Really struggling - help!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by gaijingirl, 22 April 2007 Social URL.

  1. gaijingirl

    gaijingirl has lying hips

    So here's the long and short of it. I LL'd from October to mid-March and went from 17 stone 13lbs to 11 stone 10lbs. I wouldn't have stopped (my first goal was 11 stone 7lbs but I subsequently decided I'd like to get down to 11 stone if possible - maybe even less, secretly I'd like to be in the 10s!) but I had to go to Japan for 3 weeks on business and leisure and packs were not an option - nor did I want to take packs anyway. So I came off a few weeks before going to Japan and did a mini-maintenance programme. During this time I also re-started exercising properly - running 5k most days, swimming lots, cycling lots. I'm signed up for the London Triathlon in August - olympic distance. I used to do a lot of triathlons and I really really enjoy exercising. I found whilst on LL full time whilst I could do limited exercise I couldn't really run or do the other disciplines to the degree I like to.

    Anyway, so I went to Japan. I haven't had a meeting since I got back a week ago so I don't know if I gained weight - I think I probably did gain a few pounds but I also ate reasonably well whilst there - apart from a few "kid in a sweet shop" moments, I didn't feel out of control - I allowed myself to eat anything and found that by doing so I generally wanted the healthier things anyway - when I ate the less healthier things I did so knowingly and mindfully. I also took my running gear and ran every second day. I hired bikes for much of the time I was there and cycled. I went to the gym twice, swam twice, went snowboarding and played tennis.

    So I got back and had promised myself to go straight back onto packs the day I arrived. But suddenly I panicked - everything was forbidden so I had a couple of binges and one binge/purge episode (my old nemesis!!). It wasn't huge amounts of food but that's not really the point. But, I brushed myself off and started back on the packs on Tuesday morning. By last night I still wasn't in ketosis and actually physically hurting from hunger - to the point of tears. So I ate. I had two sandwiches, a few Japanese rice crackers and soy-bean paste sweets and a couple of glasses of wine. Again not a huge amount of food. I know how stupid it must seem to people to go that far and then eat but I just couldn't not eat.

    I'm not going to feel guilty about this. I'm fed up of punishing myself all the time - I've lost over 6 stone, I'm a decent enough weight, I'm pretty fit and so far I've done really well - I don't want to put myself under the pressure I used to.

    But, I don't really know what to do now. Part of me thinks.. give it another go - maybe this time don't have bars for the first week - maybe that's what was stopping me getting into ketosis? Another part of me thinks - eat sensibly until Tuesday, go your LL meeting. The meetings always sort me out and maybe that's what I need?

    When I first started it was on a Wednesday morning and at my pop in on the Saturday morning I was in ketosis. This time I started on a Tuesday morning and by Saturday night I still wasn't in ketosis - why? I wonder if the fact that last time I was 18 stone and this time I'm 11 stone something has anything to do with it?

    I guess I have to accept that if I want to do this I'm going to have to let go of running for a while. I didn't run whilst on LL but I still swam and cycled - albeit not as much. I have to focus on my essay writing and studying anyway I suppose, I'm now in a really high stress period of my postgrad degree - it's just that with the triathlon in August which I need to train for and the weather and long days I want to be feeling that exercise high!!

    I have to keep reminding myself that it's just one month really - or at least it would be if I could get going properly.

    I guess I should call my supervisor but I wanted to do this and get it right by myself - which I know is silly - I wanted to be grown up about it and not have to have my hand held all the time!! I wanted to turn up to my meeting on Tuesday successfully having gotten straight back on the wagon after going away. I guess if I start again today I could be in ketosis by Tuesday?

    By the way - does being in ketosis speed up weight loss? Or just take away the hunger? Anyone know?
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  3. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

    Firstly big hugs as sounds like things are really tough...You've done soo well so far and are so close but that doesent make it any easier! Beware not completing management...I have now met 3 people who lost over 5 stone each and left early and now put it back on....The diet is hard because it does affect you physically (for some reason I find stairs really hard going...) and that impacts your life. I do wonder if it would be a good idea to delay the trathalon as it seems thats putting additional pressure on you? I think ketosis stops you being hungry as well as fat munching simply because yu're eating something, even if its just you IYKWIM!! If you can I would go back this week, start again with a "right I AM going to do this" attitude. No dscussion about should I eat. Just do it. So far this, and taking it a day at a time, has got me through 4 1/2 weeks and I've never stuck to any diet for more than a week! Not sure if that helps but hope you resolve this for yourself. Let us know how you get on!
  4. SandraEG

    SandraEG Full Member

    Lighter Life
    Maybe you should speak to your LLC about doing management instead and then you should be able to train. I know you want to lose more but once through management and the tri is over you could plan the use packs to replace one or two meals a day and just lose it more slowly.
  5. gaijingirl

    gaijingirl has lying hips

    Thanks guys. Well I was spiralling downwards into a bit of a frenzy and was about to go binge-tastic. I tried calling my counsellor but got the answerphone - I know she has classes on Sunday mornings so she must be busy.

    BUT I think I've made a good adult decision! I went to the shops and bought a bunch of foods from maintenance week 3 (where I was at before I went to Japan).. I'm now enjoying a bowl of fruit and fat free yoghurt and have lots of salad leaves, raw veg and tofu in the fridge for later. I know I can do healthy eating - so if i'm going to eat that's what i'll do until Tuesday's meeting and then talk to my counsellor.

    As for the other stuff - I need to just chill out a bit and stop worrying about it. Hopefully I'll be able to do the triathlon - if not then I'll have to accept that - again!!
  6. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

    Hi, I really hope that you have found the right solution for you. I understand that coming off plan and then returning must be really difficult.

    I read your post with great interest, as I am off to Spain in a family holiday in August, for two weeks, and no matter how strong I feel now I do not wish to be on packs then. I wil not be a my target as I currently have about 6 more stone to lose, so I was intersted to hear your story about controlling your own eating whilst in Japan.

    It sounds to me as if you might be of a better mind set now to continue, perhaps, an extended management programme, rather than return to abstinence. Your weight loss would be slower, but as long as long as you are in control and you might find that your abstinence days are behind you.

    I sincerely wish the best for you, and please keep us posted.

  7. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    CD Step 5/Low GI
    GG - I know that it can be difficult to get through to her on a Sunday as I think she has almost back to back classes from 10 - 7. My group finishes at about 7.15 and we're her last class of the day. Although she might be free at 5 because now my class is in Development we start a bit later at 5.30
    gaijingirl likes this.
  8. gaijingirl

    gaijingirl has lying hips

    Thanks Cerulean!! I'm really looking forward to my class with her - those classes ALWAYS sort me out one way or another!! I feel a bit better now that I have, at least, regained control of what I'm doing. Getting quite a bit of work done on my essay today and feeling better all round.
  9. supermum

    supermum Full Member


    I think you might be better doing two weeks of each managment week rather than trying to ss - you may be able to lose 2-3 lb a week and keep up with your fitness ?

    Good luck
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