Sian's 2015 restart - time to shift the weight once and for all!

I think I need an early night tonight...my eyes are burning. My early night last night never materialised...I ended up watching some random film, and one of the scenes was a wedding, where the bride was being given away by her father. Well, that was it...cue sobbing my eyes out for about an hour as I realised that, even if I do manage to find some daft sod who's willing to marry me, I'm never going to have that experience.

I'm just missing my dad so much, and it's just so hard to keep putting a brave face on at work and in front of the kids.

I'm sorry...I need to pull myself together I know. Thinking about it isn't going to change anything, so the best thing to do is not to think about it :-( xx
 
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Oh Sian.... I'm so cr@p with words, I know what I want to say to you but can't put it in to words! I cannot even imagine how you must be feeling at the mo, but it will get better I'm sure... It's still early days lovely (((hugs))).... Told you I was cr@p with words :rolleyes:
 
dudette2001uk said:
I think I need an early night tonight...my eyes are burning. My early night last night never materialised...I ended up watching some random film, and one of the scenes was a wedding, where the bride was being given away by her father. Well, that was it...cue sobbing my eyes out for about an hour as I realised that, even if I do manage to find some daft sod who's willing to marry me, I'm never going to have that experience. I'm just missing my dad so much, and it's just so hard to keep putting a brave face on at work and in front of the kids. I'm sorry...I need to pull myself together I know. Thinking about it isn't going to change anything, so the best thing to do is not to think about it :-( xx
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Awwww big hugs Sian. I totally know what you mean. My dad died on 1-1-13 and although we had 5 months notice it didn't help, particularly as he was so young like your dad. The thought of potentially getting married in the future without him there is doing me in. My mum tries to be mum and dad now but it's not the same and even now I can't talk to her about anything because I feel like I might upset her but at the sand time I know she'd like it if I did talk to her but I can't.

I know it's useless words but over the last 6 months I've been able to remember my dad without getting upset 20 times a day. Like 'do you remember when we did this' and 'oh dad would have liked that'. I think now we've got the first Christmas, birthdays etc out the way it's less pressured worrying what we'll feel like at Christmas and things.

Have you thought about trying to get any bereavement counselling? Or your mum? My mum had about 6 months of counselling and it really got her back on her feet, back to work and gave her a positive outlook when she felt hopeless xx
 
hendopig said:
Awwww big hugs Sian. I totally know what you mean. My dad died on 1-1-13 and although we had 5 months notice it didn't help, particularly as he was so young like your dad. The thought of potentially getting married in the future without him there is doing me in. My mum tries to be mum and dad now but it's not the same and even now I can't talk to her about anything because I feel like I might upset her but at the sand time I know she'd like it if I did talk to her but I can't.

I know it's useless words but over the last 6 months I've been able to remember my dad without getting upset 20 times a day. Like 'do you remember when we did this' and 'oh dad would have liked that'. I think now we've got the first Christmas, birthdays etc out the way it's less pressured worrying what we'll feel like at Christmas and things.

Have you thought about trying to get any bereavement counselling? Or your mum? My mum had about 6 months of counselling and it really got her back on her feet, back to work and gave her a positive outlook when she felt hopeless xx
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Awww hun. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad :( It saddens me to think about how many people lose their parents at a relatively young age. Although I don't think death is any easier to deal with regardless of the age of the person.

It's comforting to know that you're now feeling more able to think happy thoughts about your dad. I do have some happy thoughts at the moment when I think about him, but they're still overshadowed by the sadness at the moment. I look forward to the time when we only remember him fondly.

I think the fact that it would have been his birthday this Sunday coming is probably what's startede thinking about him so much more. Once we've got that out of the way maybe I'll feel a little better.

I hadn't really thought about bereavement counselling...I always feel really silly when I have to talk to people about my feelings, lol! Xx
 
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dudette2001uk said:
Awww hun. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad :( It saddens me to think about howany people lose their parents at a relatively young age. Although I don't death is any easier to deal with regardless of the age of the person. It's comforting to know that you're now feeling more able to think happy thoughts about your dad. I do have some happy thoughts at the moment when I think about him, but they're still overshadowed by the sadness at the moment. I look forward to the time when we only remember him fondly. I think the fact that it would have been his birthday this Sunday coming is probably what's startede thinking about him so much more. Once we've got that out of the way maybe I'll feel a little better. I hadn't really thought about bereavement counselling...I always feel really silly when I have to talk to people about my feelings, lol! Xx
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I know what you mean and that's why I haven't had bereavement counselling. My mum has gone on and on at me that I should have it and it's pushed me more the other way. I always think i haven't got anything to say? I know some people benefit and others don't. Luckily (really!?!?) my dad died in a hospice so they offered us the counselling rather than nhs. Do you have like an employee assistance helpline through work or are you in a teachers union that it's available as part of your membership?

Are you going to do anything for his birthday? We normally try and get together as a family and let go of some helium balloons to try and say hi. None of us are religious so that feels right for us. We go to the beach that my dad liked and the. For a meal or something after :)

Sorry hope you don't think I'm being nosey xx
 
hendopig said:
I know what you mean and that's why I haven't had bereavement counselling. My mum has gone on and on at me that I should have it and it's pushed me more the other way. I always think i haven't got anything to say? I know some people benefit and others don't. Luckily (really!?!?) my dad died in a hospice so they offered us the counselling rather than nhs. Do you have like an employee assistance helpline through work or are you in a teachers union that it's available as part of your membership?

Are you going to do anything for his birthday? We normally try and get together as a family and let go of some helium balloons to try and say hi. None of us are religious so that feels right for us. We go to the beach that my dad liked and the. For a meal or something after :)

Sorry hope you don't think I'm being nosey xx
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You're not being nosey at all hun. We haven't got any plans for his birthday as such. I may pop home in the afternoon to see how my mum is, but we're not going for a meal or anything like that. I've been backwards and forwards so much over the last few weeks that I almost feel like I need some space and time on my own to process everything. I sound horrible don't I? :(

My brother bought some Chinese lanterns that he's planning on setting off on Sunday. He gave me one to bring back with me so I'll set that off. My only worry though is that it might cause a fire somewhere! :eek:

Xx
 
dudette2001uk said:
You're not being nosey at all hun. We haven't got any plans for his birthday as such. I may pop home in the afternoon to see how my mum is, but we're not going for a meal or anything like that. I've been backwards and forwards so much over the last few weeks that I almost feel like I need some space and time on my own to process everything. I sound horrible don't I? :( My brother bought some Chinese lanterns that he's planning on setting off on Sunday. He gave me one to bring back with me so I'll set that off. My only worry though is that it might cause a fire somewhere! :eek: Xx
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No you do what is best for you. You don't sound horrible at all. Everyone does stuff different ways. Chinese lanterns cool! Give it a go with the lantern!

I know you work away from home so must be hard work going back and forth. Also you mentioned siblings, do they live with/near your mum? It's not all for you to do and you so need time for yourself, away.

Anyway bloody hell sorry I'll leave you in peace for the eve xx
 
Hugs Sian xx

Can't imagine how difficult it is to lose a parent, remember that time is a healer, and there's nothing wrong with being upset. Better out than in xx
 
Thursday 8th May (Green)


The food plan so far...

Breakfast:

Banana
Apple

Lunch:

Cheese salad with added tomatoes, beetroot and homemade pickled onions (HexA)
Mayo - 5 syns

Supper:

Grape nuts (2 x HexB)
SS milk

Snacks and drinks:

Dairy milk with Ritz biscuits - 9 syns
2 boiled eggs






Today's syns: 14

Total syns: 103.5

Syns remaining: 1.5/105
 
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Evening ladies. Sorry for moping recently! It's probably down to hormones. I hope everybody's had a lovely day.

TMI!! Well I went for my smear test today...the nurse did the test but isn't hopeful of a clear result as she said there was quite a bit of blood at the site. Bloomin great! Which means I'll probably have to go back in 12 weeks for another. Meanwhile, I'm seeing the doctor on Tuesday so I'm going to press for them to do some other tests to find out why I'm spotting constantly :( Sometimes I hate being a woman!

I've also bought some kalms to see if that helps with the feeling of something being stuck in my throat. I'm such an old crock, haha! Xx
 
dudette2001uk said:
Evening ladies. Sorry for moping recently! It's probably down to hormones. I hope everybody's had a lovely day.

TMI!! Well I went for my smear test today...the nurse did the test but isn't hopeful of a clear result as she said there was quite a bit of blood at the site. Bloomin great! Which means I'll probably have to go back in 12 weeks for another. Meanwhile, I'm seeing the doctor on Tuesday so I'm going to press for them to do some other tests to find out why I'm spotting constantly :( Sometimes I hate being a woman!

I've also bought some kalms to see if that helps with the feeling of something being stuck in my throat. I'm such an old crock, haha! Xx
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dudette2001uk said:
On a funnier note...I'm wearing the itchiest pair of knickers you could ever imagine! :eek: It has a really itchy label that's driving me mad, haha! Xx
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Evening Sian... No need to apologise hun!
Grrr to having to maybe go back for another smear but best to have these things checked out....try not to worr too much.

Lmao @ the knickers!! Take them off lol :D
 
mrstore said:
Evening Sian... No need to apologise hun!
Grrr to having to maybe go back for another smear but best to have these things checked out....try not to worr too much.

Lmao @ the knickers!! Take them off lol :D
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Ooo err missus! Are you trying to get me out of my knickers?! ;) xx
 
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