Hi Kira - lovely to hear from you - have just posted on your diary xxx
Total Solution Restart 29/03/2015 Exante journey to 9st3 for life!
- Thread starter Lara1986
- Start date
Hi Kira - lovely to hear from you - have just posted on your diary xxx
I totally know how you feel with your run - BUT it's a fantastic thing that a few months ago 10k was quite easy - this means you will still have the underlying fitness. Mind talk really has a lot to with all of this - maybe this is why this forum is so good because we all seem to be very good at being objective towards eachother and seeing the good parts of what we do as well as bad, but when we stay in our own heads we seem to be quite hard on ourselves sometimes in a really skewed inaccurate way. It's good to talk I suppose.
I will love for us all to overcome this together
I shall pop over to your diary - feel like in diary hopping this morning hehe xx
Was really bored working from home today so in my lunch break I went to get my eyebrows threaded. And now I'm having a break - and my second pack - with a face mask on. I really should use these more often. I have loads of them but I never use them. They are nice flavours too hehe not that I eat them but you know! This one is cinnamon and ginger and is really warm when you put it on and opens the pours. Must must must remember to use these more!
Well I must admit it. I felt like total crap at my second class today. I tried hard to not let it get to me but I was disgustingly unfit and I am so much bigger than I thought. These gym trousers that were too loose for me a month ago and now skin tight again. I hate it. I'm so angry with myself. Arghhhhhh. But I will get to where I should be again. I usually don't feel as unfit as this but I guess it's because I gained the weight so fast and my body isn't ready or strong enough to hold me up!
Tomorrow I am going to do a 5.5 mile jog. I am hoping I fare better with that. And I'll do another class on Thursday.
My friend wants me to come out on the weekend. I said the truth that I really need to lose weight and am not comfortable. She said she feels the same way about her weight but still really wants to go out and she's had a rough time lately. I do partly think I should go but then it's going to mean drinking a lot so therefore no ketosis. But then I also think am I really going to stay in and waste my whole Easter weekend and more of my life over food and dieting? It's really hard. If I had just maintained my weight these last two weeks or one week even then I would be ok to go out. Why did I have to let it get to this state where I feel I now have to hide away until I fix it?!!!
Tomorrow I am going to do a 5.5 mile jog. I am hoping I fare better with that. And I'll do another class on Thursday.
My friend wants me to come out on the weekend. I said the truth that I really need to lose weight and am not comfortable. She said she feels the same way about her weight but still really wants to go out and she's had a rough time lately. I do partly think I should go but then it's going to mean drinking a lot so therefore no ketosis. But then I also think am I really going to stay in and waste my whole Easter weekend and more of my life over food and dieting? It's really hard. If I had just maintained my weight these last two weeks or one week even then I would be ok to go out. Why did I have to let it get to this state where I feel I now have to hide away until I fix it?!!!
yoyoagogo
Gold Member
Hi Lara
I think you should find a way to work on loving yourself for you, not for the way you look. This will probably have a knock on effect on your weight as the more you love yourself the more you will look after your body and the weight will probably drop off until you reach the size you are supposed to be for your build.
It makes me so sad to see how you tear yourself apart over your weight and miss out on opportunities to have fun because of it.
Maybe a referral to a counsellor would help?
This is all said with love and believe me it's something I'm working on right now so I know it's not easy .. But wouldn't it be amazing if we didn't care what we weighed?
I think you should find a way to work on loving yourself for you, not for the way you look. This will probably have a knock on effect on your weight as the more you love yourself the more you will look after your body and the weight will probably drop off until you reach the size you are supposed to be for your build.
It makes me so sad to see how you tear yourself apart over your weight and miss out on opportunities to have fun because of it.
Maybe a referral to a counsellor would help?
This is all said with love and believe me it's something I'm working on right now so I know it's not easy .. But wouldn't it be amazing if we didn't care what we weighed?
You should go back to my diary and read what you posted to me Lara. It was very helpful.
You can still go out and enjoy the Easter weekend and then get back on plan. We shouldn't look back and deal with the present and look to the future - I'm sure you posted something along those lines to me the other day? Beleive me lovely Lara I feel the same when I reflect and think why did I allow myself to regain the same 2 stones or so?!
however we need to enjoy live as well as deal with our weight issues and we can do both. Don't out on hold going out with your friend and deal with being on plan the days before and following your nights out. Use that mental focus you have for your running and fitness - you will regain the fitness back very quickly just keep going. And as yoyo said love yourself too.
You can still go out and enjoy the Easter weekend and then get back on plan. We shouldn't look back and deal with the present and look to the future - I'm sure you posted something along those lines to me the other day? Beleive me lovely Lara I feel the same when I reflect and think why did I allow myself to regain the same 2 stones or so?!
however we need to enjoy live as well as deal with our weight issues and we can do both. Don't out on hold going out with your friend and deal with being on plan the days before and following your nights out. Use that mental focus you have for your running and fitness - you will regain the fitness back very quickly just keep going. And as yoyo said love yourself too.
Hi Yoyo and Kira
Thanks for taking the time to post your thoughts. I have to say you are both absolutely right. And Kira- I did just re read my post on your thread and yep it's another case of me being great at giving advice but inwardly so bad at giving myself such objective advice. The advice I give myself is always loaded with self loathing. This is why it really really does help when you both reminded me that I was slipping into the old self attack approach which is both not living in the present and self defeating.
I am excited to read more this weekend. I'll work from the inside out this time. I can't just use these packs and expect everything to magically change. And yes yoyo I've registered at new gp now so will book an appointment and tell them I need some help with this as it's really affecting my life.
About the weekend - I will try and enjoy the moment and not miss out. I don't have to be in ketosis to lose weight after all. And I can still have fun even if I'm not as slim as I wanna be
You've both inspired me a lot through the time on here I hope you know that. Thanks for understanding xxx
Oh and today I ate a salmon salad at dinner, jogged for an hour (had to keep stopping as was too tired but I think was due to my muscles being tired from classes as well as the excess weight!), 1 small cracker and a bit of hummus, when I got home I was still hungry so I had a tin on Tuna, exante spaghetti Bol with a little bit of cheese. Quite please with my choices.
Thanks for taking the time to post your thoughts. I have to say you are both absolutely right. And Kira- I did just re read my post on your thread and yep it's another case of me being great at giving advice but inwardly so bad at giving myself such objective advice. The advice I give myself is always loaded with self loathing. This is why it really really does help when you both reminded me that I was slipping into the old self attack approach which is both not living in the present and self defeating.
I am excited to read more this weekend. I'll work from the inside out this time. I can't just use these packs and expect everything to magically change. And yes yoyo I've registered at new gp now so will book an appointment and tell them I need some help with this as it's really affecting my life.
About the weekend - I will try and enjoy the moment and not miss out. I don't have to be in ketosis to lose weight after all. And I can still have fun even if I'm not as slim as I wanna be
You've both inspired me a lot through the time on here I hope you know that. Thanks for understanding xxx
Oh and today I ate a salmon salad at dinner, jogged for an hour (had to keep stopping as was too tired but I think was due to my muscles being tired from classes as well as the excess weight!), 1 small cracker and a bit of hummus, when I got home I was still hungry so I had a tin on Tuna, exante spaghetti Bol with a little bit of cheese. Quite please with my choices.
You did well yesterday and you are right we can lose weight without a vlcd pack - we seem to use it like a crutch because we need to take food out of the equation for a while before we can eat normally it seems. Enjoy your Easter weekend and have a lovely time with your friends. We will succeed again Lara at the weightloss and maintenance as we have done it before. This time let's try and do the maintaining for much longer. Small steps.
serialslimmer
Silver Member
Lara - you could just as easily be talking about me. When I binge, I really binge. When I am desperate not to. When I am terrified that I will gain more and more weight. When everything in me says, no, I won't... The only way for me to head-off a binge before it kicks in is to avoid sugar and carbs in general. Not 100% foolproof but it works 90% of the time. I know that indulging my (very) sweet tooth will surely lead to disaster. This is where the addiction part kicks-in. I cannot guarantee to eat within any kind of limit when I include sugar in any form. For me this is a fact of life. I dice with danger each time I indulge. I may get away with it; but chances are that I won't. Does this stop me eating sugar every time the craving hits? Alas, no. Just most of the time.
Cravings are powerful and overwhelming. Feeling driven to act upon them is an ingrained, almost irresistible 'learned behaviour'. The whole cycle is ritualistic. And once we give-in and have one, two, ten bites we have the taste of the forbidden food, and the texture, and we want more. How much more may be limited only by how much there is! We usually go on bingeing until the goodies are gone or until we physically cannot eat any more. That's when the guilt washes over us. We swear up and down that we won't ever do it again. But of course we do. It's a complicated problem and in my case, certainly, lifelong addiction to sugars and starches form the basis of loss of control around food.
As I say I speak of myself here, and of my binge triggers. A bad day - a good day! A celebration, bad news, and loneliness. I often go for weeks on end without ever speaking to another human being. That places me at far greater risk of surrendering to food as as a source of comfort. I lost ten stones ten years ago by low-carbing. It took about eighteen months in all, and I kept the weight off until a couple of years ago when my father died, my personal life turned upside-down, I became ill, I struggled with family problems, etc. It's been a fight ever since to lose the 7 stone regain. I've lost maybe 1st 7lb now (allowing for recent cheats) and I intend to keep on going. I have to. I can't bear to be fat.
I really do understand your binge behaviour and how dreadful it makes you feel, on so many levels. Bless you x
Thanks for sharing this with me seriel. What a story. And what a large amount you lost. That must take so much to stick to low card for a year and a half.
I think I am also an addict when it comes to carbs.
That's sad that you don't speak to anyone for so long. I think you mentioned on your thread being housebound. Can I ask why that is? I totally understand how that would make things quite different. I think (not that it's the same) but when I work from home a lot it's when I've binged most. In all honesty i am starting to think I should too working from home and go to work so I am away from food.
I lied to friends and said I was busy tonight so that I didn't have to drink and could go to a class. But instead I stayed in and are. My trigger today was that I had to go food shopping as my parents came back from holiday so had to get some food in the house. I started with allowed foods and progressed. I can't afford to be bingeing. I also didn't want to go to the class as my muscles ache.
I will run tomorrow. And I am meant to go to nandos with friends so will get a chicken salad.
How do we overcome this addiction? I don't think I will ever be satisfied just eating protein.
It's so crazy isn't it how much you can want to be thin but how much you can also want to perform behaviours that cause the total opposite. Arghhhh!!!!!
I am sorry to say I binged today.
Becoming Me....
Full Member
I have always been a big girl but since having my boy and being home a lot my weight has ballooned x
It seem many of us can start of the day eating normally or on vlcd and then once the binge triggers it's almost unstoppable. i managed to recover from binging episodes after reading something in line called brain over binge and so,etching on AVR therapy for alcoholics and it helped and I would dip into these every now and again. As soon as I stoped referring to these I think I slowly lost how I kept th ® bingeing incontrol.
Serial I too very much appreciate you sharing your expeirecne and thoughts here. It cannot be easy not having people around and I hope that won't be a long term situation?
Lara I hop you have a succesful day today and emerge after this Easter weekend with confidence. X
Serial I too very much appreciate you sharing your expeirecne and thoughts here. It cannot be easy not having people around and I hope that won't be a long term situation?
Lara I hop you have a succesful day today and emerge after this Easter weekend with confidence. X
serialslimmer
Silver Member
Be careful not to fall into the trap of compulsive exercise. That, too, becomes addictive and eventually you can't permit yourself to eat unless you exercise fairly strenuously before or/and after. On a VLCD rigorous exercise can be dangerous. You don't have enough glycogen coming in to support your muscles (or brain, come to that) and therefore risk injury. Also your body is well aware that you are taking in very few calories and expending far more - it therefore turns UP your appetite as it has no clue you are 'starving' deliberately. This is done to save your life - to make sure that in the midst of this unexpected famine you take in every possible calorie and carb.
Balance is hard for us. We're all extremes. Starve or binge. Exercise madly or flump on the couch. Eat junk by the ton or subsist on salad. We are therefore either 'good' or 'bad'. Food is either good or bad. This is complete nonsense of course as food is totally inert and has only the power over us that we GIVE IT. One food may be more nutritious than another, sure, and have more calories/carbs than another, and be more likely to trigger a binge than another, but to see food in moral terms is crazy. We love to beat ourselves up! And we love the so-called 'wrong' food so much we find relief when the floodgates are open and we can eat. As much as we hate the binge we crave the extra food. Talk about being trapped!
I am avoiding carbs right now because I want to re-establish solid ketosis. This is my greatest weapon against binges. Remove the sugars and starches and you also remove the most powerful overeating triggers. This does not mean that I will never succumb to biscuits (just the one...) or chocolate but it does mean that I will be at far less risk of doing so.
One obvious but important strategy - stop buying your binge foods. If they're not in the house you can't eat them. We get panicky when our favourite poisons are not the the cupboard. We have the kind of love/hate relationship with carbs in particular that mean we get anxious when they're not around. As daft as this sounds I find it to be true.
My Mum passed away in 2005. The loss of my father just about finished me off. My only sibling is terminally ill, too. And here am I blathering away and obsessing about food, weight and body image! But that's life, we all do it. I get angry that my day to day precious life is being limited and thwarted by my regain. I have arthritis and recently spent eighteen months in bed due to agonising sciatica. A nightmare! But others have it far worse. Losing weight will help my mobility. I feel I've regained the worst effects of being twenty years older LOL. Yet more reason to lose this surplus.
So you binged again. Let it go. That was then and this is now. Help yourself by avoiding as far as possible the food items you simply cannot resist. If you crave it, don't buy it. I know how hard this is in practice. We may feel worthless - greedy and useless - and that we deserve punishment (come on now - how daft is THAT?) but this is incorrect thinking prompted by consuming food that makes us eat and eat. The craving for binge food is emotional, physical and spiritual. Rational thought goes out of the window!
If you had a peanut allergy you'd avoid peanuts. Likewise a strawberry allergy. Or even a penicillin allergy. As wonderful and life-saving as penicillin is for most it can kill those who are sensitive to it. We kill ourselves by continuing to buy and eat food that is slowly destroying our health and emotional wellbeing. Crazy, isn't it?
Forgive these lengthy posts but I, too, need to be reminded of the simple facts I state. Awareness helps. Reading on the subject helps. Even so acquiring knowledge of why we overeat does not in itself address, far less prevent, addictive eating behaviour. A whole industry has mushroomed around CBT and other 'talking cures'. Therapy does help some but I worry that expensive one-on-one sessions may prompt 'patients' to believe that this will lead to a 'cure'. Unless we also address the actual eating behaviour - and this usually means cutting-out the binge foods rather in the manner that an alcoholic must cut-out booze - we are unlikely to find lasting peace. And it is peace of mind and body that we ultimately seek. Relapse is part of recovery. Over time the recovery races ahead of the relapses! Self-hatred only holds us back. It takes courage to say, I'm not going to do this any more. Two steps forward, one step back is still real progress. This is about our dear lives. We deserve to feel good. As a pal once said to me ' 'there's not enough food in the world to fill the hole inside me'. Progress, not perfection xx
Balance is hard for us. We're all extremes. Starve or binge. Exercise madly or flump on the couch. Eat junk by the ton or subsist on salad. We are therefore either 'good' or 'bad'. Food is either good or bad. This is complete nonsense of course as food is totally inert and has only the power over us that we GIVE IT. One food may be more nutritious than another, sure, and have more calories/carbs than another, and be more likely to trigger a binge than another, but to see food in moral terms is crazy. We love to beat ourselves up! And we love the so-called 'wrong' food so much we find relief when the floodgates are open and we can eat. As much as we hate the binge we crave the extra food. Talk about being trapped!
I am avoiding carbs right now because I want to re-establish solid ketosis. This is my greatest weapon against binges. Remove the sugars and starches and you also remove the most powerful overeating triggers. This does not mean that I will never succumb to biscuits (just the one...) or chocolate but it does mean that I will be at far less risk of doing so.
One obvious but important strategy - stop buying your binge foods. If they're not in the house you can't eat them. We get panicky when our favourite poisons are not the the cupboard. We have the kind of love/hate relationship with carbs in particular that mean we get anxious when they're not around. As daft as this sounds I find it to be true.
My Mum passed away in 2005. The loss of my father just about finished me off. My only sibling is terminally ill, too. And here am I blathering away and obsessing about food, weight and body image! But that's life, we all do it. I get angry that my day to day precious life is being limited and thwarted by my regain. I have arthritis and recently spent eighteen months in bed due to agonising sciatica. A nightmare! But others have it far worse. Losing weight will help my mobility. I feel I've regained the worst effects of being twenty years older LOL. Yet more reason to lose this surplus.
So you binged again. Let it go. That was then and this is now. Help yourself by avoiding as far as possible the food items you simply cannot resist. If you crave it, don't buy it. I know how hard this is in practice. We may feel worthless - greedy and useless - and that we deserve punishment (come on now - how daft is THAT?) but this is incorrect thinking prompted by consuming food that makes us eat and eat. The craving for binge food is emotional, physical and spiritual. Rational thought goes out of the window!
If you had a peanut allergy you'd avoid peanuts. Likewise a strawberry allergy. Or even a penicillin allergy. As wonderful and life-saving as penicillin is for most it can kill those who are sensitive to it. We kill ourselves by continuing to buy and eat food that is slowly destroying our health and emotional wellbeing. Crazy, isn't it?
Forgive these lengthy posts but I, too, need to be reminded of the simple facts I state. Awareness helps. Reading on the subject helps. Even so acquiring knowledge of why we overeat does not in itself address, far less prevent, addictive eating behaviour. A whole industry has mushroomed around CBT and other 'talking cures'. Therapy does help some but I worry that expensive one-on-one sessions may prompt 'patients' to believe that this will lead to a 'cure'. Unless we also address the actual eating behaviour - and this usually means cutting-out the binge foods rather in the manner that an alcoholic must cut-out booze - we are unlikely to find lasting peace. And it is peace of mind and body that we ultimately seek. Relapse is part of recovery. Over time the recovery races ahead of the relapses! Self-hatred only holds us back. It takes courage to say, I'm not going to do this any more. Two steps forward, one step back is still real progress. This is about our dear lives. We deserve to feel good. As a pal once said to me ' 'there's not enough food in the world to fill the hole inside me'. Progress, not perfection xx
serialslimmer
Silver Member
PS low-carbing doesn't mean never eating anything sweet. Rather it means subsituting sugar with, say, Splenda, Xylitol, Erithrytol, Stevia or some such. And replacing white flour with a low carb alternative such as almond flour or soy flour. Google low-carb recipes and a wonderful new world will open-up. You can make low-carb, delicious versions of your favourite meals and goodies. No sugar, lots of taste satisfaction - and 'healthy' ingredients x
Bananas
Gold Member
Another appreciater of SerialSlimmers post. It saddens me that there are so many of us going through these issues but at the same time it makes me feel not so alone, its amazing what reading a few forum posts can do.
I hope everyone has an enjoyable Easter weekend. I have to add Lara, I'm also a bit concerned about your exercise goals. I totally understand your reasons for making them but maybe instead of saying you will do a 5.5mile run (which is a lot when youre on a vlcd no matter how fit you are) why don't you just go for a run and see how far you get???? Its so easy to get obsessed, and yes, I wish I could take my own advice here
I hope everyone has an enjoyable Easter weekend
. I have to add Lara, I'm also a bit concerned about your exercise goals. I totally understand your reasons for making them but maybe instead of saying you will do a 5.5mile run (which is a lot when youre on a vlcd no matter how fit you are) why don't you just go for a run and see how far you get???? Its so easy to get obsessed, and yes, I wish I could take my own advice hereserialslimmer
Silver Member
Hey Bananas! BTW I love bananas LOL.
So many of us, suffering in silence, different in some ways and yet very similar in others. Emotional, fearful, self-deprecating - to say the least. We are not alone, and we don't need to go on hiding from the world. Many of us hide 'in plain sight' because we have to work, take care of our kids, our families, etc. But in certain respects we're still 'hiding' our true selves and our true feelings. Another reason we hide is the looks of pity or disgust that all too often come at us from 'normal' people. The harsh judgements of slimmer people who consider us weak, stupid, lazy etc. They may smoke or drink heavily. They may gamble and thus rob their families of money badly needed for other things. They may become violent, they may be utterly selfish, they may cheat on their partners or do any number of less than desirable things. But their particular 'vice' doesn't show. Ours does. Food addiction usually means weight gain and for that we are made to feel very sinful indeed! Food addiction can also mean severe anorexia/bulimia, but that seems to garner sympathy and a desire to help. It's not easy to be big in a world that worships thinness!
So many of us, suffering in silence, different in some ways and yet very similar in others. Emotional, fearful, self-deprecating - to say the least. We are not alone, and we don't need to go on hiding from the world. Many of us hide 'in plain sight' because we have to work, take care of our kids, our families, etc. But in certain respects we're still 'hiding' our true selves and our true feelings. Another reason we hide is the looks of pity or disgust that all too often come at us from 'normal' people. The harsh judgements of slimmer people who consider us weak, stupid, lazy etc. They may smoke or drink heavily. They may gamble and thus rob their families of money badly needed for other things. They may become violent, they may be utterly selfish, they may cheat on their partners or do any number of less than desirable things. But their particular 'vice' doesn't show. Ours does. Food addiction usually means weight gain and for that we are made to feel very sinful indeed! Food addiction can also mean severe anorexia/bulimia, but that seems to garner sympathy and a desire to help. It's not easy to be big in a world that worships thinness!
Becoming Me....
Full Member
Serial I could listen to your wise words all day! The part about there not being enough food in the world to fill the hole has really got me thinking. Thank you xx
serialslimmer
Silver Member
BMe, I worry about banging on and on - on someone else's thread, at that! But my experiences are shared by so many and yet most of us fight this battle alone and without a kindred spirit to really understand how life is for us and how desperately we want to break free of damaging habits and behaviour.
We tend to use food to soothe emotional pain and this, in the longer term, it simply cannot do. We also use it to punish ourselves, and for countless other daft reasons. They don't feel daft at the time, no indeed. Only when we take a step back from the danger foods are we able to see more clearly that we were seeking comfort and strength in the wrong places. By reminding myself of what I have experienced and learned I help myself to get back to the better place. There is no right and wrong where food is concerned - we place this false judgement on food, to our cost. We can cry a dozen rivers with guilty tears and still achieve nothing but further pain. Needless self-loathing and remorse are at the root of our misery x
We tend to use food to soothe emotional pain and this, in the longer term, it simply cannot do. We also use it to punish ourselves, and for countless other daft reasons. They don't feel daft at the time, no indeed. Only when we take a step back from the danger foods are we able to see more clearly that we were seeking comfort and strength in the wrong places. By reminding myself of what I have experienced and learned I help myself to get back to the better place. There is no right and wrong where food is concerned - we place this false judgement on food, to our cost. We can cry a dozen rivers with guilty tears and still achieve nothing but further pain. Needless self-loathing and remorse are at the root of our misery x
Serial Slimmer, your posts are very insightful and on a personal level have come at a great time for me. We can't compare pain our lives difficulties against others and my own issues seem trivial in comparison to yours. I'm still able to walk, I have significantly less weight to lose than you etc However, what you have said applies equally to me or anyone else with the same relationships and addiction to overeating/food.
Do do you have a diary? I Would very much like to follow and would love an insight into how you cope with sticking to vlcd? How you ignore the part of the brain (the voices) that tell you that you should cave into temptation, you need carns, it's so hard etc etc. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Lara, hope you are having a great weekend.
Do do you have a diary? I Would very much like to follow and would love an insight into how you cope with sticking to vlcd? How you ignore the part of the brain (the voices) that tell you that you should cave into temptation, you need carns, it's so hard etc etc. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Lara, hope you are having a great weekend.
Becoming Me....
Full Member
Please never stop blogging serial, I'd miss you terribly xx
