Total Solution Restart 29/03/2015 Exante journey to 9st3 for life!

[Lara1986]

Was in a pretty good mood this morning... Now feel moody and tired and in pain. Walked for nearly an hour this morning as had some time free, which was nice. At lunch, was with a group at work in the pub they all ate but I had tea - my friend put milk in it which I presume was semi skimmed but can't be that bad having it! Will have second pack when I get home in an hour or so... Look forward to it!!

Also, I've decided I'm going to try something I have always sworn I would never ever do... Online dating!!! But I won't do it until A certain point - I'm undecided which of the following I should choose as the date to go on it:
1. When I get to 10stone (some time in Nov?)
2. When I get to the 9's (Nov or December?)
3. When I get to goal (dec or jan?)
4. When I get within 7lb of goal (9st7 - nov/dec?)
5. From 1st November
6. From 1st January 2015!

Opinions welcome!!!

 

[yoyoagogo]

I met my husband on match and your perfect guy won't care what size you are so go on it when you feel confident you can just be yourself

You have to love yourself before anyone else can xx

 

[SheridanLM91]

I think that sounds like a great idea Lara, I think you should go for it! I also met my husband online albeit not a dating site but still! Can't hurt to try

 

[Lara1986]

I met my husband on match and your perfect guy won't care what size you are so go on it when you feel confident you can just be yourself You have to love yourself before anyone else can xx

Oh really? That's a nice success story!! I'm not sure if I wanna meet a partner but can't be any harm in meeting a few people. My first thought is date = food!

 

[Lara1986]

I think that sounds like a great idea Lara, I think you should go for it! I also met my husband online albeit not a dating site but still! Can't hurt to try

Oh wow and another one!! I don't know why it still surprises me it really shouldn't!

 

[Lara1986]

I think I will go for when I get to 1st November as when go try this online dating stuff... I should be in the 10s and also should be eating a bit more...
From 1 nov I'm hoping to do:
1100cals per day and go to bootcamp classes for 5 hours per week.... I will have less cals if can't exercise that much!

 

[poppyp84]

Just read through your diary, I can identify with so many things you've said. I think some days feel like a battle it's to get through the day and cross it off but at the same time it's nice take a break from food. Argh and the comment from your uncle, not nice, don't know how you coped think I'd have cried or shouted!
Are you still not going to weigh yourself? You've got to do what you feel comfortable with but just think even if you did weigh yourself that's the worst it's going to get, it'll only get better and it'll be such a boost knowing your loses. When I was pregnant I was that big I started weighing myself in pounds so I didn't recognise the stones value of it, even afterwards stepping on the scales and seeing 17st 2lb was awful, but it's only gone down since then.
go for the online dating, it sounds fun, i wouldn't wait to be a certain size, if someone likes you they'll like you for you, my husband as seen me at 11 stone and probably around 18 stone and has loved me when I haven't always loved myself.

well done though you sound like your doing a great job!

 

[Louloubelle1978]

+1 for online dating! I met my OH on Badoo 3 years and a baby ago lol!

Love your pics, you look great! Your doing really well hun! x

 

[Lara1986]

Just read through your diary, I can identify with so many things you've said. I think some days feel like a battle it's to get through the day and cross it off but at the same time it's nice take a break from food. Argh and the comment from your uncle, not nice, don't know how you coped think I'd have cried or shouted! Are you still not going to weigh yourself? You've got to do what you feel comfortable with but just think even if you did weigh yourself that's the worst it's going to get, it'll only get better and it'll be such a boost knowing your loses. When I was pregnant I was that big I started weighing myself in pounds so I didn't recognise the stones value of it, even afterwards stepping on the scales and seeing 17st 2lb was awful, but it's only gone down since then. go for the online dating, it sounds fun, i wouldn't wait to be a certain size, if someone likes you they'll like you for you, my husband as seen me at 11 stone and probably around 18 stone and has loved me when I haven't always loved myself. well done though you sound like your doing a great job!

It really is nice to take that break isn't it? It really forces you to review your eating habits. One of the big criticism of a VLCD is that you don't do this. But personally I find the opposite. I see bigger problems in diets where they say you can have unlimited amounts of "free" foods. I don't think that's a good idea as it's still in keeping with overeating foods rather than changing that.

Yeah was v hard not to cry when he said that. But it did really make me see it's not a joke what I've gained and it's obviously clearer than I thought... No denying it.

Actually I will next see that uncle on 2nd November... And I could well be 10stones by then... Not that im doing it for him.. But it would be nice to prove to him that it was temporary and it was because of my accident that he so inconsiderately didn't ask about.

I know what you are saying about weighing... And it's only the worst... And although I roughly know my start weight from guessing... I just am scared to be honest with you. I am so scared that I will weigh myself and I'll be so much more than I thought. And I'm even more scared about what that will do to me mentally.. I've has anorexia and bulimia and binge eating disorders (which brought me here!) and weighing myself and reacting to that number was very much a part of that. It's silly isn't it? As i am hiding from the truth. And as you say it's so motivating. I know I would probably have great losses and I would probably be encouraging everyone on here too.. But I will start from end of October....

This is true re. Unconditional love... I was just thinking if I wanna go on a date then I won't be able to eat so right now it's not really an option
Xxx

 

[Lara1986]

+1 for online dating! I met my OH on Badoo 3 years and a baby ago lol! Love your pics, you look great! Your doing really well hun! x

Another one!!

I suppose I am asking the question online!!!

Awesome to hear all this positivity around it... Ok ladies you hve convinced me!!!! I am not gonna tell any friends when I do it unless I meet anyone of interest but I will tell you ladies what happens X

 

[Lara1986]

I've been tossing and turning having bad dreams all night.... About.... Food!!!! Kept dreaming that I binged so badly that I couldn't go to work. And I actually dreamt about going into lidl picking up tagliatelle, sweetcorn, courgettes, butter and cheese.. I was going to make a huge portion in the hope it would make me stop eating!!!!! But I woke up relieved it didn't happen I am so obsessed with food and diets right now - day and night it appears!!!! Who wakes up at 6am in a panic about food? Haha!


Also I think I will weigh myself when I get to week 4.... Which is 20 October... I looked at my loses when I did slim and save a few years ago and translated them to the rough start weight I have.. My losses could end up looking like this if I lose at the same rate as I did and depending on start weight:
23Sep Start weight 165?
29Sep Week1 155? -10
06Oct Week2 151.5? -3.5
13Oct Week3 148? -3.5
20Oct Week4 145? -3
27Oct Week5 143? -2
03Nov Week6 140.5? -2.5
10Nov Week7 138? -2.5
17Nov Week8 136? -2
24Nov Week9 134? -2
01Dec Week10 132? -2


I just counted my packs and I now have... 121!!!! That's 40 days worth if doing 3 a day... I had planned to do 3 a day up to 31oct which would leave me with about 37 packs so if I start exercising I'll do 1-2 a day and a meal until end November if I exercise or if I don't exercise I'll just do 3 packs a day up until 12 November when they will run out..

 

[Lara1986]

I am struggling today. Had second pack already and 2 cherry tomatoes, thinly sliced beef slice, and tiny piece of cauliflower.... It's raining and I'm home with no plans! Drinking tea and watching documentaries and will have a third shake no earlier than 4pm.... Have to remind myself this isn't hunger... It's boredom

 

[poppyp84]

Aww boredom is the worst, you need a plan to stop thinking about it or think about 2nd November - coincidently I'm also thinking about 2nd November, my daughters 1st birthday and my first time seeing some family since I've last a little bit of weight - and I'm also going to treat myself to a slice of cake too. So we'll think about 2nd November and be strong together.

 

[Lara1986]

Aww boredom is the worst, you need a plan to stop thinking about it or think about 2nd November - coincidently I'm also thinking about 2nd November, my daughters 1st birthday and my first time seeing some family since I've last a little bit of weight - and I'm also going to treat myself to a slice of cake too. So we'll think about 2nd November and be strong together.

Ahh thanks that really helped.

Ok 2nd November it is!!!

 

[Lara1986]

Worried about next Saturday night... I have to go out for a friends birthday so vodka and diet coke will be on the menu... I am going to have as few as possible and my friend already knows I'll probably make an early exit as my back is still hurting. I feel bad though it's her birthday. And I'm so worried about staying on track the next day. I'm actually considering trying to go jogging on the Sunday to burn of the alcohol... The sooner I burn it off, the sooner I can get back into fat burning!

 

[Lara1986]

Gosh just looking at pictures of me at the beginning of November last year.... I was tiny (this is rather self indulgent I know!) I don't show my face as a bit wary about posting on net Granted I was suffering with bulimia but I was also working out a lot. Sigh.... I don't know if I can ever maintain looking that way healthily but I'm gonna try. I think I was about 8st10 in those pics. Oh my god I took pics on start day and I never really bared to look. Look how different. I feel so sick looking. Yuck. Hideous!!!

 

[Louloubelle1978]

Gosh just looking at pictures of me at the beginning of November last year.... I was tiny (this is rather self indulgent I know!) I don't show my face as a bit wary about posting on net View attachment 155313 View attachment 155314 View attachment 155315 Granted I was suffering with bulimia but I was also working out a lot. Sigh.... I don't know if I can ever maintain looking that way healthily but I'm gonna try. I think I was about 8st10 in those pics. Oh my god I took pics on start day and I never really bared to look. Look how different. I feel so sick looking. Yuck. View attachment 155316 View attachment 155317 View attachment 155318 View attachment 155350 Hideous!!!

Ahhhh but you are doing something about it now, and you will be lovely and slim again, but HEALTHY hun! Use this as a way to retrain in regards to portions, and when to eat. I totally get you with eating to while away the boredom. It's a habit that I also need to break - that and the laziness of picking up the phone and ordering a takeaway.

It won't be long hun! I know you probably know this already, but make sure you are out of Ketosis before drinking - it could be fatal. That's been drummed into my head since starting this, so sorry for being a mother hen lol!

Your doing super well, and the results will be worth it! xx

 

[yoyoagogo]

I can see why you want to get back to your slim pics as you looked fab in that crop top but a lot of ladies on kill would kill for your now pics!! Still have a lovely figure hon xx

 

[Lara1986]

I'm actually in so much shock having actually looked at my before pictures. Had an awful sleep because of it. I took them two weeks ago but just sent them to my email as never wanted to see the horror. Much like how I don't wanna weigh. But having looked at them... I know what I looked like at 11st4 when I first started Cambridge years ago... And I'm much worse which makes me terrified of what my start weight really was, it must have been around 12?!!!
Also scared what my current weight must be, and how long I need to do this until I get my life back!!! I'm so disgusted at myself. But I suppose it also looks worse because I have gained most of it in 5 months which is ridiculously fast so it's all fat and water.... I'm trying hard to imagine posting on here in 2 months with a beautiful after picture alongside that. It's so hard to imagine being that girl again. So hard to accept failure on this level. So disgusted.



Yesterday as I said on here, I was massively struggling. I had a surprise visit from 2 friends who drove a long way to see me as they wanted to cheer me up knowing I was injured. I fed them but didn't eat and they didn't ask why but I know they noticed. But you know what? I took it as a sign that I should be doing exante and sticking to my packs. There will be hard days. That's ok! I really felt that surprise visit saved me yesterday. I had literally just posted those fat pics on here and was looking at them on disgust. And the doorbell went!

 

[Lara1986]

Ahhhh but you are doing something about it now, and you will be lovely and slim again, but HEALTHY hun! Use this as a way to retrain in regards to portions, and when to eat. I totally get you with eating to while away the boredom. It's a habit that I also need to break - that and the laziness of picking up the phone and ordering a takeaway. It won't be long hun! I know you probably know this already, but make sure you are out of Ketosis before drinking - it could be fatal. That's been drummed into my head since starting this, so sorry for being a mother hen lol! Your doing super well, and the results will be worth it! xx

Yep need to change things in order to NEVER let this happen again. I wanna keep those pics and look at them when I'm at goal to remind myself of what I don't want to be. So disturbing.
Yeah I'll get out of ketosis don't worry - but won't eat much so that I can slip back in once whatever I've eaten + the alcohol can wear off quickly
Xx