my diary ~ no more CD for me

noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I now have a rash on my arm :( not a chicken poxy rash though, more of a measly type (dont worry I dont think I've got the measles) maybe its a paranoia rash because I've been worrying so much about getting spots now I have them

I just realised off hat Kazz wrote in her diary, I have actually felt ill more than I've felt well in the past couple of months. Mybe I'm just a hypochondriac? In my defence though I never go to the dr's lol
 
LOL,,Nikki, I can't keep up with your rashes, hope your out enjoying your date, ya can tell me all about it tomorrow...

I'll just have to chat to someone else tonight now your out enjoying yourself..

cheers Caz:p
 
ok I think the rash on my arm is exzema. It looks like it is exactly the same as when my son started with it. I have it on my chest too now.

i havent changed anything to bring it out so it's either because I'm completely run down or I have an allergy to something I've been eating. Milk used to do that to me so I've been thinking maybe the lack of milk for the time I've been doing Cd has had sometihng to do with increasing my sensitivity to it because now I'm havig a lot more of it.

Who knows anyway but I'm going to have to get some cream or something to put on it.

I should be getting ready to go out now. I've got 20 minutes to get dried, find somethingto wear, iron it and put makeup on. Think I'll do it? nah me neither. ooops
 
Hello!

Hope you're having a good time and not doing anything too rash..lol!

Seriously, hope you feel better soon- let yourself rest if you can- and drink as much water as if you were ss-ing-that'll help flush out nasties.
 
thanks :)

I am feeling a bit better now (yay for beechams!) but I'm not sure new bloke is for me. He is very nice but reminds me too much of my ex with his expressions and the way he talks (meaning his accent, oh no now I can't see anyone frm durham!!! not sure whether to give him a bit more of a chance and try to get past being reminded of him or to just put an end to it now.

oh well got over a week before I'd be able to see him again anyway, off for my free facial after work today then out with my name twin (non identical of course)
 
wow its been that long since i posted on here?

I never gt my facial. The girl that was supposed to do it had t take her um to hspital so I got a makeover instead. Over an hour of just having makeup applied!!! It normally takes me 5 minutes to do it.

I dont feel so ill any more thankfully, but I am back to being really tired all the time. Must do something about that.

I haven't decided anything about new bloke yet. I cant decide, but he really is a nice person. Next time I see him I guess I will have to get past the reminders or not.

on Friday when I was in work one of nice builders friends kind of asked me out, but they're always joking about so I didn't know if he was serious or not. I kind of joked back with him, befre he'd said it we were talking abut the clothes shop over the road because I'd just been in and pointed ut to them that one of the dresses that mrs stickinsect was eyeing up was £255, so I told him I needed one of those dresses and some new shoes first. As he was leaving the shop nice builder and another 2 mates were coming in so the one who was asking me out (jokin or not) shouted back "we'll sort that out next week then nikki" so the others were asking what it was then asked if we're going on a date. Sooooo, he either meant it and has been talking to them about wanting to ask me out, or he jokes with people like that a lot....I suppose we'll see what happens next week. He's a bit old for me though I think, although he's also a nice bloke and always makes us laugh and he's always calling me beautiful etc. I just realised the other day that new bloke hasn't given me one single compliment, thats not good.
 
Hi Nikki, glad you haven't got a contagious disease lol. You sound quite run down though, being tired and all. I know how you feel - having owned a cafe I was knackered ALL the time! On top of that you have your boys to look after. I just hope you manage to get some "me time" to look after yourself.

This dating business is a bit of a nightmare isn't it. I'm almost ready to give up lol. Not made it to a second date yet, but then maybe I'm being too picky. Nah never! If I don't click with them straight away then I can't hide the fact so - bye bye lol!

Enjoy the attention from the builder bloke, even if he's not serious he obviously rates you enough to flirt with you! Maybe new bloke is just not the type for compliments. My ex was like that - it wasn't that he didn't think I deserved them, but it just didn't cross his mind to say them. Mind you we did split up and I think that was a reason for my self esteem being chipped away. Ok, scrap that, you deserve a man who lavishes you with love and compliments!!!
 
westiegirl said:
Enjoy the attention from the builder bloke, even if he's not serious he obviously rates you enough to flirt with you! Maybe new bloke is just not the type for compliments. My ex was like that - it wasn't that he didn't think I deserved them, but it just didn't cross his mind to say them. Mind you we did split up and I think that was a reason for my self esteem being chipped away. Ok, scrap that, you deserve a man who lavishes you with love and compliments!!!
Click to expand...

To be honest a huge part of me and my husband splitting up was because he never made me feel loved/wanted etc...till it was too late and he realised that i wasn't just asking for it t be awkward I really did need it. I had absolutely no self esteem and he always put me down rather than complimented, so to be honest I think I do need to be with someone who gives me compliments. As long as I think they're meant, not just words flung at me because thats what he thinks I want to hear.

I've had to tell a few blokes in the past to shut up because they just went on and on with the compliments and I felt they were completely put on, not what they really thought. Needless to say they were very put out and thought they were doing the right thing but there has to be the right kind of balance doesn't there? for me there does anyway, maybe others do like the constant barrage of compliments.

I don't want someone to make me feel like they've put me on a pedestal to adore me, and I don't want to do that to anyone else, I just want to feel an equal, mutual love and attraction. I want to be told I look nice if I've made an effort or something like that, or even on days where I think I look awful it would be nice to be told I'm not as bad as I feel but I don't want to be told that every second of the day. You can call me vain if you like but to never be complimented at all, even if he thinks it but never says it, that would just make me feel bad about myself and I have spent too long like that already to go back to it. And you're right, I do deserve a man that will do that for me. You know what? sometimes I think I am beautiful (odd occasions you know :rolleyes: ) sometimes I think I am pretty, I think I am a nice person, I can talk to most people, people actually come back to our shop time and time again because they like the fun friendly good service they get there. I am worth complimenting!!! lol If I don't believe it then no one else will will
 
Hello....well you've had a busy few days!! Makeover sounds fab, but you should get a facial done as well soon!

Hhhhm, wonder wats the jazz with builder boy?? You'll have to keep us updated on that!!

Just saw your countdown as well...only 9 days to go before you go see Keane...bet ye cant wait!!
 
kati said:
..to be honest I think I do need to be with someone who gives me compliments. As long as I think they're meant, not just words flung at me because thats what he thinks I want to hear.
Click to expand...
absolutely!

I just want to feel an equal, mutual love and attraction. I want to be told I look nice if I've made an effort or something like that, or even on days where I think I look awful it would be nice to be told I'm not as bad as I feel...I do deserve a man that will do that for me. .. sometimes I think I am beautiful ...sometimes I think I am pretty, I think I am a nice person, I can talk to most people, people actually come back to our shop time and time again because they like the fun friendly good service they get there. I am worth complimenting!!!
Click to expand...
I can totally and utterly empathise with you! I tell you now though.. you ARE beautiful you ARE pretty and you ARE a nice person, and you ARE worth complimenting!! :D :D :D :D Believe it - it's VERY true!! :hug99:
Click to expand...
 
Hecky thumps Nikki- nice to hear you sounding so positive- FULLY agreeing with Jennie. You do deserve to be told you're beautiful and nice.

I think it's a good point about knowing the balance you need with compliments too- basically someone who does it where you know it's real. A mutual, real, reciprocal relationship-hurrah for them, still my aim, despite mistakenly trying to acheive it lately with someone who'd only ever be able to manage it when they weren't mad!
 
Hi thanks everyone :) It is good to feel so positive. i need to get some perspective about my weight too. I've been getting a telling off from cazmaz for worrying about it when I am the size I am. and she is right. I know on anyone else I'd think size 12 is perfect and whoever it is would look fantastic and wouldnt need to lose weight at all. But when I look at myself all I see is this belly hanging out. I need to get one of those slendertone thingies and see if that helps because it really is only my belly that makes me feel fat. everywhere is fine. Oh apart from I think my boobs must weigh a stone each lol (seriously though they must weigh at least half a stone each then the other stone i want to lose is on my belly) but i suppose no one complains about the weight they have there do they (except me)

I have to go to my nieces birthday party today and they will have birthday cake and everything what fun. havent got a present for her she can have a tenner and that will do. But thankfully half term is over yay!

One thing I havent mentioned much on here is the fact that my hair has been coming out a lot since I stopped following cd carefully. I noticed when I was in the pub the other night (well I was in the toilets looking in the mirror) you can actually see my scalp through my hair because it has gone so thin. I've always had fine hair but not that bad. I'm not sure I dare try to keep going with it for that reason. I don't want to lose any more, but I dont know when it's going to stop either.

Maybe I'd be better off following the 1500 thingy and going to the gym. I can go 3 days a week and exercise at home the rest of the time. I think I'd probably be best off doing that, at least it wont make my hair fall out and it's best to do the exercise. I always remember someone saying once, you have to use energy to get energy. And energy is what I need right now. I obviously get plenty of exercise at work (based on pedometer results) but I want to make the extra effort to do some aerobic or weights or swimming or something.

I kind of felt a bit bad about complaining about new bloke last night because about 5 minutes after writing it he sent me a (drunken) text saying he missed me. I just replied with I hope youre having fun. to which he replied, not much cos I'm not with you. Now I'm going to feel awful dumping him.
 
omg my head hurts so much because I have been coughing constantly since last night.

i wore my size 10 jeans today (which are a bit tight around the belly) to remind me not to eat too much. And it worked. Although i got to around 3 pm and started to shake and flt like I was going to pass out. I thought maybe it was lack off food or something but I had eaten at 11 so it hadn't been that long since I'd had something.

Oh well got home and had a tetra straight away to make me feel better.

One good thing though, I haven't stuffed myself with carbs and havent felt shattered today. Just sore from coughing

Got to babysit tonight, not looking forward to it. i hate babysitting.

I as watching that superslim me last night, where the girl on it was trying to get from a size 12 to size 0 in 2 months. I have been talking about it to caroline and she says I'm warped cos I thought she looked a bit chubby to start with. Yet, when she started she was the same size I am now.
 
well I had thought I was getting better but this week I have felt sooo ill. yesterday i got in from work at 4pm, put my coat and bag down then went straight up to bed and stayed there till 8 am. I shouldnt have been at work really but there's no one to close the shop if I'm not in so feel guilty about not going. I feel a lot better today, I think I had a fever (no thermometer just guessing from how I felt) but thats gone now so it makes everything else easier to deal with.

One good thing about being ill is that I dont want to eat lol. everything tastes odd and I feel sick mostly. For the past few days I haven't been able to tell if I was going to throw up or pass out, however I haven't actually done either which is good I think.

Nice builders friend has still been going on about going out sometime, well he keeps going on about friday but I've told him I don't have a babysitter for friday so it's not going to happen. So now he's started asking all the time if I've put my phone number in the bag with his food. Mrs stickinsect says says I should give him a false number just to see if he rings it first. But I don't know about that, that could be cruel if he's really not joking with me. He's definately not shy though, he will say things whether there's anyone listening or not he had a shop full of people smirking today and telling me to just give him my number lol. Oh well, makes the day pass quicker and stops me feeling so sorry for myself when I'm ill. all the coughing maybe whats attracting him lol
 
oh and btw I've been doing the cd1000 thingy. finding it quite easy at the minute though ith not wanting to eat anything much, but I get forced to have something at work cos everyone thinks I'm so run down cos I dont look after myself
 
aaaaaaarrrggh just typed loads, clicked on another window and this had changed to fat loss for idiots so everything I wrote was gone grrrrrrrr!!!! cant be bothered to write it again now
 
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