OT Bullying - need some advice

[discojen]

Hi all,

Just need some advice for my friend, Kelly. To cut a long story short our DDs are best friends (mine is 6, hers 7) and they have been given a homework task on relationships. (Kelly is now with a woman and her DD's Dad is with a new partner and they have 3 kids of their own, so she was a bit apprehensive about beginning the discussion!)

Anyway, when they came to discuss her Dad and his partner Her DD burst into tears and wouldn't tell her what was wrong. After a while she has managed to get out of her the her Dad's partner is bullying her (not her words). She will do things like step on her toes and when DD tells her she did she'll say "So?" Then she'll do it again and say "Oh, I'm so sorry" really sarcastically. There have been loads of other things but her DD is too scared to tell her Mum.

What should she do?
She has text DD's Dad and asked him to meet her this afternoon to talk but has had no reply as yet. She's really scared of making it worse for her DD.
(I'm so furious about it that I want to go and punch her (never had a fight in my life!) so I can only imagine how she's feeling).

(Sorry for the long post.)

Any suggestions?

 

[Lin18]

Punch her face in, that what i would do, then say sorry sarcastically, probalbly not the right thing but im being honest, and stop her going until all sorted out face to face with new partner, with a severe warning given to her,

 

[discojen]

That's exactly how I feel Lin, but she doesn't want the partner to use this against the DD

 

[emmapetty]

If it was me, i wouldn't be texting and march right round there and ask the woman who the hell she thinks she is. I'd then leave, handing ex hubby a letter explaining all. Or even a tape with DD's confession.

Then until the matter is resolved my DD would not be setting foot in that house while she was there. Simple as.

This is not her daughter, how dare she bully and frighten a child. I don't care who she is, no one should ever frighten a child in that way.

I'd maybe keep a diary from here on it, because if this continue you can always take it further and seek out the authorities help.

Another idea is to attach a recording devise to DD and at least that way you can have proof if you do decide to go to the authorities.

Hugs x x x

 

[Lin18]

I would stop her going i wouldnt give $hit about anyone but my child in all of this, you hurt my child then you hurt me, i know its difficult, but the kids welfare comes first, sorry if i sound harsh, Its only a toe this time, what next.

 

[irishangel]

what a rotten ***** is my first thought oh & then smacking her one in the gob! ...

I think your pal should ask her ex how he feels the gf & the dd are getting along ..to say that she isnt having a go & she hopes he's really happy but the dd has told her about a few things happening that are upsetting her ...she really needs to suss out his attitude first ...

how awful for a 7yr old to have be abused becoz of the gf's jealousy/insecurity - I take it the new gf is a grown adult ffs...she aint acting like it ...

maybe the dd can be persuaded to speak to her dad on her own ...

I wish them the best - hope it gets sorted


debs xx

 

[discojen]

I know. There have been a couple of things before this and eveyone put it down to jealousy (because she had two boys and wanted a girl) but she had a girl 4 months ago and apparently it's got worse since. I'm just so angry, I'd kill for my DD in a second, but my friend's trying to keep calm. She's at work at the mo, but was in floods of tears this morning after dropping the kids at school.

 

[discojen]

Thanks Debs, I'm sure it is just because he has a child with someone else (although she knew this when she met him). She's really paranoid, to the point of saying to my mate "I'm glad you're with a woman now because if not, I'd be worried about you and ____ (DDs Dad)"
FFS!!! She's 29!!!

 

[emmapetty]

oh how ridiculous. Sounds to me like the woman needs to pay a visit to the Dr's, she clearly has mental health issues.

 

[Lin18]

Give her a hug bet she needs it poor thing, but it has to stop no matter who it upsets, her daughter mustn't enjoy her time with her dad, if this sort of thing is going on she will probably be glad not to go. Until things sorted.

 

[discojen]

Will do Lin, no, her DD never wants to go to her Dad's. No bloody wonder.

Thanks for all the advice.
x

 

[Lynn8124]

Oh that's an awful way to behave. I'd thought this was a very new relationship but it's obviously longer if they have 3 kids together. I wonder how the woman would feel if your friend was bullying one of her kids!

As you know if you or your mate punch her she'll probably call the cops and yous will be seen as the baddies. Sad but true. The wee girl's dad needs to be made aware of what's going on and maybe access arranged elsewhere if he cannot gaurantee(sp) her safety.

On the other hand if he doesn't listen maybe a report to social services is necessary, we dunno if she bullies her own kids but this could cause more problems than it solves.:sigh:

I really hope it's sorted out amicably. Let us know how it goes and good luck to you mate and her daughter, this really needs to be nipped in the bud. It's good that this has come out before it gets more serious.

 

[Reena]

That is so awful, I would love to punch her face, let alone your friend. I agree with the other comments, that poor child should not go anywhere near that 'woman' until she is sorted out!

 

[MsJMC]

with children you have to earn their trust and tell them its all going to be alright .
I would tell DD nothing what i was going to do , I would meet with her dad in coffee shop and text him when he is at work to say meet me and tell no one .
then i'd tell him , also he can then try see for himself what is going on without drawing any attension to his Daughter . I'd just hope he got rid of her by just hearing what was going on . But if nothing , then i'd stop her going .