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My husbands left me :(

Isobel1965

Gold Member
Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that you've had this trauma, hun!

Having been through something similar, can I just say that you definitely need to get some legal advice first thing on Monday. Most solicitors will give you half an hour free consultation - failing that, see if you can get an urgent appointment with the citizens' advice bureau (but you might have to wait ages!!).

Re changing the locks - if you are the joint owner of the house, then you are legally entitled to do so, as long as you give him a new key!

You cannot lock him out of his own property without an Occupation Order or a Non-Molestation Order, which usually can only be granted by a court if there is a risk of physical or mental abuse to yourself and/or your children. (NMOs are much harder to get apparently unless there is a history of violence).

If you did change the locks, then he is legally entitled to break into the house, and change the locks again - especially if he is the sole name on the mortage. If you are joint owners, he would have to give you a key too!

If he is willing to go and stay with his mum, then that's all good. You are legally entitled to keep the house until your youngest child is 18 (or finishes school) - although he might be able to force the sale of the house if he persuades a court that he cannot afford to pay the mortgage and pay maintenance plus pay rent on a place of his own. If that happens, then the court will ensure that you and the children are housed. He cannot escape that responsibility.

I know this is a lot to take in right now - you must be very shocked so try not to make any rash decisions, hun.

I really hope that things go smoothly for you!
 
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debz32

Gold Member
Sorry to hear ur news hun - glad you & the kids will be able to go back and stay in the house til you get it sorted - that should make things slightly easier for you.

Hope you get it sorted soon ((hugs)) x
 

Purple Hugs

Loves weight.. training!
S: 13st5.5lb C: 12st13lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 0st6.5lb(3.47%)
so glad to hear you have that sorted. ((hugs))
Your children will be much more settled for being 'home' and come to terms with things easier then too.
I'm sure there will be emotions involved for you, but remember we are women.. we are STRONG! stronger than we give ourselves credit for sometimes...
Stay true to yourself over you diet too though.. as your a third of the way there already.. ;) I know this would knock me for six food wise.. although we're not all the same.
I'm sure everyone is here for support when you need us!

Your sister sounds like a diamond too!
 

Kate

CDC/PT/PITA
Please, please read what Isobel has said and don't change the locks. If you're divorcing things are going to be awkward from a legal point of view and breaking the law at this stage is going to put you in a weak position.

As for locksmiths, if you ever do need one DO NOT go with any service like ReactFast or DynoLocks because they subcontract every job to local locksmiths. Forget the big ads in the yellow pages and go for a local locksmith instead, preferably one that is a member of the ICL (Institute of Certified Locksmiths). £60-75 is a reasonable charge for a lock change in Essex - if anyone tells you that you have to pay more, look elsewhere.

This is all academic, because you're not going to have your locks changed...but useful info for the future if you ever need a locksmith.
 

Libbie

Silver Member
Oh babe so so sorry.What can one say?
You need the house for you and the kiddies but you do not need him.
If you need the locks changed and have someone who does diy you can get lacks at b&Q asked my son as he fits DG said its quite easy to do as but losksmith will charge fortune.As has beed said get advice as so as poss.you have rights more right to the house then him
BUT DO NOT DO NOT leave the marital home as I think you then lose some rights as you have walked out.Go home stay there it may be hard but you need the house,you and the kiddies need a roof over there head.
Know you must feel s**t at mo been ther so do know lots of years ago mind.
Keep coming on here and we will all chat and listen that does help at times.
Try and keep you peeker up as thay say babe.
HUGS HUGS and MORE HUGS winging there way to you
 

Ajax

Finally...Life begins
G: 10st0lb
Just wanna send a big hug, no matter how things end, 6 years is a long time together, take some time out for yourself and take care too! Hope it all goes ok, it sounds like he is being reasonable at the mo.

Hopefully you can get back to your "old" self soon!!
 

andi

Bye bye bellies!!!
Hi,

Its an awful time but this may be just what you need to get "you" back and in time meet someone who "lights" your life and accepts and loves you for you.

I have a rocky marriage and never know when it will end. It feels like I have been on the edge for a couple of years. If the truth be told I would run a mile from him but I know my kids need and want their father so I put up and shut up for most of the time. You now have a chance to take control and run things your way.

It will take a while to get stuff sorted like finances and contact with the kids but grit your teeth and know that things will get better and you can reclaim your life - all of it!

Take care x
 

chicken on a mission

Restarting to lose 4stone
I have nothing practical to say I'm afraid but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you :)

I hope things get easier for you soon.
 

Diva

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
{{{{{{hugz}}}}}}}} 5stL!!!

Hun, I'm sooooo sorry to hear about your situation but like everyone has said...you and the kids deserve somewhere to live.

First thing on Monday morning, you call your solicitor and if you don't have one flip through the yellow pages or legal aid or whatever! But you must get a legal charge attached to the house....right now he maybe amiable but if he is responsible for the bills, mortgage, etc then you have to protect yourself.

A legal charge will prevent the house from being sold until your ultimate divorce is settled - he will be unable to do a thing about it as it is your right as his wife and mother to his children. Depending on who does it, it won't cost too much but please 5st you owe it to you and your children to at least be "comfortable" and within a stable environment (change the locks!) whilst you guys sort out your next step....

We're here for you hun.....xxx
 

westhills

I STILL mean it!
S: 21st9lb C: 12st10lb G: 11st3lb BMI: 29.6 Loss: 8st13lb(41.25%)
5STL - I want you to know that we're all thinking about you, and wishing you and your children the very best. The best might well be without your husband. Is he insecure now that you're slimmer - perhaps he doesn't feel he can control you in the same way.
He Can't!!!!
You look after yourself, and your children.

Ann xxx
 

canireallydothis!!

Gold Member
I am thinking about you so much, as chicken said, I dont have anything practical to give you but just support.

I know the house may have unhappy memories for you, but that is with your ex in there, it may be different with out him.

Please stay just for now, as he has left it makes things much easier for you and much harder for him which is what you need right now.

Please keep us updated, many here will have been in similar situatuions and will be on hand to offer help.

Thinking of you x
 

Geri

Gold Member
Hiya 5stl

Nothing practical from me either! just wanted to let you know am thinking about you....

Take care
love
Geri
x
 

icemoose

The Diet Guy
Hiya 5S

Thinking of you and hope it all sorts itself out for the best.

M.
 

vj

Regular Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st11lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 30.7 Loss: 1st3lb(8.67%)
Agree with great advice from others.
Just want to add, think carefully about your children, routines are essential for everyone's sanity and their security through difficult times. Of course they'll be aware things are different no matter what you tell them at this early stage.
If they are school age, it would be benefial to advise their teacher of a problem as they may be tearful when they are away from you as they may be trying to be strong like you when they are around you.
Just a thought as I know you must have a zillion things swirling around you're head right now.
Take good care of you and your family.
 

Libbie

Silver Member
Morning babe
Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.
As has been said it may be benefical to tell the school.
I remember I did not say anything to school,and when they did find out said if I had told them from start thay could have helped more.
Try to have a nice day with your family.
Thinking of you.
Hugsxx
 

5stone2lose

Starting again...
S: 16st12lb C: 16st1lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 41.1 Loss: 0st11lb(4.66%)
Thanks so much everyone for your support.

I've woken up with a stinking cold which is just great!:mad: My children are going to have the day with there nan ( my mum) today :) They dont really seem to know whats going on , When I have got my girls to school in the morning my mums coming down to the solisitors with me, I would love to move back in with my mum, but shes only got a 1 bed flat :( Shes divorced and is giving me lots of advice, It seems no one in this family can stay happy!! So I have lots of advice from all the divorcees in my family:eek:

I went on the scales and gained 2 lb, :mad: I blame him for that LOL.;)
 

Libbie

Silver Member
Oh babe,
What can I say???
You have a nice supportive family around you which helps.
Just take one day at a time.
Do not worrie about the scales.
Thinking of you
Hugs hugs and more hugs x
 

Jazzyj

Member
Hey girl!
Really feeling for you. Just remember totry to look after yourself whilst going through the cr*p. Sounds like your kids are being soo strong and you need to be there for them. Plus if you can keep strong and look in control that will p*ss him off even more as he will know his control over you is no more!
Like a Phoenix from the ashes you can rise up and kick him up the @rse! Then you have the new3 journey of learning and loving to be you again.
I know this sounds simple. It won't be you are going to have massive ups and downs. When you least expect something may trigger yo off to feel upset or angry, that is normal and yo will need to let it out. Don't bundle it up as it will eat away at you.
Just remember you have all of your cyber mates here 24/7!!!!
 




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