Total Solution Restart 29/03/2015 Exante journey to 9st3 for life!

[Clavicles]

Good luck lara, I'm not vlcd but can relate a lot to your feelings about food and Im a runner too you're so open and honest when you have a binge and i think that is fantastic, I try to forget and pretend it didn't happen, my goal the next day is to feel hunger, then I can justify eating again. It's a mind game.

 

[Bananas]

I like the sound of your plan . Here supporting you x

 

[Lara1986]

Good luck lara, I'm not vlcd but can relate a lot to your feelings about food and Im a runner too you're so open and honest when you have a binge and i think that is fantastic, I try to forget and pretend it didn't happen, my goal the next day is to feel hunger, then I can justify eating again. It's a mind game.

Ahhh thanks so much for the support - what kind of program are you doing? Running really is great and half the problem solved really. That's actually a really basic yet not enacted thing - responding to hunger. Can't say I've been responding to hunger at all. More just general urges to eat

 

[Lara1986]

I like the sound of your plan . Here supporting you x

Thanks

 

[Lara1986]

Good luck! You can do this I'm with you honey xx

Ahhh thanks so much. Means a lot

 

[Lara1986]

Well I went out after work as planned. I didn't eat all day. And I drank LOADS. My friend bought me a subway at end of the night. And I came home and ate loads of crisps. So let's call today day one. I seriously cannot just have one drink. I'm excited to start the diet, in two weeks I'll be fine. Drawing a line from now. Day one here I come.

 

[CrazyLadyA]

Hope ur having a good day hun x

 

[Lara1986]

I have binged so so badly :-( I feel totally out of control. I'm scared of weight gain so much. I've said no to nights out last night and tonight as I have eaten so much you would not believe me if I listed it. No one would. I'm so upset yet I wanted to do it. I wanted to eat all day. My parents are away so I've had the place to myself. I guess I have to think ahead and make a long term plan. I don't think I should be left alone with food ever. It sounds insane but that's when I'm so bad. And the funny thing is everyone always says "oh you're so good" and they think I eat healthily and such a low amount but if they saw me behind closed doors. Disgusting. I have to start tomorrow. Have to. And I skipped the class this morning as I felt too sick from binges.

Day one is tomorrow.

I think I might go back to doctors too and ask about counselling. This issue clearly hasn't gone away.

 

[Lara1986]

Woke up feeling very sick. Broken sleep as usual after eating immense amounts. I feel big. PJ trousers even feel right. I cannot believe how much I can eat. So much I can't move!

I've pottered around today and just having tea and drinks. Might have a pack tonight. Determined to come back to where I want to be. I feel really sad I haven't actually spoken to anyone all weekend or washed!! I cleaned the house today and am going to try and get myself back in fear.

Excited to post some good news as the days come.

I count today as official day one!!

 

[Lara1986]

I've got through the day having had several cups of tea with soya milk, a protein shake, and an exante chicken soup.

I feel positive again. I can do this. I'm excited for my body to look more how I want it to. I have two months until I have tough mudder. I know I can do a lot in two months.

Tomorrow I will definitely start the exercise. Either running or a class. I think a class is the best idea Wednesday I have to go to dinner as it's a birthday. I will stick to protein options and not eat the carbs. I was thinking of saying I'm sick and skipping it but will see. Easter weekend I am sure there are family over and I will go and see friends but I will just stay strong and keep to protein if I have to eat anything, and go for runs.

It's good to have a plan!

Ready for day 2

 

[Bananas]

Hi Lara

We could be the same person .
For me every tomorrow is day one which means everyday is 'eat all you favourite stuff' day. Aaaaargh!!! Just cannot get out of this pattern.
Food makes me too happy!
But its effect on my body takes that happiness away.

 

[Lara1986]

Hi Lara We could be the same person . For me every tomorrow is day one which means everyday is 'eat all you favourite stuff' day. Aaaaargh!!! Just cannot get out of this pattern. Food makes me too happy! But its effect on my body takes that happiness away.

Yea that's exactly it isn't it. I also find food makes me so happy. But only for the moment. It's such a conflicted way to live. I really love being slim and always want to be slimmer but also love food as much as I try I deny that I do. I guess this is where the answer lies: we have to be honest with what we want, and conscious of the decisions we make and the consequences the decisions will have. I was doing well before when I said to myself "ok you're allowed not to run" or "ok you're allowed to eat this extra bread or whatever" and then I would realise that there is no guilt and panic eating. Anyway that's where need to get back to!! It's reassuring to know you know what I mean!!! Xx

 

[serialslimmer]

I read somewhere that 'junkies always think like, I'll quit tomorrow'. For junkie read alcoholic, gambler, cocaine addict... and compulsive overeater. I consider myself to be a food addict, more particularly, a carb addict. I suspect that the vast majority of overweight people share this addiction. For us to say, right! From this moment onwards I will totally avoid sugar, starches, white flour etc is a huge commitment. When we try to put this vow into practice we soon realise that it's going to be agonisingly tough.

Having a massive 'one last time' binge in preparation for dieting tomorrow is classic addict behaviour and thinking. The problem is that 99% of the time this mythical, longed-for tomorrow diet never actually materialises. Very often the Diet Day is named as Monday. On a Friday or Saturday. So - two or three 'farewell binge foods' days. And when Monday comes we cave-in before lunchtime. We gained lots more weight whilst preparing to go Cold Turkey from the named day. And on, and on, and on.

Admit to yourself that tomorrow/Monday/whenever has to be right now. Regardless of the day or time of day. Accept that you are unlikely to stick to your plan 100% because that would mean being suddenly reborn as a perfect person and that is something we cannot ever be. Aim high yes but be realistic. And if you do cave-in at any point make it for one food item only and then leave the room. Leave the house if need be. When the craving has passed, carry on as though nothing has happened. This way you minimise diet damage and begin to resume control over your cravings.

I do this myself. Whilst I don't always succeed I mostly do. Weight loss and maintenance are what we seek - for the rest of our lives. What we've done up to now has kept us fat. Guilt is harmful. Bargaining - 'tomorrow', 'Monday' - merely postpones indefinitely the painful prospect of giving up our binge foods. Good luck on your restarts x

 

[Becoming Me....]

Hope you are well, here to follow your journey x

 

[Lara1986]

Hope you are well, here to follow your journey x

Hello thanks for stopping by nice to have you!!

 

[Lara1986]

I read somewhere that 'junkies always think like, I'll quit tomorrow'. For junkie read alcoholic, gambler, cocaine addict... and compulsive overeater. I consider myself to be a food addict, more particularly, a carb addict. I suspect that the vast majority of overweight people share this addiction. For us to say, right! From this moment onwards I will totally avoid sugar, starches, white flour etc is a huge commitment. When we try to put this vow into practice we soon realise that it's going to be agonisingly tough.

Having a massive 'one last time' binge in preparation for dieting tomorrow is classic addict behaviour and thinking. The problem is that 99% of the time this mythical, longed-for tomorrow diet never actually materialises. Very often the Diet Day is named as Monday. On a Friday or Saturday. So - two or three 'farewell binge foods' days. And when Monday comes we cave-in before lunchtime. We gained lots more weight whilst preparing to go Cold Turkey from the named day. And on, and on, and on.

Admit to yourself that tomorrow/Monday/whenever has to be right now. Regardless of the day or time of day. Accept that you are unlikely to stick to your plan 100% because that would mean being suddenly reborn as a perfect person and that is something we cannot ever be. Aim high yes but be realistic. And if you do cave-in at any point make it for one food item only and then leave the room. Leave the house if need be. When the craving has passed, carry on as though nothing has happened. This way you minimise diet damage and begin to resume control over your cravings.

I do this myself. Whilst I don't always succeed I mostly do. Weight loss and maintenance are what we seek - for the rest of our lives. What we've done up to now has kept us fat. Guilt is harmful. Bargaining - 'tomorrow', 'Monday' - merely postpones indefinitely the painful prospect of giving up our binge foods. Good luck on your restarts x

Well what a post... thank you for sharing your views. Reading it all back really made me feel that a. the whole process is both absurd and predictable (the phrase ''insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results'' comes to mind), b. I think I too am a carb junkie, and c.
That is SO true about ''from (whatever the set day) I will start my diet'' leading to eating far more and delaying the start date; in my case i took before pictures on thursday morning thinking that was day one - I am now much bigger than I was just last thursday because I spent Friday and Saturday eating the entire contents of my house (no exaggeration!!). We must stop the madness.

OK I will say it now: I accept I might not be 100% each day.. in fact I will not be.. and that is ok.. I will still get to a happy weight, and I will not have blown everything. It is so hard to change this habit. When I am not 100% I will have the ''bad'' food and accept that I had it and move on...

Thank you so much for your words, support and advice.. I am going to take a look at your diary if I can find one!! xxx

 

[Bananas]

I read somewhere that 'junkies always think like, I'll quit tomorrow'. For junkie read alcoholic, gambler, cocaine addict... and compulsive overeater. I consider myself to be a food addict, more particularly, a carb addict. I suspect that the vast majority of overweight people share this addiction. For us to say, right! From this moment onwards I will totally avoid sugar, starches, white flour etc is a huge commitment. When we try to put this vow into practice we soon realise that it's going to be agonisingly tough.

Having a massive 'one last time' binge in preparation for dieting tomorrow is classic addict behaviour and thinking. The problem is that 99% of the time this mythical, longed-for tomorrow diet never actually materialises. Very often the Diet Day is named as Monday. On a Friday or Saturday. So - two or three 'farewell binge foods' days. And when Monday comes we cave-in before lunchtime. We gained lots more weight whilst preparing to go Cold Turkey from the named day. And on, and on, and on.

Admit to yourself that tomorrow/Monday/whenever has to be right now. Regardless of the day or time of day. Accept that you are unlikely to stick to your plan 100% because that would mean being suddenly reborn as a perfect person and that is something we cannot ever be. Aim high yes but be realistic. And if you do cave-in at any point make it for one food item only and then leave the room. Leave the house if need be. When the craving has passed, carry on as though nothing has happened. This way you minimise diet damage and begin to resume control over your cravings.

I do this myself. Whilst I don't always succeed I mostly do. Weight loss and maintenance are what we seek - for the rest of our lives. What we've done up to now has kept us fat. Guilt is harmful. Bargaining - 'tomorrow', 'Monday' - merely postpones indefinitely the painful prospect of giving up our binge foods. Good luck on your restarts x

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I often say, in all seriousness, that I am addicted to chocolate. This gets mostly giggles in response, or rolled eyes etc. Wouldn't be the same response if I mentioned drugs or alcohol instead.
I used to be a lot stronger and once I dedided to start eating healthy it'd be right then I would start. Even if Id just had a mcdonalds!!! I was starting then and that was it. Whenever I got a craving for something Id make myself wait 15 minutes then kept doing that until itd either passed or the shop was closed (I don't keep much food in the house as Id just eat it all).
This worked for years but I just don't have it in me now. Have no other distractions for when I'm feeling down. Food seems to be my only true friend yet worst enemy.
I know I will get thru this low stage but right now it's really tough and all these Easter eggs don't help! I just wish I could be as strong as I once was. Or just see food as nothing more than sustenance, that would be ideal .

 

[Lara1986]

Don't say that you can't do it anymore. You can. You definitely can. You can say that more so than someone who has never before.
I read something earlier that struck a chord with me: we must feel what we feel now in this present moment but not link it with past memories. That way it's not enlarging a problem. E.g I went to an exercise class today for first time in ages. I felt ashamed as I had to stop for 5mins as I felt faint. I then added to it by linking with past thoughts about how I used to be so fit, and that now I am a failure and I've let myself go and soon I felt sadness and further shame. But if I stop and just say let's focus on the now: I can then address just feeling ashamed. I will still feel what I need to feel as I did feel ashamed and it was valid but I don't need to enlarge if and add all that other historical baggage onto it.

I don't know how much sense that makes but I've been reading a lot around mindfulness and things like this. It helps massively. I truly believe if I can become more mindful and present consistently then I can finally be free of this food addiction / disordered eating.


In terms of exante I checked how many packs I have left. If I do 4 packs a day I only have enough for 12.5 days. I will throw in some days where I have small protein meals instead too so can probably make it last 17 days. At that point I either order more or exercise and eat low protein. So this gives me a short term goal. It's not long all I have to do is get through those packs and that's step one done.

The class today was one hour and it was hard. But I will get better. I will go to another tomorrow. Wednesday I might run. And might do another class Thursday.

I had 4 packs today, and several milky teas and some protein shake mixture if I needed it. I am not drinking enough water that is the only thing.


Progress Notes: Grey shorts are tight today. Belly has a roll now when I sit down. Very bloated from binge. Face puffy. Struggled with 1 minute plank and push ups very poor. Will try again tomorrow. As wait drops it will be a lot easier to carry myself in these exercises.

 

[Kira]

Hi Lara just been catching up and yes I still relate to the binges and emotions and Serialslimmers post was just what I needed right now. Like you I've been struggling mentally and physically and essentially I am making excuses and not addressing the underlying issues that have resulted in my going back to square one.

Don't you did forget you maintained for quite some time which means you succeeded. You can do it again but I appreciate it's painfully hard. Let's try and do it together again. At least we know we are not alone and others relate too.

 

[Bananas]

I get what youre saying Lara, no point dwelling on the past. I went for a run last week and was struggling just 3km in and was so angry at myself as a few months prior I could run 10km with relative ease. When really I should just be proud to be running again and reclaiming my fitness.

It seems there are a few of us in the same boat. I remember Kira from when I was on here before too, I think the three of us have similar goals, struggles and successes! I have started a new diary with the hope it will give me some motivation to get my eating under control.

We can do this!