Rachel's brain dump

[OrangeRachel]

Thought I would start a diary where I can put down everything that I am thinking. I am sure that hubby gets fed up of hearing everything that I have to say and sometimes things just go round and round in my head until I get them down on (metaphorical) paper. So here goes.....

My name's Rachel, I'm 31 and I live in Bedworth with my husband and cat. This is the 4th time I've joined Slimming World and I have never officially got to target. 2 of the times that I joined I didn't get on with the consultant so in reality this is my second proper attempt at losing weight.

I joined Slimming World in 2005 with my husband as we both wanted to lose weight for our wedding. I was 16st7 and a size 20. I bought a size 16 wedding dress (there's nothing like a challenge!), kept it at my bridesmaid's house and tried it on every couple of weeks. Hubby lost 4st7 in 9 months and I lost 4st and fitted into the dress.:love047: After the wedding various things happened, good and bad, and my diet and health just went out of the window and I put the whole lot back on. I didn't even get weighed for a long time but was horrified when I saw photographs of myself. :cry:

In January 2009 I went to see my GP about a pain in my back. I had fallen out of a tree when I was on an outward bound course 13 years before and the injury was still causing me problems. I asked for some advice and excerises that I could do to help strengthen my back and he suggested prescription weight loss drugs!! I was not impressed, my back had always caused me problems, even when I wasn't that overweight. I refused the drugs and started to diet on my own. I lost 2 stone in a year but then it started to creep back on again.

In 2010 I went back to the Dr and this time he said that he thought I had PCOS. Again, I was not impressed as I was not displaying any symptoms of PCOS except for being overweight. I was referred for loads of tests which I found caused me more distress than being overweight, so I talked it through with a nurse and cancelled the tests. With PCOS they cannot treat the cause, only the symptoms and the symptoms virtually disappear with weight loss so I figured I would be better off just trying to lose weight.

In September 2010 I joined Slimming World and found that I was half a stone heavier than I thought I was. I lost the 1st stone really quickly (5 weeks) then the 2nd stone took a bit longer (another 12 weeks). It's now been another 12 weeks and I've not even lost half a stone!
I am now getting really frustrated. I've still got 2st2lb left to lose and it's just going so slowly. If I get into a size 12 before I get down to 10st12lb then I will stop but I don't think that is going to happen. Loads of people have said to me that I shouldn't lose too much more weight but I don't want my Dr to be able to use my BMI against me again!

Every week I start out with great intentions; a meal plan, a strict shopping list, loads of fruit and veg, 3 gym sessions planned but I never seem to make it to the end of a week having stuck to my plan. :break_diet:

I am now worried that I will give up completely or get to target and then put it all back on again. I'm a bit of a mess really. :sigh: Oh well, tomorrow is another day and another weigh in! Maybe I'll feel more positive in the morning

Wow! If you're still with me, thanks for reading!!

 

[Maverick]

Hi Rachel

Well done on your loss so far, you have done brilliantly. I think you have done the right thing by setting up a diary on here - mine is my bible and I think I would have given up weeks ago if it wasn't for the wise words and encouragement of everyone on here. Since everyone is in the same boat, everyone can relate to the feelings of not getting anywhere and feeling alone sometimes. My bf, like your hubby I'm sure, is supportive, but he doesn't understand how frustrating it can be to gain, or STS. It's definitely good to have somewhere to vent where people know exactly how you feel.

Halfway through the week when you start to lose your motivation, come on here and write what's making you feel that way, the support on here should help keep you on track.

Good luck xxx

 

[OrangeRachel]

Thanks Laura x

Sometimes I just have to get stuff off my chest and once it's in black and white I can get over it and move on. It's very strange.

Got weighed last night and lost another lb to finally get my 2.5 stone award. My initial reaction was relief but now the more I think about it the happier I feel. I updated my weight chart when I got home and just kept looking at the stone figure. The last it was out of the teens was for a couple of months around my wedding 5 years ago and before that I was still at school!!

My next goal is to get into a size 14. So time for meal plan I think

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[.Nicki.]

Hi Rachel,
massive well done on your weight loss so far. Doing a diary is defo a good idea, the ability to say stuff to faceless names is always a good think I used to be like you with doing strict plans for the week and never stuck to it and then felt guitly because i didn't stick to plan. I pick 7 meals and shop for them but decide the night before or the morning what i'm actually going to have, so i'm still organised but its flexible.
x

 

[OrangeRachel]

Just found a bag of "hopefully will lose enough weight to get into" clothes. The size 14 jeans fit!! Plus a skirt and jacket that I have never been able to do up are now wearable :-D

Gained half a lb this week but feeling really positive now. Also just been out with some work colleagues to Frankie & Benny's. Ate before I went and then had a diet coke. The service was so slow in there that I had a good couple of hours to chat and just left when their food arrived.

I know I will be off plan tomorrow but I can pull back 1 day and I have known about this day out for months.

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[OrangeRachel]

What a week! On Friday night I gave in to temptation and got a takeaway pizza, then on Saturday night went out to an all you can Asian restaurant. Stuck to plan rigidly for the rest of the week to try and claw it back and lost 2lb! So happy
Went to a different group this week a day early. I had an earlier choir rehearsal so I wouldn't have been able to stay to my normal group. Everyone was really friendly, glad it was my normal C though.

Now have a seriously sore throat and will just be eating whatever I am able to to sooth my throat. Supposed to be singing in a concert tomorrow night so I need my voice back!!

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[OrangeRachel]

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What a bad couple of weeks! My voice didn't come back and I didn't sing in the concert (gutted 4 months hard work for nothing). I spent a week full of cold feeling very sorry for myself eating anything and everything that I fancied to make myself feel better. By Tuesday I decided I ought to get back on plan and try to undo some damage. Managed to lose 1lb so was quite happy with that. The only problem is that I need to be losing 1.5lb per week to hit my target by the end of August.

Last Thursday I broke up from work for an 11 day break Woohoo! That lead to copious amounts of alcohol and a complete disregard for my diet. I've had McD's, Dominos, Snappy Tomato Pizza, pub food, bread, etc. I've tried to get back on to it but it's really hard.

Last week I started to actually like the shape of my stomach. But this week it has started to go back to the way it was before. I think this is the shock that I needed to get started again so fingers crossed....

I've joined the Summer challenge and would really like to lose my remaining 26lb by the time it is finished. Had a serious chat about it with Hubby today and he is going to help me. He's always very supportive but not always in the right way (eg. "I was thinking if getting a pizza today", "I'll support your decision whichever way you decide to go ;-)")

Right Rachel, sort it out now. 100% today and from Sunday onwards. Gym, at least 3 times next week. Let's start shifting some lbs!!

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[OrangeRachel]

Damn it. Got weighed last night and gained half a lb. I suppose that in 2 weeks is not too considering that I did not go back on plan until Sunday and it is * week.

Hubby is now more focused on losing weight too so hopefully we will help each other.

The gym is annoying me. We went on Tuesday night and it was really busy. So busy that we had to wait to get on the machines. I think they have over subscribed it so I'm looking for somewhere else to go.

Just realised that I moan a lot on here!! I think I will try to be more positive.

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[OrangeRachel]

Actually. Strike that.

I WILL be more positive

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[OrangeRachel]

Bit of a confidence boost today. Saw my cousin who I haven't seen for 2 years and he said "You've lost like a million stone since the last time I saw you!" :-D

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[OrangeRachel]

2lb off this week. A few more weeks like that and I will be needing some new clothes

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[OrangeRachel]

Only 0.5lb off this week and then a total blow out weekend. Chinese takeaway on Friday with wine & chocolate then Dominos on Saturday with more wine & chocolate!!

I've been up and down, emotionally all weekend. On Friday afternoon I was told that I have a bulging disc which is the reason for my recurring back pain. Then on Saturday I spent a lovely day shopping with a girl friend until I bent down to pick up something from a low shelf and put my back out again (physio had aggravated it so it was weaken and likely to go again). Then bought a denim jacket in a size 12 (starting size was 20/22 and one I am a 16 in most shops).

No more high impact exercise for the time being until my back gets stronger :-( but even a walk this afternoon has left me in agony. Hubby is going to cook the dinner now to give me a rest. Just hope the pain eases enough for me to sleep. I usually suffer for 4-6 weeks when my back goes so I could be in for a tough time.

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[Julslynne]

Just been reading your diary. Sounds like u got it rough with your back but your doing brilliantly with your weight loss. Your weekends sound like a carbon copy of mine lol. I've got my first WI next thurs. Fingers crossed.

Good luck hun. Stay strong and rest that back.

Luv Jules. Xx

 

[OrangeRachel]

Thanks Jules. Good luck with you WI! x

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[Pommette]

Hi Rachel

I've just been catching up on the Summer Challenge thread (was busy last week so missed loads). Found your post and ColJacks reply so came over to read your diary!

On the Summer Challenge ColJack replied to you.

you need about 12 calories for every 1lb you weigh to stay the same weight..
if you reduce that by about 700 calories you lose weight..
if you reduce it by more than about 1000 calories then you go into "starvation mode" where your metabolism slows down to keep hold of whatever fat reserves it has, and even tries to store some more just in case..

try a few more syns a day, or eat little bits more often..

Everything he says is true.
But what he didn't say is that:
a) the more you have to lose the easier it is to lose it - so conversely the less you have to lose the harder it is to get rid of it. Hence it is always harder to get rid of the last stone than the first. You said that yourself in your initial post.
b) the longer you've been on a diet the more you body gets used to it, so the harder it is to lose.
c) the longer you've been on a diet the more you get used to it. This is often when the boredom sets in, the "straying" or "cheating" starts and you sabotage all the best laid plans of mice and men.
d) the older you are the more difficult it is to lose weight. Sorry though - you can't use this one! I can (and do though) being nearer 60 than 50 - lol

What plan are you following? I tried EE this year and really struggled to lose weight with it so went back to Red/Green as I find this much more logical and easier to follow for some reason.

Try mixing your days up a bit if you are doing EE. I lose much more when I stick to Red days and keep the carbs low. Although I do use most of my syns every day, I don't use them for extra food - I save them so I can have a couple of glasses of wine - big LOL

2½ stone lost is pretty good. Losing it slowly is frustrating but actually the best way, so don't get too despondent. But . . . and it's a big but . . . now comes the reality check.

I think you might have got to stage c) above - i.e. sabotaging yourself. If you stick to plan during the week and then blow it by having a chinese and a pizza at the weekend then you aren't going to lose much weight.
Devil and angel syndrome. :devilangel:
Take the occasional flexi day - but set yourself a syns limit and stick to it and get straight back on plan the next day - and accept you probably won't lose weight that week.

Do you actually keep a proper food diary? It helps me no end and stops me cheating too often. Don't get me wrong. I'm no angel. I had a STS last week as we had a friend staying with us so ate out twice and drank far too much!

Like Nicki said - plan what you are going to have to eat for the whole week and buy it but decide the night before what you're actually going to have next day. Organised but flexible.

Do you snack in the morning and afternoon? If yes then try to make sure it is free food - fruit is the best as it contains natural sugars to give you a boost.

Losing weight is hard - VERY hard. But being fat is harder. We just have to chose which hard we want to follow.

Good luck and keep at it and keep posting here. We are all here to help and support you as we're all going through the same thing.

 

[Julslynne]

Hi Rachel

I've just been catching up on the Summer Challenge thread (was busy last week so missed loads). Found your post and ColJacks reply so came over to read your diary!

On the Summer Challenge ColJack replied to you.

Everything he says is true.
But what he didn't say is that:
a) the more you have to lose the easier it is to lose it - so conversely the less you have to lose the harder it is to get rid of it. Hence it is always harder to get rid of the last stone than the first. You said that yourself in your initial post.
b) the longer you've been on a diet the more you body gets used to it, so the harder it is to lose.
c) the longer you've been on a diet the more you get used to it. This is often when the boredom sets in, the "straying" or "cheating" starts and you sabotage all the best laid plans of mice and men.
d) the older you are the more difficult it is to lose weight. Sorry though - you can't use this one! I can (and do though) being nearer 60 than 50 - lol

What plan are you following? I tried EE this year and really struggled to lose weight with it so went back to Red/Green as I find this much more logical and easier to follow for some reason.

Try mixing your days up a bit if you are doing EE. I lose much more when I stick to Red days and keep the carbs low. Although I do use most of my syns every day, I don't use them for extra food - I save them so I can have a couple of glasses of wine - big LOL

2½ stone lost is pretty good. Losing it slowly is frustrating but actually the best way, so don't get too despondent. But . . . and it's a big but . . . now comes the reality check.

I think you might have got to stage c) above - i.e. sabotaging yourself. If you stick to plan during the week and then blow it by having a chinese and a pizza at the weekend then you aren't going to lose much weight.
Devil and angel syndrome. :devilangel:
Take the occasional flexi day - but set yourself a syns limit and stick to it and get straight back on plan the next day - and accept you probably won't lose weight that week.

Do you actually keep a proper food diary? It helps me no end and stops me cheating too often. Don't get me wrong. I'm no angel. I had a STS last week as we had a friend staying with us so ate out twice and drank far too much!

Like Nicki said - plan what you are going to have to eat for the whole week and buy it but decide the night before what you're actually going to have next day. Organised but flexible.

Do you snack in the morning and afternoon? If yes then try to make sure it is free food - fruit is the best as it contains natural sugars to give you a boost.

Losing weight is hard - VERY hard. But being fat is harder. We just have to chose which hard we want to follow.

Good luck and keep at it and keep posting here. We are all here to help and support you as we're all going through the same thing.

Sorry for the slight hijack Rachel.

Wonderful reply pommette and very interesting especially the bit about calories your body needs etc. Thanks. Xxxxx good luck Rachel and stay strong. Xxxx

 

[OrangeRachel]

Pommette, thank you sooo much for reading my diary and for your support and advice.

You are right, I am definitely at stage C). Now that my body looks "normal" in clothes I don't feel like I need to lose weight any more and people are telling me not to lose any more as I am already looking thin. However, I'm still a size 16 & my BMI is still in the upper end of the overweight range so I do still need to lose weight.

I do keep a food diary (a little notepad that I carry everywhere) and note the syns of everything that I eat.

When I started SW I did a meal plan every week based on the food available in the house and made a shopping list which I stuck to religiously (I even used to order online if I felt that I would tempted by going into the store). This is what I need to go back to.

I have changed my target at SW now to reduce the pressure so I now only have 10.5lb to go. I'll probably change it back again when I get nearer but for now it needs to stay high for my own sanity.

Me and hubby are going away for the bank holiday weekend and I don't intend to stick to it for those 3 days. I need to give myself some time off to clear my head and then start afresh on Tuesday. My motivation will be that I am not just doing this for me. Hubby has a lot more weight to lose than me and, as the house cook & food shopper, I am the one who can do something about that. He has set a target of losing 48lb by the end of August and together I know that we can do it.

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[Pommette]

Now that my body looks "normal" in clothes I don't feel like I need to lose weight any more and people are telling me not to lose any more as I am already looking thin. However, I'm still a size 16 & my BMI is still in the upper end of the overweight range so I do still need to lose weight.

I know the feeling! People are saying the same to me and I'm "not quite" in a 16 yet. They fasten but are still v. tight!

Don't listen to them - they are comparing you to the larger version.
Listen to yourself.
On the face of it you do still have some weight to go but stop when you feel comfortable. BMI isn't everything. I put a post on my diary ages ago when I was getting a bit annoyed with a few threads. Have a read
Rant about Sizes

I also had a bit of a rant on the NSVs thread only a couple of days ago . .
Slimming companies

"The other thing that gets me are the Slimming company ads on TV like "I know I if I pick up a size 10 it will fit ". It puts in everyones mind that we all have to be a 10 and gives people the wrong reason to diet. . . lets focus on the health front."

I feel SO STRONGLY about this. We are not the same size and shape so just go to where you are happy.

. . . Me and hubby are going away for the bank holiday weekend and I don't intend to stick to it for those 3 days. I need to give myself some time off to clear my head and then start afresh on Tuesday.

If you're still at home and reading this then have a lovely time. Try and be as SW friendly if you can - take the days as flexi days and set an upper limit for your syns and try and stick to them. You can still enjoy yourself doing this.

If you're reading this when you get back I hope you had a chill out and haven't put too much weight on!

Speak again soon.

 

[OrangeRachel]

Hi Pommette

Thanks for the links. I enjoy reading the forums but mostly I don't have time to wade through the pages and pages of stuff that doesn't interest me so it's great to be pointed straight at something relevant to me!

Your clothes size "rants" are very interesting. I have had similar rants (although not on the forum) but mine have a slightly different angle due to my different experience.

You and I have similar starting, current & goal weights and are about the same height. I also have a large frame and I think this has caused some of the comments I have received.

At my biggest I was a size 20/22 (depending where I shopped, how stretchy the clothes were, etc) but no one believed me. They also didn't / don't believe that I weigh as much as I did / do. Having said that, people started to notice my weight loss after just half a stone and have continued to comment on it ever since.

Now at 12st8 I am a size 16 (well in most shops) but people, again, don't believe me and say that I look like I am a size 12! I can get into size 14 trousers in a couple of shops but only if I breathe in and let a huge roll of flab hang over the top of them. It's not attractive. I'm not particularly interested in the number on the label at this point. I just want something fits and a lot of my 16s are pretty loose at the moment.

The weight I have lost so far seems to have gone from my very top and very bottom. My face is thinner and I have a collarbone and my ribs stick out (hence the "don't lose any more" comments). My feet have got smaller (by about half a size, I reckon) and I have slim ankles, calves and knees. Then in the middle (thighs, bum, stomach) I am just blubber! I know this is the hardest bit to shift and exercise is just as important as healthy eating if it is ever going to look good enough for me to brave wearing a bikini. So I know I need to keep going and ignore the comments until I am happy.

The biggest "number" struggle I am having is with BMI, not weight or clothes size particularly. I don't understand how the scale can be relevant to everyone. If I am already starting to look boney in some places despite being at the upper end of the "overweight" range then surely I am going to look unhealthy by the time I get into the "healthy" range. I know other people who are the same height & weight as me who look bigger than me and certainly have a larger waist measurement and I can understand how the scale can relate to them.

Hopefully I will be proved wrong and at a "healthy" weight I will actually look healthy as well as just making the NHS happy that "they" have made an improvement to their obesity statistics.

On a completely separate note. How long have you lived in Spain? We had hoped to move over there a few years ago but the economies in both countries crashed and it wasn't really feasible. Maybe one day the opportunity will come about again.

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[Julslynne]

Hi Pommette

Now at 12st8 I am a size 16 (well in most shops) but people, again, don't believe me and say that I look like I am a size 12! I can get into size 14 trousers in a couple of shops but only if I breathe in and let a huge roll of flab hang over the top of them. It's not attractive. I'm not particularly interested in the number on the label at this point. I just want something fits and a lot of my 16s are pretty loose at the moment.

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That sounds like me. I call it my muffin top lol. Some of my 16's are loose but my 14's are like a straight jacket. I get fed up of people saying 'your alright as you are' AS IF.
Hope you have a lovely day hun

Hugs

XxJulesxX