People are SO pleasant...

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Poppysparkle, 6 March 2009 Social URL.

  1. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    :p

    I had someone in work today (a rather large figure of a lady) ask if I've finished LL. I said no, I unofficially have about 5lb to lose to which she replied "NO, :copon:you don't look nice anymore. You looked nice a few weeks ago and now you don't - you look like Victoria Beckham now". She then said "don't get like XX" (a person who did LL previously to me in work and looks fab!) "she's looks ugly".

    Well, my response was to laugh at her and say that I was aiming for a size 8 to wind her up a bit more! It genuinely doesn't bother me and actually cheered me up because she's obviously absolutely green with envy, but purrlease!! I have lost more weight since I last put my photo on here, but believe me I definitely don't look like Victoria Beckham!!! LOL!
     
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  3. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    In some way, yes she might be jealous... But have you considered that some people are happy with the way they look, even if they are overweight, obese even? I have a few mates who are rather large: in the size 18's, 20's ... and they always say they are absolutely happy looks wise, and I know they are.
    I was huge, and now I'm not.. but I still think people with a little podge are much, MUCH more beautiful. It has nothing to do with "envy" or "jealousy"... some people honestly don't like sticks and bones, it's the same sort of opinion as some people don't like fatties. ... different opinions for everyone. Don't wind this lady up on purpose please, because that actually made me a little angry reading that post.
     
  4. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Sorry if it made you feel angry. Not my intention.

    However, how rude, I'd never comment to her on her fuller figure. I don't care if she is happy or not with her figure, and I'm sorry that you are so upset by my post. I've been bigger and I was certainly not happy. I'm not interested in other people to be honest and I'm not going to apologise for looking much better than I did 18 weeks ago.

    Oh, and I commented on her being envious because that's how it came across to me.

    Your post riled me too to be honest.
     
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  5. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    Hey hun you look amazing and I look forward to seeing more pics of the slimmer you. Don't listen to anyone else you know whats right for you hun, I've had the same kind of comments lately and if I'm honest I ended up binging yesterday, I tend to punish myself when people make comments anyway back to the subject at hand, we know how we feel and thats all that matters!

    Emma xXx
     
  6. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    That comment from you is what riled me - I did not and would never wind her up on purpose as you insinuate, as she was the person being rude and insensitive.
     
  7. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    And breathe, someone asked me when I'm due yesterday :eek: I'd much prefer to be told I'm too thin!
     
  8. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Thanks FYM - that's appreciated.

    Min's post upset me far more than the insensitive, horrible person this morning, but I'm glad you understand Emma! :)
     
  9. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    We were only talking about this this morning!! I would NEVER ask someone if they were pregnant if I wasn't 100% sure that they actually were!! (Because unlike the horrible woman this morning I hate upsetting or offending someone ;)).
     
  10. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    I'm really sorry Poppy, I didn't mean to upset anyone. I am very happy with your progress, I am happy that you are happy. :)

    I think we both misunderstood each other a little bit. :) Sometimes, what we perceive of other people isn't what they meant at all... I was always chronically shy at school but people always mistook it for arrogance. In this way, maybe what you perceived as envy in that lady, was perhaps concern or genuine preferance for what she (as the objective onlooker) finds more attractive. Maybe not. I'm just laying both sides of the argument down.

    FYM and Poppy:
    Weight is such a subjective issue, and it is sometimes very difficult to see yourself as you truly are. I know I can't see myself. I feel my bones and am a size 12, but I still see myself in the mirror as a 16-18.
    It is important to learn not to care what someone else says. My dad tells me even now that I could lose a little bit more, and it upset me before. Now, I brush it aside. Why? Because his opinion doesn't matter, MINE does. I envy my fuller-figured friends for their confidence, but at the same time I am working towards finding my own.

    I am glad you two are getting to where you want to be, in your own being and in your confidence, it's a lovely feeling. :) FYM, don't give in over what someone thinks. They are them, and you are you. Words are powerful things, however, actions speak louder than words. Your actions towards making yourself a happier individual matter far more than their stupid, on the spot remark. Inhale, close your eyes, and exhale those words. Let them float away forever.
     
  11. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    I think you have to remember, as well, that being larger does 'skew' the way you see people. All those years that I was obese, I used to look at people (even a lot of my friends) and think they were 'too small', too boney, too skinny, no muscle, and so on.

    But, what I was really doing was trying to self-justify that I was a 'good' size, and they were too small - clearly, the reality was that they were/are healthy and I was waaaay to fat!


    Also, yes, someone might be a bit jealous, but that doesn't mean that they are saying/doing something 100% concious of that; they could be trying to be supportive in their best way, but what they say or do comes out a bit skewed.

    I know that whenever someone has said to me lately "Surely you are done?" or something along those lines, I have simply said "trust me, there is plenty more to lose, it might not look it to your eyes, but I see it: I also see where I could be by the end of summer, and I'm happy with where I am heading" :)


    Poppy, you're doing so well, please don't let other's get you down/annoyed, you're one of the real stars around here, and you know what is best for you :)
     
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  12. bekimo

    bekimo Fighting Demons....

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    How rude! Regardless of whether the person who told you that you look like Victoria Beckham (a blatent insult if you ask me) was a big person or a size zero. Nobody has the right to just go and insult another person like that.
    Whether she is happy or not with her size does not make it right to go calling other people names. It's not only damn right rude, but totally childish and petty.
    Don't let this person bother you Poppy. She is obviously not a nice person if she goes round calling people "ugly" behind their backs. The only thing that matters is that you are happy and are treating yourself and other people with respect.

    I can't understand grown adults who feel they can be so disrespectful towards another human being! OK, I'm going to climb carefully down off my soapbox now . . . . :eek:

    B x
     
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  13. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    MInerva, its entire up to each indivudal how they deal with what is HURTFUl to them. I don't understand this angering you?? <scratched head>

    Personally, I LOVED winding a lady up who acted very miuch the same way. I took great delight in it. Because it was mean spirited, or envy. Certainly not her preference as you suggest....and so what if it is? Do you make your preference of body shapes known, in passing, in general conversation? I would hope not! :D

    If someone wants to hurt me and sabtoge me, to make herself feel better, why should I cow-towe to her behaviour! I think not.

    No need to get angry folks -we all deal differently, but I am with you on this on PS.

    Made me giggle every time!! :D

    xX
     
  14. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    poppy i think you were very restrained with the woman this morning -
    i tend to agree she sounds envious and rude with it and i don't blame you at all for saying you were heading for a size 8 - i would have made it size 0!

    take it as a backhanded compliment even if if it was meant as an insult!
    daisy x
     
  15. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Yep - she was jealous. Obviously. If it was concern, there wouldn't have been any of the snide remarks about you looking bad - it would have focused on the fact she was concerned about health, not looks (if that makes sense).

    Yes, some people prefer curvy people - and I am not leaping onto either side of the argument here, haha, just offering my opinion... but I do not believe that someone that is obese is genuinely happy being that size.

    I was big my whole life - and 'thought' I was happy, but that's different. I had convinced myself that I was fab as I am, and therefore could put ideas of dieting etc to one side and just concentrate on being the funny, happy, fat friend... it's only when you stop hiding in your flab that you realise that the you without the padding it just as ace, and it's all you... pure happiness. I started feeling like that as a 14.. and I still very much have curves - wouldn't want to lose them. Overweight is one thing (as I am), but to be obese and struggle to do certain things, feel self conscious in ANY situation; these are limiting and DO affect how we feel about ourselves, whether we show it or not.

    Wow - this was rambly!! Haha, sorry peeps! x
     
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  16. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    Just another point of view on her comments, but could the Victoria Beckham reference just be because the difference in you between before and now is perceived to be large? Because of the relatively short time it takes to lose the weight people can't process the difference in you as well as on a "conventional" diet.

    Although I don't agree with anyone referring to another as ugly - that is just rude!!!
     
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