Total Solution Ready to be me again.....

[Leaholl25]

Welll, I thought having a diary would help me on my journey back to the old me....
3 years ago, I was a normal, happy and healthy person. I was doing a job I loved, with the man of my dreams and just the happiest I had ever been. I fell pregnant, which was a total surprise as had been told years ago that I would probably never be able to conceive. We were scared, but so happy....
My worlds was turned upside down at 20 weeks pregnant....I lost a patient who had just had a baby. I thought I was fine, until the day I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, and something just clicked. I fell into a deep depression and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder ( PTSD). I barely remember anything of the first year of my baby's life, and was put on so much medication, I was like a zombie. The medication made me put on 5 st in a year, going from 9.5 st to 15st.
Anyway, 3 years on, 3 in-patient stays at the mental health hospital and a lot of therapy later, I'm finally starting to get back on my feet. I've got a new job, starting in September, my man stood by me and has been my rock, and my beautiful daughter seems to have developed into a very normal, healthy and happy 2 and a half year old, despite everything we all went through.

So, time to shift the crazy weight, lol!! I am so looking forward to this journey, it feels like the last chapter of a very scary and black 3 years of my life. Bring it on and good luck to who ever wants to read this. I'm a very private person, and this is a massive step for me to be writing this down, but I'm hoping it will help me to improve even more.

Much love.x.

 

[Leaholl25]

Day 2 - feeling very motivated still, and actually feel better already. The wonders of drinking so much water I think.
My OH is very sceptical, but can't really blame him, I'm always " starting my diet on Monday"!! He has got to the point where he just says, ok babe, good luck this week, lol!
We do have a laugh about my weight gain as well, u can't really ignore a 5st gain can u?? But I do have a very sick/strange sense of humour, often laughing through the worse things that have happened. We call it my crazy fat!
My real challenge is the evenings, as the meds I take at night have a side effect of serious munchies!! And not for good things either, suger and carbs But, It's just gonna have to be mind over matter, I control what I put in my mouth, not stupid medication!
Well, until tomorrow....even though nobody is reading this, it feels so liberating to write my feelings down, probably should have started doing this a long time ago.
Let's see what the scales say in the morning, was -3lb this morning, yay

 

[Footie widow]

Wow Leaholl what a dreadful time you've had. So glad to hear you are coming out the other side and that you have such a supportive family. I too am a very private person and find it hard to talk even to my hubbie about my innermost feelings about my weight or if I am upset about things (I too have had, and currently have, circumstances that are very sad and stressful but am lucky enough to have not suffered from depression or any mental illness) I find that this forum is great because you can vent your innermost feelings while retaining anonymity and the people on here all understand so are not judging you.

Good luck with your journey. XX

 

[Leaholl25]

Thanks FW, it really is weird writing it all down, but helps somehow?!
How much weight are u hoping to lose? Sorry to hear your having a tough time, hopefully we can help each other along the way

 

[Footie widow]

Cheers, still got nearly 4st to go and at the mo am still sticking to TS but 2 days ago I was told my Dad has days/weeks to live (heart failure) and trying to support my Mum and spending time at the hospital is making it difficult. Still, by using the bars when I'm away from home and taking all my supplies to Mum's with me when I go I have been managing. Mum wants him home and if that happens I will have to go and stay at hers to help her manage until the inevitable happens.

Anyway, onward and downwards!! XX

 

[Leaholl25]

I'm so sorry Hun, it must be so hard for you at the moment! I've lost a lot of people over the past few years, my best friend in a motorbike accident, he was 30, and my other friend to cancer she was 29, and another friend a few weeks back in another motorbike accident!!! A lot of family as well, so I know how easy it is to emotionally eat etc.
your so brave being there for your mum, just make sure u take time for you aswell, sometimes you need to be a little selfish to ba able to be there for others. If you ever need a chat or a rant, I'm here. I find sometimes speaking to someone who is not involved in the situation can help.xx

 

[hollyadele]

Hi leaholl you are a very inspirational person, to go through all of that and come out of it a positive lady with the will to make a change. I'm sure you will be fine on this diet, you sound like such a strong person and I'm looking forward to seeing how you progress throughout your journey.

Good luck with everything and I'm here if you ever need my support.

Hol x

 

[Leaholl25]

Thank you so much, feel a bit embarrassed now, lol!
I'm so motivated at the moment, just hope I can do it this time. How have u been doing on it?

 

[Leaholl25]

Had another good day on 100% TS
Been out all day with my beautiful little girl. We sat on the green in the park blowing bubbles, and I noticed that I had the biggest grin on my face.....I felt content. I can't remember the last time I just felt peaceful and had no thoughts other than I was blowing bubbles, and the wind was lifting them away for my child to chase. She looked so happy chasing them and shouting with laughter. Beautiful, I feel blessed.x.

 

[FunnyFarm]

That sounds lovely! Sorry to hear you've been through so much.

This diet is wonderful for separation food from emotion, and that's something I think most overweight people struggle with.

Keeping track of your feelings, especially when you're craving bad food will help sort a lot of it out x

 

[Leaholl25]

Thanks funny farm! Your name made me lol, that's where I ended up, lol I've got quite a dark sense of humour, sorry, I tend to make a joke of most things!!!
I totally get what u mean, I realise now that I would not eat all day, then just stuff my face at night as this was the hardest part of the day for me when I was very unwell, and the meds I take at night make u crave suger and carbs. I've actually eaten suger straight from the jar! My OH informed me this is not an attractive look
How have you found your Exante journey so far?

 

[FunnyFarm]

That's why I chose it! Long standing mental health problems and a sick sense of humour being my coping mechanism. That and I'm involved in stand up comedy (in a very minor way!) which has kinda changed my life a bit.

I've enjoyed it so far. Just knowing I'm doing something about the elephant in the room (metaphorical and literal) has made me feel better about things. Plus exercise is a small part of my goal, and that's an automatic mood boost.

Once you hit ketosis you don't feel physical hunger, so every time you want food you know it's emotional, then you have to find other ways of coping.

I kept weight off for two and a half years after doing a VLCD but a combination of complacency and other things made me put a lot back on in a short period of time. What are mistakes for if not to learn from them anyway?

 

[Leaholl25]

Lol, nice one Laughter is the best medicine! I just had a huge craving for food, and for the first time, in along while, I got through it. Just came straight on here. I kept picturing the scales in the morning, and it went, yay

 

[Leaholl25]

Well, a rubbish 2 days!!!! No excuses, just caved to cravings. I wasn't even hungry, every time I take them bloody meds I just wanna eat. But I'm gonna win, I will be thin, lol!
Having a procedure tomorrow which requires a , "ahem", bowel prep....just a nice way of saying , " you have to drink 2 sachets of pure evil, and spend the whole day running to the loo!!!". But, on the plus side, I've not been able to eat a thing and drink a lot of water all day, so ill be back on 100% TS straight away. Also, may lose a few lbs
Sooo, bring on the next few weeks!

Much love
Xxx

 

[Leaholl25]

Had a much better 2 days, stayed 100%, and first "official" weigh in, and I've lost........11lbs!!!!!!!!
Sooo happy, my first weigh in last time I lost 5lbs, which s still ok, but that's what I'm talkin about, yay!!!!!
Made me even more determined for this week, and hopefully meet my first goal, reaching the 13st mark, and second goal of losing a stone.
I LOVE EXANTE!!!!!!
Keep at it people, no amount of food can match the feeling of losing this fat!
Good luck on all your weigh ins, and here's to the next 7 days, 100% t

Much love...peacexxx

 

[Supersmileyme]

Wow! Well bloody done! You are really inspiring, what great things things you've achieved. I find this diet fab for putting me in control of my eating, and that seems to have an impact on lots of other areas of life where I've needed to take control. Good luck, I'm following your diary with interest!

 

[jelly2010]

Well done . What a great loss!

 

[Footie widow]

Hi Leaholl and thanks for your kind words. You have obviously had a sad time over the last few years. Sorry I haven't been on here for a while but I have been at Mums - sadly my Dad passed away on Sunday and there is lots I have had to organise. I did manage to stay TS but it wasn't hard as I don't think I would have felt like eating anything anyway. The funeral will be Friday 3rd and I hope to be able to resist the buffet at the wake.

Congratulations on your fantastic loss this week, you must be thrilled. There is nothing more motivating than seeing the pounds drop off. Keep up the good work!! XX

 

[Leaholl25]

Thanks guys, I'm really pleased!
FW, I'm so sorry about your dad, I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I hope you have someone to help with all of the stuff to sort out. Please take care of you and yours, I'll be thinking of you, take care.x.

Much love to all.x.

 

[Footie widow]

Thankyou for your lovely words.

I am not alone with the arrangements, I have a sister who lives in Northumberland but managed to get down to Mums on Wednesday so I have come home for a few days to look after MIL while hubby goes back to work. XX