cream- don't ask. Took a bath anyway. I may get into them, certainly filled the evening!
 
Hi Moosh,

Seems like we've had a similar week. I've been 100% all week until friday, lost nothing in 6 days. Fed up so we went to lincoln for the night, just got away and I ate whatever I wanted, We got back yesterday afternoon and I'd had a cooked breaky and Chicken wrap for tea, as well as some bon bons as OH got some from and oldy sweet shop. This lead to an evening binge. I don't know what came over me but I am going to gun for 100% for as long as I can now, I find my OH hiding the scales helps me stick to it as I don't konw how well I am doing. All we can do in these situations is draw a line and move on.

I've had a sit down and talk with the OH. I still want to get to 175 before the wedding, I've gained a few lbs of water from coming out of ketosis. I said to him I will not go on on this diet if I only lose 1-2lbs a week from now on, or STS like it would have been this week! All this week sticking and not a lb before my mad binge! I've set myself a goal of -14lbs before my hair and make up trial on 5th may, then hopefully lost the rest before the wedding.

We can't beat ourselves up in these tough weeks, it's all about what we do afterwards. We could admit defeat and give up all together, and lose no more, or gain and end up back where we started, or we can dust ourselves off and move forward. Keep the goal in mind and make sure we get there. It's very easy to compare ourselves to others who are dieting, and think... Oh I'm a failure because they didn't have binges, and I have, or they are losing more than me etc etc. But what I've learned is that weight loss is completely individual, everything deals with things differently, and we need to focus on what we are doing ourselves. I wish you all the luck moosh and hope to see us both dropping more lbs in the coming weeks. I've gotta get myself through these 13s and you are getting so much closer to goal. We both know we have it in us xxx
 
Thanks all for the support, really gratefully received.

Today began with porridge, normal yes but the past few weeks I've gone the easy route and just had choc or vanilla mush as 1. I love it 2. it's the easiest option. I need to get out of that mindset as that is my whole binge mentality- I see those of you who have binge foods such as takeaway and I know I couldn't do it. It needs to be RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW when I binge which is sad. Which is why I have a cupboard full of delicious savoury meals and very few shakes left! I need to take those 4 mins to blinking make the meals.

Scales were happy with me- yesterday I was 11st 10lb, today I'm 11st 8.4lb. Phew. I've decided to only update my stats etc here once a week on official WI, saturdays, as it was getting so confusing and I found I over adjusted some of the tickers etc. Anyway I will keep it the same here and adjust MFP every day. I'm minimooshable on My Fitness Pal if anyone who reads this wants to friend me who hasn't already, please do, need all the help I can get!

Today I decided to get out my shorty jeans, for two reasons- the weather, and because I actually shaved my legs yesterday! I took a bath as so many had mentioned having one helps and well.... it was ok lying in water for a bit but I don't really get it! I did a facemask and a hairmask at the same time and but loads of bottom butter on so am officially as smooth as a baby's bum. So I went through my shorty trews and found the 18s from Bon Marche don't fit, the 20s from C&A don't fit and the 14s from M&S don't fit..... but the 18s from M&S do! How odd. Need a belt but ho hum, at least I only need to buy one more pair now!

Today's plan- go Hounslow, go to Primark and the M&S outlet and get more short jeans. Then go in Clarks and resume endless quest for sandals I can walk miles and miles in. Or just canvas shoes! Anything really. Anything but size 8 men's trainers that I live in.

Right off to suncream up. I'll pop an S&S bar in my bag to take, so I can't justify buying an Atkins or BL bar. Has to be honey nougat as that's all I have! I got 5 boxes on a short date from LCM. I need to work out when I'll do another S&S order. I have only about 6 choc shakes, 5 vanilla, 20 or so honey nougat bars, about 25 crispy shakes, and tons of meals but I do want the other bars and more choc shakes. I need to work out whether I intend to use up all the other, non-choc shake items before I order (I have a months worth, easy) or order the things I want. The idea of only having the honey nougat is hmmm but I don't want to buy any other brands after the weekend's shenanigans.
 
TaraTeal said:
Hi Moosh,

Seems like we've had a similar week. I've been 100% all week until friday, lost nothing in 6 days. Fed up so we went to lincoln for the night, just got away and I ate whatever I wanted, We got back yesterday afternoon and I'd had a cooked breaky and Chicken wrap for tea, as well as some bon bons as OH got some from and oldy sweet shop. This lead to an evening binge. I don't know what came over me but I am going to gun for 100% for as long as I can now, I find my OH hiding the scales helps me stick to it as I don't konw how well I am doing. All we can do in these situations is draw a line and move on.

I've had a sit down and talk with the OH. I still want to get to 175 before the wedding, I've gained a few lbs of water from coming out of ketosis. I said to him I will not go on on this diet if I only lose 1-2lbs a week from now on, or STS like it would have been this week! All this week sticking and not a lb before my mad binge! I've set myself a goal of -14lbs before my hair and make up trial on 5th may, then hopefully lost the rest before the wedding.

We can't beat ourselves up in these tough weeks, it's all about what we do afterwards. We could admit defeat and give up all together, and lose no more, or gain and end up back where we started, or we can dust ourselves off and move forward. Keep the goal in mind and make sure we get there. It's very easy to compare ourselves to others who are dieting, and think... Oh I'm a failure because they didn't have binges, and I have, or they are losing more than me etc etc. But what I've learned is that weight loss is completely individual, everything deals with things differently, and we need to focus on what we are doing ourselves. I wish you all the luck moosh and hope to see us both dropping more lbs in the coming weeks. I've gotta get myself through these 13s and you are getting so much closer to goal. We both know we have it in us xxx
Click to expand...

Oh sorry you are having a tough time too, I've been out of touch with people on here and I need to keep on it, I should be offering support!

I really hate that feeling off 'I've already messed up, I may as well have more' Which has happened every day this week. I need to not mess up in the first place! It's good that you have your OH on board, I don't have anyone like that just people who know I'm losing weight (hard to miss!) but I feel they will judge me if I gain. A mum at the school caught me up and told me I was doing really well, asked me how I was going etc she asked me what I was doing, diet-wise, I kind of panicked and just said I've gone low-carb which is I suppose true! I think she wanted to say away from people in case I said yes, I've got xxx terrible disease and am dying etc which is why I never tell people they are looking like they lost weight- in case it's not their choice!

All the best for the weekend. I bet you can't wait for the wedding, my wedding goal isn't even my own yet I'm so excited! June 30th. I'm going to wear either a frock or an Indian outfit as the bride is Indian, she wants me in a sari but I wouldn't know where to start!
 
I absolutely love sari's, they are beautiful. I really do think posting on here more often will help too, this seemed to help me in my first weeks. I have to accept that weight loss will slow down, as we progress but I've always been better when I see results. My OH is hiding the scales and I find this helps me stay on track as I don't know how well I am doing, I don't think we would have taken off for the weekend and had a binge if I hadn't of had the scales to hop on everyday xx
 
MiniMoosh said:
... I should be offering support! ...
Click to expand...

What you 'should' be doing is looking after yourself and then you 'could' offer other people support. I know it sounds like semantics but it makes a big difference to me. If I say to myself that I should go swimming it's really different to I could go swimming.... Not that I've been swimming yet and now it's the Easter hols and the swimming pool will be filled with children.... But I digress...
 
Hi Moosh,
So sorry you have had a bad time recently. I have just caught up on your last couple of days! Glad you seem to be feeling better today!
You mentioned an iron deficiency?? Just wondered if that should be checked out too. I binged on chocolate when pregnant as I really needed it and it turned out that I was severely anaemic and was then threatened with transfusions as I cannot take iron tablets (bad effects that you really dont want written on here!!) If you are anaemic then it could be your body trying to compensate and I know that unbalanced a few other things for me! Just may be worth finding out??
You have been such an inspiration on here and now that it is soooooo busy on here you are one of the diaries that I still read as you are so real, honest and i can often relat to what you say and also often laugh with you at some of your posts!
Dont knock the way you are, be honest about how you feel as you need to vent that somehwere and its one of the down sides of living alone. The positives are that you can just have the food you need (as in should be having!) in your home. I have weekdays alone which are easier than the weekends when hubby is back and have to have food for him in the house!
Prhaps you need to avoid the bars for a while and try to have the stock of meals instead to get the routine changed for you. A couple of mins in a microwave is not long and that can be cooking whilst you do the kids food at work!
Hope that today continues well. Do let us know, and please continue to be you, if people dont like that they dont have to read it! No point in blogging on any of the diet sites if it isnt honest!
Take care
 
I can always tell when people are having a hard time as they stop posting here (or on MFP) for a few days having been avid posters up until then. I do it myself too as I don't want people to know that I'm weak and hopeless. It doesn't help though, it just pushes you into the bad place even more. Talking about things and admitting how you feel is almost the first step to getting things sorted in your head which is the first step to getting back on track. So keep on posting moosh, either on here or on MFP and we'll be there for you.
 
Day whatever, week 12 I think. 11st 6lb again, phew, back down to 'overweight' after my stupidity.

that is officially 50lb lost, most on S&S though I did start low-gi before this. I've always thought in stone but being on here and MFP has made me think more in lbs, well you have to to keep up!

6lb more to go and I'll have lost 4st. If I lose 2st I'll be a healthy BMI! I need to keep my goals in mind and knuckle down. Le Frenchman will be visiting after I go home for a week at Easter so thats potentially two weeks off plan, if I let it. My parents know my diet, they are supportive, and my dad is on a restrictive diet due to the gall bladder issues so I hope it'll all keep me on plan but with the bf being over.... last time it was fry up, takeaway, pizza, takeaway, fish n chips, pasty! And copious amounts of booze. Need to be careful!

3 days to go till hols, well I don't go till sun or mon but I get friday off. Can't wait! Kids off school this week, makes life sooooooo much harder. 3 days. Phew.
 
Well done moosh. Back to 11st 6lbs. That's brilliant. Keep it up! Only 2st to a healthy BMI that's so close! you've come such a long way.

I am working everday this week except friday so should be ok for the diet. But... Next week I am only working tues and wed as I will be taking lieu time back before I start my new job the week after. So I gotta keep myself very busy! x
 
Yay! Overweight! That's fantastic. Your risks of all kinds of health issues are now far lower than when you started. Well done you!
 
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