My lack of self esteem is ruining my relationship

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by SCrittenden, 6 August 2008 Social URL.

  1. SCrittenden

    SCrittenden Full Member

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    Hey, I have been married since March, and me and my partner have only had sex twice since then. It is completely ruining my relationship, my partner can't stop thinking that its becuase i dont fancy them. This is not the case, its because i can't bear the thought of myself naked, and always imagine how utterly disgusting i must look. :(

    Does anyone else have this problem?
     
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  3. Charisma

    Charisma Silver Member

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    yep ive had this problem for a while now ive become verry self concious and cant bear the thought of it. i feel so bad cause i know its what couples are meant to do and my poor OH always asks if we can lol i put it off as often as possible!!
     
  4. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Oh hun that is so sad. He married you because he loves YOU - you are obviously not seeing yourself as he does. TBH I have never had a problem with no clothes on and just me and my OH ... my problem is when I am dressed and my clothes make me look like a sack of potatoes.

    I think you need to try to talk to him, so he realises you love him and it is not him you are rejecting. Get him to tell you what he loves about you - and you can do the same for him, but don't interupt and dismiss what he says. Maybe bit by bit you can believe him and get confidence back in your body and his love for you too.
     
  5. dehli

    dehli Silver Member

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    I've felt like this lots of times, once I wrote him a letter explaining my feelings because he was feeling rejected over it. It can make or break a relationship, this side of things is often more important to a man. You need to explain how you feel so he understands its not because you don't love him. You could buy a sexy nightie and keep it on? Or please him in other ways until you feel better about yourself. Tell him you need lots of reassurance until then. Good luck!
     
  6. Bunnyg

    Bunnyg Determined

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    Oh honey - it's so difficult! I guess I am lucky in the fact I know my hubby fancies me even if I think that I look rubbish, but I do have times when I can't stand to be naked. I am just wondering if maybe you could wear a nice silky nighty thing to cover you up and make you feel a bit more sexy - I tend to do this a lot lately as I hate my body. There are a few places: Babydolls - Plus size lingerie, underwear and hosiery - BigSmalls - Buy a sexy plus sized corset, babydoll, bustier or pantie , simply be and even Ann Summers do some bigger sizes Ann Summers - Demure Silk Chemise - Product_

    I really understand how hard this must be for you and also your husband - when I go through phases like this, my hubby thinks it's because of him. Can you give him attention/pleasure in other ways too so that he knows that it's not him. I do think you need to talk to him, no matter how hard that is so that he understands what's going on.

    Your husband loves you and if he didn't fancy you, he wouldn't be trying to have sex with you. I hope you understand what I am trying to say, but I do think if you can try and let yourself go a bit, it will make you feel better too. I am sure as you lose weight your confidence will grow and you will feel more sexy, but try and do these things now as you are missing out!
    Take care honey x
     
  7. charliew

    charliew Full Member

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    I know exactly where you are coming from hun. I hate my body, hate the thought of being naked in front of hubby and it does affect our sex life.

    HOWEVER, he loves me for who I am. He married a big girl and adores my body (silly sod). I am sure it is the same for you. Your hubby obviously loves you as you are. He wouldn't have married you and he wouldn't want sex with you if he didn't love your shape and womanly curves.

    Sexy undies or having the light off during sex is the best options imo, although my hubby ends up putting the light back on as he wants to looks at me lol

    Hope you can both sort it out hun.
     
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