New Beginning... Magiclove's Diary

[MagdaX]

Thanks SB! I'm excited about my new lil project
Loving your new pics by the way. You ddon't look like you've put on anyweight though...

Laura, yes I loved it. Although the US one is better.
Have you had a chance to try the bars yet? They're yummy with a nice cuppa if you have a sweet tooth..

 

[MagdaX]

Streeeesssss!!!!
I'm having a tough time trying to fix someone else's mistakes in such a short space of time.
We're expecting a massive director's visit today and I'm expected to have the store in tip top shape in 2 days!
I'm good but not that good!
So I'm gonna get there really early today and scrub the place from top to bottom! It's filthy! :S
The team are not very supportive but that's a result of months of negligence.
Nothing Magdalicious can't handle
Thank God I'm on hols next week!

Meanwhile me and my LLC decided I'm going to stick to LLL for now but I'm petrified I'm not going to lose any weight on it.
Don't feel like eating at all to be honest but I know I need to as I'm starting to feel a lot more tired and weak. I'm sure it's due to stress.
I must learn not to let work get into me so much!

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[MagdaX]

Oh I'm struggling today! Big time!
I can't seem to fight off the feeling of cheating. I don't know why it is? Is it because I'm on holiday and I can finally relax.
It probably is because before LL I would have just stocked up on treats and comforting goodies.
I know it's not me anymore and it's not REALLY what I want to do but still there is this tiny voice in my head telling me to go ahead and be naughty!

Be strong Magda!!!!

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[Jezebella]

Hang in there honey

I am having a harder day today too, also because I am at home and its miserable out and I just want to eatttttttttttttttt!! I want to chew, and I know that I could have protein and be ok, but omg if I do, what next????? Was supposed to be having friends over for lunch today, had the whole thing prepared and my sister even made some nice healthy dessert, however about an hour before they were due to arrive we got a text from the guy saying he had just found out his gf had been cheating on him and he had thrown her out and obviously they wouldnt be coming for lunch!!! Problem is now all the food, which is lovely and healthy is still sitting in the fridge, staring at me!!!! Going to have a bath shortly and pop on a dvd for a distraction, have just done a mini manicure too!!!! Might have half a bar soon as have only had 1 pack today so far.

Keep strong and I am on Fb if you need to chat.

Hugs

j
xx

 

[lauraandy]

Hi babes

Been away for a few days and by George do I wish we hadn't!! I'm paying for Total as in my first 4 weeks and our LLC insists on paying 4 weeks upfront - which is fine however I'm struggling BIG TIME!!!

Serious crooked thinking as on Thursday night I nearly cracked and made the 'conscious' decision not to fully cheat but to 'do Lite?!'

I've lost 16lb in 11 days so far and I wasn't getting to that - 'it's getting easier' stage on Total. I've got the Lite books from last time and have been following the rules of it over the weekend but I'm scared of being booted off the program!!

I love LL/LLL and I love the sessions with my group but my BMI is nowhere near them letting me on Lite!!!

Aaaahhhhh - so confused x x x

 

[nutty me]

Have a lovely holiday Mags. Relax....Relax.....Relax......Relax.......
Hope the new job is going OK. x

 

[MagdaX]

Thank you darling!
I'm pretty wiped out. My body is shutting down. Almost as if it knows it's relax time now so it can finally let the guard down.
I feel truly rough... I have a cold sore the size of a golf ball on my lip, eczema is eating my eyelids and ears away... sigh.......
I really, really need to relax but I'm afraid I won't know how.
I have been meaning to have loads done during my week off and i will try my best but this morning I am doing f*** all lol
Coffee, porridge and telly!

 

[MagdaX]

Laura... I sooo can symphatise!!!
I've had a very tough weekend and haven't been 100%
It is ever so hard to stay on track for me sometimes.
LL is a journey and we must take those downfalls as a lesson to be learned. Nothing happens for no reason!
I for one have decided LLL is not the way forward for me. It makes it too easy for me to bend the rules and start complicating things even more.
I have my WI tonight (which I'm dreading) and I want to discuss going back on LL Total.
Hun hang in there, you have lost over a stone in less than 2 weeks! That is bloody brilliant! Come on you!
Talk to you LLC about the crooked thinking, I am sure that would help.
What you must remember though that weight loss is almost a by product. It is so much more than just that and you're going through that process just now. I remember my first 3-4 weeks were very much up and down but I promise you, this is natural and it's a good thing. It will allow you to tackle the very issues that make us overeat.
Remember that you are much stronger than you think you are and you CAN do it!
I'm here if you need me!

 

[MagdaX]

Oh darlings, this is getting from bad to worse
I have lapsed big time last night and as to be expected at tonight's weigh in I've had a 2lbs gain :'(

I can't and I don't want to explain why I did it. There can be so many reasons and explainations I can give but the matter of fact is that I am struggling BIG TIME to get back on track!
I feek weak, powerless, out of control and I HATE IT!!!!
In theory I know what made me want to eat and why I made a choice to do so and I also know what to do to get back on straight and narrow.
Why is it so damn hard to put it into practice????
Why do I choose to feel like a massive failure?
Is it because I've always failed at everything I ever wanted to achieve? Is it because it's easier to give up?
I feel so fragile and all over the place I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I need something (or someone) stronger for my state of mind.
I feel raw,empty and so unbelievably unhappy at the moment and the only way I know of dealing with that is by food. This still hasn't changed and it terrifies me
I've had a good chat with my LLC (and a good old cry) tonight which really helped but why can't I overcome this obstacle and choose to sabotage all my efforts??
I feel like all my strength and control has been wiped out turning me into this helpless, weak creature that simply doesn't know what to do next..

.. Help

 

[Spanglymum]

Mags I'll pm you my number if you want to chat/text I'm here. You are not a failure. You've just picked up a new job in a new location with new people, which is bound to be unsettling. Falling back on old behaviours is a natural response. The key is to recognise that it's not helping you, and remember that you have choices. You are in control of you!

Hope you have a better day today xx

 

[lauraandy]

Mags, Mags, Mags x x x

You are so strong!! This won't break you - get it off your chest - get the food demons out and we will try to help as much as we can!!

Chin up and good luck babe x x c

 

[slendablenda]

Oh Mags
I'm so sorry things seem so horrible for you at the moment :tear_drop:
They will change.
What you have had is a wake-up call. That's all.
We have learnt our behaviour of rewarding and comforting ourselves with food and love over many years. That's not going to suddenly stop.
I think I've seen you say about the journey or the road on your Lighterlife experience. They aren't usually straightforward are they.
But you can get back on track.
Someone in my group has recently started RTM. This week she lost it and gained a few more pounds than you after being abstinent for months and losing many stones.
We find it so much easier to not eat at all and just have the packs don't we?
Most of us have said "I wish I could stay on the packs"
All or nothing, black or white - that's the kind of people we are.
If we could control the eating we wouldn't have gained the weight in the first place.
You've had a lot of changes.
Your weight loss, ending your relationship, working really hard, not much "me time", changing your store, having to adjust to new staff,the visit from the big wigs and probably a lot more that I don't know. Then trying to re-introduce some food in the middle of all that!
Hey - you are human. You have done so well. You know you have transformed yourself. You are a gorgeous, strong, intelligent woman.
You have persevered with abstinence and been so supportive to everyone here too, even when you've been feeling down.
You are a lovely person and you will find Mr. Right.
We all have to kiss a few frogs before our Prince comes along.

Hang on in there. I'm so glad you have a good counsellor - and there's nothing wrong with a cry.
If you don't want to talk about what happened, write it down, just for you. Don't keep it in. That's what we've always done.
Kept it in and covered it up with food................
Go back on abstinence, finish the job and then do RTM. Introduce food gradually with support and advice from your LLC.
You'll be back on track in no time. It's not a disaster.

Love ya hun xxxx:sign0007::hug99::devilangel::superwoman:

 

[gingette]

Mags, read SB's post again. Every word she say is true.

 

[MagdaX]

Yes! She is very true! You guys have been so supportive. I don't know what I would do without you!
Thank you sooo much!
I've been doing better. I'm back on full abstinence and feeling much better for it. It was definitely a good choice.
I've had an eventful week off.
I'm trying to sort out my life bit by bit. So far I've sorted out my wardrobes getting rid of 3 bin bags worth of clothes and shoes. The good, never worn, expensive ones are going on eBay (which I'm doing just now).
I've just come back from an appointment with my bank manager. We discussed my finances and came up with a good plan. I'm relieved as it's been bugging me for a while. No more credit card debts! In fact they will be destroyed tomorrow!
I've had lots of rest and time to think and I'm feeling energised and hopeful for the future!
A career change is on its way me thinks!
Thank you for all your support darlings xxx

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[slendablenda]

Way to go. You are de-cluttering. It helps with the psychological stuff. What goes on in our head is often reflected in our behaviour.
xx

 

[Gembritney]

So i lost a stone in 2 weeks. I'm very happy and proud of that but there's one thing that's bugging me.
I don't look or feel like I lost that much weight!
Noone so far has noticed or commented which it's frustrating because it should be noticable!
I know I shouldn't care what others think or say but it bugs me as I kinda can feel lighter but i don't see it.
Does it make sense?
When did you guys start noticing changes in your bodies?

This TOTALLY makes sense..... we all want recognition for out weightloss.... i cant wait to be told how slim i look

 

[MagdaX]

So holiday is over
I had a lovely time.. doing absolutely nothing!!! lol
Well, it's not entirely true. I've done loads of declutting. My house AND my life! It feels so refreshing to know what's what. I sorted my finances out as well, moved things around, done a few cuts here and there so i can definitely say i feel more in control now

AND... I think i'm closer to making a decision about my career.
I am more sure than I ever will be that it's time for a change! If i don't do it now, I never will so as much as it's very scary, it's also very exciting!
As far as LL is concerned I seem to be back on track and in the zone!
It has been harder today though as I went to the pictures with my gf's and I just craved all the treats. I resisted though and stuck to my water! Go me!
Sipping on my vanilla shake and running a hot bath now so i guess i'll 'talk' to you soon

 

[Jezebella]

Well done Mags, sounds to me like you are really back on top of things

Here is to a good week for both of us

J
xx

 

[nutty me]

Sounding good Mags, sounds like you are back on track. Onwards and downwards xx

 

[MagdaX]

TOTM!!!!!!!
I feel bloated, sore and moody as hell lol
AND i'm craving everything! I really thought it would get easier with time... nope it doesn't