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my musings


constantly confused
S: 12st11lb C: 12st1lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 27.3 Loss: 0st10lb(5.59%)
I've been thinking long term again (stupid I know!)

I like the counselling aspect of LL, but I'm poor so was thinking about what to do when I finish foundation.

I was thinking of changing to CD for development, but then I would worry about the route to management. I like the way that LL reintroduce food (especially the cheese and bread trigger type food which I'm worried about so like the idea of support at that stage).

Do you think it's possible to do the majority of developers on CD and then switch back to LL for the route to management? Is that a bad idea?

What is the counselling like on development? Should I wait and see what my development group is like before I decide?

I started later than the rest of my group, so although I'm currently on week 3, they're all on week 6, so my foundation wont last as long as theirs.

The group counselling idea hasn't really benefitted me (yet) because it isn't a sharing environment and I'm quite shy in groups. It does feel more like a psychology lecture at times rather than counselling.

It also presumes a 'normal' life, which mine hasn't been. When we talked about parent ego states, it was assumed we all had parents who tried to make us finish up everything on our plate and nurture us with food. My mum had HUGE food issues and it was constantly the enemy for her. I made a decision when young that I would never do that, and I didn't want to spend my entire life beating myself up about what I'd eaten or feeling deprived (that backfired slightly!) she is also hyper critical of me, and I know her only prejudice is against big people. My dad was the same and used to constantly take the pee out of larger people (not to their face, as if that's any better :rolleyes:) and all that really affects the way I feel about myself.

My mum's not shy about telling me how she feels about my weight, and it's now at the point where I try and avoid family gatherings and all social occasions. I see my mum once, maybe twice a year and dread those visits.

I went to stay with my brother a while ago (pre LL) and later my mum commented that they'd said I'd hardly eaten anything while I was there (I don't eat much 'normal' food and have a small appetite really, it's jsut binging until i feel ill that puts the weight on). It was obvious that they had been discussing what I'd eaten and that makes me really uncomfortable. If I'm staying with her she watches me like a hawk for every mouthful :sigh:

I do worry about whether I'm getting much out of the counselling because of not feeling able to share, and feeling so 'different' from everyone else. At the same time I know I have real issues with food that I need to address (clearly!)

Sorry for my musings, some is getting down how I feel to make it clear in my head, and some asking for advice on what to do!

So, whaddya reckon? Stick with LL or go for the cheaper CD and pay for private counselling or hypnotherapy alongside it?
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Hi toller girl, first of all your doggie is gorgeous! What kind is it?

I had very similar probs with a mum who took me to a dietician when i was only 11 and I wasn't really overweight. She watched everything I ate from childhood and I ended up getting fat almost as a kind of rebellion. My brother also criticised my weight a lot and so did my dad. I really feel for you as it is a horrible situation. But the thing is, until you let it go, it will cause you probs. I've been going to see a counsellor thru work and it really helped me get a bit of distance from my family (in a good way!) I still love them and see them all the time but don't let them hurt me like I used to.

I too started late with my LL group and felt a bit out of place at times as I was 3 weeks behind and my foundation would only last 11 weeks. I actually switched to CD after 11 weeks and have been maintaining with a mix of CD and low GI for 4 mths. I can't really say what's best for you...but before I changed I did the 'hot thought' exercise in the LL book to check that I wasn't acting on a silly impulse but was thinking everything thru logically. Good luck, if there's anything else you want to know about CD just ask me!

I was looking to do what you're thinking of too. I did the 100 days with LL and then switched to CD (money issues and a poor LLC being the reasons). I asked my LLC about going back to do RtM without doing Development and she was very very hostile (I had no intention of going back to her but didn't say so of course!). I rang LL HO and they double checked for me - apparently you can leave LL but you have to do 4 weeks of Development before you do Management - and pay up front for it. They were really helpful and suggested waiting until I was a stone from goal, then doing Development to lose the final stone and then you can go seamlessly into RtM. You do have to find a LLC who's happy with this but HO would help with this if necessary.

Hope this helps.

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