My Loss = My gain and His loss -new hair photo added

That is APPAULING !!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Jane I know the first thing I did was phone DH and work and go into total meltdown
I really DONT know how he copes with me when I am like this
he is taking two days off next week tues and wed to help me with stuff I cant do
and he will be here for the phone consult too so can also have his say on how bad I am

I do wish depression affected my appetite by reducing it rather than leaving me needing to fill my face :):)
 
LOL I'm the same-eat when I'm happy cos I'm celebrating , then comfort eat when I'm down. Either way my tum is always full !!
Sounds like you OH is a good bloke !!
 
Oh My Goodness!
Do you seriously mean you have to wait for another seven days before you can even speak to a GP! That's appalling. You should be able to see/speak to someone within 48hrs in an emergency situation. It may not be your regular GP but you should get to see someone from your practice.
I'm so sorry :wave_cry:

:hug99:
 
Helen I could have another doctor but I have done that recently and he was good but I need to speak to the doctor that knows me best
so today I have sorted out three carrier bags of books and 10 items of clothing that I know I will never wear again as I dont like them
I am slowing starting the declutter - the more I declutter the more room there will be for putting other stuff in those places
I am off to have my hair cut - do we see a pattern here girls feel low get hair cut
it used to be tattoos and piercings (my way of self harming I think) - perhaps I should say ouch every time a hair gets cut :):)

I will got to town earlier than needed to get the sorted stuff to the charity shop
I will then wander up to get my hair done

think DH is coming home a bit earlier today I think I will sort out my art drawers later and throw the rubbish and make room of other craft bits in there - perhaps for my ongoing wip's

today I will NOT each chocolate in any guise
I am sure I wont come to any harm if I have none
I will let you all know tomorrow :):)

dinner tonight is pasta with homemade quorn bolagnaise sauce - nice and simple

today the sun is out and it WILL be a good day
H xxx
 
Go You H !!

You sounds a bit more positive and a new haircut is never a bad thing. Hair grows back and you will eventually run out of bits to pierce or tattoo LOL

Decluttering and feeling more organised always helps me too, but sometimes it's the act of actually making that start is the hardest bit.

Long may the sun shine on you today
 
I have to say I am completely rubbish at de-cluttering:(
I'm sure that's just another form of housework - to which you all know I am serverely allergic;)
 
I can't believe you have to wait so long for an appointment but I have to say your last post definitely seemed more positive, despite what you said about DH recently he really does sound like he loves you and would do anything for you.

Well done on the declutter, certainly makes you feel better after.

Take care of yourself x
 
You do sound a bit better lovely - I hope that continues xxx

Use coping mechanisms if you need to - nothing wrong with that as long as they aren't unhealthy. If getting your hair cut helps, go for it! x
 
well hair is now a short pixie cut and dh and I have been to stroud today - fantastic farmers market :)

so I have sorted a mountain of paper of all colours and card too that can go to DD for her classroom
I am still working on the drawers but it is one of those medicine chests - off to do some more :)

DH is brilliant and its me as much as him = we are so comfortable together that sometimes we forget to shout help when we need it

DD phoned today she wants me to do her a favour :) so I said fine but you give me a day or two of help at half term please
she doesnt know it yet but she is going to be stripping wallpaper and ceiling paper too :) then the week after DH and I can prep and paint :):)

I am feeling more positive I think I needed to stop wallowing - but I am also back on the 12 hourly doses of the tramadol - it seems my body really doesnt want to work well without it

I have also finished a couple of yarns I was producing for someone on here :):) she knows who she is
they are now in the bathroom drying off and the twist is being set before I knit them up
I just feel its a job done and each one of them helps :)
right off to do a drawer - it seemed like a great idea when I got the set of drawers but it does have 15 drawers in the chest so loads to go through and room to make :):)
 
well today I am having a good day
I am back on the 12/12 of tramadol and that seems fine with my body
I have also cleared out one more drawer Kaydan is helping all he can
taking thins and running off with them before I can check them
it is time consuming as each things needs to be checked before I throw it away - it was put in the drawer for a reason
so this afternoon I am hoping to finish those drawers and start on the sideboard

food is going well
no increase or decrease in weight in the last week - that is a good thing it means I can just reduce a bit to be able to lose the weight - I think the extra walking is helping = I am attempting to walk 5000 steps a day - yes I know that is not enough but its enough for me at the present time and like my dd says if she didnt walk Giz everyday and would not be walking that much and its most likely above average
so from this base I know I will finally get some losses going :):)
 
Sorry I've been AWOL, good to hear you sounding positive and so true on what your daughter said about walking, we're all supposed to aim for 10000 a day but I don't even do half that I'm sure!

Hope you have a good day x
 
I have had no internet access since sunday
and today I found Kaydan has chewed the lead that connects my mp3 to the computer = I had it plugged in and he was on the sofa and must have just had a chew when I left the room - my fault but still upsetting -oh well DH will search for a new one for me

I have had DH home with me for the last two days due to me freaking out - I did have my call with the doc today and she has put me back on the anti depressant - and told me to take one tramadol every 12 hours for the next month while my body stabilises on the ad

the time it is going to take to get off the tramadol is going to be long and slow - even longer and slower than I thought
three times today I have dissolved in tears - DH (usually so good with me) told me it wont solve anything and thought perhaps if I could only come down off the ceiling I would feel better - think he was trying to make me laugh but that did not happen - instead I threw at him - YOU DONT UNDERSTAND - all very true but unnecessary -
so starting today I am back on the antid's - something I hoped was behind me - but I am hoping that a 6 month course is all I need rather than years worth like in the past = I will of course still consult my inner child =- and hope she can help

thank you for your support I know I must be very boring at the present - I really do wish you well but find it hard to visit you all - I will do my best to visit some tomorrow

H xx
 
:hug99:
 
You're not boring us (well not me anyway!), its good to be able to have a release on here and let things come out. I'm sure hubby understands really and he probably was just trying to make you laugh but when you're in pain it's not easy. Mark said the other day "can't we have a laugh anymore?!", it was because I was feeling down and nothing seemed funny!

Hope the antidepressants start kicking in for you soon x
 
I think we sometimes forget that our depression is just as hard on our partners !! MrB freely admits that sometimes he doesnt know what to do or say and just wants me to be able to be happy. I know when I am really low as I will suggest we seperate as I think he would be better off without me-which is of course RIDUCULOUS !!!!
 
Jane you are right = he would never be able to do better than you :):):)

I too often ask Dh how he manages to live with me - as I dont think I could live with me if I were him - I also tell him he didnt sign up for this and I would understand if he wanted to move on

DD phone me yesterday to check on me - which is nice - during half term she is coming round to help me strip the walls in the lounge ready for new paint and or paper in this room - that will be nice

I am off out today for a time with a good friend

I am feeling very very slightly better - which is good news

Kaydan news - he has found his voice but already stops barking when I tell him 'no barking' long may that continue

he is into everything and is still a joy

I am planing to do a lowish carb plan as from this weekend not low carb but slimming world green days but limiting the amount of pasta and potatoes etc I have and filling the plate with extra veggies instead
so for instance I have a cottage pie tonight with quorn and the topping is celariac swede and one potato rather than a potoato topping

I will serve that with purple sprouting and spinach
I am NOT planning to go into ketosis but have less carbs so the body has less immediate fuel

H xx
 
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