Right figured it out.

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by futureyummymummy, 25 January 2009 Social URL.

  1. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    I lapsed today big style to the point of having no packs just food.

    I've figured out that I'm TERRIFIED of getting to goal AND doing rtm, all I can think is that I'm sabotaging myself so it takes longer to get there?

    I know this sounds stupid because I desperately want to lose the rest of my weight but it totally makes sense to me.

    I have no idea how to overcome this though? Any idea's??

    Emma xXx
     
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  3. Demaris

    Demaris Silver Member

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    One thing this has taught me and I know im only day 5, but if i give up I know it will be all over for me. I'm battling with two halves in a way, one side saying 'you wont do this you never stick at anything' the other saying 'show yourself what you can do'.

    The defeatest attitude in me is waiting for me to fail. It strangely has nothing to do with anyone else. Just me. When I am forced to look at this behaviour I have (and lipotrim has made me confront it) I see it in all areas of my life. I regulary say 'whats the point'. And the only reason I say that to myself is because I don't expect me to reach a goal. And that is the reason I am overweight, because I don't have enough self worth to disipline myself. I don't feel i deserve to give myself enough attention to work through things to the end. Why? I have no idea. But its how I have treated myself all my adult life.

    Why am i not as special as someone who I give support encouragement to? Why don't I deserve the same resiliance?

    I know in doing liprotrim these questions will spring to mind. I am just as excited about seeing the deeper issues I have with food as losing the weight. I know this journey will be harder in different ways than not just eating, but I'm determined to break habits and emotional attachments I have to food. If I can do that then I have made a double victory for myself.

    I have to keep the psychological side motivated, or else I know the physical wants I have will see me fall at any hurdle.

    Best of luck hun xx
     
  4. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    gosh, i don't know what to say - other than well done for working it out and understanding yourself.
    i bet there are some of the longer term members on here who have done the same, and will be able to advise you.
    just wanted to say something ((((((((((hugs))))))))
    daisy x
     
  5. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Wow - Emma - welcome to my world.

    You have hit the nail on the head about how I have been feeling. Getting within one BMI point of being 'healthy', I lost the plot. I have had a lot of problems with anxiety and things (relating to IBS, triggered by eating the wrong foods) and I just realised that I was 'so close', and would be back on foods I just flipped. I don't want to be back on food!!

    So i've lapsed. And lapsed. And lapsed again. I always make a conscious effort to have at least 2 packs each day, but since December I have had more days that have included a lapse than not.

    I am therefore not the best person to advise you on what to do next... but just really try and have a good long look at yourself and your behaviours and see if you can put together any hot thoughts or thought records.

    For me, I am moving onto Lighter Life Lite - so I get the 'eating' thing out of my system in the evenings (my worst time) and hopefully will still lose weight. I have been very lucky/cautious/sneaky with my lapses - I've always continued to lose weight, which is both a blessing and a curse - albeit at a VERY VERY slow pace.

    Anyway - sorry for blabbering on again, but just wanted to let you know I understand what you are going through and I think there is a lot of leverage in your explanation of the 'fear of reaching goal/RTM'... of course it is terrifying - after all, the last time we were eating normally we were obese...

    I'm here if you need to vent - although probs not if you want the golden answer because, frankly, I haven't got a scooby and I am at a total loss like you. I SO want to reach goal, it is driving me mad!!

    A xx
     
  6. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Would it be worth investing in some one on one counselling sessions to help you work through those specific things? Also talk to your LLC about it as well, I'm sure they'll help you out.
    Ask yourself the reasons you are terrified of reaching goal, and follow them through, ask yourself are they really valid and true? Really?

    I'm sorry I can't be of much help but just wanted to offer support for you at this difficult time!
     
  7. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Ladies, you are so right.

    Well done for realising why you are lapsing.
    Our LLC says it's quite common and i am aware of a few ladies, one very young, who have had/are having the same issues.
    Your LLC should have been trained to cover this. It's quite complex.
    Part of it is fear of getting to the end and "flying solo".
    Partly it's being worried about comnig off the packs completely and having to be in control over your own appetite, portion sizes, amounts of alcohol etc.
    There's also the fear of sliding back and letting yourself down.
    The awareness that everyone will be watching us to see if we fail and some
    will secretly be wisihing us to put the weight back on so they can say "told you so". Mix that in with all the positive messages, improved health, smaller more atttractive clothes, increased energy etc, etc, It's no wonder we get confused.
    It's certainly a good idea to have a 1-1 session with your LLC if you have faith in her. Have you discussed your feelings in your group.
    This is where LL scores so well over other VLCD because we should be getting the psychological support with these understandable emotional issues towards the end.
    Good luck. We've always been told that losing the weight is the easy part.
    Learning to maintain it firlife is the real challenge.
    I'm sure you'll do it. I'm determined to, but i'm aware it's like being a recovering alcoholic. The risk will always be lurking.
    Thank heavens for LL.
    :break_diet:
     
  8. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    The last time I was at my target weight I had a lot of bad things happen in my life, I feel as though i'm associating that weight with these things and the way I felt then. I have e-mailed my llc but I will be starting fresh tomorrow, I've decided there's no point in regretting what I've done as I'll only feel worse. Very emotional at the mo everything seems to be coming to the surface and I'm having a hard time dealing with all these feelings again but hopefully with some support from either my llc or a counsellor or something I'll be able to sort everything out.

    Another thing that scares me is that I've had a lot of issues with food ranging from anorexia to compulsive eating (which is what I'm going through again now it seems) and I'm scared I'll never be able to overcome all of this.

    See again with all the emotions all I feel like doing is crying and I'm hating being like this again.

    Thanks for all the advice and support, no doubt I'll still be on and off here but may not be posting as much for a while, feel like a bit of a hypocrite offering advice to other people while I'm doing so crap myself.

    Emma xXx
     
  9. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Oh Emma, don't disappear, your advice will be invaluable and might absolutely help someone else deal with their issues around food too.

    You are always so supportive that you would be greatly missed if you didn't post.

    I do hope you can identify exactly what is going on with the help of your LLC.
     
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  10. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Oh emma, sending virtual hugs!
     
  11. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Emma, please don't go away

    We are all here for each other, especially when times are difficult.
    The forum would not be so valuable to us all if we only used it when things go well.
    It's in the tough times we can turn to each other for support when maybe there's no-one around at home who understands the issues.
    You are brace to come on here and admit it's not all rosy.
    You have done so well already. Try and stick with it if that's what you want.
    I have read what the guys said about being over weightjust because they like food/drink too much and not because of emotional reasons - I actually think it's because they bury their emotions so deep they often don't realise they have them.
    At least we are able to acknowledge our reasons - and that means we can get help sorting them out.
    Can you get counselling through your doctor if you've had eating disorder difficulties in the past? Have you thought of contacting LL medical team for advice?
    Good luck Emma. We are still here, stay with us?:)
     
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  12. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Yeah Emma - don't disappear... remember what you all told me when I threatened to do the same? :p We won't have it young lady!

    Honestly, this forum is a god send, and not just for the good times. I have to admit I have been less 'active' on here because of all my lapses, but keeping a hand in has been invaluable, and it's a 'group effort'... your experiences will help someone else... it really isn't the case that everyone else is doing brilliantly, and you're failing miserably...

    As you've said, you're going to get back onto it tomorrow- and good on you - but even if you lapse again, this is the place to get the feel good strokes to get you back on the horse.

    Don't go away - we'll miss you madly :(

    x
     
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  13. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    Hun, I think it's great that you have figured this much out so far.
    It shows reals progress that you can not only face these issues but share them on here as well.

    I don't really have any advice, as I can't say it's something that I know about, but please don't stop posting, this place is ideal for talking about this kind of thing; we're all here to support each other, after all :)



    It's not that we bury our emotions SB, it's just that we generally try our best to 'process' them so as to not let the "improper" ones shows; thus, being upset about something quickly turns into us being angry or stressed, as they are the more "allowed" feelings for us, and eating due to anger or stress doesn't form an "emotional" attachment to it in our minds, as stress isn't an "emotion", it is just....well, stress!

    The end result is the same, we eat for the wrong reasons; we just have a very different way of looking at it. It is just what we do, wether it is "programmed" into us from birth or what, I don't know.
     
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  14. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    We've lots of broad shoulders on here!! Well some not so broad any more and some working towards being not so broad BUT all these shoulders, big, little and the changing ones, all side by side are there for you to lean on and cry on.

    Just don't cry too much on Purple Butterfly's new Jane Norman top, she might not like it. Put an old, but clean!, nappy on that one first.

    XXX
     
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  15. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hey Pete..................
    Are you from Mars?
    (oops, sorry. I didn't mean Mars Bars) !!
    I'm going now -I'll quit while i'm not ahead.
    Goodnight all. xxx
    Have a good week.
     
  16. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Emm.....

    Please, please don't go away.

    This forum is here, for the good, the bad and everything in between.

    Please know, I would not have succeeded if I left the forum if I was struggling. ;) That is what it is here for. :)

    I hope you are feeling brighter today. What you are experiencing is very common - all is well with the world. You will come out the other side stronger, and changed.

    xxx
     
  17. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    Thanks for all your advice and kind words, I'm not going anywhere have decided that would be utterly stupid, you'll all just have to put up with my ramblings (of which there'll probably be many) while I sort my head out :p

    xXx
     
  18. bekimo

    bekimo Fighting Demons....

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    Whoop! I like ramblings! They make me feel better too!! And it's always better to stay here, I avoided Minimins like the plague over Xmas! It was like I was a naughty school girl hiding from the head teacher!!!

    B x

    PS: I found that my recent lapses have been a little bit due to the fact that I am 1 stone away from a huge milestone for me. I guess either I got complacant, or I got scared. So I had to smack myself in the head, give myself a good talking to and ground Rebellious Child. (She's locked in a cupboard somewhere in the back of my head!) Easier said than done, I know. But it just needs that one spark when you say "enough is enough, I want to get to the finish line not a few metres from it"
     
  19. Tange

    Tange Silver Member

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    Ladies,

    My motto quite simply if you always do what you always did you are always going to get what you always got.
    Now then that sounds just about as easy as eat less and exercise more doesn't it. Its making the choice for you believing in yourself and loving yourself (I have a particularly hard time with that one)

    You have the tool to give yourself a gift that you will love every single time you look in the mirror. Tell that piece of (insert food of choice) to go away cause its making you not like you.

    I went onto RTM a stone before my goal or initial goal. I just could not do it anymore. Now I wish I had but have also learned that I have changed. I went on holiday in November and then Christmas and both were me being the old Tan and throwing caution to the wind and just going for it. The result a stone gain. I was angry and I cried and in the end I had to look at that person I loved in the mirror and say ooops naughty girl, now how are we going to fix this. and she did that naughty girl she fixed it. No drastic measures just back to eating what I should and exercising (I am lucky I love the gym)

    I lurk around this forum because it keeps me straight, I learn stuff from all of you constantly. And I am sure BL will agree we sometimes need to be reminded of the hill we climbed just to make sure we do not slip down it.

    Emma hang in there it is an emotional ride but face it and take it on. Sorry for my ramblings. which possibly make no sense. Just want you girls to know that its possible, you can do this, you just need to convince yourself that you can.
     
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  20. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Well done Tange. You've shown her you are in control.
    We all deal differently with it, but we all feel scared around goal don't we?
     
  21. brumchick

    brumchick Full Member

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    Hi Emma, cant add much to the great advice already given but hang on in girl and you ramble as much as you like :hug99:
     
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