My name is Cece and I'm an overeater!

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by Cee, 10 May 2010 Social URL.

  1. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Right! Here I go again. I know we all tend to go back and forth on our diets but when you start A diet every morning and by lunchtime you've managed to convince yourself that postponing it till tomorrow won't make much difference, so a 'last supper' binge is needed..... there's a problem!
    Ive tried everything to get myself started on CD again and never manage yo go past the fist day. It's like there are two people living in this body of mine ( there's almost enough of me to make that possible) and one wants this so bad whilst the other sabotages the first in every way and then makes her feel extremely guilty and a failure. There has to be a way out of this cycle I've tied myself into and today is the day that cycle gets broken.
    I start CD again. AGAIN!! I'm hoping that someone reads this and understands where I'm coming from. I sure need the support. I also need someone who needs some support to hold me accountable for any lapses of mine which might negate the support. Does any of that make sense to anyone?
    So I know my first challenge might be that no one has shown any interest in this diary so why bother with it? From there it will be 'why bother with the diet. I know the evil side of me always has a good reason for why I should stop CD and have a good old comforting binge. She never reminds me how awful I will feel after so I will have to do my best to banish her from my subconcious!
    Here goes day 1. Wish me luck!
     
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  3. xsimplymex

    xsimplymex Hopefully due 2 fade away

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    Good luck CeCe!

    I used to do exactly the same! Think "oh well, just one more day won't harm" and used to sit and eat for hours even though I wasn;t hungry, then same again the next day.

    I think it's just a case of trying to do what you feel best with. I feel ready to diet and lose weight now and I'm doing quite well and the thought of any bad foods puts me right off - loving the veg!

    Hope you can find some inspiration on this site and there's lots of us around if you ever need a chat or some support.

    Take care x
     
  4. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
    15st12.5lb
    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thanks for your encouragement Simplymex, it's good to know someone understands, has been through it and has overcome. That's an inspiration to me. I'm grateful for this site and I am on here now so as to keep my mind off food. I'm at work on my lunch break, I won't say what I would have been eating if I wasn't on here now because it might tip me over the edge lol. I know I need to find a variety of things I would enjoy doing during my lunch breaks and bored periods other than eating. Being on here is one. I have a new novel. I thought of shopping but that would make me broke. If anyone can think of any good ones or some that work for you please share. I would really appreciate it.
    So! So far so good. I am in a positive mood about this today. I've changed the screensaver on my phone to one of me looking fat and hideous! Everytime I look at the phone I get a reminder of why I am not eating the pizza and the baguette and crisps and cake. It seems to be working. In fact, it's such a horrid picture that it puts me off food anyway! Lol. I think I'll print a few copies and paste them all over the house and especially in the kitchen. I initially wanted to use my slim pic but I realised that it wasn't the loss of that image from my mind that made me break my diet everyday at 1 pm or so. It was the fact that I'd forgotten the image I saw on the mirror that morning that made it easy to binge every day. The image that I felt so repulsed by. The image I could not believe was my own. How can I love myself when I hate how I look? How can I love my family as much as I am capable of if I don't love myself? Everyting has been suffering because of this weight gain. Not just my self-esteem, not just me. Everyone around me, because I'm just not myself when I feel I look like someone else.
     
  5. Predator

    Predator Silver Member

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    Slim & Save
    Hi CeCe, great start to your diary I think, you sound determined, good luck!!!

    This is such a good idea I might have to copy you there! :D I'm thinking of starting my own diary aswell, as I seem to have hit some sort of standstill x
     
  6. Bec1989

    Bec1989 Member

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    Diet:
    1000 cals a day
    Good luck Cece!! we've all at some point been there, and i know exactly what you mean by one more day wont hurt. I did that for nearly two years yo yoing in and out. December made me take myself seriously i was sick of quitting so i promised myself that i would do atleast a week, then after one week i kept telling my self if ive done 7 days why cant i do 8 etc. And now 5 months later and a stone and a half lighter im still going for it girl! you can do it i know you can you just need to find it in yourself.
    BEST OF LUCK!!!
    Bec
    x
     
  7. Trolley Dolly xx

    Trolley Dolly xx Full Member

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    Cee,

    take one day at a time, and half a stone at a time. That is what I do, make it seem less of an epic task.
    Also, why not treat yourself when you reach your mini goals e.g. a cd, a new lippy, a manicure.
    These little changes will help you love what you see and who you are..you so worth it. Good luck xx
     
  8. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
    14st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thank you so much guys. Thanks SO much. You won't believe how excited I was to read your posts. It made me feel a little more confident in what I am doing and gave me something to think about 'don't let these guys down, they took the time to encourage you so don't be rude and throw it back in their faces by eating that ice cream' haha. It worked! I'm just about To get ready for work so can't say much now except that I did good yesterday. Nibbled but not dangerously. Today I'll be even better. I have a few things to say to you guys individually and I'll do that during my lunch break. It'll give me something to look forward to eh?
    Roll on day 2!
     
  9. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
    14st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I can't believe I typed a whole epistle and list it! Sorry if anyone is there. I'll do it all again tomorrow when it's not almost midnight and I'm half asleep.
     
  10. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
    15st12.5lb
    Current Weight:
    14st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Ok so I felt I should say all what I wanted to say again. This time being careful what I touch so as not to delete everything.
    Aaron, thanks for your encouragement. I AM determined!! The fat pic screensaver really does help me. You'd have to get a really bad pic showing you looking at your worst though! Judging by your profile pic I'm not so sure you'll be able to do that. You look GOOD! I like your signature quote too. Is that something you penned yourself or us it 'borrowed'? I'm quite intersted to know.

    Bec, isn't it depressing when you give up again and again? For me it's like telling myself 'you failed' everytime and there were many many. If you've been sticking to it this long does it get easier to make good choices about food or is it still a struggle?

    Trolley dolly, thanks for the advice. I know one of my problems is lack of patience and in thinking the task is just so great. I keep calculating int head how ling it will take to lose x amount of weight at a rate of 'y' lbs a week and get discouraged by how long it will take and give up. Then I pile on weight in preparation for the next dirt which also only lasts till lunch time. A colleague at work who started WW about 8 weeks ago has lost 19lbs and in that time I have gained 8 lbs! The irony of it is this. I, me, myself, was her inspiration to lose weight. She saw how I came into work every week determined to lose weight from the first day I started working with her and it spurred her on! Hmm!! I've spent all that time starting and stopping. She was bigger than I was, now she weighs less than I do. Aaaaaaarrggghhh!!!!
    1...2....3.....4.....I'm fine! Just can't believe how stupid I've been.

    Anyway I was Good today! I even went for a run! OK you got me! A run with walking intervals. Who am I fooling? A walk with bursts of running lasting approx 10 sec to 30sec. Why didn't anyone remind me how much my throat would hurt and how difficult it is to run at this weight! I overcame the embarrassment anyway. It was odd though. I was in bed chilling, taking a short break from the kids who had been driving me nuts and whilst lying down I suddenly felt like going for a run. I thought I'd run all the way to Blockbuster and get some movies andcrun all the way back. I was so determined and serious. I realised I had to act on it despite the fact that I was supposed to be getting the girls ready for bed. So I got out of bed, got dressed and went. No questions were asked. The kids started to cry thinking I wad running away from them because of their naughtiness but I reassured them that I'd be back! After 30 sec of my planned 10 min run I almost collapsed. Ofcourse I didn't! I styled it out as best I could. Head up, chin up, long fast strides, but I was dying. I almost killed off all my water in the first flipping minute! Lol! I did it though. I'm so proud of myself. Just need to keep it up.
    I've also taken bex's advice to do what works for me. CD isn't working for me right now so I'm gonna do 1000cal a day with exercise. I think I ended up with 1500 today but I'm happy with that, as long as I don't go over 1500 I'll keep patting myself on the back.
    Hope you guys are all doing well too. Anyone got a diary too? I'd love to read some of yours too.
    Goodluck everyone. I'll be reporting my day 3 with hopefully more successes.
     
  11. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
    15st12.5lb
    Current Weight:
    14st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Wow!! I sure can go on and on! Sorry about typos people. Doing this on the phone.
    Be good!!
     
  12. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    If anyone is reading this then please say something so I know I am not talking to myself. I know it might be selfish but I need people to takerhe time to let me know they're there because ithelps mestay kn track through the difficult first few weeks.
    Anyway yesterday was OK! I decided not to go running and let my legs feel better after Tuesdays effort. I'll go today instead. I ate a reasonable amount of food and I know. Went over 1500kcal but I didn't go overboard. I intend to be god today. It's harder when I have a day off and I'm at home or I'm out with the kids buying them snacks and food. I had about 4 bags of plantain chips yesterday just because it's what I give my lttle ones in the car to munch on so they don't fall asleep. It works but I end up eating loads.
    I've decided to train to run 5k non-stop within the next @ weeks. Ive downloaded a program to help me do that and I have faith in myself that I can achieve it. When I do, I'll try to work toward 10k. I can do it!!! Gotta keep telling myself that.
    I don't like the way I look. My tummy upsets me. Lol! (unintended play on words there) I've had a couple of moments where I've thought I should try to do Cambridge avian but have successfully erased that. I think I'll have to keep erasing it because it will come up in my mind everytime I feel fed up looking fat and wish I could change it overnight. I guess my new battle is to overcomethe urge to yield to my imatience. CD is a fantastic way to lose weight but for me right now, it's impossible. I've found its better for me to do things the wrong way. I have never been a breakfast person and I find I don't feel great when I eat early. So I'm skipping brekkie and having something little for lunch. I will probably have a CD shake for lunch so as to avoid the whole palaver of finding something with as few cals and then having to resist the urge to have more. So much planning! Im sure I over-think this whole weight issue and make myself feel overwhelmed. I need to plan what I'll have for dinner because I love being able to eat lots in the evening and not feel too restricted. I therefore have most of my calories when I get home from work and then I can go for a run about an hour after. I'll have to find out if that's enough time between meal and run.
    I will report on how that goes. Knowing me the whole thing will change in the next couple of days and I'll be saying I'm gonna do Slimming World....... Come to think of it, that's not suchabad idea .......hmmmm....... decisions decisions....
     
  13. yo-yo-dieter

    yo-yo-dieter Silver Member

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    Lost(%):
    0st9.1lb(4.02%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hello, just to let you know I have ready your thread. I think lots of people read but don't necessarily post because otherwise you would spend all your time just repeating yourself on different threads. Good luck, you can do this! Keep posting and I will keep reading, even if I dont always pass comment x
     
  14. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
    15st12.5lb
    Current Weight:
    14st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thank you yo yo dieter. I had pretty much given posting before I saw your message.
    The latest news is that I've registered to do the Race for life 5k in July and plan to jog or run it. Having not ever really run it's proving to be a challenge and I'm loving it. I'm doing the couch to 5k program which takes 9 weeks. It's helps me get my mind off food and I'm thinking more about my next run. The diet ischanging to SW. I'll explain later. Gotta get ready to go out.
    Thanks for reading.
     
  15. octavia

    octavia Full Member

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    good for you planning to do the race for life. the focus should help to keep you motivated and on track. i did the adidas womens 5 k 2 yrs ago and was so proud when i got my medal at the end!!
     
  16. Ria.

    Ria. Silver Member

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    Hiya,

    as yo yo said we may read but not comment, if you look at my diary its mainly me talking to myself and the occasional comment from others
     
  17. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
    14st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thanks guys! I'll try to stay motivated.
    Ok so far I've managed to not stick to any weightloss program for longer than 2 days but it doesn't mean I've given up. It's been a tough and busy few days and alot on my mind. Starting a divorce and not sure whether I should or not.... not a good place to be. I wish I could just get on with it, so I guess I'll use that as a cop out! I'm gonna do SW mostly red days as that's what works for me. Just need more time in the day to do the cooking and all.
    Tha race for life definitely has given me a new focus and I'm excited about it. I'm in week 2 of training and I'm enjoying it.
    I would recommend it to everyone who is able to try it.
     
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