My spangly low carb odyssey

[Spanglymum]

Thanks for the recommendation. It's a great book - (I've already got it on Kindle on my iPad). I think it's worth re-reading though, definitely.

Feeling a bit wobbly and unsure of myself today. I've skipped a period this month - stress? And with yesterday's non-diagnosis think it's time I pull myself together and "get over myself" ! Going to see the GP on Monday to rationalise all these tablets. Seeing as there's nothing clinically wrong with me I think they can all go apart from the Prozac and amitriptyline, both of which seem to be helpful. Then I'm going to work out how to fit a swim and a kettlebell session into my mad week once a week each. Endorphins and stress relief - the way forward I think!

My blood pressure was insane yesterday - right up to 155/96!!! Never had a reading like it. Can you tell I don't like hospitals?! Much?! Usually around 110/75... will ask GP to check briefly on Monday. He's a very calm and quiet person so I'm hoping I'll be a bit more relaxed when I get it redone.

NO MORE HYPOCHONDRIA, WOMAN! (That's me told.) Thing is, the pain does feel real... weird. Oh well.

 

[Spanglymum]

Been realising that the key to all of this has been spending my life doing what others expect and/or want from me. That's why I used alcohol: it temporarily excused me from pleasing other people (sometimes with rather drastic results!!)

My job is because I wanted my mum to be proud of me. But it's boring.

My passions are art, writing, pattern, architecture and music. Luckily publishing fits one of those, kind of. And being in the geeky side of things sits with the pattern element.

But I want to break out of this self-imposed straitjacketed existence and can't, because of the mortgage and my husband's disability.

I've started painting and drawing and writing again, and experimenting with photography. It's a start!

 

[Spanglymum]

Currently in waiting room at piercing studio. So exciting!!!

 

[Spanglymum]

And today's where I become myself again.

Grateful for what I DO have: like a lovely family and home, and a really cool job.

So what if parts of it are 'boring'. That's why it's called work, no?!! Lemon. Doh!

Honestly. What an adolescent I've become. I've always taken responsibility before. Suddenly that doesn't seem so appealing so I act out and stomp about. But actually, taking responsibility is who I am (was?). I've been messing about, feeling I should somehow be rewarded for being a martyr. Oh poor me etc. but actually I know deep down that life isn't like that!

So...

(and the piercings are awesome. Lol)

 

[Spanglymum]

Been off road more than on and need to pull self together. Got compliments at work on nose stud, which was lovely

Went to the annual memorial for the departed service last night. It's a beautiful remembrance of those who have died in the past year and those we want to remember who died before. Very tranquil and calm and quiet. And sad. Very sad. Obviously. But good to acknowledge that it still hurts. And that's ok.

Had a busy day... Now in GP waiting room about to discuss coming off various pills and potions seeing as I definitely don't have lupus!

 

[Spanglymum]

Well, I weighed myself this morning. All I'm going to say at this point is and isn't glycogen heavy?!!

Right!

So...

 

[Spanglymum]

So so so annoyed. My husband has agreed that his mum and her partner will be over for pretty much the whole Christmas holidays. I am working until the end of Christmas eve. They arrive on the Sunday and leave on the Thursday. The things that annoy me most are (a) I wasn't asked, I was told and (b) I am expected to cook Christmas dinner for her partner, who is UNBELEVABLY fussy about food. He also holds political views that I find really unpalatable. I am SO CROSS!

Not sure what to do with this anger really. I guess a sensible person would go for a run or something.

 

[Mis-behave]

I once threw apples at a wooden door when I was really angry - after I had spread newspaper on the floor lol was very satisfying thump, splat! Thump splat!

 

[Spanglymum]

Ooh I like that! Pity I'd already eaten a bag of peanut m and ms instead. Always take anger out on myself. Not sure why.

Still angry. Had big row when got home. He says if I don't like it I should go to my mums for Christmas dinner while he and my daughters have christmas dinner with his mum and her partner!! How mean/manipulative is that? I've told him not to be so ridiculous. He also wants me to phone his mum to cancel her! I've said I'm not going to sort out his mess - but he says it's my fault it's a mess because I'm over reacting. I think it's HIS mess because he didn't have the respect to check it was ok with me first. No way am I sorting out HIS problem.

 

[Spanglymum]

Peace has been restored in my household. Phew!

 

[Spanglymum]

Daren't stand on the scales again as I daresay it's all gone back on and more possibly. Just a few short weeks and I'm spherical and bloated. Ugh. Not sure what's going on. Definitely have a carb problem. Possibly a wheat problem? Not sure. Anyway - it's been a bit mental...

Understandable though as work is very very very hectic for year end and I am very stressed. Not the best of excuses - life will always throw stress at me, I know that - but it's one reason I've gone so spectacularly off road of late. Hey ho. I'm human, right?

 

[Spanglymum]

I will be back later this week!

 

[Spanglymum]

Loads of things going on for me right now. I mentioned a midlife crisis in passing, as a joke, but I think that's me!

I've achieved the thing I set out to, the thing that was troubling me for years: getting my weight where I want it to be.

So now what?

OMG Who am I?!

So what's been going on for me these past few weeks? Carbs carbs carbs... Denial. Weight gain.

You see life becomes easier when you're addicted and/or fat: it's all about the next carb 'fix' and 'my life would be better if I weren't overweight.' and you run from responsibility for your behaviour, and the consequences...

So who am I?

I'm a writer, and an artist, who got sidetracked into a 'sensible' career by pragmatism and fear. This past year I started writing and drawing and painting again. That's 'me'.

More anon!

 

[Spanglymum]

Right. Back to work today. Weigh in and pulling self together!!

 

[Spanglymum]

Weighed in. Interestingly, I guessed my weight almost to the lb!

30lb to lose. Considering I usually eat very low carb, and this is the result of almost two months of eating/drinking whatever I like, I'm not that surprised. I can feel it all over right now: even my face feels fat!

 

[Kat1e]

Hi Spangly, well done getting back to it