Today was more difficult. Morning was fine, did Shred level 2 and some pilates, went to Uni. Came home for lunch, didn't eat straight away and felt in control. But then some cravings swung in, started picking at leftover rice pudding... then more of it... and over the course of returning to the fridge 4 times finally finished it off for estimated 6 points then moved on to see what I could find in the cupboard. Thankfully have no biscuits or chocolate in the cupboard atm otherwise they would have been fair game! Had some fruitbursts, then a chupachup, an apple and still kept wandering between cupboard and fridge despite feeling full. I am very proud of my recover this evening however. Went to gym for zumba class then on the way home went to supermarket NOT to get classic binge food but fruit and ww jelly. Came back, made up the jelly in case of feeling the need for dessert and for dinner had some delicious minestrone that supportive flatmate made for dinner last night. Brilliant! Was only 3 points as full of yum vege and only a teensy bit of pasta and kidney beans
Its a little worrying as am starting to follow those craving cycles again the last couple of days. But so far have managed to hold myseld at bay and stay within points... hmmm, yes so far. I should trust myself more, but part of me is starting to do the bargaining thing... tommorrow is my last day of the food week and promised myself that if I held it together I could have a treat tommorrow, okay I promised myself that I could have a binge. Sounds awful when I say it outloud. Treat sounds better. I will give myself a treat for finishing the week. Wish I could think of something other than food but having so little funds is so very restricting!
Meanwhile, the odd dreams continue. I don't know whether anyone else has experienced this sort of thing but lately I have been having dreams which involve me losing control, eating everything in the cupboard (last night I even managed to invent a chocolate bar in my dream that consisted of chips, sandwiching nutella in wafer-like layers covered in chocolate?!) eating whatever junk food I could find and then feeling awfully, horribly sick and bloated, at which point I usually wake up to the incredible relief to find that it was actually a dream! (PS I have checked that it isn't a matter of sleep-walking and eating). Maybe this is a sign of dawning insanity, but it isn't as though I have been overly strict with myself, or that food is all I think about.
Oh well, I guess so long as I keep dream-binging I remind myself of that awful feeling you get when it happens, and may be less likely to do it for real. Fingers crossed!
Weigh-in tommorrow. This will be the first week for a while that I haven't let myself jump on the scales during the week. I really want to see a good difference tommorrow! I am hanging out for some positive re-inforcement that all this hard work is paying off!