pressing the self destruct button

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by silhouettes, 2 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. silhouettes

    silhouettes Silver Member

    Hi, this is going to be a bit of a ramble but im hoping that writing it down helps me not to press that damned button.

    I have lost 8 stones on LL and have not eaten anything during this time (Had a couple of glasses of wine on 2x occaisions buts thats it),im 3 stones from my target weight so why am i struggling so much? I am constantly fighting myself in my head because i want to eat something. I know im not hungry i just want food.
    I think i am scared, scared of being slim, scared of becoming the lowest weight i have been since i was about 12 yrs old, unsure how a 'slim' person should act and interacrt in and with society. Im petrified of getting attention and being noticed when im out, when you are fat its easy to be invisible (which is what im comfortable with even if i would like to be part of 'fun crowd')
    I'm just so tired with trying to stay strong, i am doing my best to distract myself from these thoughts but this is the toughest part of the diet by far.

    sorry this is self obsessed and negative, i havent felt like this at all until this last week.

    sil x
    Diva likes this.
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  3. Zomble

    Zomble Full Member

    Oh Silhouettes, what an honest, thoughtful post! You've come so far, and of course you will kick yourself if you don't get to your goal. It's an amazing, life-changing achievement. :patback:

    Of course everybody here will support you 100%, but I'm wondering who you have around you who can give you a boost? You sound as if you need someone to lean on a bit. I wonder what happened this last week to make you start feeling this way?

    On a completely flippant note - I don't know how old you are, but this visibility you're worried about doesn't last. Once you get to middle age, fat or thin, all women 'disappear' anyway! :mad:
  4. Diva

    Diva Cambridge Diet Counsellor

    Hiya Sil

    I think your post is wonderfully honest and a very real challenge for many people. It is quite difficult to give a specific answer over such an open forum as it is quite indepth. I would advise, however, that you speak to your Lighterlife Counsellor..this is exactly the type of issues that they should be able to help you with at it is quite common.

    Good luck, hun...and keep talking and keep looking at yourself in the mirror so that your head can also catch up with your physical changes. It does take time but the magic happens when it does :)

  5. Sarah Lou

    Sarah Lou Gold Member

    slim & save
    Hi Sil. today is my first day on LT and this forum, I had this conversation yesterday as I lost lots of weight two years ago and became Size 12 but mentally I did not change, I did not see what everyone else saw, but this time I want to not become so hung up on it, I was shy of my new body, I worked on the body and not my confidence, I hoped it would all come at once, work on the emotional and mental stuff as well, say something nice to yourself once in a while and become your own friend, do selt talk in the mirror, dont think your daft! just look at yourself bit by bit and smile, we are all so good at self sabotage, we are just not programmed to be nice to ourselves, I really am going to work on that this time as I cant keep yo yoing my life is passing by far too quick! hope that helps
  6. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

    Slimming World
    Hi silhoutte,

    I know what you mean about sabotage I get that feeling sometimes and it is not nice.

    About being invisible, I think that we are more visable when we are overweight. I always felt everyone was looking at me, when I sat in a chair with arms or sides, in case I didnt fit.

    Try and think of the positive things that are happening now you have lost weight, but most of all dont worry as we all have negative feelings at some time or another.
  7. Artyjoe

    Artyjoe Regular Member

    Start Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Hi Sil, don't break it! I lost 7.5 stones, 2 stones from target, came off it, and am restarting again today having regained 3 have got to do the maintenance!

    I know you are frightened of the attention you may get when slim, but it's got to be better than the attention you got when you were 8 stones heavier. Focus on getting slim and staying slim, you are so near your goal you can achieve it or possibly lose what you've achieved so know you don't want to do that.:(

    Accept you are having a tough week, might even be hormone related and be gone tomorrow, and try to do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe do a pop in with the councellor to get a boost? Have you tried writing a list of all the good things being slim will give you, better clothes, skin, self respect, imagine how much you have already improved your health and lifespan.

    Please, please, please don't come off your journey; Karion said to me 'you only have to reach goal once, just once, you can do that, and that's all you have to do, then move onto the next phase', it really helped me, I hope it will you.
    :devilangel:Whenever your negative chatterbox arrives just say blah blah blah until you can't hear it for a while...sounds strange but it worked for me!

    I do hope you can get through this week sending you lots of hugs and positivity - Joe xx
  8. silhouettes

    silhouettes Silver Member

    thank you so much everyone, your support is really helping me. Artyjoe that devil and angel icon is exactly how im feeling :D
    I going to go out for a while now to help distract myself , thanks again everyone you are great
  9. Monkey

    Monkey Full Member

    Lighter Life
    Hi Sil, just wanted to say that you are definitely not alone in feeling like this.

    At the moment, I feel a bit like a fraud - someone who's borrowing a slim body and doesn't quite belong in it! I keep waiting for the weight to go back on! I don't feel confident when I'm out either and this has been a massive surprise because I thought being slim was the answer...

    I have found the last part of the weight loss the hardest for so many reasons, but one thing I know is that I'm still learning a lot and that can only be a good thing!

    I think you should be nicer to yourself and give yourself time to get used to the new you :hug99:

    Monkey x
  10. sun

    sun Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:

    Icemoose (Mike), replied to a thread I once had a problem with, its pretty damn good!

    Only you will know those reasons but you will know what they are :)

    If I use myself as an example then maybe I can explain it better.

    When I was big I used to tell everyone the reason I was "unhappy" was that I was big and that if I lost the weight then I would be this super happy, super fit person and would run off into the sunset. The reality was though that I knew damn well that I was big because of other stuff that had happened in the past and being overweight was an effect of that stuff as opposed to actual cause. If it was just being overweight that made me "unhappy" then I would never have got overweight in the first place, I also used to say that I was big as I just liked my food too much but to get to a size where I was shortening my life meant that blaming it on the fact I just liked food wasn't true.

    So anyway!

    When I reached goal weight you don't really feel much difference, sure you can fit in nicer clothes, people tell you that you look good and sexy, you get more affection and attention from everyone, and everyone says to you things like " you must feel amazing" and "you must be so happy", but the reality is that you don't (or at least I didn't!) and in fact in some ways you feel worse because you have lost the outlet of food to cheer yourself up with so actually I felt more unhappy after losing weight than I did when I was big.

    It also dawns on you that the weight loss bit is actually quite easy, it is a short/quick fix to losing weight but actually keeping the weight off has to be forever and hence you can't just keep having what you fancy all the time and have to find moderation.

    The more I went along the more I realised that having lost an outlet in food made me feel worse which is why I believe people who stop smoking eat more and vice versa and also why people say they have "addictive personalities" as they are merely looking for an outlet in their lives but gambling, smoking, overeating etc etc are effects and not a cause.

    So anyway (god this is a long post!) about 6 months after losing weight and telling everyone how great I felt when i didn't and also trying to kid myself that I was happy I actually did something about it, I split up with my wife for a few months (not recommending anyone to do that!) and basically dealt with my true problems which related back to my childhood and also the death of a close family member.

    As soon as I dealt with that stuff I suddenly realised that I felt much much happier and since then I have never really struggled to keep the weight off as I dealt with the cause of my problems and not the effect of them.

    So anyway!!! Back to you!!

    My advice would be to explore (with help if you need it!) the true, original reasons for putting on weight and then to see if you can pull the root of the weed in dealing with that, then you can use the VLCD products to trim the weight off and then get your head set for a slimmer future.

    But most of all and however hard it is you have to be true to yourself, if you know something in your past is a problem then you must deal with it OR just accept that you don't want to deal with it and will sort it out in the future.


    It made me think!

    lighterlifeclaire likes this.
  11. silhouettes

    silhouettes Silver Member

    Thank you so much for your support yesterday. I'm feeling more myself again today, im still in a scared place but know that i deserve to be 'slim and healthy' i am worth it.
    thanks again for all the help

    sil x
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