Sams Diary - Back on SS

[Sambucca]

Day 100

I had my first major slip on the diet last night. I had a chinese takeaway.

Its the first time really that I have given into temptation in a big way since starting the diet. I have had 2 planned meals along the way on CD, and a couple of nibbles of protein but this is the first time I have fallen off the wagon properly.

I think it was for a combination of reasons. I have been posting for the last day or two about rethinking my target as I am now a size 14 and dont think I need to lose as much as my ticker says. Ive got the house buying stress that Im trying to cope with, dd1 is moving to secondary school next year and we are going through all the open days and grammar school exam practice, dd2 has started nursery, job applications in the pipeline and it just goes on. My diet has been the only relatively easy thing to cope with these last few weeks but last night I just thought F**k it. Neil was having a chinese and I decided I would have one too.

I know that all of the above reasons are only excuses and I could have said no if I wanted to.

It has strengthened my resolve though this morning. Im going to try and stop worrying about the target weight for the next couple of weeks and get 2 weeks complete ssing under my belt and then have another rethink.

Jane posted about sizes being bigger these days so perhaps my size 14 isnt the fantastic achievement I thought it was and I was kidding myself. I am still obese ffs.

My head is in a strange place this morning.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[jane]

Dear Sam

I didn't mean to belittle your achievement by posting about clothes sizes. Nor is there anyway that a s14, even the New 14 is obese.
what I was trying to sa was to go by how you feel in your skin & not be led by numbers,especially as the numbers have changed.

Do you really regret your decision to have the chinese?
There's nothing inherantly wrong with havong a celebration meal.
100days, lots going on in your life etc etc.

It's how you ate the meal.( slowly, in moderation, enjoying the taste & texture, stopping when full , rather than piling the plate & stuffing it all in ) that's important. That, & how you view yourself today. eg I had a night off will draw in the horns again today, rather than It's all ruined cos I ate.

If the meal ticked all the postive boxes it then becomes less a slipoff the diet & more a rehearsal for re-joining the world of food but in a controlled manner.

 

[Sambucca]

Dear Sam

I didn't mean to belittle your achievement by posting about clothes sizes. Nor is there anyway that a s14, even the New 14 is obese.
what I was trying to sa was to go by how you feel in your skin & not be led by numbers,especially as the numbers have changed. Oh Jane, bless you. You didnt upset me or anything and you are right, I know the clothes sizes are not the same as they used to be. I will take your advice though and try not to be led by the numbers. I know Im getting close to where I want to be but Im not quite there yet.

Do you really regret your decision to have the chinese?
There's nothing inherantly wrong with havong a celebration meal.
100days, lots going on in your life etc etc.
Trouble is, it wasnt really a celebration. It was very spur of the moment. When it arrived I was going to only eat half and save the other half, but no, I shovelled it all in like i used to.

It's how you ate the meal.( slowly, in moderation, enjoying the taste & texture, stopping when full , rather than piling the plate & stuffing it all in ) that's important. That, & how you view yourself today. eg I had a night off will draw in the horns again today, rather than It's all ruined cos I ate. See above lol. I did manage to draw the horns in though yesterday and dont think its all ruined. I know I can still do this if I want to.

Thanks Jane. Its great to have advice and support from someone like you who has been doing this a lot longer than me.

 

[Sambucca]

Day 101

Well we've made our decision about whether to buy the house or not, or rather the decision has been made for us following the receipt of the surveyors report.

We already knew the house needed some cosmetic work doing to it, but the report has uncovered things that will cost a fair bit of money to put right. We told the agents yesterday that unless they are willing to knock another 10k off the price we will walk away. We are certain they wont drop the price, although we will wait to hear until Monday for sure, so it looks like we are going into more rented accomodation for the time being.

To be honest Im sort of relieved anyway with all the talk of house price crashes and interest rate rises. I know that no one knows for sure what will happen with the housing market but I just had a really anxious feeling about it.

So we've informed the letting agents that we would like to complete in two weeks on the property we viewed about a month ago now. We had put it on hold because of the purchase and luckily for us, no one has come along in the meantime and beaten us to it. We should get the tenancy agreement in the post on Monday to sign.

Back to the diet then, Had a good day yesterday after my slip on Friday night. I think I am going to get the next 13lb off with SS which will take me to 13 stones - my lowest for as long as I can remember. Then Im going to start working through the steps slowly to get the next stone(ish) off. That'll take me to the 12 stone mark roughly, and I feel that I will be a comfotable size 12 at that weight. Im really going to step up my exercise now over these next few weeks as well and tone up the looser bits that could do with a bit of help.

Sorry that was such a long and boring post, but my mind is in a clearer place today so I can hopefully focus now on what needs to be done with both the diet and the house move.

 

[Sambucca]

nothing interesting to say really except I have lost the plot completely and spent the last two days stuffing my face.

I will be back to finish my journey when I am ready.

 

[Dis]

Day 101

Well we've made our decision about whether to buy the house or not, or rather the decision has been made for us following the receipt of the surveyors report.

We already knew the house needed some cosmetic work doing to it, but the report has uncovered things that will cost a fair bit of money to put right. We told the agents yesterday that unless they are willing to knock another 10k off the price we will walk away. We are certain they wont drop the price, although we will wait to hear until Monday for sure, so it looks like we are going into more rented accomodation for the time being.

i, too, will more than likely search for a house that will need fixing up when the time comes for us to buy. but i agree with your situation here...there's only so much you are willing to barter for, right? its ok not getting this one, especially since the sellers arent willing to budge on the repair costs, etc..
keep me posted on how this goes...perhaps they will lower the asking price.

To be honest Im sort of relieved anyway with all the talk of house price crashes and interest rate rises. I know that no one knows for sure what will happen with the housing market but I just had a really anxious feeling about it.
this is why the hubby and i are waiting to buy...but sometimes i wonder if it will ever drop. and if we'll be renting for the rest of our lives.
So we've informed the letting agents that we would like to complete in two weeks on the property we viewed about a month ago now. We had put it on hold because of the purchase and luckily for us, no one has come along in the meantime and beaten us to it. We should get the tenancy agreement in the post on Monday to sign.

Back to the diet then, Had a good day yesterday after my slip on Friday night. I think I am going to get the next 13lb off with SS which will take me to 13 stones - my lowest for as long as I can remember. Then Im going to start working through the steps slowly to get the next stone(ish) off. That'll take me to the 12 stone mark roughly, and I feel that I will be a comfotable size 12 at that weight. Im really going to step up my exercise now over these next few weeks as well and tone up the looser bits that could do with a bit of help.

Sorry that was such a long and boring post, but my mind is in a clearer place today so I can hopefully focus now on what needs to be done with both the diet and the house move.

nothing interesting to say really except I have lost the plot completely and spent the last two days stuffing my face.
awwww!!! sam!?!? i'm sorry to hear that you've stepped on that slippery slope. im telling ya, its something in the water over the last couple weeks. i ate and ate over the weekend. so far this week, i've got it back together for the most part...only nibbling, literally, here and there. the scales havent budged for me at all so far this week so im going to try try try try try to avoid nibbling...and to get in all the water. so difficult these days, as you already know.
I will be back to finish my journey when I am ready.

CD buddy, i hope that it wont be too long of an absence. :wave_cry:
i've changed my goals again...instead of weight goals, i'm just making each day my goal. to get 3L of water in and NOT to pick or eat a meal or devour the bread bin.

its very very difficult at the moment for us i think. is it the boredom thing? is it because we feel we've lost enough weight to be comfortable? i'll be absolutely terrified if its the latter of the two. only because i know me...i could settle and be comfy with my size now. but then, i'd go back to eating the way i did before...piling it all back on. and then i'd be in the same dang, fatty place.

yes, the diet works and we could always go back on it and re-lose the weight. but goodness, i dont think i wanna go through all this again...so i'm sticking to it for now.

i soooo hope you come back again soon, when you are feeling ready.

I'll still be here for ya whenever you are, hun!!!

 

[kazbro]

nothing interesting to say really except I have lost the plot completely and spent the last two days stuffing my face.

I will be back to finish my journey when I am ready.

sam you have done great so far so i still have every confidence in you that you will get in the size 12`s
but do it at your pace
so you are eating and its not what you had planned from the beginning but hey ho
as long as you take it steady and dont eat crap you`ll hopefully maintain until you are ready to finish the cd journey

i am in the same boat at the moment i have enough shalkes for 1 more week but then i really need a break as i`m going stir crazy
i have been eating this week but in moderation and so far scales show no gain so hopefully i can maintain for a few weeks until my head is back in the zone
i cant even write in my diary today as i wat to post in there when i`m back fighting fit and ready to finish my journey

good luck hun
still keep posting
kaz xxx

 

[Sambucca]

Thank you Dis and Kaz, my CD support buddies. YOu have both been with me from the start and I just want to say how much I value your virtual friendship. I wish you both lived closer as we could be great mates in "real life"

Anyway, Ive got to get a grip today. Can you believe I have gained a whopping 6lb in 3 days. Im not surprised as I have literally stuffed my face with all the foods I promised myself I was never going to eat again. I dont even know what set me off on my binge to be honest. I could look all day for excuses but at the end of the day I am to blame. No one forced me to eat. My greed got the better of me and now I have to pay the price.

Im not looking forward to the ketosis headaches and bad breath over these next couple of days but hopefully the struggle will make me more determined not to falter again.

I have changed my goal. My ticker now takes me to BMI 28, which is the weight I need to be to become a CDC. I really feel passionately about this diet as after dieting for 10 years on and off I have finally found something that works and want to tell everyone about it. The struggles I have had with my weight should help me to help others, or at least understand why they struggle with their weight.

So anyway, enough waffle. Ive got to take Zoe to nursery and then Im gonna have a soak in a hot bath when I get back and have two hours of me time. I havent been looking after myself as I should this last week or so and that changes now. Then I'll have a choc tetra for brekkie at about 11ish. Ive got my 4litres of water lined up on the kitchen surface and will get through that before I go to work at 6pm.

I know I can do this, Ive done it before and I can do it again. I need to refocus and stay strong and perhaps do a bit of size 12 online window shopping to boost my motivation.

 

[Hedgemag]

Good luck Sam....with you all the way. You can do this. Just take each hour as it comes.
Enjoy your bath and really pamper yourself and you will feel so much better.
Catch later
HM
XX

 

[Dis]

ok, with the whip crackin outta the way, now for a little niceness:
:flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers:
ahh. sam sam sam.
i'm soooooo made up for you. i know , just like me, the inner fatty voice just wants to lure us to stop CD for a while...to eat...and then the inevitable would happen: the fatty inside would win...AGAIN. now, we cant have that can we?

way to go with kicking your own ass. heheheh (pardon the language, but its necessary here) it is motivational to hear that you were able to get back with the programme. it helps me, and i'm sure even kaz, tremendously.

i'm truly grateful to have you both as my cd pals.

oh !! also, i think its great that you are going to apply to be a CDC. i'd really like to hear how it starts, and what it entails whenever you do start, if you dont mind! ((im sure i'll still be here)). the thought had crossed my mind at one point.

anyways, i have loads of ((gasp!!!)) baking and prep to do for fynns big family party this weekend. ((i've been making little farm animals and wooden fence looking things with royal icing and mexican paste this early afternoon. my first time, tbh. and im...actually, impressed. heheheh ((ok ok i 'll stop stroking my own ego))

must skidaddle! will check back on everyone later!

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

You can do it Sam ..... we're all right behind you and will cheer you on!!!!

 

[Dis]

good morning, matey.
just lurking in around the corner to see how you are today.
will check back later!!
ciao hun!

 

[Karen]

hows it going sam? i hope yesterday went really well for you. u will make a fantastic CDC. xxxx

 

[Sambucca]

Right. I have got to get a hold of this wagon and climb back on today. I have eaten every day for the last 9 or 10 days. It started with my 3 day binge which resulted in a 6lb gain, but since then I have nibbled every single day. I havent binged again but some days have been better than others.

Well I lay awake for ages during the night thinking of all the reasons I started this diet and why I want to be slim. I think I had fooled myself into thinking that I was happy at size 14, but Im still obese and I would be a fool to stop now. And I still have the pipe dream of being a CDC one day and helping others to lose the weight so I have to continue if I want to realise my dream.

I was hoping to switch to another local CDC but have found out she is emigrating soonso thats a no go. Im going to ring cambridge HO today for a list of local counsellors and call a few of them. I have enough packs to last 8 days I think, so I need to get more by next tuesday.

So, Im going to try my best to SS today. Ive started on the water and the coffee already and Im getting prepared for the mother of all headaches as I withdraw from all the carbs i have eaten. Ive got work tonight which always helps as I cant eat while Im there.

 

[ava]

Sorry to hear you've been struggling Sam, your so near your goal it's bound to be harder but just take it a day at a time. I'm sure if you get today out of the way and stick to it 100% you will feel so pleased with yourself. Stick with it, you CAN do this, you only need to look how far you have come to see that.

 

[Dis]

hiya luv.
now, you have the choice: do you want the tough luv approach or the all-softy approach??
hehehe.
how about i just find a happy medium between the two?
right.
i will have to agree with you when you said you suspect you have convinced yourself that size 14 is ok for you. i am looking forward to being there myself. but i somehow dont think i'll be stopping there. we have to keep in mind that we will more than likely put up to a stone back on when we get back to solid foods again. ((even if they are the healthier options)).so if you are fine with where you are, i hope you are fine with being ((up to)) a stone heavier!

i dont think you will be happy with that! you've come tooooo far luvie. now, dont make me come over there!! i wont be nice! hehehe. Sam, i have every faith in you! you have been here before (kinda) and you can get right back on the wagon with the rest of us!

we only have a little stretch left, for the most part. lets keep this going!

and just as i have mentioned in the past, the longer we keep nibbling and picking and proper-meal eating, the longer we are going to have to stay on CD! We are delaying the inevitable, my dear. we WILL get to goal.

the sooner the better, so lets get back on with it...
today, we have 1 goal: to stick to SS for the day.
lets just get thru 1 day.

((hope that wasnt to harsh in the reading...you know i am just trying to push you int he right direction!))

keep me posted.

 

[Dis]

hiya sam, just popping in to seen how youve been thru these tough times...
hope all is well..

 

[Sambucca]

im good thanks Dis. THink Ive finally managed to get back on the wagon. Have got a 790 day and then an SS day under my belt now. Hoping for my second ss day today. We're moving tomorrow so I wont have much chance to get online now for the next couple of days. Hubby is off work today so we are busy dismantling beds and wardrobes etc etc and boxing up the last of our belongings..

Hope you are well. Not really had much time to check up on the old diaries this week. Promise to have a proper catch up next week when we are settled in the new place.

xx

 

[kazbro]

good luck with the move sam
wishing you lots of happiness in your new home

kaz xxx

 

[jane]

How'd the move go Sam?
did you manage to keep SSing through out?
I'm sure with your determination you'll get back on track.